forward is the concept to understand here

time, an old enemy of mine

and should this hate subside...

I would move forward

like a pawn to queen behind enemy lines

your happy is my sad,
my happy is without you
your sad is pa-thetic

and my sad,
is beautiful.

I am white, and you
you are the absence of light

you are the word nothing

how can we claim what does not exist?

the nerve...

There was once an explorer, with one thing on his mind
He searched through a sea of sand, time after time
Ever looking for his treasure divine

He seemed to have one thing on his mind
Ever looking for his treasure divine
And repetition awoke his blind
Rest your soul, the chest he did find
Though still emptyhanded, there was nothing inside

one day* I will find you, not knowing it is the best day of my life
one day you will find me, and you can push my back off this knife
one day we will find each other, and that day will never end
one day you will find yourself, you, your long lost friend
one day I will find myself, me, resurrected once again
one day we will find ourselves, standing opposite of our reflection
one day there will be no need for recollections
*one day...

I lost you
we were waged in war
calm your nerves, it was tug o war
nevertheless... I was drafted
and they won

you were the prize
yet again

so yes I lose, ground stole my eyes
shaking my head
taking my seat on the bench
tell me something new

you lost me too,
you lost me too...

but why was I forced to fight?

peace...
at last

vanquished is our past
in arms but without yours

this I can't deny
a secret person from myself
a secret life behind these eyes
cast away behind the shelf

a personality I cannot find
what no one expects
... sincere
and yet...
insane

for being a caged animal?
tame?!

if you are what they want you to be
if you are sane... then you are weak
if you are financially inept
then you are ******.

goodbye dignity
goodbye "BEING A MAN"
but you never needed that
you were always an intellectual
you had no other choice

but this is hidden in the chaos
and the chaos is something no one can argue
when you try they don't believe you

they believe in a higher being
when they don't understand
they don't understand disorder
they don't understand biological disorder

I am not tame when provoked... just like you
except when I am provoked...
I naturally turn violent

when I turn evil, I turn on myself
safety measure, defense mechanism against me.
and when I can no longer take it
the dark thoughts pace rapidly
nerves are shot

I am only writing this to save my life
I am only writing this to save my life
I am only...

the life I don't want
in a place that's tolerable
with the inhabitants that don't understand me

I am only writing this to preserve....

I'm not pathetic
I'm not what everyone says I am...
or thinks I am
I'm not...

but they wouldn't know that

they never bothered to ask me...
I'm either too intimidating by appearance
too the opposite by demeanor
I'm either this or that
this or that...
ITS ALWAYS MULTIPLE THINGS AT THE SAME TIME
DOES ANYONE ELSE EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS???

It barely makes sense to me..
I cannot identify...
and then I give up..
turn apathetic...
begin narration

and I am only writing this to calm myself down
I am only writing this to save my life
I am not selfish enough to take it...
even from the people who don't believe me.
the people I love.

I fight myself everyday for them.
Because if it were up to me... well...

...

I now remember why I chose to write
I am defeated... by nature
and a workhorse by society.
hysterical...

I hope no one ever reads this...
even if they did
it wouldn't matter...
this is the last thing someone does
is trick themselves into company
who cares what others think
when you're basically talking to yourself
you're talking to yourselves
and yet...

you are still the mystery narrator

A MAN, just how the world likes us
defeated.

Dead in a Metaphor.

a smile that once spoke silently of sunshine
warmth, security
takes a turn for the worse
it stays still, unaltered
it takes the joker out
turns him to a clown
a smile that once spoke promises
seems to have been just a mouth
a smile that took a turn for the worse
without having turned into a frown

it's amazing how a smile can betray

I came into this world
specifically vague
devoid of any character
just like you.

they stole the color from my world
and tried to sell me the gray
slowly my likeness began to emerge
roughly through

but that's just me being
vaguely specific.

