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Nov 2015 · 510
Not for everyone
Samir Nov 2015
My neck broken
Forehead kisses the back of my hand as my stature silhouettes
"The Thinker"

This is not for everyone.

No one else would be as:
Courageous as...
Distraught as...
Pathetic as...
Insignificant.

The end result of the realization that you are one of the ones who tried but missed your shot- the timing didn't work out right...
you are too late.

Working hard now will only give you a sense of satisfaction, accomplishment, completion

Yet it still stands
Your tree bears no fruit.

The longest sigh
The laziest, deepest,
dragging of steps through mud.

You will never be...
Begrudgingly.

Alternating between facing the inevitable stuck-still,
accompanied
by the hair of doubt..

The hair of doubt,
Contrasting
The impossibility you cling to..
Contradicting
the probable.
...all the while weathering under an umbrella of uncertainty.

A knot.
Samir Nov 2015
...or at least being under the naive guise of youth, tainted with the dementia of infatuation

What if I really believed you were my one and only?

What if my love for you is as real as it ever was?

I still make love to you every night
Even though you left me
Alone I stoke the fire...
Together we shall burn-
Perpetually.

I let you live here rent free;
My beauty,
My lessee,
& naturally I
The lessor.

You spite me.
I allow you to

Every night is that same day
That same fight
It blurs a little bit more with every play

Every night I go to sleep in that day.
Every night I relish in the fact that...
As insignificant as it may seem
I'm the one who had the control that day

Every night I get to relive that moment.
Every night you are forced to see it my way.
Every night you are to face the me you tried to avoid so desperately.
Every night you are made to face the love you neglected so miserably and I remember every single detail.
Every excruciating detail of your struggle, to the breakdown, and finally acceptance of what you had comin to you; my love.
I ***** you that night.
I raptured you that night and I relive it as I ******* to the idea of spiting you and you just took it and let it happen because you knew you were finally coming clean about who you really were and how it made no difference what happened to you one way or another...

I remember my being a romantic
Every single night before I go to bed
I still love you to this day you see...
I said it back then and it still holds true.

I remember my being a romantic-
BUT NOT AS MUCH AS I REMEMBER ******* YOU!
Samir Aug 2014
For dead is where I begin, Indebted.
& that is where I’ll stay,
Despite the way I feel today
Despite my tiresome aversions
I will hang myself before the opportunity for any detour

Deter…
I will deter myself.  
I will prove to myself, once again,
That I, am the master of my demise

The rue in ruin
My own failure
and then…
I’ll lay my head to rest.

For tomorrow is over.
A new beginning in which to distract away from a new
To make the same mistakes I’ve grown so familiar to…

To a broken neck, one in which reflects my irregularity

To walk with my head down…

Past the bridge of contemplation, contemplating-
suicide.

Despite refrain,
To spite restraint
To the end.
& never make it-

to the end,
My End.

I shall be received
Samir Feb 2014
JUDGE ME
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/bpd-artistry/
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/polygonal-me/
----------------------------------------------------------------­------------------------------------------
REACHING OUT
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/sermon-monsieur-1/
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/luscious/
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/they-really-should-stop-saying/
----------------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------------------
DARK
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/i-wrote-this-a-while-back-so-assume-that-it-no-longer-applies-cur­rently/
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/hostage-opposite-an-albatross/
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/i-wish-i-had-something-good-to-write-of/
----------------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------------------
**NEVER MIND LOVE

http://hellopoetry.com/poem/justanotherthrowaway/
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/tempt/
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/reorganizing-priorities-1/
----------------------------------------------------------------­-------------------------------------------
X
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/white-room-syndrome-1/
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/death-of-my-dreaming/
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/simply-jest/
Samir Jan 2013
that beauty's only skin deep...

so while one little girl's crying has now stopped
it has transferred to the one with acne beneath her?

If words have such strength then why have we attached such a strong word
and then stapled, in such a careless way?

We have hurt the feelings of the ugly people
as if there exists such a thing
we have scarred so many children's inner beauty

What about the girl who wants to be a model so bad she based her personality off of it
her skin is literally all she has
and we have now made her to think that she is unwanted and has nothing but her skin deep beauty
so she needs a man who understands her pain, a man of the same skin...
surely only he could know her pain
cut through all this vain and all is lost
because men and women are not one in the same
especially nowadays

Far worst the girl who is in between
feeling distraught over her ugly friends and trying to save them
meanwhile being jealous over her superficial ones who "stick" together

While the ugly find each other
and the beautiful set a bad example
perpetually...

