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Remind me what it feels like to loose my mind in a heartbeat,
Remind me everyday what it stings me not to say

Remind me right now, before everything fades away...
Remind me that you still might be there if i need you someday.

Remind me of the sunsets,
Remind of the headsets,
Remind me of the necklace
and all the simple set backs.

Remind me of the progress, that never was enough,
Remind me of the success, never the lack of trust.

Remind me of the weight you held, before all was broken down,
Remind me of how lost I was, spread hope that I may be found....

Remind me of the days I threw away the crown...
Remind me why i stay awake, when my eyes still want to drown.
Tear drops fall on souls longing to cry
She is not so ignorant that she doesn't ask why
It's not the first time she has asked that question
but before she was on the receiving end
and now she's asking for a different reason
and she wonders how long she will wait for the storm
tired of being left lost and alone.

your tree rises in my furry.

Scared stiff,
the time bomb ticks,
you will only see whats left of me
in a once dreamt up plan of a time machine

don't forget all the secrets you've told me

I may be young but I'm far from naive
and I'm not so scared as terrified of sleep
because I know that I can't help but find you in my dreams
and I may be cold but I am far from weak
and I've never asked for more then dedication to succeed
but you can't help yourself with no goals to achieve
you hesitate while I am knees deep in a pile you've bundled up just for me,
I'm wondering what's real and what you've made me believe
is this reality?
or your perfectly planned fantasy?
I'm not allowing any more cold feet
I'll stand alone while you finally meet
Do not offer while I cannot receive,
you love everybody
but you've forgotten what it means,
you're missing key points such as loyalty
I'm giving up on that,
I will accept defeat,
I will no longer dance on the tops of your feet,
I will tune out every reminder like a thousand times before
I wonder if you noticed, I've always locked your door..
I'm ready to let you go,
don't take this as you know,
more things have been done
then I could pass you in a note
words are more frequent when questions are asked,
I've never asked one you didn't answer back,
ask away will you please?
I'm not begging you but I will ask once, nicely.
It's 102 but I can still see the white blanket of freshly fallen snow on the street
I can still feel the scarf around my neck and see my breath

It's the middle of summer

For the first time that I can remember I feel like the sun is hanging around. School is starting in just a few days and still the air is warm, even at night.

I can see the pumpkins and the fall colors, the warm drinks, the rain

I can see the boots and double layer of socks

The blanket on the couch

I can feel Christmas morning coming, and smell the thanksgiving dinner already being prepared

But it's the middle of summer

Just a moment ago I was watching new buds Spring to life as if one at a time God said, you can wake up now.
The gardens were being planned and the starts were being sold and the seeds were being sown... and then everything bloomed

The lavender bushes came alive and soon the sunflowers will too and the butterflies and the hummingbirds and the doe
They all grow

Some need my time and my love they need reminders every morning that they were brought here to give glory to the Creator and BE the creation.

Sometimes, we too, need water

And others just grow in their own glory, roots seeking out water, growing longer, growing deeper to reach the creek or
The rain

The rain hasn't fallen in almost 60 days

But the trees knew how to survive the drought the same way they survived the flood

The knew that enough was enough

They didn't take in so much they drowned themselves and they didn't use so much they dried out
They must have known about
the seasons
Whisper the things that I want to hear softly, slowly, into my ear.. 
Remind me calmly you will hold me near and curve my undying relentless fear..
Breathe your breath onto my lips, become my next new favorite fix.. 
Quietly see, theres still life in me, and can potentially accomplish anything..
 
If all you could hold was a shaking hand,
would you still write memories in the disappearing sand? 

If all you could have was the half of me,
would you think it worth it when I'm running free?