My eyes
are burning right now
but the tears are empty inside

fragile as glass
they hit my cheek and they shatter
into a million diamonds,

WHY?
must you always be the thorn that's
painfully, stuck in, my side?

and WHY?
must you always betray me
and promise me that you are shy

or I should say innocent
is there ever an end to the

argument of the hemorrhage
the hemorrhage of
"I'm sorry I lied"

I NEVER WANNA HEAR YOU AGAIN!
HEAR YOU SAY "SORRY I LIED!"

and now that I know who
you've changed me to
inside

these shards of glass forever lost,
haunt my wounds in my skin,
and the deeper they sink
the more they confirm
its your pride.

to add insult to injury
they make me able to feel

however its only temporary
some would even call it
some-times

while my "face" is  left bleeding at the thought of how
carefully designed
the thought itself is
to remind me how

this is metacommunication,
but i know you dont believe me,
it really wasn't up to me,
and you'll never leave me

I swear it wasn't me!
I swear it wasn't me!
I swear it wasn't me!
I swear it was
all
up
to
my
MIND!

MIND!

MIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND!

but i tried
and my heart will break and subside,
pouring and/or spilling like acid
I swear

it's just like
the red sea
except a crimson river
filled with sin
parted way way back,
since biblical times.

and you my dear
will forever be
men-a-cing
menacing
a thorn in my side

forever a scar in the memory of
forever a scar in the memory of my mind
repeated over again so as to make sure that
I will never find

that the real reason why
I can never decide
is because you never wanted me to

you only wanted happiness however,

and as you walked away you said, "I'm sorry to you"
you said, "I'm sorry i lied...
we could spend forever pointing fingers
ending up with nothing every single time
you said two wrongs will never make a right"

but there's no such thing as right and wrong
there's only how you feel inside

you said, "I'm sorry i lied... I'm sorry you  cried
its just that
I forgot to mention this one little aspect
where i only care about me..

myself...


and I.

I!!!!!!

I!!!!!!

ME!, MYSELF!, AND I!!!!!!!!!

I watch
I understand
and I feel
most importantly

As you sleep
I know
I cannot feel
anything
from you...

it makes one wonder
is love tangible?
or is it humanly fictionalized

written as if this
what you are receiving
and reading right now
is...
well,
love.

can you feel that i care?
I will never know.
by your stare
impossible...
for you are asleep

I'll just lay my head down next to yours
maybe my life will cease
hoping I will cause an effect
maybe just a crease

maybe I can stop you
stop you
from counting sheep

perhaps teach you how to read

or maybe you can teach me to stop loving you
as you sleep.

I used to think i wanted hot
hot is never what it seems
dont get me wrong it was fun for a while
but beauty is what i pursue now
nothing is superficial with you
...you are so rare

so rare
infact

I dont know you

yet, beautiful.

What have i become?
a throw of the dice
nonchalant mr.vice
casual & causal
but spare me the price
would you...

life is unpredictable
and I
a spectacle
through me
the suns ray
setting flame to my schedule

this cannot last for very long
depleted
no fuel to move on
insomnia's run its coarse
and its only getting worse

Who will i become?
the father from a son?
i know of what you seek
make bread from a crumb
...so to speak

paper mache however
is not concrete
but that's just me

being discreet

from my eyes,

it slowly trickles down

just wipe it from your face

dont smear it all around

and whats up with this place

the ceilings caving in

I try to escape

but theres something happenin

with the black

from my sight

darkness fading in

black from my eyes

needles and the pins

she quickly struggles out

shes seen it in her dreams

like the black from my eyes

engulfing every sin

we're all waiting in line
for the second to come
where we either fall off the cliff
or choose to jump

and get put out of our misery...
anticipation
impatience
boredom

a strangely familiar feeling of solidarity

it either feels like a waste of time
or like you have all the time in the world

either constrained
or free,

oh dear virtues of love and song!

what a slow painful bleeding
what an amazing violent relief
what a comedown
what beautiful brain swelling
an infinite white oblivion

what a sacrifice
what devotion
what passion

what music...

what a burden it must be for a musician
the bard who is to dwell in the ambivalence
the mime who wishes to sing
but remains a mute

oh cruel queue
oh manic elation
oh devestation

why must you rude & shove?
surely we can ration
is there not enough air?

this is not a line but a stampede
we remain trampled

have we not learned from the birds?
have we not learned from the herds?

we're all waiting in line
for the second to come
teetering above a white oblivion

infinite,
beautiful,
a comedown...
what a violent relief

what a slow painful bleeding

Here we go,
take your pick:

which is worse?
to cry and not feel
or to hold back the tears?

in public?...

which is worse?
living in a house made of glass brick?
or a house armored thick?

so no one can ever see you...
or harm you
or your house...

