A gentle caress of the cheek
A shaky fingertip on the chin
The memories come and go in waves,
but hit with the force of a tsunami flood,
crashing down the barriers I so carelessly built up after you left.

A touch of my neck
sends shivers down my spine,
as I remember your lips brushing gentle skin
exhaling my name into the dark.

Twisted in sheets, tangled in blankets
Racing hands and quick breath
those nights come to me quick,
flashing images through my mind.

Glow of your eyes - you loved me.
Smiles on your face - you meant it.
Pleasure in your body - you showed me.
Grasp of your hand - you watched me laugh.*

I would say I want this nostalgia to stop,
but to be quite honest-
I'm addicted to reminiscing on these thoughts.

The fear of forgetting you
presses ******* all sides
suffocating my mind with images of us.

In love, nothing exists between heart and heart.
Speech is born out of longing,
True description from the real taste.
The one who tastes, knows;
the one who explains, lies.
How can you describe the true form of Something
In whose presence you are blotted out?
And in whose being you still exist?
And who lives as a sign for your journey?

It has been 268 days, 1 hour, and 27 minutes since you left the world Mel.

I felt you the other day,
As the leaves were changing their colors
I felt you the other day
Just like the trees feel the breath of winter upon their backs
and Fall inevitably turns to Winter
And the leaves disappear
And just like the leaves fall to the ground and get carried away
So do my memories of you
One at a time, I’m losing them
Since the day you died, fall has been in season
I had a tree full of brilliantly colored memories
And as time has passed on
The weather is having its way with my mind
No season lasts forever
And this one,
I wish it would
Because every day brings me another 1440 minutes
Away from your existence
I’m forgetting.
The first to go was your smell
So I held on tighter to every moment I spent with you
I wrote them all down, you know.
But my mind doesn’t understand how badly my heart needs to hold on
I’m forgetting
Your voice.
Your eyes.
Next it was your laugh
And all your little corks that I held so dear.
It’s been a while. Hasn’t it?

I felt you the other day
Without even thinking of you at all
I just knew you were there
Looking down at me
You know, sometimes I sit for hours
And focus solely on you and try to remember
And I torture myself
With the thought of you being gone
Until I feel a little bit of comfort,
And in that comfort, I know you are there
But as of late,
I don’t feel better
Sometimes I sit for hours and cry until I can’t see,
Until I can’t breathe,
Until I can’t speak
I have to.
Because if I don’t,
Then it makes me ashamed
I feel guilty
For forgetting to miss you.
I miss you everyday
It’s just sometimes, it hurts harder one day than it does the next

I felt you the other day
I felt your presence in mine
It was comforting
And shattering
I’ve learned that the wound never really heals
We just find a stronger medicine
I felt you the other day
As I sat in the red chair that people you didn’t know
Decided to dedicate to you
As an act of kindness so that we’d remember you
It’s been here for 218 days, and a little change
I’d like to burn it and pretend you never left
I’ve noticed that it’s easier to talk to you during the night-time
When I’m looking at the stars
Because it’s easier to remember when it’s darker
The sunlight just distracts me

I’ve breathed a million breaths since the day you left
Inhaled life and exhaled the stale air that somebody else
Will fill their lungs with
Yesterday is gone and tomorrow hasn’t happened yet and
I’ve spent today missing you
Today turns into yesterday
And tonight bleeds into tomorrow
And I’m still denying the truth
That you’re gone

Your voice will never reach my ears
Your heart will never pound upon your chest
Your breath will never pour into the atmosphere
And you've left us all here
and maybe we’re resentful cause none of us were ready
Goodbyes **** the passion out of you
Put your reality on pause while the world continues spinning
They take your breath from you
While reality drowns you and your lungs give out.
And you end up panting for breath
As you choke back the sobs that the world needs to hear

