I wish cancer was a mere zodiac sign that did nothing more then Determine the compatibility  of young love and offer cheap pick up lines at crowded bars  

                                                           Hey, whats your sign?

I wish that love was not just a word, but a fluttering of colors, blinding the brightest of eyes and seeping through every pore of your being, 
A word not so easily being abused, used, or broken.

                                                        ­       I ACTUALLY love you

I wish that friendship meant once more the pure blissful enjoyment of ones company, never questioning real motives or keeping an all seeing eye taped open 

                                           I ACTUALLY trust you...

I wish that the bond between mother and daughter meant more to the mothers and daughters, and that all knowing instinct that all mothers should share, would be voiced to all daughters whether or not they cared 

     LISTEN TO ME!

I wish that the tie called marriage to most, meant more then the paperwork they sign as a joke, that living together till death do you part  meant together forever through the unbearable parts

      Redefine Forever

I wish that heaven wasn't so far away, imagine what I'd give to make that trip in a day, stand face to face with all of the greats, the ones whose memories live on every day 

             They are never really all that far away...

*The beautiful things,
That we embrace,
Pulls themselves closer,
Everyday

The things you're looking for are most often found
hiding in plain sight
   In the dead of the night,
when everything feels right
who are you seeing when you close your eyes?

I am lost in a moment I cannot describe
I'm standing as tall as my heart let's me write
Do not confuse blessings for an unwanted fight
I simply am wishing the best for our unstructured lives.

Have you ever been questioned...
Have you ever asked why?
Have you thought of solutions someones already tried?
I'm telling you this power offers you something great.
Would you like to partake?

Sit with me,
Don't complicate
Life is too short
to live so irate

You are only allowed what you build or create..
So many opportunities are recklessly at stake..

Remind me what it feels like to loose my mind in a heartbeat,
Remind me everyday what it stings me not to say

Remind me right now, before everything fades away...
Remind me that you still might be there if i need you someday.

Remind me of the sunsets,
Remind of the headsets,
Remind me of the necklace
and all the simple set backs.

Remind me of the progress, that never was enough,
Remind me of the success, never the lack of trust.

Remind me of the weight you held, before all was broken down,
Remind me of how lost I was, spread hope that I may be found....

Remind me of the days I threw away the crown...
Remind me why i stay awake, when my eyes still want to drown.

Chapter after chapter you would read nothing but laughter
but line by line the truth seems divine
eloquently she side-steps the faults in her life
and slowly but surely she rekindles whats right


In her heart of hearts she knows whats real
she understands how he makes them feel
delicatly speaking with clear conviction
she explains their faults while they refuse to listen


Eager and proud she countinues to try
knowing full well they tell lie after lie
compassionate still, she stands by their side
and watches as stars shoot themselves by


Be quiet my love, don't blink an eye
instead sew them open and lock onto the sky
wait for the moment, when you know its enough
make a simple wish and believe in simple luck

Once upon a time, a long time ago,
I believed in myself and wanted everyone to know
then you came along, handcuffs were ready
you closed my eyes and made sure they were heavy

Now I'm on a mission, a goal is in sight
to never again let a man control my life
I am strong, faithful and bright,
you'll never see me fall, finally beliving in my rights

See,
The problem with today is that you are the children that were slaves
To that textbook

See,
The problem with today is that the men are ingrained with the need to feel enraged at
Everything

And that very same textbook and that teacher that sent you elsewhere taught you, somehow, that you are just acting through your genetically inherited tendencies

See,
They taught you that once upon the great time
'before'
The outlandish and fairly out of context concept that we were,

Animals

But to every woman who has ever been mated by a man who thinks dominance is the answer,
I remind you,
YOU ARE NOT AN ANIMAL

You never have been, and you never will be
You are a soul who has a blind date with destiny
and if anyone ever tries to be, offensively bigger than me, I have full faith that my faith, will guide and protect me, to mutual clarity

And through the limitations of a structure that assures everyone they will see the stage and hear their name over the loud speaker in a Coliseum full of restless siblings and great grandparents,
they taught us that,
The 'Winners' found 'Fame'

And identified 'Degrees' as 'Security'
but the reality that the black hole created while trying to keep your head above the surface was just another stress to jot down in the
textbooks