which is worse?
being in a body you cannot stand?
or being the person you said you can't

are you your own?
or are you being held captive
perhaps by a former you

are you your own?
or have you turned on yourself
lied and said that it was to protect the rest of the world
rationalized

you are too clever
you are too violent
you are too... much,
or so they say.

yet its all on credit, an unregarded tab
and someone somewhere is keeping track

your words they twist and turn
they are vines and veins
whose blood they burn
you deconstruct meaning
transcending with every verse
it is a blessing, it is a blessing
it is a curse, it is a curse

oh but which is worse?

immediate classification no, judgmental interpretations?
descriptive deliberation of informative investigations
soon as the information is deliberately delivered
to the perception of my appreciation
artistic systemization

or

casting all this self manipulation aside in finalization
and choosing self mutilation
for the preservation of the rest of the nation
all the while, pleading through consideration

which is worse?
which is better?
to be everything is to be nothing

lack of identification.

Dear all of the above,

Why do you ridicule me so?
Severity, Severity, more than you’d ever know
The extent of beauty I see in the world
Perplexed by the forbiddance you administered, hurl!
Why me? Why someone who has been doing nothing
but describing beauty his whole life? Irony
Why me?

The supreme experimenter
The great accursed
Anonymous
Sad clown
Sad clown

Why me?
A Poet.

One specifically who followed in the footsteps of Poe
not through choice or influence
but because life chose a similar path for me
Dear life,
Dear nature,
Dear conscious, subconscious, unconscious,
Dear collective conscience,

Dear existence,
Dear heavens,
Dear spiritual realm,
Dear all that is and isn’t,
Dear all that can be seen, and cannot…

Dear knowledge,
Dear intellect,
Dear intuition,
Dear emotion,
Dear regret,
Dear regret,
Dear regret…

******* CIRCUMSTANCE!
CHANGE **** YOU!
For the love of everything pure.

Please
Please
Please

I’m sorry
I’m so sorry
I’m SO *******
sorry…

If I could just go back
If I could just…

Please...
It’s funny how it rhymes

Samir… Severe
Please no.
This isn't real.
Please?...

I'm so alone

I could hear my heart beating in my ears

I'm so accomplished

I'm still screaming at my fears

and all the while

though I'm fighting through these tears...

they trickle down and still...

nothing

I feel

as though

nothing

as if

nothing

nothing.

like a grandfather clock's ticking echoing down the hallways of my ears

tick

tick

tick

strikes the hour

does not chime

oh grandfather clock divine

oh old heart of mine

why do you not chime?

of straight jackets...
different color for each purpose

dancing shoes to match
polished and ready for me to skateboard with

someone rob me...

i want someone to hurt me...

i'm disintegration on the inside

collapsed lungs

choking

bleeding while i ***** my vital organs
all over the gravel my face forwards into

i turn around and look at the sky
as i reach for a cigarette out my front left pocket
i keep my phone in the right one...

no one ever calls though...

so i take out the zippo she got me on our anniversary
and as i inhale and death fills my lungs

i wonder...

would anyone stop me if i were to be jumping off of a cliff in this straight jacket...

sideways... all i see are different shoes scurrying past my face

and i wonder...

is my closet too full?

maybe it is time i got a new wardrobe

or maybe it is time i put myself in one of those shiny closets

you know...

the ones that you wear your clothes in.

they make you wear a fancy straight jacket

black with silver lines...

and a noose around your neck
designer most likely

you know its the one from that riddle...
"who makes it but doesn't use it... who uses it but doesn't enjoy it"
i fail to remember, it goes something like that...

anyways, it's the best you'll ever look in your life...

i've never understood that...

who's going to be looking at you when its closed?

I woke up cold in a dark house, not a home
I woke up in a cold sweat all alone.
I don’t know why I even woke up at all…
Most of the time I don’t
I have nothing ahead of me
Nothing to look forward to that is
It would be a break if I had solely nothing ahead of me
But of course I am contained
Repressed, oppressed, stressed, depressed
Surely I am confined
And sometimes I die

Upon waking up again I choose to sit up in my bed in the dark
And within the black it is just my consciousness and my thoughts
My existence, reflective of the black, becomes one with the absence of light
Sometimes I sleep and my brain continues thinking in my head
Only to think about emotion whose practical use is now dead
Even if I had left
It was through the light of day that I had slept
Even if I had left
There would be nothing that can quell the aches in my chest
This house took my everything I had ever felt
These sheets, I acuse them of theft
Even if I had left
I would never part from the bed.