Slowly softly sweetly sing, a song about me,
let the bird spread her wings, but always hold her closely..
I hope that you smile at the butterflies that flutter on by, 
and chuckle at the things that seem awkwardly right,
I hope you lay in the field and stare at the clouds, 
Sink into the sand that won't let you out,
catch a fish so big your pole breaks in half
and cry so hard that you just have to laugh.
Laugh so hard you can't tap out
and scream so loud you loose the sound
because its the little things in life that really count.
And when the day seems long..like it just won't end..
Remember that tomorrow you start over again..
Nothing in life isn't worth the fight,
stand up for yourself and defend your rights
fight with dignity and demand respect
fight for this life, hold no regrets
Introduce yourself, Stargazer.
An introduction you'd like?
Would it be worth the fight?
Where would you be left at,
defending the gun or the knife?


Don't complicate things,
I've explained to you why,
expose to the people
what you've failed to hide

I've told you, you know,
hundreds of times!
You don't want to see
what I've locked deep inside...


I know you don't want to,
I know it must hurt,
but fearing to speak freely
is a waste of your words

You think you understand it,
you think you'll be fine
but you haven't even dreamed of
the images in my mind...


Come to me,
slow down and breathe,
have you ever heard the birds
sing their sweet melody,
high up in the tree tops,
effortlessly?

you know that I have
they sing to the cat
that sits there and listens
while they sit there and laugh..

...

Don't lecture me please, I'm not in the mood
I'm doing everything you taught me not to
And successfully so, I think I'm doing just fine,
        The only thing I ever asked was that you kissed me goodnight


Sweet innocent girl, her wisdom in you shows,
she's speaking through you, every where that you go
So disregard the rule that said keep your mouth closed,
Speak as loud as you'd like, in the garden they grow

I  exposed him to my secrets,
instead of locking them away
I closed my eyes and told him,
about every single day


What will he do if he knows,
did you consider cons before pros?
Don't stand there and wait,
watching another one go

I trust him you see,
its awkwardly unique
I'm cautiously curious
without wants or needs


Be careful young lady,
don't jump in with both feet,
If you can't see the bottom,
You can't tell how deep

How long must I stay,
one toe at a time,
as though giving up,
was suddenly a crime


Its sensitive love,
you must understand,
the heart he keeps hold of,
will never leave his hands

I want to break free,
I want to shed that skin,
I want to be better,
then I was with him..


You can be anything you want to be,
I watch you dream as far as your eyes see
seeing the world, one day at a time,
is the way she imagined you'd live your life...
I met a story teller, one stormy night,
She stopped me and I listened,
...was Of the convincing type..
She told me a story,
I'd never heard before
of a girl and a boy and the title she wore
The story teller explained how they'd been in a fight,
how she'd lost her wits and been clumsy one night
nothing should mask your love for me...
As she told this love story,
She seemed to glow,
so many emotions I don't want her know
and explained how their love outlasted it all
How their lives still made sense after
...I Watched her slip..And fall...
The narrator seemed heavy,
with emotion filled signs
that an apology was not enough...not Even close this time..
And as she moved along, I heard her voice crackle up..
The story she told seem to leave her heavily stuck
in the mind trap I built, when I casually showed up..
This pair you see, she made it sound so real,
go back to that place, to allow wounds to heal
determined to fight, she won't win tonight *
He controlled even the thoughts she hid deep in her mind
And more then once left her hanging on lips they always find
*she's thriving on the fire burning hot with desire..