But the textbooks my son reads won't contain the fallacies of the commentated beliefs of ignorant injustice that subtracted art and theater and replaced it with
"Facts"

You see,
A fact is simply a point that has yet to be falsified and I promise you that if you give it time,
no child of mine
Will forget,
that he can prove me wrong,
because I give him
*the freedom to express it

My Secret Garden
  
Its the way he threatens to close his soul,
or the way he rolls over holes covering a seed that can't grow..
Making sure you're the last  to ever know
how far his addiction would be wiling to go
intertwining her fingers in a heart turned to stone
she turns to the Earth to have something to hold..
As the Earth captures her embrace,
she is over come with faith,
discovering a new world,
that shes allowed to create
tell me...
Do you believe in fate?
When friendship meets love and
somethings finally enough
will you let go of that grudge
or completely give up?
As she makes her way through each passing day.
she plants her seeds in the wounds that bleed,
reveling herself in guilty dreams
neglecting her heart for their greater need
complicating the plan seems a sure defeat
the only thing she keeps track of are her two attached feet..
Forgetting conversations that held no depth
she fell into a trap as she readily lept
into fleeting hands disguised as safety nets
her heart detached as her body slept
Misunderstood from the fall,
they thought she lost all control
she refused to conform
and meant no harm
heard underlying judgments
so she covered the scars
she's captivated by the stagnant stars
believing in a world bigger then ours
if seeing is believing, she was staring at mars
more tangible then ever,
she now understood
this life was not theirs
but an unwritten book
possibilities were endless
for a conclusion of sorts
theories are offered
but not relevant in court
she waits for those seeds to expose a new growth
praying it gives them a small dose of hope
because nurturing something piece by piece
seems the responsible solution for a world in need
ONE LOVE is the life I'll breed

It'd been a while since I unfolded the crease
overwhelmed with questions I opened it slowly
I struggled to read, as I could barely see,
but I made it through, and it reminded me...

                        You always knew the answers,
                               you always made me try,
           you always told me you were proud,
                    and it was okay to not be right

  I was flipping through an old picture album,
the one you made me when I was little,
   Tuesday nights and the London Eye,
school plays and that wagon we made,
I still offer help, to those in need,
but I no longer think with childish greed

I am becoming the woman
you knew I would be...
I wish you were here,
I wish you could see

I re-read the last letter you wrote me...

From God-knows-where,
you answered my prayers,
and I hear your message
loud and clear

I will explore the world
because you opened my eyes..
like poison pulsing through my veins,
I'm addicted to flight,
no matter how far,
no matter how high

I am strong,
At least that's what I my friends believe...
I wish you could meet them,
I wonder what you'd see...
There's a few that you would really like...
A few that mean a lot to me...

I went to California, we planned it for a day,
packed a few bags, got in the car, and simply drove away...
No body could believe it... (they all think I've gone insane)
It sounded like a memory, an escape from all the pain

I was sitting on the mountain as the sun was going down..
thinking to myself how you would've brought me to this town
and as the single tear I tried to fight fell slowly to the ground,
I whispered an audible thank you and excused any remaining doubt

You are here and every where,
you guide me through each day,
turning traffic lights to slow my rides
telling me when to leave, telling me when to stay

you still know exactly how to make me see, that life is one big mystery
full of adventures and unexplored roads,
I'll set cruise control and you can show me where to go
While we reminisce on the stories they've told

Change.
Its funny how things do.
I can't even explain in how many ways,
things will never be the same.
Am I responsible for this mess?
Should I delegate someone else for this?
He told me change was the only constant
but is it really for the best...?

I am doing what you've wanted,
and I'm sure you already know,
but thank you for pushing me,
and making sure I go

               You've always trusted me
Even when things went a little bit wrong,
you knew that I'd fix it and it wouldn't take long
so you bought a few books and told me to cook
for the first time ever, I was proud of my work

You never missed a show
From ballet to choir concerts,
talent shows to football games
gymnastic meets to farmers markets
to the clumsy, care-free, dancing duo

You always held my hand
Rough, and dry from a thousand shoe laces tied
but soft and familiar and never looking to fight
when things are hard and my energy's drained,
I picture your hands taking away my pain

You always were on time
I sat at school the other day,
waiting for my ride,
thinking about you, as I usually do,
wishing it was you that was stopping by