***** Jersey
You are unworthy
From the infamous Jersey shore
To the depths of Bergen county
You hound me

Thank god sandy got rid of that cesspool by the way

Anyone ever hear of Lodi?
No?, ok...     Moving on,

New Jersey, the ideal place for parents who have small children

Once they are teenagers
They will rip their parents apart for condemning them to a suburban hellhole

For sentencing them to an infernal purgatory, where if you have no car, you are stuck at home, and unless you walk to a bus stop and take the bus somewhere else, you have no job

So you find your best friend...

Marijuana

And then you start selling it and you now have a job

Drug dealer.

Find a pill counter who works at Walgreens pharmacy and you have now
expanded your market

Oh ***** Jerz, for grey-ish skies
For sewage waves of stain,
for unemployed and worker slaves,
all for minimum wage.

because this experience I cannot relay to you

cards being shuffled by a trickster

it repeats/ it repeats

control was never there

with a flick of the wrist he made me aware

that life is but a joke,

so ****** it we shall

and the only thing that really matters to this *******

are the cruelties of the bottom line

but don't worry, i will transcend

i will get the last laugh

if the will is the way then he is me

and i am not enslaved but instead

we are at each others throats

fighting over a **** parking spot

every

single

second.

we're always lending out a hand
a hand that asks why

we're always lending out a hand
one asking why is it I want to die

we're always lending out a hand
a hand that leads you to surprise

we're always lending out a hand
saying what happens if I cry?

earth is a place
under the guise of life
that is

the subtext reads not

why are you so scared?
have you not suffered through every second?

the fire

do you not feel it?

the ambivalence

we are already punished

for earth is hell
and we will only start living
after we have died.

that is why we dress appropriately.

you show me no promise
nor have you been able to keep one

you show no loyalty
you cannot justify the means
extremes

you show no mercy
you never had any to begin with

i show no pain
not in this day and age

i show no truth
simply cannot believe it

i show no filth
there's a soap for that

seems that whatever was is
bound to repeat

here

i draw the line

refined

sublime

here.

-take all I have...

It's crazy how life mocks you...

The sun shines bright
and then calmly dims as it sets

The moon shines also,
but rather always seems incomplete
always striving to stay fulfilled however
it is inevitable
completely out of its control

So much passion in the sun, so much life
You can't help but relate

Yet still

My heart goes out to the moon

Bright and wonderful all in its lonesome
surrounded by all the coupled diamonds in the sky
He wonders why he is always in his lonesome,
why fate has dealt him such cruel cards

The sun is content without him
in it's eternal love
encouraged by the world
to keep thriving
it benefits everything to blossom.

There is a certain allure to this lonely
character's circumstances though...

Forever alone isn't enough
his vex is unrelenting as an albatross stare
It is a shame
to always be situated opposite the constellations

he will never understand
why he is made to suffer lost
Why the only thing to keep him company
is the dark of the night

Why he is so numb
Cold
Desolate

And just as night to day,
night turns into day
and all hope is gone

It's funny how life mocks you
I want to die.

For I am the moon and time has turned its back on me
Is it so foolish to avoid the warmth of day
just to keep the moon company

Unreliable yet familiar
Irrational yet ordinary
Safe in the lie of night

at least I can avoid the sight of an albatross...

This music is bringing me closer to you
I've never felt this with such amplitude

I work my way over, striving to learn how
To embrace you
To be one with you

As if bound by unmasterable chords

I want a symphonic relationship
You say, "no strings attached"

But i want those strings
Those stubborn strings

You refuse to speak to me
You do not squander such a rare voice

I know of your distorted intentions
You think, "don't play me"

But dont fret my auburn beauty
For I will be musically inclined
To loving you

because I know it will never be the same again
because there is no god
because there is no karma

I cry because I have given up
because there is no one else

I cry and I cry alone
no one sympathizes with me
no one understands

I cry with dignity
because I am man

I cry because I sigh
and I sigh because of my life

I cry in a bed in a room alone
feel stupid in my head
feel nothing but alone

alone
alone
alone

I cry on my throne
my throne made of ****
alone

I cry.

i was never that type of artist
the traditional kind
you know, with a paint brush...

but if i were to paint a canvas with my life
i would fill it with beauty

if i had to,
i would paint the purest of souls
the most loving of design
the most intellectual intricacy
with the most profound modesty

and then i would make it bleed
i would pain; to the t.

then antique it.