I look for the girl named compromise
she knows the struggles of which I surmise
and maybe, though society seems to bind us
fate will come along and find us
and remind us
that beauty is not deep as the skin...

It is as deep as the soul within.
Samir Jan 2013
These down times are what really make a person...
I will put an end to this... somethings gotta give...
victim of circumstance and while I'd stay and keep trying...
you were not there to console my sighing
so it's better I go, no time for crying
and change your mind the same as your lying.

Well honestly now,
Is it not apparent that we over-use the poor man idiom?
We are torturing our own kind
Human contact is for the rich
and as long as I am in text
I will be only worth as much as my words are spent
only worth as much as my discouraged intellect
only worth as much as the poor man's breath

who was never given a chance to progress
and it was the very same intellect that caused his distress
and so he smoked himself to death.
Jan 2013 · 874
Death of My Dreaming
Samir Jan 2013
I woke up cold in a dark house, not a home
I woke up in a cold sweat all alone.
I don’t know why I even woke up at all…
Most of the time I don’t
I have nothing ahead of me
Nothing to look forward to that is
It would be a break if I had solely nothing ahead of me
But of course I am contained
Repressed, oppressed, stressed, depressed
Surely I am confined
And sometimes I die

Upon waking up again I choose to sit up in my bed in the dark
And within the black it is just my consciousness and my thoughts
My existence, reflective of the black, becomes one with the absence of light
Sometimes I sleep and my brain continues thinking in my head
Only to think about emotion whose practical use is now dead
Even if I had left
It was through the light of day that I had slept
Even if I had left
There would be nothing that can quell the aches in my chest
This house took my everything I had ever felt
These sheets, I acuse them of theft
Even if I had left
I would never part from the bed.
Dec 2012 · 1.3k
Dirty Jersey
Samir Dec 2012
***** Jersey
You are unworthy
From the infamous Jersey shore
To the depths of Bergen county
You hound me

Thank god sandy got rid of that cesspool by the way

Anyone ever hear of Lodi?
No?, ok...     Moving on,

New Jersey, the ideal place for parents who have small children

Once they are teenagers
They will rip their parents apart for condemning them to a suburban hellhole

For sentencing them to an infernal purgatory, where if you have no car, you are stuck at home, and unless you walk to a bus stop and take the bus somewhere else, you have no job

So you find your best friend...

Marijuana

And then you start selling it and you now have a job

Drug dealer.

Find a pill counter who works at Walgreens pharmacy and you have now
expanded your market

Oh ***** Jerz, for grey-ish skies
For sewage waves of stain,
for unemployed and worker slaves,
all for minimum wage.
Samir Dec 2012
Maybe it was my ADHD or my Bipolar or both, but as a child I would put in my headphones and just pretend I’m living… this is what I did for fun, I would put my headphones on over my ears and wear a beanie to keep them from falling off.  I would put on something with sickk drums and a kick *** guitar, grab my skateboard and push wood.  Synchronized with the music of course, this was more convincing to me that I was not in my life, but that I was in this fictional reality.  This reality didn’t even need to be better, it just needed to be not my life; but it always was, better that is.  If I didn’t have my skateboard I would interpret the song and either skip to it, walk rhythmically to it, or rock out somewhere; it depended on the song really.  This was my first drug and I could not understand why nobody else wanted to live the way I was living… the only thing I wished different is for the music to play out loud and not only in my head as this tended to make me feel self-conscious or awkward in the supermarket or at public places in general.  
I needed spectacular lenses nearing my middle school days due to my incessantly close music video watching.  I needed to feel as if I were there with them so I would sit right in front of the TV set.  I even went as far as to grow my hair out and part it evenly to both sides so as to black out my peripheral vision.  I consumed music and art that went along with it as if I were a ******.  I truly believed the singers in the videos were where I wanted to be, they understood me, their words taught me the truth, their music lifted my spirits, their presence kept me company, kept me sane.  They taught me everything my parents should have.  They were my angels, my saviors.  They taught me about freedom and expression.  I began writing, singing, acting, dancing, philosophizing, creating art, creating art through life.  
Life became a music video, and I became the voice, my emotions the music, my brain the lyrics, my character a poet, personifying sacrifice.  I couldn’t understand why everyone else was so BORING! Why they didn’t see me there skipping down the street and run to catch up with me and say, “hey, what are you doing?” … or something along those lines. I didn’t understand why I was alone still in this new world.  
Nowadays I find myself in front of a computer screen, playing guitar stationary.  Waiting.  Working.  Waiting... and Working… And I will be there one day… I will join them all… I will be there with them GOD ******* ******.  I just need to get to that stage.   I will break through that ******* SCREEN and I will be that guy in the ******* TV that will make that little kid somewhere jealous of him and the world he is living in.  AND I WILL ******* INSPIRE.  UNTIL ONE DAY ONE LUCKY GENERATION WILL GET TO LIVE IN A WORLD WHERE YOU CAN GO OUTSIDE AND EXPRESS YOURSELF TO THE MUSIC YOU ARE LISTENING TO AND NOT BE CALLED CRAZY AND NOT BE JUDGED AND NOT BE RIDICULED AND CASTED OUT OF SOCIETY.  AND NOT THIS, AND NOT THAT, AND NOT THIS BUT WORSE, AND NOT THAT BUT TRAGIC.  I WILL ******* BREAK THROUGH THAT ******* SCREEN YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT AND I WILL KEEP THOSE LOST CHILDREN COMPANY AND I WILL MAKE THEM FEEL LOVED AND I WILL MAKE THEM FEEL ALIVE AND I WILL SAVE THEM FROM WANTING TO ******* DO IT SO ******* BADLY BECAUSE NO ONE WAS EVER THERE, BECAUSE NO ONE GAVE A ****, BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY, BECAUSE THEY DON’T HAVE ENOUGH ANYTHING… but I can’t put food in their stomachs and I can’t keep them warm.. BUT ******* IT THEY WILL NOT FEEL NEGLECTED.
Dec 2012 · 1.6k
Chapter never look back.
Samir Dec 2012
Dear all of the above,