I break down sometimes
You were my rock,
my sounding board,
my only voice of reason,
you held me together
told me always to be better
you never let me down

I wish you were here
The days are getting harder it seems,
my life is changing so quickly
I'm loosing control, but I'm gaining some more,
I'm just not sure where you want me

What now?
I'm sorry for all the questions,
I don't mean to have so many,
I just can't stand to tell myself,
No one is ever ready

Baby show me something I've never seen before,
chivalry's not dead and I need something more,
if you'd like we can pretend,
to be a little more then friends
but please don't forget,
I am who I am,
and I've driven down a road
past a sign that said closed
ended up in a few places
with no where else to go
and if were stuck then were stuck
and we can leave it as such,
but if you give me hope
I'll find more rope and
we'll lower ourselves
down as the ground begins to look close.
Closer
but so far away...
help me find the words,
I've forgotten how to say..

She is never satisfied
Searching for love in knots she ties
but as soon as she finds it, it is instantly denied
refusing to accept anything less then Divine

Is forever enough?
Theres no such thing as luck
She learned in class yesterday,
there is no such thing as a free lunch
but who decides who is good,
and who defined forever as such

What do you take off?
When things get heavy and a little bit rough
the first things I remove are each one of my socks
But I am curious to know, if you noticed your own,
the way you focus on your broken phone

What is happening to this world?
Have you noticed lately things are changing and breaking
everyone is confusing attention and affection
for love and loyalty so they find blunt rejection

Where do you draw the line?
And who isn't asking for more time?
Things become clear when you hear them as a rhyme
I wrote it in blood, can I be famous tonight?

How many people are playing this game?
And what do they call it when they confess to the shame
how long will we last passing the blame
define who we are when they all take aim

If I pushed, would you pull?
In this tug of war and in all that we've written
did it ever make sense,
did I make you feel like you were living?

Forever's just a word
A thousand lies, excuses, and insults were heard,
At the end of the day another is soon to come,
When you wake up from that dream,
*you'll soon be in this one.

When our bare skin collides
like the slowly fading tides
Your heart starts to speed,
and I catch that smile in your eyes

When my hand starts to trace
the curves of your face
The look that you make,
lets me know its okay

When your graps gets tighter,
Its like the spark of my lighter
burning hot like the fire
in flames of desire

With every touch of our lips,
its a selfish foregin trick
the way you capture the bliss
that my heart used to miss

The way you look in my eyes,
like its again the first time,
fills my bones to the core
and leaves me longing for more

The little things you don't know you do,
have me wrapped up in all of you,
hold me close, and don't let me go,
I'm looking for more than a puppet show.

Tear drops fall on souls longing to cry
She is not so ignorant that she doesn't ask why
It's not the first time she has asked that question
but before she was on the receiving end
and now she's asking for a different reason
and she wonders how long she will wait for the storm
tired of being left lost and alone.

your tree rises in my furry.

Scared stiff,
the time bomb ticks,
you will only see whats left of me
in a once dreamt up plan of a time machine

don't forget all the secrets you've told me

I may be young but I'm far from naive
and I'm not so scared as terrified of sleep
because I know that I can't help but find you in my dreams
and I may be cold but I am far from weak
and I've never asked for more then dedication to succeed
but you can't help yourself with no goals to achieve
you hesitate while I am knees deep in a pile you've bundled up just for me,
I'm wondering what's real and what you've made me believe
is this reality?
or your perfectly planned fantasy?
I'm not allowing any more cold feet
I'll stand alone while you finally meet
Do not offer while I cannot receive,
you love everybody
but you've forgotten what it means,
you're missing key points such as loyalty
I'm giving up on that,
I will accept defeat,
I will no longer dance on the tops of your feet,
I will tune out every reminder like a thousand times before
I wonder if you noticed, I've always locked your door..
I'm ready to let you go,
don't take this as you know,
more things have been done
then I could pass you in a note
words are more frequent when questions are asked,
I've never asked one you didn't answer back,
ask away will you please?
I'm not begging you but I will ask once, nicely.

