3153 miles away I lay with a mind that's clouded with thoughts. Past Scenarios playing out differently. Over analyzing the present. Anticipating the emotion that I will feel in the future. If ever I was consumed it has never been like this. Regret comes and fades. optimism shares that same cycle. Happiness And sadness come in doses like sedatives.  The voice of jealousy tells me that hope makes me weak. Anger fuels my fire and logic keeps it burning. Yet voices, Medication, and the embers fade. The constant variables   are only wondering and anxiety. Peace comes in sleep and yet its hardly enjoyed.

I haven't addressed you in a while, only because I thought you had left me for dead.  Little did I know that regret had infected your veins, made you loose sleep, and let you experience some of My pain. with your remorse you bring me back to this place that was filled with more turmoil than love. You Made my blood boil only to watch my happiness spoil. Yet I did love thee more than words can express. How else could I have ended up this this intricate, drunk, and heartless? Understand that I don't want this for you but karma had your number.

Need inspiration, need to shake this feeling. Day by day just waking and dealing. the mind never stops as I stand still. mornings are bearable and nights go without saying. Where's that spark I came here with? Where's the ego that kept the engine turning? all smiles for now to save some kind of face. one step at a time, foundation before the house. Beaten but not out!

Estas alas se forjaron a partir de la esperanza de que el universo me dio cuando estábamos juntos. Con la estructura de la persistencia y las plumas de la Esperanza. Pero como Ícaro y sus alas improvisadas, Las mías no estaban destinas para sobrevivir para siempre. El tiempo ha estado actuando como el sol. A pesar de que lucho para volver a lo que en un tiempo fuimos . Elevándome a través de innumerables erupciones solares me doy cuenta de que mis plumas se están desvaneciendo, pero mi estructura no lo es. Sin embargo, la persistencia no me mantendrá en el cielo. tarde o temprano caerá. Llegando a tus labios o al haber perdido toda mi esperanza.

can't belive that after all these years. your star still glimmers still shines.. our relationship was over a while back, but your drama is mine. these wicked memories will haunt me throughout this life time. you dropped the x curse, with a heartless vengeance and no remorse. you might as well join the sith cause your selfish ways are all powered by the dark force. yet you string me along. like a lingering blaze after a hit of a gravity ****. your potency is strong. as you send me on a bad trip. i realize that this was just a manifestation and in your world i dont belong. so i say gods speed. i wish i could rip you from my memories no matter how much my mind bleeds. just thinking of the waste of time we were stresses me out. much so that it makes the hair line reseed. tried to make ammense and repair this bridge that i burned. apparently you still urne for my demise. it stings but it comes as no suprise. we were a fable with a wrong mixture of chemicals that made us unstable. i wanna say ******* but i really mean thank you. thanks because you showed me how how full of hate one can be. now that i look back on it i'm glad cause you gave me wings. the strength and the courage to never be bound but free.. we were never in the stars so let it be.

There is never an end to anything, only a beginning to something. Not necessarily better or good. That all depends on you. To strive above all that life throws at you or be consumed by the ******* and drown. The choice is yours and that alone should propel anyone to strive. Yet I still find myself at the beginning....

So. .. I missed a couple of days.
I was in this strange realm where I  thought things went my way.

I'm done...
You got fire, but there's nothing for you Sun.

Cold emotions hold these feellings.
Fading stars that aren't worth these dealings..

keep your nose clean, and cruise.    
Dangerous!
When one starts to bruise.

Different breed
Our lineage was not planted from these worldly seeds
Help! For which we have no need

A different class of warrior
enveloped with pride
All fight
Till the last breath and yet we won't die

From the floor we rise
might unmatched
like us there is no second batch

Till the end of life
We ride
Being this breed
That is or pride

Drunk not yet plastered. so from this world I am my master. Realsms colide and I reside in the middle. Fiddle with illusions and reality, but my abnormalities keep me sane. Pain keeps me going as these weak emotions leave me in a realm of the unknowing. searching never seems to get old, but have once been told to be better. Not from this deases in which I bleed, but from the seed in which I plant.  My drestruction holds a sweet flower, the aroma it is unmistakablelike, like fresh durt being tuned or Like hair being burned. Detectable as it may be. I seem to to hope, wish, and pray to be free. To bad that's just the drunkeness in me. I love my garden because it is mine. Yet I have better flowers and fresh growth in mind. A pity that influenced thoughts will never flurish.

