It's crazy how life mocks you...

The sun shines bright
and then calmly dims as it sets

The moon shines also,
but rather always seems incomplete
always striving to stay fulfilled however
it is inevitable
completely out of its control

So much passion in the sun, so much life
You can't help but relate

Yet still

My heart goes out to the moon

Bright and wonderful all in its lonesome
surrounded by all the coupled diamonds in the sky
He wonders why he is always in his lonesome,
why fate has dealt him such cruel cards

The sun is content without him
in it's eternal love
encouraged by the world
to keep thriving
it benefits everything to blossom.

There is a certain allure to this lonely
character's circumstances though...

Forever alone isn't enough
his vex is unrelenting as an albatross stare
It is a shame
to always be situated opposite the constellations

he will never understand
why he is made to suffer lost
Why the only thing to keep him company
is the dark of the night

Why he is so numb
Cold
Desolate

And just as night to day,
night turns into day
and all hope is gone

It's funny how life mocks you
I want to die.

For I am the moon and time has turned its back on me
Is it so foolish to avoid the warmth of day
just to keep the moon company

Unreliable yet familiar
Irrational yet ordinary
Safe in the lie of night

at least I can avoid the sight of an albatross...

earth is a place
under the guise of life
that is

the subtext reads not

why are you so scared?
have you not suffered through every second?

the fire

do you not feel it?

the ambivalence

we are already punished

for earth is hell
and we will only start living
after we have died.

that is why we dress appropriately.

a guy sits here
hair a twist
no ordinary man
but a case
whatever prefix fits

he knows no limitations
seeks no thrill but fear
holds no memory dear
brains grasp simply too frail
such a broken outside
and gargoyles pier
however
he tranquilizes them
anytime someone comes near
yet the people abstain still
no shame, no cheer

they simply cannot see what purity
he has in his crypt
intimidated
severe

so let us move forward and glaze over the thick
move towards the misery which anguishes him

nonsense is sensical, whimsy at best
rational is of logic and dreary
detest

******* and thumbing
he frantically does his best
pulls his hair out
pulls his hair out
closed fist
punches chest

"where is she
where is her
name i cannot confess
for it escapes me...
not because
but rather-"

due to his distress

he stopped and sighed
violence
cried
broke down
then bled
red from his eyes

i want her
the sad one
shy

hurt inside

abused, accursed
diseased but undisguised

she'll love me

she will
there's nothing there to hide
she'll make me forget myself
sing or dance or
romanticize

"i want her...
a baby's friend
the neighbor's newborn daughter
the baby friend that came over
as an infant, i saw her
i kept the same heart
but its been through a lot
and now its done with slaughter

i kept the same heart
its growing apart
i need the neighbor's daughter"

it seems as though convinced
he truly had the heart of a newborn
ambivalent
knowing no complexity
purely hurt or comfort
either way's a shoulder
diamond or dirt
seemed to be bipolar

so he seeks the same
not the opposite
that would be a shame

because no one else can relate
to someone who feels the world
has turned its back on fate

he seeks out this girl
overlooking
all the beasts in his way

with evil colors they mask their face
appear to appeal, they may

but he knows better
their defenses fragile
they attract a plethora

to which they expose
like a sinister rose
the black rock in frame

the black rock so hard
shapely carved
to which its "blacksmith"
inscribes no name

a black heart
he sighs
which holds no light

might as well not exist

we're all waiting in line
for the second to come
where we either fall off the cliff
or choose to jump

and get put out of our misery...
anticipation
impatience
boredom

a strangely familiar feeling of solidarity

it either feels like a waste of time
or like you have all the time in the world

either constrained
or free,

oh dear virtues of love and song!

what a slow painful bleeding
what an amazing violent relief
what a comedown
what beautiful brain swelling
an infinite white oblivion

what a sacrifice
what devotion
what passion

what music...

what a burden it must be for a musician
the bard who is to dwell in the ambivalence
the mime who wishes to sing
but remains a mute

oh cruel queue
oh manic elation
oh devestation

why must you rude & shove?
surely we can ration
is there not enough air?

this is not a line but a stampede
we remain trampled

have we not learned from the birds?
have we not learned from the herds?

we're all waiting in line
for the second to come
teetering above a white oblivion

infinite,
beautiful,
a comedown...
what a violent relief

what a slow painful bleeding

i was never that type of artist
the traditional kind
you know, with a paint brush...

but if i were to paint a canvas with my life
i would fill it with beauty

if i had to,
i would paint the purest of souls
the most loving of design
the most intellectual intricacy
with the most profound modesty

and then i would make it bleed
i would pain; to the t.

then antique it.

you're like that girl that sets up charlie brown
its ironic how you aren't here to hear
these words...
don't you think?
you can read them some other time...

its gotten to the point where i cant consider myself worthwhile
if you keep allowing me this pain; forgiveness
good thing i don't have a say in the matter
i never knew ambivalence could be so... predictable

you always thought leaving your problems is easier
i always thought solving them is worth it
guess opposites do attract

you're drowning me in a river of sin
the anxiety of betrayal; the relief of failure
theres no skin left on my bottom lip
i'm just broken enough to let you win...

a smile that once spoke silently of sunshine
warmth, security
takes a turn for the worse
it stays still, unaltered
it takes the joker out
turns him to a clown
a smile that once spoke promises
seems to have been just a mouth
a smile that took a turn for the worse
without having turned into a frown

it's amazing how a smile can betray