It's been a while.
The usual didn't attract me like it once did.
Numb to feeling.

Waiting on emotions to poor.
The muse was a no show.
Nothing happened.  

So I left.

Only to return.
To leave you, the ink, the pages, my heart....
I can't.

So here we go again..

You are a melody that I will never forget.
  I stare at the moon and gaze at the stars as it plays in my head.
It makes me miss you when it starts playing randomly.  
I smile cause it plays when we talk.
It makes me wonder if I will ever get to show it to you, So you can feel all the emotions in which the song brings.
Since I was young I wanted to attach that melody to someone. I just never told you that you were the one that claimed it.

I love to miss you.
My heart doesn't recognise.
You left long ago.

Its that feeling of impending doom.
All the while thinking, if I try I know I can stop it.
But what if I can't?
Then all of my trying was for nothing. I will have failed knowing that for the life of me I couldn't  stop the enivitable.
I should just go home and wait for the news, so this misfortune doesn't fall on me.
Yet here I am...
Trying..
******* it!
I tried!
you can't be dead.
I'm sorry.

So I saw, felt, and heard a heart break.
It wasn't mine, to much time has past to recolect such a feeling.
So I went on without an injury worth kneeling.  Stealing time from the inevitable.
My heart has stayed broken, and tokens I have spread holding the worth of my pain.
I have driven the opposite angry, spiteful, and disdained.  
Now I wish it was my heart that broke time and time again.
Its not that they're not wortthy.
  its just that I can only spread pain.

So. .. I missed a couple of days.
I was in this strange realm where I  thought things went my way.

I'm done...
You got fire, but there's nothing for you Sun.

Cold emotions hold these feellings.
Fading stars that aren't worth these dealings..

keep your nose clean, and cruise.    
Dangerous!
When one starts to bruise.

Seven


Unmistakable, undeniable, the twist and turns
The light that Emits when this fire Burns.  
The flame still there.
With thoughts of your beautiful brown eyes, long lashes,and black hair.
Too aware that we are none.
Then again I am a persistent one.
From my soul I'll see this trough.
This last stand if for me not you.
Sorry But its the delusion, possibly my madness that keeps these thoughts alive.

As much as you want!  this memory can't fade, it won't die.

I might win the war, but this battle resides in the pit of soul. Something I should have won I Lost. no life lesson, just emptiness. good thing  war is forever, and  for that I fight ...

I stared into her eyes and all I could think of was you

Her head didn't lay correctly on my chest.
She didn't move or hog up all the pillows and blankets
she slept all trough the night

somehow it didn't feel right
She didn't feel right.

Her comfort made me uneasy.

Different breed
Our lineage was not planted from these worldly seeds
Help! For which we have no need

A different class of warrior
enveloped with pride
All fight
Till the last breath and yet we won't die

From the floor we rise
might unmatched
like us there is no second batch

Till the end of life
We ride
Being this breed
That is or pride

Those nights without sleep.
Endless gazes trying to find one in another.
Plans that faded, promises that were never kept.
Embraces that came with a sense of security.
Reassurance awaiting any doubt.
unconditional favors.
Non of it which is now acknowledged
It had to be a lie.
The memories that remain are to good to have been true.
Only to be locked in your brain, without a word to be spoken.
I die a little inside when you dont reply.
This bruises the pride.
I cant believe i still think we were real.
How did i ever create such a lie?

When.....
Destruction runs through these veins.
And....
This heart beats with rage.
How...
These joints bend with frustration.
Even...
The marrow in my bones is infused with anger.
Super hero syndrome....

I AM A VILLAIN TO THE CORE.

The battle is fearse!
My armor is depleating...
Bend but never break!

Another chance to make things right. 12 more months to grow and show some progress. Maybe this year ill apply myself, maybe this year ill catch my stride. I have laid down my foundation for far too long. Greatness doesnt seem to be as far as it once was but yet againg it never has. I have a startegy, now its time to put the pieces in motion. I want so many things by this time next year. So tonight i will indulge in food, *******, drinks and beer. Cause tomorrow they will all be held as a distraction in my quest for greatness. No more ******* its time to start shifting gears.

Take them, because they do me more harm than good. They're yours because another drunken night thinking of you I canot bare. Remebering what we had only makes the pain grow. Please come when I am sleeping a reclaim everything you ever engraved in this mind. Wype your face, your smile, your eyes. All the promises that were made and that you couldn't keep.

This is what I do.
Why think that I am better?
Born to **** **** up!

Drunk not yet plastered. so from this world I am my master. Realsms colide and I reside in the middle. Fiddle with illusions and reality, but my abnormalities keep me sane. Pain keeps me going as these weak emotions leave me in a realm of the unknowing. searching never seems to get old, but have once been told to be better. Not from this deases in which I bleed, but from the seed in which I plant.  My drestruction holds a sweet flower, the aroma it is unmistakablelike, like fresh durt being tuned or Like hair being burned. Detectable as it may be. I seem to to hope, wish, and pray to be free. To bad that's just the drunkeness in me. I love my garden because it is mine. Yet I have better flowers and fresh growth in mind. A pity that influenced thoughts will never flurish.

can't belive that after all these years. your star still glimmers still shines.. our relationship was over a while back, but your drama is mine. these wicked memories will haunt me throughout this life time. you dropped the x curse, with a heartless vengeance and no remorse. you might as well join the sith cause your selfish ways are all powered by the dark force. yet you string me along. like a lingering blaze after a hit of a gravity ****. your potency is strong. as you send me on a bad trip. i realize that this was just a manifestation and in your world i dont belong. so i say gods speed. i wish i could rip you from my memories no matter how much my mind bleeds. just thinking of the waste of time we were stresses me out. much so that it makes the hair line reseed. tried to make ammense and repair this bridge that i burned. apparently you still urne for my demise. it stings but it comes as no suprise. we were a fable with a wrong mixture of chemicals that made us unstable. i wanna say ******* but i really mean thank you. thanks because you showed me how how full of hate one can be. now that i look back on it i'm glad cause you gave me wings. the strength and the courage to never be bound but free.. we were never in the stars so let it be.

The same venom that once held me doomed, came to consume the rest of the flesh but not much was left since my hollow body is gaudy and well immune. The feet were firmly planted as I gazed off into the moon! So lingering thoughts of emotions once lost seeped through the cortex. only to be undermined by the defense walls that were put in place for just a certain circumstance. It was worth everything, even a chance! But cautious I was as I seemed to sink in your very being. Yet you were never my addiction just the very contradiction to what I want.

Need inspiration, need to shake this feeling. Day by day just waking and dealing. the mind never stops as I stand still. mornings are bearable and nights go without saying. Where's that spark I came here with? Where's the ego that kept the engine turning? all smiles for now to save some kind of face. one step at a time, foundation before the house. Beaten but not out!

I can't loose focus. I've managed to move forward in some endeavors. Yet you make me less stable less clever. If I could just let you go for the remainder of my stay. So I fight the urge to contact you and speak to you. Your voice makes me weak. You're everything that I should just leave alone and never seek. the promises made seemed so genuine. It's hard to believe that this was all just another step towards my destiny. You were my rage, but at most points you were the better of me. So as I stay here and try to make sense of this all. You were never for me. you were never mine not even a little bit actually not at all. The love that was spilled was in vain. This was all just an over whelming attraction. stumbled upon to test and **** with my brain.

Need a distraction.
A body gets the *******
**** it! One more rep...