I sat next to your grave today
And the wind, made drunk with your presence,
Breathed against me
We talked, you and me
I talked
And you listened
I saw your mom
She told me that “you’re better off than we are”
And maybe you are
But it still makes me bitter
I’ve heard that nothing is destroyed,
everything is just transformed
So the trees are cut down and thrown in a fire
The logs are turned into ash
And blown away with the wind
Your shell is resting 6 feet below me
Flowers are growing
The grass has come back
You are in them
And that is eternity

And I hope you went
With a smile
I hope it was as easy and as quick as
Leaning back in a chair the color of the sun
while listening to lazy piano music
Can we reverse time?
Or has the timing been assigned?
Every moment has a purpose
Maybe death is misunderstood
Grief can cloud the mind
You roam free, no longer confined
Your destiny no longer follows a design
Wherever this journey took you
Don’t forget to paint the skyline
With your presence

It’s a little unfair and a little unclear
As to why you had to leave
How can life be so cruel?
It’s hard to believe
That moments turn to memories
And some memories turn to regrets
Regrets turn into lessons
And lessons paint vignettes
That become your background
Just a part of your past
We may be through with the past,
but the past is not through with us

Life changes and seasons go on
People pass away
Memories live on
Sceneries shift
Faces are interchanged
Life keeps on keeping on
And hearts get maimed
Human connections
Are all that truly remain
The fragile beats of the heart
Never stop when you’re in pain

Every day that girl greets you.
That girl with those eyes bluer than a cloudless sky,
And that smile full of life and warmth like the sun.
Every day she asks you how you're doing.
She just wants to know that you're ok.
You feel nice, but never think twice.

Then one day as that girl greets you, you notice
Her eyes are less blue, like the sky just before a mild shower,
And her smile is lukewarm, like hot chocolate that was left out too long.
Every day she asks you how you're doing.
She just wants to know that you're ok.
You feel nice, but never think twice.

Time goes on, that girl still greets you.
Her eyes have now turned to gray, like the sky during an angry storm,
And her smile feels cold and lifeless, like the frost bitten branches on a dying tree.
Every day she asks you how you're doing.
She just wants to know that you're ok.
You feel nice, but never think twice.

Time goes on,  and you watch thiat girl just fade away, until one day that girl is gone.
That girl with the eyes once bluer thank the skies on a cloudless day,
And that smile full of life and warmth like the sun.
She just wanted to know that you were ok.
You felt nice, but never thought twice
Until one day it was too late to think twice.

I love you
In a way that’s different from me loving him
And I don’t know what is right
Every option is different
Everyone draws my attention
All for different reasons
There isn’t one that I can’t absolutely live without
As long as I have one then I can live without the other
But when I choose one
I miss the other
And I never notice
Until we catch up
How much I missed your presence
Your laugh
Your opinion
Your embrace
I miss and miss and miss
And I can never have both
I can never hurt either
I can never be honest with them
In turn never being honest with myself

Let me hold you,
Even if you can’t hold me back.
Let me kiss you,
Even if you won’t kiss me back.
Let me love you,
Even if you don’t love me back.

Even though you say you love me,
It’s not the way I want you to but...
That’s alright with me,
Because I’ll love you enough for the both of us.

Because being beside you,
That’s all I want.
Being with you,
That’s all I need.

So just stay by my side,
That is my only request.

When you're young, you push.
You push and you push –
The rules, your parents, yourself –
Your friends, even.
You push the limits of your mind, your heart, your body
(especially your body, because it's invincible.
You're made of steel; you're ten feet tall.)
You push buttons
(the good and bad kind)
(and the kind that never pop back up)
You learn the limites and then you still keep testing them.
Break a rule, break two, break ten.
Get caught, get punished, then repeat.

Never stop.
Never stop until you're ****** and broken on the floor
(screaming his name into your pillow every night)
You don't stop until there's great, big chunks missing
(ice cream scoops out of your brain)
(scars that won't fade with time)
(memories that you can't stop dreaming about)
And even then –

Even then you lay in bed thinking of the nights you can only barely remember
(the night he kissed you the first time)
(the night you saw God in a storm cloud)
(the night you realized life would never be this beautiful again)
(the night you felt your soul preparing for lift off)
and you know it was the right thing to do