I write these words
upon my Soul-

to free my mind,
and all it holds.

You only step foot in the same river once,
It always rushes through, new water with new life.
The freshness and purity cleanses my soul sifting through, touching every part of me.
I was naive when I thought this would be easy
That when I dipped my feet in for the first time, it wouldn't last.
I drained every drop out leaving no air for us to breathe.
And I can no longer breathe.
I strained for newness and tranquility in silence
Listening to your breathe, feeling your heart.
We flew on comets and every night I came back down wondering where I left my body.
You were right there to collect my pieces that were left on the floor.
Swinging side to side there were times our fire danced,
Lighting up the sky brighter than any sun or moon.
Perfection can only be measured by flaws,
And growing takes time.
Well I have the time.

I wanted to burn bright like lightning bugs in the night sky,
Instead I was swiftly blown out by my own ghost
Who was watching my every move.
I felt like cloth on the floor, just waiting to be made into a garment to wear.
Dark blue always looked so good on you.
So when I stepped into the river I never wanted to leave.
The constant flow hitting my feet feeling safe and complete
Always wanting more.

More.
That 's the problem.

Trains passing by, hauling seats of bones to their next home
Rattles at each shake of the rails.
I feel the shake.
It courses through my body reminding me I have not yet made a home for myself.
Watching and waiting I have seen others cross paths to their content lives
And I sit splintering at the thought of leaving.
Movement becomes shallow and feeling becomes another word to describe pain.
Pain is real and it lives within me, never letting my head fall to rest and my eyes to see the beauty in front of me.

Soaking now, I wait in this river.
Waiting to dance one last time.
The dance with the fire in our eyes and truth wrapped around our wrists.
I'll become a constant like a thread that never unravels
And I'll never cut the string.

So let's move along and shape to the river as it takes us,
You one way and me the other.
As it splits into two I press my life forward with love in my heart and strength on my chest.
Until the day the river becomes an ocean of wholeness, I lay my path flowing in front of me.
To bring the fear I feel and cast it from me.
Crush it under stones at the bottom of the water never letting loose again.
I felt free as it carries me, baptizing me to be renewed again.

I'll close my eyes and be still, finding the sounds of your voice one last time.
It echoes and calls back to me anytime I need.
Currents pull me along, away from the shore where I stood.

Goodbye My love,
For wherever there is a river, there is you
And wherever there is music, I'll hear you.
Where the paints drip, and the trees grow I'll see you.
And where the waters meet, I'll swim to you.