he talked and she listened, putting her thoughts on a mission
Forgetting the plot, her story trailed off..
if she would just say those words... 3 simple words...
She listened to the boy, tried retaining it all,
but couldn't help wondering how planned was this call
you're here, you see, that's more then I need..
All along she assumed what the boy always knew,
but he strung her along, leaving less obvious clues
they don't even like her, no one knows her like I do..
She lays stuck in his trap, as the rain slowly taps
The view seems forgotten from behind foggy glass
I'm going to make this one linger, longer then the last
She tells him she loves him, but that much he knew
she longs to be held, not broken and used
I remember all her tricks, but this power is new...
She doesn't want to leave but he's got what he needs
And again she lays empty overcome with defeat
knocked her straight off her naked feet...
The story tellers emotions, changed noticeably so,
and the tears that were falling fell silently slow
she pulls again at the tearing rope
She tells how the girl felt remarkably aware
How the boy seemed to watch, borderline stare
I will keep a tally of her wrongs and title revenge as "Fair"
She longs to break free of the hold that he keeps
Praying some day she'll find a heart on a sleeve
I'll always have her heart, she wouldn't dare to leave
The story goes on, explains the who's where's and how longs
Recaps similar instances, where emotions seemed calm
this isn't right, it all feels wrong..
The story teller begins to plead, she really wanted me to see,
how much this girl had loved this boy, and how she prayed he'd set her free.
make her understand, I only want what best for me...
Her tears, they dry, still silent and slow,
leaving cheeks lightly dampened by a salty glow
*I don't love you too, I really don't miss you, and by the way, they all hate you.
I am telling the story,
of a girl that I know,
who spent a little too long,
on the wrong side of the road

On the verge of giving up everything,
he found a way to rescue her,
he snatched her by the collar,
and pulled her deep into his lair

In the cellar she stayed,
like a good little slave,
cooking, cleaning, waiting
while he went out and played

But this boy he called it Love,
and she ate that **** up,
so she took every hit,
and kept her mouth shut

He learned how to control her,
in every single way
from scaring her into not wanting more
to taking it all away

Sometimes it felt,
like she'd prefer a belt,
but the damage he did
left her needing more then help

He did everything he could
to keep her where she was
the only thing he told her,
was how she'd never be enough

While he didn't say it,
in that many words
she was smarter then the ones before
and she clawed her ****** fingers
to the last remaining door

When she made it to the light,
barely visible that night,
she used the last little bit she had,
refusing to tap out of his relentless fight

...

In the light, she took a nap

....

When she awoke from her slumber,
her eyes were heavy with wonder

Did those wounds that look so real,
become scars that finally healed?

When will the fear,
finally subside,
when will the tears,
say a final goodbye?

Why did you do it,
Why did you try?
Why did you hurt me,
Why did you lie?
Why did you answer,
Why did you cry?
Why did you bother,
Why did you hide?

You are a fool, you know,
for every goodbye...
I re-read the words,
I understood them this time...

You know exactly what you are,
you know exactly how to act,
you know just the right words to say
to keep em always coming back

No longer is she the victim.
no longer do you have rights
no longer do you have any control
of anything in her life

She has thrown a white flag,
and she has given you up,
you did more damage then most,
but not as much as she know

You didn't know what you were doing,
when you picked up the wounded girl,
while you thought things were going exactly as planned,
she was planning to destroy your world...

You gave her too much power,
you let yourself slip too soon,
you handed her the dagger,
and opened up your wounds

Asked her to do it for you,
said it was too heavy of a load,
showed her right where to place it,
and even pulled her hands in close

So when you said "I am ready"
she simply did what you taught her too,
you're bleeding on the floor you know,
and leaving a mess is rude.
See,
The problem with today is that you are the children that were slaves
To that textbook

See,
The problem with today is that the men are ingrained with the need to feel enraged at
Everything

And that very same textbook and that teacher that sent you elsewhere taught you, somehow, that you are just acting through your genetically inherited tendencies

See,
They taught you that once upon the great time
'before'
The outlandish and fairly out of context concept that we were,

Animals

But to every woman who has ever been mated by a man who thinks dominance is the answer,
I remind you,
YOU ARE NOT AN ANIMAL

You never have been, and you never will be
You are a soul who has a blind date with destiny
and if anyone ever tries to be, offensively bigger than me, I have full faith that my faith, will guide and protect me, to mutual clarity

And through the limitations of a structure that assures everyone they will see the stage and hear their name over the loud speaker in a Coliseum full of restless siblings and great grandparents,
they taught us that,
The 'Winners' found 'Fame'

And identified 'Degrees' as 'Security'
but the reality that the black hole created while trying to keep your head above the surface was just another stress to jot down in the
textbooks