As you looked up at me with that sinful smile. In a Drunken daze, I couldn't help but be reminded that your venom is beautiful, sweet, but vile. I  respectfully responded with a grin which was more of a ” **** it, i'm inn”. So I took the leap into semi conquered territory only to relive these emotions again like that first time. Once again I fell only to realize that you don't harbor the same emotions i'm which I dwell. What is it with these typical save me chicks and the casting of their spell? It has to be the subconscious smell of her pheromones that throw me for a loop. Yet you test my might. You and I, nothing alike but so compatible.

So I saw, felt, and heard a heart break.
It wasn't mine, to much time has past to recolect such a feeling.
So I went on without an injury worth kneeling.  Stealing time from the inevitable.
My heart has stayed broken, and tokens I have spread holding the worth of my pain.
I have driven the opposite angry, spiteful, and disdained.  
Now I wish it was my heart that broke time and time again.
Its not that they're not wortthy.
  its just that I can only spread pain.

I am a monster, I am a beast. I will set out in search to find what I want to be. I must keep the rage that started this transformation. I must not get complacent. Things will get better and my future Burns brighter than ever. keeping my focus is key. But them again you, your eyes, your lips, and your smile get the better of me. But you want time and in all reality that only helps me. So don't miss me don't love me pretend that you feel nothing for me cause when you do. I'll just be a better person and the one that got away.

Those nights without sleep.
Endless gazes trying to find one in another.
Plans that faded, promises that were never kept.
Embraces that came with a sense of security.
Reassurance awaiting any doubt.
unconditional favors.
Non of it which is now acknowledged
It had to be a lie.
The memories that remain are to good to have been true.
Only to be locked in your brain, without a word to be spoken.
I die a little inside when you dont reply.
This bruises the pride.
I cant believe i still think we were real.
How did i ever create such a lie?

I can't loose focus. I've managed to move forward in some endeavors. Yet you make me less stable less clever. If I could just let you go for the remainder of my stay. So I fight the urge to contact you and speak to you. Your voice makes me weak. You're everything that I should just leave alone and never seek. the promises made seemed so genuine. It's hard to believe that this was all just another step towards my destiny. You were my rage, but at most points you were the better of me. So as I stay here and try to make sense of this all. You were never for me. you were never mine not even a little bit actually not at all. The love that was spilled was in vain. This was all just an over whelming attraction. stumbled upon to test and **** with my brain.

Another chance to make things right. 12 more months to grow and show some progress. Maybe this year ill apply myself, maybe this year ill catch my stride. I have laid down my foundation for far too long. Greatness doesnt seem to be as far as it once was but yet againg it never has. I have a startegy, now its time to put the pieces in motion. I want so many things by this time next year. So tonight i will indulge in food, *******, drinks and beer. Cause tomorrow they will all be held as a distraction in my quest for greatness. No more ******* its time to start shifting gears.

When.....
Destruction runs through these veins.
And....
This heart beats with rage.
How...
These joints bend with frustration.
Even...
The marrow in my bones is infused with anger.
Super hero syndrome....

I AM A VILLAIN TO THE CORE.

It's been a while.
The usual didn't attract me like it once did.
Numb to feeling.

Waiting on emotions to poor.
The muse was a no show.
Nothing happened.  

So I left.

Only to return.
To leave you, the ink, the pages, my heart....
I can't.

So here we go again..

I love to miss you.
My heart doesn't recognise.
You left long ago.

Its that feeling of impending doom.
All the while thinking, if I try I know I can stop it.
But what if I can't?
Then all of my trying was for nothing. I will have failed knowing that for the life of me I couldn't  stop the enivitable.
I should just go home and wait for the news, so this misfortune doesn't fall on me.
Yet here I am...
Trying..
******* it!
I tried!
you can't be dead.
I'm sorry.

Seven


Unmistakable, undeniable, the twist and turns
The light that Emits when this fire Burns.  
The flame still there.
With thoughts of your beautiful brown eyes, long lashes,and black hair.
Too aware that we are none.
Then again I am a persistent one.
From my soul I'll see this trough.
This last stand if for me not you.
Sorry But its the delusion, possibly my madness that keeps these thoughts alive.

As much as you want!  this memory can't fade, it won't die.

Need a distraction.
A body gets the *******
**** it! One more rep...

I might win the war, but this battle resides in the pit of soul. Something I should have won I Lost. no life lesson, just emptiness. good thing  war is forever, and  for that I fight ...

The same venom that once held me doomed, came to consume the rest of the flesh but not much was left since my hollow body is gaudy and well immune. The feet were firmly planted as I gazed off into the moon! So lingering thoughts of emotions once lost seeped through the cortex. only to be undermined by the defense walls that were put in place for just a certain circumstance. It was worth everything, even a chance! But cautious I was as I seemed to sink in your very being. Yet you were never my addiction just the very contradiction to what I want.