I am telling the story,
of a girl that I know,
who spent a little too long,
on the wrong side of the road

On the verge of giving up everything,
he found a way to rescue her,
he snatched her by the collar,
and pulled her deep into his lair

In the cellar she stayed,
like a good little slave,
cooking, cleaning, waiting
while he went out and played

But this boy he called it Love,
and she ate that **** up,
so she took every hit,
and kept her mouth shut

He learned how to control her,
in every single way
from scaring her into not wanting more
to taking it all away

Sometimes it felt,
like she'd prefer a belt,
but the damage he did
left her needing more then help

He did everything he could
to keep her where she was
the only thing he told her,
was how she'd never be enough

While he didn't say it,
in that many words
she was smarter then the ones before
and she clawed her ****** fingers
to the last remaining door

When she made it to the light,
barely visible that night,
she used the last little bit she had,
refusing to tap out of his relentless fight

...

In the light, she took a nap

....

When she awoke from her slumber,
her eyes were heavy with wonder

Did those wounds that look so real,
become scars that finally healed?

When will the fear,
finally subside,
when will the tears,
say a final goodbye?

Why did you do it,
Why did you try?
Why did you hurt me,
Why did you lie?
Why did you answer,
Why did you cry?
Why did you bother,
Why did you hide?

You are a fool, you know,
for every goodbye...
I re-read the words,
I understood them this time...

You know exactly what you are,
you know exactly how to act,
you know just the right words to say
to keep em always coming back

No longer is she the victim.
no longer do you have rights
no longer do you have any control
of anything in her life

She has thrown a white flag,
and she has given you up,
you did more damage then most,
but not as much as she know

You didn't know what you were doing,
when you picked up the wounded girl,
while you thought things were going exactly as planned,
she was planning to destroy your world...

You gave her too much power,
you let yourself slip too soon,
you handed her the dagger,
and opened up your wounds

Asked her to do it for you,
said it was too heavy of a load,
showed her right where to place it,
and even pulled her hands in close

So when you said "I am ready"
she simply did what you taught her too,
you're bleeding on the floor you know,
and leaving a mess is rude.

His words sing straight into her eager and waiting soul
Giving voice to emotions she can't control 

Leaving an explosion of memories..

 lingering on the tip of the fading touch, 
they've been waiting to write words 
they can't muster up 

Surrounded by noise she hears only his voice,
singing louder then anyone with dignified poise

And as the Cd plays the words create
A beautiful picture of their constant debate 

On right and wrong, going and gone
She lays awake to pray that he's still holding on

With faith in her heart and love in her soul
the Tiny dancer will dance playing the gaurdians role

...And as that CD repeats, emotions release...

She can only live this momentarily as she silently screams
"...you have me..."

Feeling tied down was never her thing 
so she tries to break free from his invisible strings
And as she fights her good fight but does what feels right 
Shes lost in the dream that keeps her up each night 

Lay your head on my chest,
It is your safe place to rest
Open ended we leave
The moments we need

And as your absence consumes me
I fall back to sleep...
we don't need to speak
Just simply believe


<3

Foundations were laid by hands that create the exploration of your Imagination when you choose to display your understanding of the Human Game
Either guided to expand or by your own hand it was all part of the bigger Plan which allowed the spaces of time to fill the cracks of your mind,
Progressing, regressing, following the Divine
Pattern of it all,
It's what we choose to involve,
Our Selves in

In the end it transforms the dusty cobwebs to ballroom floors and the hay bails to open arms, welcoming your Soul to take a seat, and relax in the strength of your Ancestors that rode so many miles before

To get you where you are, they rode through Conscious Expansion ******* with only FAITH that they would wake up on the other side with the same faces by their sides, in THIS reality

Forgiveness became key because it seems almost selfish to me to take the risk that could be, the end
Which they promise is the beginning
Which is a test of Faith, yet again
and again
and again
every time you blink, you think,
you are presented the opportunity
to change things

To BE a THOUGHT in the world that promotes
Positive Vibrations
Consciously

Keep faith that everything is working,  
The words that find me are the words that have found you,
Through it all, we walk together,
Through it all, we smile
<3