But the textbooks my son reads won't contain the fallacies of the commentated beliefs of ignorant injustice that subtracted art and theater and replaced it with
"Facts"

You see,
A fact is simply a point that has yet to be falsified and I promise you that if you give it time,
no child of mine
Will forget,
that he can prove me wrong,
because I give him
*the freedom to express it
There is a difference in sitting in a room and wanting someone to ask you a question you can answer, so that maybe they would see the significance in your voice
And the Quiet Knowing, that you are valuable. Unique. Have a story. Are interesting, and insightful, and worthy.
Seeking worthiness seems feasible in feable terms how does one get quiet and be fulfilled, allowing the knowing to be enough?
You want to be enough.
Enough is relative and realistically speaking so many don't think anything is enough.
Silence.
How quiet can your Mind get
So your Soul can speak up
When life is lived Soulfully it is fulfilled in the knowing.
The quiet Knowing, that you are exactly where it feels good for your Soul to be...
To Be.
To just, be.
Quietly.
Sitting in a room full of strangers and someone asks you, what your name is
The response can feel like a pull to ask you another question you know you can answer
And a quiet response that says, it is this, but you dont feel like this, so even though the letters still fit together the same, when you tell them, it will tell them nothing..
To be heard, is to feel connected
All else is a meeting of egos that never really says much at all.
How can anyone know you at all
If you're scared, at all, of allowing the Quiet Knowing, to be absolutely, unapologetically, enough.
Too far, she always feels.
You've felt too far, too loudly, too many times, too late, too early.
She is me, and it is important to clarify that.
I yearn to remember that I am so much, enough.

- Blessings -
In a moment I thought again, "If he would just love me more, or, maybe he will love me more..." and then a silent voice rushed in quietly and whispered, "but you still have to love you, and maybe once you do, he will, but until you do, it doesn't matter if he does..."

And there was peace, only for a moment, until the tug of wanting it to be someone else's responsibility kicked in.

And then I loved my self, just a little bit, and kept walking
Heart felt heart aches make the loneliest nights seem cold
To move through the pain seems a mountain I cannot unfold
Climbing it seems daunting, a task that is asked of me
I fear not the silence,
But the unfolding

Everything feels heavier
A movement churning inside my core
The weight of the sadness
A choir and a roar

Find stillness in this moment
Connect with who you are
Who you have been
Who you will be
When silence
Is not the everything

Ignoring shadows has never felt so real
The whisper of the elders
Floating so close to my ears
A yearning to sit by them
A yearning to be understood
A yearning, to be heard.

She can't take the silence,
Any more.
Heart felt heart aches make the loneliest nights seem cold
To move through the pain seems a mountain I cannot unfold
Climbing it seems daunting, a task that is asked of me
I fear not the silence,
But the unfolding

Everything feels heavier
A movement churning inside my core
The weight of the sadness
A choir and a roar

Find stillness in this moment
Connect with who you are
Who you have been
Who you will be
When silence
Is not the everything

Ignoring shadows has never felt so real
The whisper of the elders
Floating so close to my ears
A yearning to sit by them
A yearning to be understood
A yearning, to be heard.

She cannot take the silence,
Any more
She is never satisfied
Searching for love in knots she ties
but as soon as she finds it, it is instantly denied
refusing to accept anything less then Divine

Is forever enough?
Theres no such thing as luck
She learned in class yesterday,
there is no such thing as a free lunch
but who decides who is good,
and who defined forever as such

What do you take off?
When things get heavy and a little bit rough
the first things I remove are each one of my socks
But I am curious to know, if you noticed your own,
the way you focus on your broken phone

What is happening to this world?
Have you noticed lately things are changing and breaking
everyone is confusing attention and affection
for love and loyalty so they find blunt rejection

Where do you draw the line?
And who isn't asking for more time?
Things become clear when you hear them as a rhyme
I wrote it in blood, can I be famous tonight?