These down times are what really make a person...
I will put an end to this... somethings gotta give...
victim of circumstance and while I'd stay and keep trying...
you were not there to console my sighing
so it's better I go, no time for crying
and change your mind the same as your lying.

Well honestly now,
Is it not apparent that we over-use the poor man idiom?
We are torturing our own kind
Human contact is for the rich
and as long as I am in text
I will be only worth as much as my words are spent
only worth as much as my discouraged intellect
only worth as much as the poor man's breath

who was never given a chance to progress
and it was the very same intellect that caused his distress
and so he smoked himself to death.

I'll miss you when I find the time
I'll warm you after making you cold inside
and with only my shadow to accompany you while you hide
I'll come to rip off the iscicles from underneath your eye

I'll start caring when I've left you behind
I'll recognize you after pushing you aside
and with only my scent left there to remind
I'll come to steal the air in which it resides

I won't even think of you when releasing a sigh
I'll neglect you like the blood I could not provide
and with only my sin to comfort you while you cry
I'll drown it with love, and your heart wont survive.

I'll save you after I've cut your only tie
I'll promise you but it'd just be a lie
and I'll leave without providing a reason why
I'll share life with you after you have died.

I'll love you when it's too late to try

You should be scared

I am...

fear is what you receive from me

because I cannot conceive it

there are no such things as boundaries that I will not cross

I learned this from all of you

I tried to retain myself as the pure I once was

but I have now mutated forever it seems

I cannot change now

I cannot ever change

there is a vacant soul here

my skin has dried up

my brain has disintegrated

my blood stopped circulating

my heart rotted to the core

and I cannot fathom life

ever being the same between you and I

doesn't matter who you are really...

Evil is universal, Evil is unbiased

Evil is not selfish though

I sacrificed myself first

I am my first and best subject

now go sacrifice yourself

before I get to you.

I have loved
I have played an instrument
I have laughed
sighed
And have been disciplined

I've seen the world through crooked eyes
As well as sober ones
And without eyes as well

I've risked more than I had wished
And it's too late I'm afraid
I've gambled away my love
For I was gambling with fate

I have defined
I have vagued
I have criticized all the ways

I have nothing
I have it all
One second here
The next will fall

I have existed
I haven't mostly
I have learned

The poem ends here.

I've even died once.
Well, legally.

I've even died once.

wait…
no I don’t
sad face (pout)
and this is my problem
happy face (smirk)

I can’t take anything seriously
so I take everything seriously
I mirror bipolarly
my mannerisms scholarly
polite
quite right
perhaps
the emoticon with one eye that’s bigger
B.P.D. Artistry
wait…

maybe I am him…

...or at least being under the naive guise of youth, tainted with the dementia of infatuation

What if I really believed you were my one and only?

What if my love for you is as real as it ever was?

I still make love to you every night
Even though you left me
Alone I stoke the fire...
Together we shall burn-
Perpetually.

I let you live here rent free;
My beauty,
My lessee,
& naturally I
The lessor.

You spite me.
I allow you to

Every night is that same day
That same fight
It blurs a little bit more with every play

Every night I go to sleep in that day.
Every night I relish in the fact that...
As insignificant as it may seem
I'm the one who had the control that day

Every night I get to relive that moment.
Every night you are forced to see it my way.
Every night you are to face the me you tried to avoid so desperately.
Every night you are made to face the love you neglected so miserably and I remember every single detail.
Every excruciating detail of your struggle, to the breakdown, and finally acceptance of what you had comin to you; my love.
I ***** you that night.
I raptured you that night and I relive it as I ******* to the idea of spiting you and you just took it and let it happen because you knew you were finally coming clean about who you really were and how it made no difference what happened to you one way or another...

I remember my being a romantic
Every single night before I go to bed
I still love you to this day you see...
I said it back then and it still holds true.

I remember my being a romantic-
BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I REMEMBER ******* YOU!

I kissed myself on the forehead
and told myself that I've had better days
that everything used to be...  ok...

