And now I only realized how important you were to me when you left,
Like you were cinching together the ruptured rip in my heart torn apart by all that I've done for love,
And I felt as if it wasn't there,
Nothing went wrong either,
And if it was wrong it didn't matter,
Cause I knew that somewhere out there,
You were caring about me and would be sad to hear about me being sad…
So therefore, because you cared about whether I was happy or not,
I was indeed very happy,
But oh that evil fate that has an reared it's ugly head,
Faces me head on,
And now,
I lie missing you and wanting you and caring more about you then I ever did when you were so within my reach,
When you were there to ease the wounds of my heart,
The aspirin to my aching soul,
But now, I hurt more then I ever did before,
Cause you aren't even within talking distance,
And I try to remember the times when you weren't,
Somehow they were erased from memory,
Only to be replaced by the sweet iridescent moments of when you were there for me,
So boy,
Don't forget this heart you have so carefully and regrettably harbored for she will have a hard time forgetting you

You can't see  love. Nor can you taste or smell it. What you can do with love is feel it in every vein in your body. You can hear it in the waves of the ocean. You can feel it running through your fingertips. Hear it rushing through the trees and whistling through the valleys. No, you can't see love, but you can see it's effects. In the people's faces around you. You can taste love. You can taste the lips of love kissing you ever so passionately. You can't smell love. You can smell the scent of the skin that holds you close.

You can't see love, but you can see it's effects.

                                                          For love is like the wind...

love is
the sound of the voice of a girl who lives
3,781.8 km away
who calls you just to hear you say
Hello,
i love you,
i am not only here
but i am
listening.
Because long distance charges don't apply
to those who have telephone wires attached
to their hearts.

love comes
in waves of
strange connections,
painstaking inventions
that enable
the sad to meet the sad
the sick to meet the sick
where only a fragile minority find each other and decide
to stay and not feed each others
insatiable demons
because there is a mutual understanding
of what it is to be at war with oneself
constantly fighting to get through
another day
where something as small as a
hello,
i love you
is enough to make you want
to stay.

love is
a series of lessons you learn
from a girl
who is wise beyond her years
who is too young to be so sad
who is too smart to be so uncertain
who is too brilliant to realize her own
abysmal radiance.

Dearest Hillary,
in exactly one month
you will be greeting me
with the same open heart you always have
the only difference is
i will finally be able
to feel
it
beat.

A weakness crept in.

Tell me you love me
Take me by the hand
Whisper sweet nothings
Tell me stories of far off lands

Write me a story
It can exciting or put me to sleep
It can be awful or a beautiful creation
But write it just for me

Tell me good morning
With a smile or "my angel"
Start my day with a little laughter
Tell me I'm beautiful

Draw me a picture
Of anything or everything
In stick figures or perfectionism
But draw it just for me

Protect me from harm
From people and broken hearts
Fight for my love everyday
Like you fought from the start

Tell me you love me
Till I know it must be true
Make me feel special
And I'll fight for you too

When you’re asleep I sit in the light, studying your movements
When you’re asleep a sit in the dark, syncing my breathing with yours
When you’re asleep I lie next to you, drinking your mumbles, the sounds your stomach make, the smacking of your lips
When you’re asleep I lie awake

There is something so very special
about the perk in the curl of your eyelashes
the lifts and dimples of your cheeks
and the way your lips part like blossoming flowers in the spring
flush with pale pink color that I draw my lips closer to touch

My worries dissolve like the flutter of your eyes
as you leave our world together and travel off to your own
maybe I can visit you there, but it doesn’t truly matter
I’ve elected to stay behind with the other half of you.
And it stays so very charming, when its fingers—your fingers
wrap themselves around mine when my hands reach for yours.

Why is there something so securing, so beautiful, and so safe
about being in a tide alongside someone who’s unconscious?
you’re hardly any good here, asleep, unaware of burdens round us
you can’t even fight the spider now crawling down the windowframe
you’ll never even know he was there, had I not been here with you
I’ll take care of it, darling, and you’ll never have to know
When you’re out and I’m still here I can rise, protect both of us.

Come on little spider,
oh please do not be afraid of me and this fateful kleenex tissue

Home fort is safe again. My focus is back onto you. And your lips.
And your nose. Is it even possible to admire someone this much?
A hair is poking out of it. Maybe two even. And yet you’re perfect.
Every trait of yours a detail on an exquisite piece of art. And god no it’s not your looks.

It’s your heart, really:
the one part of you that travels to both worlds.
By day it stays mine, loving me back as I try to hide my own
translating my affections into non-misheard obsessions
keeping me safe. And painting my world beautiful.
But at night it follows you, off to lands of magic and adventure
Painting your world full of color and light, even as you lie in the dark
Such a functionally simple *****. And yet somehow I’m alive in it.

This ending wasn’t meant to make sense.