How many people are playing this game?
And what do they call it when they confess to the shame
how long will we last passing the blame
define who we are when they all take aim

If I pushed, would you pull?
In this tug of war and in all that we've written
did it ever make sense,
did I make you feel like you were living?

Forever's just a word
A thousand lies, excuses, and insults were heard,
At the end of the day another is soon to come,
When you wake up from that dream,
*you'll soon be in this one.
I'm just that girl you love to lust
 because they never seem quiet enough,
 an understated lack of trust, 
Your kind words are simply, just

 slow and steady is all I ask, 
A slower pace then my ugly past 
Hold my hand, stay by my side
Let's sit together on the ride of life

Through stomach dropping hills
We put miles on the wheels
Heading to anywhere different 
Then the truth of her world

From the sounds of the tides 
To the familiar highs 
As each town passes
The butterflies fly

Never again tell me goodbye
Dont promise me everything Under the sky
Save the gossip and silence the lies
And we can give this chapter a fighting try 

Demand your spot and draw a line 
Please understand things are different this time
Everything slows to nearly a stop
And I suddenly see what I've suddenly got 

happiness sits awkwardly on the edge of the seat
Reminisce on past days when you'd offered defeat 
Grudges seemed dropped unjust and weak 
Another attempt is worth trying it seems 

Tread the water, carefully
Don't give me less then honesty
Whisper the truth that I need to hear
Softly, slowly, in my waiting ear
I don't know where we're going,
but I can tell you where I've been..
and I'd tell you every detail,
but you'd throw me to the wind

you think you want to know,
what made me who I am,
but you have no idea,
where these blurry eyes once ran

I'd give these words to you,
from the bottom of my heart,
but you'd be wondering where I left you
and you'd forget what made you start..

Things are not as easy,
as we all want them to be,
but life is just a challenge,
given to you and me.

If you dig too deep into it,
with anyone but yourself,
you risk loosing everything
a pattern that never fails

I've seen the way the tides roll in,
I've watched a plane take flight,
I've witnessed the birth of brand new life,
I've seen a grown man cry

I've been through towns I couldn't pronounce,
I've learned a lesson or two,
I've given up hope on a lasting love,
but I'll never give up on you

I've watched the sun rise from the East
while the moon followed closely
I've watched the planets I cannot fathom
shine brighter then the last one

I've been through the rain that I couldn't foresee
but I've bypassed a storm that sure would've killed me
and I've survived a few falls I shouldn't have had
while making a few choices that made a few people mad

I've flown over oceans, for hours on end,
I've deleted a few answers, when I should've hit send
I've answered a few questions that cost a few friends
but I've never lost respect for the powers that lend.

I'm thankful for the things
the greater being lets me see
and I live every day happy to breathe
I'll be there for you, forever and always
we can roam the states bumpy highways
open the sunroof so I can sit and stargaze
I'm sorry its not what you want it to be,
but maybe a friendship is just what you need...
The tantalizing way you brush my hair away 
and tease my eager lips with your familiar but foreign foreplay
The lingering of the warmth I've waited so long to feel 
Is so suddenly explosive I should've known it wasn't real

The way you play your word games and mind tricks has me exposing my every weakness 

Leaving me hopeless and numb
Faithful to none
You can't break the girl
That is on the run 
Playing cat and mouse
With the burning sun
It's still a game to you
But I've already won

My fingertips feel it, my mind photographs it, I try and grasp it, but know I can't have it 

 So I'll live this life in a lucid dream
Because I am the ruler and I am the queen
And I will out sing all the songs you will read
To a deaf ear and a broken wing 
You live now as a fond memory
Forgive my beliefs and silence my screams
Weve finally moved on... or so it seems
As I turn my minds eye inside itself
the light in my heart cries for help
and I am called to write it down

The slow dance in the fast track left me looking back
in wonder
where did the time go?