I'm reminding you I'm lost
but subconsciously I'm not,
cause I think you're the only one that gets what I've got
you give me butterflies like gut rot
and you've got my tongue in knots
doing what I can to not let it stop
cause you picked up the weight but don't let it drop
I'm invested in this now and can't afford the loss
my heart was locked before you opened up shop
turn the radio on and sing to me Aseop
I'm now on a mission, make sure i'm out of earshot
cause when the truth comes out, I won't give it a second thought;
Remind myself I'm worthy of everything I've got
Because weakness is not an option, and you are not a God,
Confidence forgotten, I realished in what I'm not
and then the clouds they cleared and relvield was the plot
I let my gaurd fall loosely, I felt my heart unlock
suddenly reminded the key does not belong
ripped out of the hole, thrown down the block
I am standing on my own, my vision seeing spots
Today will be the day, I will take the shots
...
From your 7 shot revolver, 6 had them stunned
Only 1 left, and with it you took the sun
"your order is ready sir, but you seem like your done,
so remind me again, what is you want?
SAC? is that the one?
Well here's the check, its time to pay,
Take your time, I'll be here all day."

She sat down to write about her hearts painful cry and as the keys clicked the black dash, the memories were swept

Here, Now
She reminded herself

She tattooed it on her left index to hold space when she would forget to remember
to remind her, to be present
to remind her, to slow her thoughts
to remind her, to stop her thoughts,
and listen

here, now
Angels whispered

She was here, in the now, of the present moment of this time, and suddenly she realized that all the words began to rhyme, when she set aside the need to control the signs, and allowed the moments that felt Divine
a

Beautiful
Living
Imagination
Sitting
Still

Rewind

Flash forward

SIT STILL.

BE. Here. Now.

The Angels Screamed.

In their melody that sounds like something only the Heavens could sing
a vibration so high your whole entire essence feels light
a living breathing embodiment, of life, is here, now

Challenge the open spaces and new faces and meditate freely in the grace of your BEing
for YOU are a BEing, a LIVING BREATHING BEING, of LIGHT

YOU, you are enough.
YOU, you are stronger than any dagger.
YOU, you are loved.

Here, Now.
They stated.

In the here, in the now, there is nothing but ever lasting, unconditional, plentiful health and wellness, for all,

The Angels sang out,

"For YOU are ME, and I am WE, and WE are EVERYTHING, you see?"

Can you love the broken pieces that make me who I am?
Or do you only love me when I fit into your plans?
Don't give me less then all of you,
because I'll give you all that fates allows me to
A wing may be broken,
a tear may be shed,
but I promise you happiness in every moment thats spent
Like the only novel that you've ever read,
I'll forever be waiting with clouds in my head
On a dream that feels similar to the hand that you lend
Talk, feel, trust,
Don't mistake my love for lust
Forever simply isn't enough
The dreaming girl believed in luck
And got untied, he had her stuck
Flying again, she understands
Everything happens just as planned
L.o.v.e.L.i.f.e here lies a broken wing,
finally the caged bird feels blissfully free

I have a little bag,
I keep it locked away,
Tightend with a pad lock
and locked with a chain

It stays in the closet,
Without mention or thought
Cause this bag of mine
Is it's own pandoras box

And I fill it up,
Almost every day,
With the questions and comments
And things that you say

But this bag of mine,
It's getting full you see...
But opening it
Just might destroy me

And that is a risk
I just can't take
Sorry my love In the closet it stays
But this mornig things changed ..

I went to the bag and found the broken chain
The pieces spilled out like childs play
I'm un sure now of what to do
But pick up the pieces two by two

And but them back in that bag of mine
Lock them away for good this time
But as I reach for each piece
The reality hits me,

This is my life and these are my feelings
Scattered around like a puzzle you found
And dumped on ground It's game over now

You wanted it open and now it is,
Good luck finding where each piece fits

while I sit in the room alone in the dark

I give nothing but time to these awful thoughts

Eating away at my decaying brain

the weak is weakend by the constant pain



I'm doing all that I can you see,

giving you every single piece of me

yet here we are with paper and pen,

you can take my blank page and fill it in



because how I hear it, correct me if i'm wrong,

is that this is just your unwritten song

So you take my heart and string it along

is it your arms that I still belong?



like a little girl I sit and wait

make a wish and count on fate

this is the mess that you have made

took the book and destroyed the page.



