A smile, a touch
That is all I need for me to know you are there
That this isn't a fantasy of my dreams
That I won't wake up and cry because this isn't true
Yet I know this isn't real, you who can't love could never love me
You don't even know I exist
You wrap your arms around me and hold me tight
The smell of you is intoxicating, like a drug I need to have
This isn't real though
You don't know the things I've done, the stomach turning lies I've told
As soon as you know you will run and leave me standing broken hearted, just like I predicted
You don't go, instead you go and sit down and ask me to join you
I know this can't be real, the people I tell abandon me and you aren't
I close my eyes tight and whisper, "Wake up, wake up, wake up...."
I very slowly open my eyes to see you gone, my heart tugs a little but it's better that it isn't real
I turn around to leave the room and I run into you
Worry is filled in your eyes, your eyebrows knit together in confusion,
It takes my breath away
I need to focus, this isn't real and I need to wake up or I will be a wreck if I believe it's real and everything turns to dust and I wake up
You take my hand in yours and kiss it lightly
Interlacing our fingers and giving a tight squeeze, I realize that maybe this could be real
Suddenly as soon as I let my heart open to you, everything begins to fade
First your face, then your hands, finally everything is gone
I open my eyes to see the glow in the dark stars on the ceiling aren't glowing but dim reminders every awakening
I can still feel your hands in mine, I clench my fist, and begin to cry
Just another day, thinking that you could actually love me
But I am wrong, I am always wrong