Time became a metaphor for flowers blooming while the garden grows
in the candy-filled imaginations of hearts yearning to sit still
in silence

The love we found became the love we lost
and then found again because our paths, they crossed
like burning candles in burning saddles
we ride the curtails of our Fathers land, given to us by our Mother
exploring the explored praying we uncover new roads
for those who have known
the other

The illusions within the illusions
became the conversations within the relations
and duality of life, showed itself without remorse but
Salvation

The Saviors name became bridled with pain
when ego took hold and sin was to blame
but nothings to blame when we call it a game
just the 'exactly whats supposed to be'
for the experience of Spirit within you and me

We are creating our reality
because Spirit has answered the prayers of our dreams
allowing us all, to finally be free,
from the mental trap of fallacies
from the ****** hold they have on WE
because they don't allow us to actually SEE
teaching us ignorance,
and calling it need

I refuse to accept
that the wounded will bleed
when our bodies heal,
magically

I refuse to accept
anything less than perfect
in anyone I meet

YOU ARE PERFECTLY WHO YOU WERE MEANT TO BE

I wish we could all just take a moment to breathe...
forget the subconsciously influenced negative chatter,
break free of the images they force down our throats
and scream with new faith of new found hope

WE ARE ALL FREE,
life, death, reincarnated steps
walking the paths,
of the joy that they kept
through the tears that they wept
unknowingly

WAKE UP,
   DAY DREAMERS,
The alarms gone off,
and we've overslept
The moon and the way she weaves dreams,
I pray she is felt as she silently sings,
through everything
with Understanding
Lay yourself, tired one, in a hammock wrapped in Love,
as Mother Earth holds you close,
remember to remind her,
She is dearly loved, because in Us, she trusts,
Her Grace
With sun rays made of rainbows and clouds made by Angels,
It is easy to see how easy,
it is to be radiant
Stars on Earth, and in the skies,
traveling with pride through the stillness of the night,
in every time zone
We are here now, in this beautiful galaxy,
made of the ebb and flow,
of Everything
Breathing
Singing
Dancing,
in the beauty of this Home...
Where the heart is,
where intuition sparks its needs,
that pull us,
while our Destiny pushes us,
to BREATHE
because everything you hope to See,
is everything you're supposed to be
Why
Why
Her shifty eyes see his bold face lies
she seeks the truth to his own demise
salt pours out as she begins to cry
screaming to anyone

"WHY!?


Why....?!"

She sits there silent as she waits for a reply..
the only thing she hears is lie after lie
and back to the questions that eat at her insides
contemplating thoughts she fought hard to hide
the truth pours out of her traumatic life
and the dreams she once had have suddenly died
absorbed in the night of unheard goodbyes
walking away without fear in her stride
wishing he would do nothing more than try and make it right
wishing that the problem would suddenly find
a new place to harbor her unwelcomed plights


And it seems to her that everyone knows...
like everyone’s in on this big funny joke..
She stands back and waits...It’s bound to play out
She listens to every side ignoring anger and doubt

"The truth will set you free" *she says aloud
blinded momentarily, she laughs..
How did her life get so off track..
When did everything flip upside down?
Why are these lessons feeling so profound...?
Whatever happened to the queen and her crown?
His words sing straight into her eager and waiting soul
Giving voice to emotions she can't control 

Leaving an explosion of memories..

 lingering on the tip of the fading touch, 
they've been waiting to write words 
they can't muster up 

Surrounded by noise she hears only his voice,
singing louder then anyone with dignified poise

And as the Cd plays the words create
A beautiful picture of their constant debate 

On right and wrong, going and gone
She lays awake to pray that he's still holding on

With faith in her heart and love in her soul
the Tiny dancer will dance playing the gaurdians role

...And as that CD repeats, emotions release...

She can only live this momentarily as she silently screams
"...you have me..."

Feeling tied down was never her thing 
so she tries to break free from his invisible strings
And as she fights her good fight but does what feels right 
Shes lost in the dream that keeps her up each night 

Lay your head on my chest,
It is your safe place to rest
Open ended we leave
The moments we need

And as your absence consumes me
I fall back to sleep...
we don't need to speak
Just simply believe


<3

— The End —