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Come with me
To where love does bloom

In this dark
And sensual room

Candles flicker
A warm breeze blows

A hint of jasmine
Through the window flows

Crashings waves
On outside shores

Leaves two lovers
Longing for more

More love
More time
More moments of bliss

More happy together
More moments like this
I travel into the great unknown
Through kaleidoscope tunnels
In marshmallow homes

Silly putty writings
Unfold in my lap
Scrawlings from fairies
Under my hat

Bubble gum people
Walk by my stoop
They'll do it again
My day is on loop

The tea was Earl grey
Then it turned blue
I've had a strange evening
How about you?
To my shadow said I
why follow you so near

I lose you with the clouds
But you do reappear

I try to outrun you
But you are too fast

I run to the shadows
And lose you at last

Back in the bright light
Again you pursue

No need to worry
I'm me and I'm you
 Apr 2014 Sarah Mulqueen
R
It all comes down to loneliness
constant loneliness
when no one ever understands
how I feel
or
what's going on
and God I'm so scared
it's like my lungs might explode
from the screams that threaten to
escape from my mouth
but are too afraid to jump
and all anyone ever hears is
silence
long periods of
excruciatingly painful
silence
but there are no words
to describe the horror story
I have created in my mind
it is gruesome
it is senseless
there will be no happy ending this time
I am sorry
but I tried and tried
until I couldn't try anymore
and even then I wonder if I ever even tried at all
happy is just not in the books for me
it never was
so
goodbye happy
I know you won't be knocking on my door
anytime soon
instead I welcome sadness
full blown sadness
there is no cure
for this insanity
there is no bandage
big enough
to cover the scars
and put myself
back together again
I am torn
breaking
falling apart at the seams
and it seems to me that
no one even notices
God why can't you notice
is it because I stopped praying
is it because I stopped believing
is it because I am the
filthy
rotting
ugly creature that I am
oh
I am sorry
I am sorry
I am sorry
please just be there for my friends is all I ask
please keep my family safe is all I ask
tell them that I love them
tell them that I care
tell them that I'm sorry
oh God I am sorry
please don't look at me that way
I have too much hate in my heart
and no matter what I do
it never goes away
it never goes away
I am not the human I thought I was
I am not the person you thought you created
mom and dad
I am not like my sister
or the good people
you see outside
I am not normal
I am different
trust me
I know what I am
I see it
every day
I have never seen God
but I have seen the Devil
trust me
I have seen the Devil
it is me
In my mind, you're the shadow in the background
Always lurking around seeing what it is that makes me tick
Just waiting for the right moment to set me off
Burning a hole through my skull like hot sand on bare feet
Setting up shop and selling my secrets
For your own personal amusement, despite our status
Psychedelic, without a trip
This reality feels less than real, flawed; overrated
But I still feel, and you forget that
I settle for less than my best because of you
Be happy, just know now I won't be around
All these years stepped all over, demeaned
I still ask, don't you want what I want?
Yes, I still have a heart, what's left of it
Death comes silently

As I lie here in my bed

I shall speak no more
I hope that you find
the other half to your whole

With it true happiness
never grows old

When you do find it
you Will know true love

That is a gift
from the man up above

Work it will take
and you will have struggles

Just hold it tight
and your hearts love shall double
To drop the latch and your belongings,
to say 'put down tomorrow's feat,
put down the tune of yesterday,
put down what calls away your
attention from the endless breadth
of now' - to drop the latch and slot
the key neatly in and not be reminded
of the worst *** of your life, to
look down at your shoes and not be
in a montage flashback of every
game of tennis last summer
when each stroke was a delayed rebuttal
from arguments before, the manly swipes,
the posed sliding on asphalt,
the gathering of ***** found sunbathing
with the brown baking weeds,
to run a mile and feel every jolt
and not imagine a face to run from,
and not pretend there is an
amalgamated idol of petrified lovers
just past the traffic lights, to not
invent telepathy and play it like a game,
reading the negativity in the loiterers
outside the post office across the road.
To see a mirror and forget to ignore it.
To watch the face in perfect humble
clarity, to see it as a friend would,
to say okay on a daily basis to the eyes,
to see for the first time their glory-
colour, to be okay without repressing,
to drink a glass of sauvignon blanc
without accompany on a Thursday morning
because the work rota allows the luxury.
To turn the television off.
to back into the night because you must,
to back into the night so you cannot
***** your way with hands, to keep
reversing and to watch what you pass
and to only stop when necessary, and
even then not for long, and turn around
and give thanks to walls and tripwires--

in the morning, with nobody there to know,
to take off all your clothes and then
that final layer, to be devastated
by the contours of another's, though
it may be only memory, to be distracted
by a speck of thought and start again,
to be one day older and to never age.
'Technically speaking, there are no enlightened people; there is only enlightened activity.' --Shunryu Suzuki
You'll never be good enough
the blade says
as it cuts the wings from my back
the ones I used to think
could make me fly
you can carve perfect in your mind
as many times as you want
but it'll never seep through your skin
To perfume the air
the aura of ease
no longer does it come from you
How can I hope to keep up
when stars fall faster than I
And they know they all know
To catch you when you stumble
I wish they would turn a blind eye
Sympathy burns like rejection
And my blade is kinder
than their eyes
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