I've read so much sad poetry that
The skin around my eyes has turned
Blue with betrayal
because I felt so much emotion but
I couldn't even write a word.
All the leaves now red in color
Compliment the brown of others
Falling to the ground in haste
A twist of warming cinnamon taste
Candles burn inside closed doors
As the rain outside comes down (it pours)
The smell of pumpkin fills the air
As the bears return to their yearly lair
The cold of winter air it lingers
Chilling toes and bones and fingers
Jackets are still getting thicker
As the candles burning begin to flicker
As the hours fade from November days
The birds fly south in search of rays
I can’t join birds in their southern flight
I have to bear the autumn nights
I must learn to survive, this I know
As the reddened leaves turn into snow.
A total betrayal of human ethics
a twisted love story gone wrong
the tingling of muscles in jaws in foreheads
and the painful bite of a poisonous snarl.
The stinging burn of words unspoken
the aching cramps of truth betrayed
the daggers that your eyes released
as salty sweat drips down your face.
An animal inside awoken
as dangerous words slipped past your lips
the fighter in me set off
energy in my fingertips.
The barbaric side of me came out
my muscles tensed and strained
I felt my hand crack on your face
A movement foreign and untamed
You stared at me and bared your teeth
and growled, a sound of death
“do it again” you said with venom
as you took a step, I felt your breath.
Once again my brain had failed
and let my body decide
and I felt your head snap to the right
my hand felt like raw hide.
My left hand smoldered with the force
and I put it to my mouth
the hand that once had held your face
had ended us no doubt.
The river in my head is a rapid
now, all of this flows in my mind
and I see it flowing faster and faster
in the reflection of the eyes of the teacher
who's face is only inches from mine
as she says,
"Where is the homework thats due today?"
all disappointed head shaking
as the rest of the high school class waits.
as the ink
beneath my short sleeves,
white collar shirt and skirt
begins to….. burn.
as my hyperactive ADD branded brain
begins to boil.
Waits as I keep back the bile
and get all choked up on
the prozac and concerta
that have been planted in my throat
But i keep it down and say,
"I forgot it."
I feel bad about this.
I want to tell her I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that after twelve years of learning,
the one thing I haven't picked up on
is how to turn in a freaking homework assignment.
I'm sorry that my head is a broken system
Whose puzzle pieces never learned how to fit themselves together properly
I forgot that it's a crime to not know theorem 6.2 or
what kind of satire Aristophanes used but I think it's
IRONIC that we're supposed to take this work with open arms
and look, I'm being honest when I say I can't remember all the nine muses names but believe me Erato will tell you that I can write one hell of a love poem.
But that doesn’t matter here, no.
because all that mattered was that in third grade
I could never remember my times tables
as if being dipped in the river lethe made you any less of a person
as if the kids who were telling me I was dumb thought I needed confirmation
I’m trying to pull out the lessons we learned at carpet time like
2, 4, 6, 8…?
no one could appreciate that I was trying,
everything would just get swept away
leaving me bone dry and forgotten.
I wrote this for an elite drama company audition.
the thing that scares me the most about being in love with you
is that as the more hours for us to be together are ripped from our hands by the hectic schedules we've set ourselves
the more I crave the feeling of your lips against mine and your arms around me.
In the hours that you are unavailable,
I want to hear your voice,
your every thought,
and the pattern of your heartbeat.
You have no idea how much that scares me.
I wish that I could spend hours listening to you talk
In the many hours between our goodbyes
and when my heart finally stops fluttering from the thought of you,
I go over scenarios in my head of me and you together.
I see nights out,
and everything in between.
It's during these hours of darkness that my heart wants you so bad
that I find myself gasping for air
and clutching my chest.
You have no idea how much that scares me.
I remember all the times your lips touched mine,
and how warm they were.
I try to count on my fingers how many times you've said
"I love you," but I only have 10 fingers
and I can't hold in just two hands the number of "I love you too's" that I've said back.
There's a word in german
which is the inconsolable longing for something
or a high degree of intense
desire for something unknown.
For so long my insides screamed for something
but I could never put my finger on it.
I've discovered the unknown
the key to my longing
the end to the pain
One reason I knew we'd never last is even after a year in juxtaposition, our sentences never began to resemble one another. I could never get lost in the cadence of your vocabulary, because it all sounded dissonant to me. The way the words "****" and "****" couldn't flow from your lips as easily as they could from mine caused discomfort in the succession of my words. It was if a dam was holding back the waterfall of words and ideas kept in my head, and leakage or splinters in this dam caused an outburst of lividity or tears that couldn't be stopped by words or kisses. When two people are apart, the only thing they have between them is words, so the lack of freedom of speech is the biggest defect.