Good for me

I go to work
I look after myself

I try to be kind and
I fake being okay

Good for me
That’s all I’m going to say

Raising the blinds
A warm cast of sun hits her face and body
She started the day feeling confined

Now listening to country music
Driving through dirt roads
She’s surprised as she feels euphoric

Reading for hours not giving my mind a minute to rest

If it does, resting will soon morph into flashbacks and racing thoughts of inadequacy

I wish it was easier
But it’s not. I have to drag myself to a stumble into the future

Just wish I could know if the suffering will end

A firm hand gently rests my shoulder I close my eyes in comfort

Relaxation fills my chest as I exhale.

Stop. His hand once did that

A look is shared, indicating mutual content and security

Stop. He once made me feel that.

His voice and charm made me feel so valued and precious.

Stop. He once tricked me too.  

Sometimes it’s okay not to trust whole heartedly. Anyone can be capable of providing comfort.

I wish I could raise the blinds

I’d open them and allow every inch of my skin to feel the sun.
I foolishly think this is what will make me happy

I am punished with a dull cast of sunshine
The pain I’ve been through won’t let me get sun burnt  

Tying my hands together as I continue  to smile and nod

Whoops, I have Internalized all the overthinking

The racing thoughts played on repeat daily
progresses into a fictional narrative
Further pushing doubt and insecurity

So easily hopelessness can turn into excitement and vice versa
when reflecting some may realize it’s not rational
But still, I’m convinced of my worst fears

I thought our love was a lighter
But it was a match in disguise
And when it burnt out
Much more than fingertips
Were burned