I wish I could go back!
I would change so many things,
I would learn to control myself better...
I would not listen to those who controlled me

all things considered
it seems I've grown bitter
and these words they haunt me
all things considered
it seems I've grown iller
and my killer he taunts me

the writer inside,
"negligible pride
despite the crazy ride
on a track that cut off "-me

I wish I could go back
I would explain myself better
I would not resort to street medication quackery
I would read up on hereditary

I would brush my first set of teeth more
I would learn to sleep
I would prepare preemptively before a storm
I would promise, I would not keep
I would avoid ever taking the high road
I would avoid the very notion of forlorn

I would stick to what I knew
yet despite the way I grew
I became what i had hoped
achievement was my rue
and now I am torn

I would lie.
I would lie to everyone.

because they all did it to me
and it hurt, but they couldn't see
that no one cared
not even me
and herein lies
insult to injury
the ones that love you most
are the ones who hurt severely

and so
I kissed myself on the forehead
and then I saw clearly.

If this message somehow gets to you
and/or applies to you whomever you may be
whatever you may be going through
assuming you are someone who understands that there is nothing
"people like us" can do about it
because the things that trigger this cause
are the things that we can no longer have a hand in changing.

or maybe we just want to be left alone about it...
not literally... i find the usage of this expression to be ironic.
or maybe we are impossible... yea impossible for you to define?
understand?... accept?

and you simply do not like that you cannot understand the method of this madness
rather than ask... you channel all your energies towards trying to get it out of me
well.. here I am again revealing to you the fascinating wonders of what makes me-

it seems lately that I, like you, just more-so...
have been getting a lot of attention lately as to my

"wanting to die"

look at it...
just look.
...

this feedback is first and foremost... unwarranted
It is not simply that I "want to die"
I don't know if I believe in such a thing
I have thought about it before
once or twice...
daily...
hmm...
Is it peculiar that I find this so unnerving?
so... ordinary?...

anyways,
let me reassure you it is quite the contrary
you see I am drowning in a cluster-**** of swallowing misconceptions...
for some reason people get the wrong idea...
and this has an enveloping effect...
a drastic one

It is not that "I want to die"
It is that I want to start living.
for once,

without thinking about it.
but maybe,

just maybe,
I'm the one who just doesn't get it...

when you give people what they are actually looking for
instead of what they're used to...

I'm sure you are happy
you always were
you always will be

I'm sure you are better than me
in the arms of warm company

I'm sure behind that big smile
seemingly always plastered on your face...
you are exactly as happy as you made that out to appear

I'm sure I am miserable
I always was
I always will be

I'm sure I'm as numb as you told me you were
lonelier than the person claiming that's a word
more lonely than 1.
I'm sure.

you won...you got your way...
you got a way,
(uh)*

I lose
but what if I had won?

This can't be true
He is just a writer.

a guy sits here
hair a twist
no ordinary man
but a case
whatever prefix fits

he knows no limitations
seeks no thrill but fear
holds no memory dear
brains grasp simply too frail
such a broken outside
and gargoyles pier
however
he tranquilizes them
anytime someone comes near
yet the people abstain still
no shame, no cheer

they simply cannot see what purity
he has in his crypt
intimidated
severe

so let us move forward and glaze over the thick
move towards the misery which anguishes him

nonsense is sensical, whimsy at best
rational is of logic and dreary
detest

******* and thumbing
he frantically does his best
pulls his hair out
pulls his hair out
closed fist
punches chest

"where is she
where is her
name i cannot confess
for it escapes me...
not because
but rather-"

due to his distress

he stopped and sighed
violence
cried
broke down
then bled
red from his eyes

i want her
the sad one
shy

hurt inside

abused, accursed
diseased but undisguised

she'll love me

she will
there's nothing there to hide
she'll make me forget myself
sing or dance or
romanticize

"i want her...
a baby's friend
the neighbor's newborn daughter
the baby friend that came over
as an infant, i saw her
i kept the same heart
but its been through a lot
and now its done with slaughter

i kept the same heart
its growing apart
i need the neighbor's daughter"

it seems as though convinced
he truly had the heart of a newborn
ambivalent
knowing no complexity
purely hurt or comfort
either way's a shoulder
diamond or dirt
seemed to be bipolar

so he seeks the same
not the opposite
that would be a shame

because no one else can relate
to someone who feels the world
has turned its back on fate