and on the shelf I go again

lost in space with a few more friends

collecting dust and making amends

waiting on that other hand he lends



Take a step back, make sure you're certain

I feel like you are writing your own version

my chapter said this and yours said that

so here we are with half an act



So tell me what is on my mind,

read my book before father time

take my heart and spill it out

read each line slowly without any doubt



You think you know this book,

better then anyone here

I think you misunderstood the point,

you've read only one chapter....fear'



Theres a few more chapters you need to read

the easy ones, like friends, and family

cause those are the chapters that i've written before,

something I know about a little more



The chapters missing are far to advanced

the ones I can't write because I don't understand

like love, and loss, and breaking hearts

I hide from the truth alone in the dark



Alone in the dark on that shelf I sit

just an over read book that no longer fits

as time goes on I ponder a bit

flip through old chapters before I finally quit



The future is bright, or so they say

the unwritten words are ours today

so take the book off the shelf,

take me down sense you've offered help



grab my pen and bring me paper,

this book of mine we will write together

you will talk and I will listen

reading off the pages that have yet to be written.

The pain slowly rises up from the toenails of swollen feet, begging to thrive, to not be released... Pulling you in, like an over needy friend, drowning remorse sounds hollow and coarse. 
A master of reality design, she finally began to analyze, who was this boy and what did he want, why was it him that got what he got? 
An advocate for the weak, something only some can understand, she never had any idea that he was nothing like most men... He was purely a design, a fragment of her mind, a poorly put together story that rhymed, so alone is where she cries, trying again to analyze. 
She finds a poem to recite 
A voice if she might
Fight this new found stage fright
So many times, they stood at the end of the stage, silently filling her heart with rage. 

She ran
She ran as far away from home as she could with that man,
With packs too heavy and without an open hand, together they ran. 
Him from his choices, her from those voices 
They kept screaming she would fail. 

She wanted to run far enough away that by the time she was home they wouldn't know what to say.. But she came home and had to stay.

Reanalyze the pain. 

See again what she had left in shame. 

The pain. 

Please God be with her, please help her pray, please come down to her, and take her pain away

He held her down and blindfolded her, whispered in her ear that she was flying, and then blew wind in her hair as she was crying, calling it Ocean Air. Salty. 

How dare me.

How do you know when the time is right?
Does it kick you in the *** or slap you in the face?
Or does it sit by the water and paitently wait?
Is it yours to look at or mine to take?
Is it like a match, a one strike date..

When will I know that it is what is?
Will the stars align like an angels kiss?
Will the doves release and the choir sing?
Or will it feel like anything?

Will you scream it loud like your favoite song
Or whispear it softly like you might be wrong?
Will you grab my face and look in my eyes
Or hide in your thoughts to your own demise

Will you Hold me after and repeat it again
Or leave me hanging without means to this end
Will we fall into our dreams tonight
Or walk away without a kiss goodbye

What happens when the words are said?
Help me settle the thoughts In my head
Do the best to answer the few
Pleading questions I have for you

Whisper the things that I want to hear softly, slowly, into my ear.. 
Remind me calmly you will hold me near and curve my undying relentless fear..
Breathe your breath onto my lips, become my next new favorite fix.. 
Quietly see, theres still life in me, and can potentially accomplish anything..
 
If all you could hold was a shaking hand,
would you still write memories in the disappearing sand? 

If all you could have was the half of me,
would you think it worth it when I'm running free?

Slowly softly sweetly sing, a song about me,
let the bird spread her wings, but always hold her closely..

Her shifty eyes see his bold face lies
she seeks the truth to his own demise
salt pours out as she begins to cry
screaming to anyone

"WHY!?


Why....?!"

She sits there silent as she waits for a reply..
the only thing she hears is lie after lie
and back to the questions that eat at her insides
contemplating thoughts she fought hard to hide
the truth pours out of her traumatic life
and the dreams she once had have suddenly died
absorbed in the night of unheard goodbyes
walking away without fear in her stride
wishing he would do nothing more than try and make it right
wishing that the problem would suddenly find
a new place to harbor her unwelcomed plights


And it seems to her that everyone knows...
like everyone’s in on this big funny joke..
She stands back and waits...It’s bound to play out
She listens to every side ignoring anger and doubt
"The truth will set you free" *she says aloud
blinded momentarily, she laughs..
How did her life get so off track..
When did everything flip upside down?
Why are these lessons feeling so profound...?
Whatever happened to the queen and her crown?