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SJ Jan 2016
It was loud
Thunder booming in the background
Lightning offering its shine to all those without light
The old man with no hope knew he was in for a long night
Numb from the normal aches that come with old age
The knife in his heart masking the pain
Ever since his love had been called away and he was left here to stay
Left in the old house wishing she was still there to fill the emptiness
Pain was difficult before she parted; Now pain was the Ultimate test
Dripping of the rain the splatter here and there
Filling the silence yet making the loneliness too much to bare
Thoughts of a crooked grin
Eyes forever young. Ones he'd never see again
Do you know what it is like to miss half of your heart?
Have the ultimate love then have death tear your world apart?
Reached in so suddenly and took her away
What was once meant to be now is gone and the man doesn't know if he should stay
It'd be so easy to join the girl
May she be how she was before?
Back when they first met
Back before all he did was mourn and wept
When her hair was long and flowing
Baby blue eyes full of the love she was always showing
Smile so quick to warm the heart
That girl was mine before the start
She was destined to me. And I was her one and only.
A woman so kind and caring for a man who had been so lonely
Now my wrinkle hands tremble as I stand in the heart of the storm
Looking upward for a sign of her as I mourn
Praying lightning would strike down and send me home
Back into her arms so that I'm no longer alone
Wanting to end it all right here and now Knowing that she would take my decision with a frown
She was never about taking the easy way out
Always knowing what was best without a doubt
So taking shelter away from the storm.. away from this pain
I will live until I am called home. Then with her I will remain
SJ Jan 2016
Bleeding out in such a silent way
My concious did begin to fade
Torn between what is right and why he's wrong
Not wanting to continue but I was with him for so long
Eyes begged me to give in
Stomach churned as I committed the sin
Heart shattered as I told the one
Trembling with hate at what I had done
How dare I let the past taint our love
Weak is what I was
Ashamed is how I felt retelling how I had committed the deed
Surprise and relief that this man was willing to forgive a weakling such as me
Open eyes and a new heart beating for only him
Proving to us that I am stronger than I had been
This man who had given me a second chance when I deserved none
Told me to learn from my mistakes and to rise above
I had seen the pain I had caused him
Tears he had shed because of my sin
I bled out in such a silent way
Never again will I stray
SJ Jan 2016
Little boy scream
Let out the cries
May they help with your suffering
The relentless pain
Forever drags you down
You are unable to gain
Nothing seems to end
One moment you can breathe
Then the hand is back again
Blocking your airway
Tightening the grip
Making you stay
Refusing to let you slip
Runway from the past
Time is forever stuck
Making your hell last
There is no tick tock
The hand refuses to move
On your clock
Maybe if you could let the past go
It wouldn't continue to haunt you so
Taunting you with painful memories
Stop focusing on what was
Focus on what could be
Little boy Scream
SJ Jan 2016
I'm sick right now
Sickness of the mind
Wanting a way out
Not finding the time
Help me if you can hear these cries
Sometimes they're masked by the lies
Crying out I need you here
But when you come I whimper out in fear
Do I need someone who confuses my soul?
Someone I hate to want but can't seem to fight the pull
Pulling me where?
Down?
Will I fall or will my feet hit the ground?
Either way I'm yours
Through my fear I know this for sure
You will catch me if I fall
If I need help I know you'll be there for it all
These whimpers are for someone before
Someone who left a fragile heart sore
So forgive me when my mind is blinded by dark thoughts and unbearable  images of the past
This sickness that consumes me with fear will fade but I know my love for you will last
SJ Jan 2016
I lay here silently
Feeling him
Breathe
Chest moving subtly
In and
Out
Letting me know
Alive and well
My
One is laying beside me
I feel complete in this
Love
Laying here with the man
The man I call
Home
Soft snores
Fill the Silence and this
Is
Another act that makes me smile
And wonder
How
Did I ever get this lucky
He makes someone as weak as
I
Strong and sure
That's how he makes me
Feel
Arms will pull me closer
My heart beat becomes unsteady
When
His hand does gently caress my left hip
And this leaves me aching and now
I'm
Feverish with need as my body yearns
To mold with yours whenever you're
Near
Safe and secure
Is my soul with
You
I love this man sleeping next to me
He is mine to love and
Hold
Refusing to let go
Of this man who holds
Me
Even in the dead of night
I feel safe with him
Close
With this man
My soul has found its place
*Forver
SJ Jan 2016
All this time spent listening to false words
They demanded to be heard
Like useless lullabies
They used to tell me nothing but lies
Hear my cries
Watch me die
This is everything I despise
How can I go on
Hanging on for to long
You have not seen what I have seen with these eyes
I think it's time to finally cut ties
Say a final farewell and be done with these lies
I need to go to a place with newer skies
Away from all these goodbyes  
Now I must go away from here and find a new home
Somewhere I'll no longer feel alone
I need this now more than ever
Stop being a follower when it's time to be clever
Goodbye old me
Time to face reality
Stop living in the clouds
Time to voice my thoughts out loud
Be who I was meant to be
Who I'm supposed to be
Not who they want to be
But who I need to be in order to achieve
Everything
SJ Jan 2016
Girl so small why do you cower?
Hiding behind walls
Keeping yourself locked in that tower
Afraid of everything, afraid to live.
If you stay hidden when will this life ever begin
Past is something that left you broken
Weighed down with dark thoughts that remain unspoken
Sheltered within these stone walls
Hear the temptation but ignore the calls
Will you ever truly be if you don't take risks?
Think about all the opportunities you will miss
Yes the bottom is so far down
The climb will be worth it when your feet hit the ground
Negative souls will be against your escape
Others will be encouraged by one so brave
Stop feeling trapped when you have a way to be free
That window is small yet it still allows you to see
Climb down from your tower once in awhile and explore
Don't constantly stay hidden if you secretly yearn for more
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