he seeks out this girl
overlooking
all the beasts in his way

with evil colors they mask their face
appear to appeal, they may

but he knows better
their defenses fragile
they attract a plethora

to which they expose
like a sinister rose
the black rock in frame

the black rock so hard
shapely carved
to which its "blacksmith"
inscribes no name

a black heart
he sighs
which holds no light

might as well not exist

I dance with my shadow
headphones in of course
I'm not dead I'm alive
remembering my ghost

the kid i once was, fearless
so heres a toast:
the people
they judge me
and their shadows

neglected by their host

I remembered why
skipping down the street
I call it art from life
and they call me absurd,
condescending
incomplete
but even my shadow
gets lonely
and needs a shadow most

a companion with which to coast

these words
once so tightly knit together
will randomly start to fall
not to get it off my chest
but instead to draw

a black tear
on white face
will not do...

sewing your lips shut
to get the best of you
she'll try to take the beauty from the verse
call it hers
change your prose to lack worth

and  honestly im too caught up
fighting the words to be bothered
especially with your...

MASQUERADE

said the mime with a wink
"I always preferred charades"
as Houdini taught him
how to unshackle
but she could never teach him how
to breathe out of his mouth

and so he drowned
and she called it silencing poetry
her greatest escape yet

seductive effective cutlass sadistic
serendipity and la la la
licorice liquor lick her and plastic
roses rise relentless resentment
time mime rhyme desire
sentiment sincerely aspire admire
anonymous synonymous simultaneous symmetry
molasses disastrous syntactic mirrorly
Samir sincere severe severe
la la la love na na na never
samirly this way
suicide sinister cynical silence
stop and stare
care and share
love with or without violence
sloppy seconds menace a menace
minus a life structure dependence
relevance relevance irrelevance
sense tense and meaninglessness
sincerely samirly
synthetic systemic sense
cents cents
sense sense
cents

I'm taking the time out to say
that over the years my hair will gray

so long as this wisdom wise
fails compromise

so long as the promise lies
fails remise

so long as our love cries

I'm taking the time out to say
that over the years our hair will gray


Despite the way I feel today.

blistered
heed what i speak
destroy
what it is you seek
adoration
drown it in a sea
deliberation
over who it is that's you
suffocation
that must be the key

a moment of clarity
an elegant mentality
*******
with the greatest of sincerity

Here I ponder empty hearted
Seems as though I remain *******

But this word is controversial in its essence
Politically incorrect malevolence

Because of what I speak pertains to delay
The thoughts inside my head retrace this time of day

And even though the wheel spins and spins
I am left in the same place where I begin

To trace and trace
Over again

At this time of day I remain hidden

I'm struggling now
These words to no avail
Youll never receive them in the mail

Word to the wise, here is your token
Do not put forth words of actions you have not yet spoken

Because if you loved me you would have never left

Me
here
alone
in this time of day

for lack of better rhyme
and it is to late to fix what you have broken

Yet you said it

My neck broken
Forehead kisses the back of my hand as my stature silhouettes
"The Thinker"

This is not for everyone.

No one else would be as:
Courageous as...
Distraught as...
Pathetic as...
Insignificant.

The end result of the realization that you are one of the ones who tried but missed your shot- the timing didn't work out right...
you are too late.

Working hard now will only give you a sense of satisfaction, accomplishment, completion

Yet it still stands
Your tree bears no fruit.

The longest sigh
The laziest, deepest,
dragging of steps through mud.

You will never be...
Begrudgingly.

Alternating between facing the inevitable stuck-still,
accompanied
by the hair of doubt..

The hair of doubt,
Contrasting
The impossibility you cling to..
Contradicting
the probable.
...all the while weathering under an umbrella of uncertainty.

A knot.

one day
I'll be in heaven
looking down past my feet,
through the glass ceiling
and when I see you
I'll fog it up with my breath
and write you a message
saying

"wish you were here"

bleed

blood
everywhere

i would find a way to hide it

do not be afraid
instead be forewarned

theres nothing left inside

burn me
it feels so good
uncompromising

i have never been less interested with this existence

feel
something
anything

overdramatic
cliche
i think not

disturbed
unbalanced
unstable,
maybe if you push me

undoubtedly
dangerous

i dont need brawn
i dont need brains
i dont need you
i dont need you
i dont need you

i only need this one sick thing that i've learned
this one beautiful thing

you can help me burn

you can help me bleed

we can bleed together

forever.