Why do you ridicule me so?
Severity, Severity, more than you’d ever know
The extent of beauty I see in the world
Perplexed by the forbiddance you administered, hurl!
Why me? Why someone who has been doing nothing
but describing beauty his whole life? Irony
Why me?

The supreme experimenter
The great accursed
Anonymous
Sad clown
Sad clown

Why me?
A Poet.

One specifically who followed in the footsteps of Poe
not through choice or influence
but because life chose a similar path for me
Dear life,
Dear nature,
Dear conscious, subconscious, unconscious,
Dear collective conscience,

Dear existence,
Dear heavens,
Dear spiritual realm,
Dear all that is and isn’t,
Dear all that can be seen, and cannot…

Dear knowledge,
Dear intellect,
Dear intuition,
Dear emotion,
Dear regret,
Dear regret,
Dear regret…

******* CIRCUMSTANCE!
CHANGE **** YOU!
For the love of everything pure.

Please
Please
Please

I’m sorry
I’m so sorry
I’m SO *******
sorry…

If I could just go back
If I could just…

Please...
It’s funny how it rhymes

Samir… Severe
Please no.
This isn't real.
Please?...
Samir Oct 2012
Would you prefer it if I called myself Master God?  
Would it please everyone if I called myself beautiful? Or would it come off as fake?  
Whatever, nevermind.  
I am zero. I do not count.  I am an omission.  Neglected.  Ignored. Alone.  
I have developed many a personality.  I have become everyone and everything and I am nearing ripe.  I call myself a *******…
Why? Because no one else would… I call myself a scumbag, a loser, a failure, a disgrace.  
Because no one would want that burden.  
I call myself Jesus.  
What confidence?  Keep wondering.  Deliberation hmm…
I call myself a ******* because why not?
If everyone called themselves a *******… we would all be the **** of the earth.
We would all be disgraces. The playing field will finally start at the bottom line.  
We would be **** in unison.  
We would **** embarrassment.
We would **** it.
Oct 2012 · 4.5k
The fart sniffer
Samir Oct 2012
But soft, what flatulence through yonder rancid window breaks.  If it is the east, well then I’m heading west.
I wish I could recite this and I wouldn’t be talking about my life, but life is fair… just not for me. So I dive right in unfortunately.  And I bask and I bask and I bask.  Hold on, wait, please allow me to retract, as this occurs numerously within occupation.  I firstly divide the **** cheeks, as if Moses dividing the seas.  Like Jesus I break bread… anyways… my life is literally spent with my nose sandwiched between numerous people’s backsides. This brings me to my next point… I love my job… because I love people.  My favorites are obese people because they suffocate me and for a brief moment I am without consciousness and have not a clue of my reality.  The people I do it for the most though are the unstable people, you know?... the people with digestive problems that are so unstable they sometimes slip and instead of their body gas I am left with a face that looks like a diarrhea toilet.  I am a poet though and therefore I hold onto the only significant job related poem that I’ve seen on our restroom walls… “Here I sit lonely hearted, came to **** but only farted.”
Oct 2012 · 2.0k
The evil mother's daughter.
Samir Oct 2012
Smiley was a face without features.  We called her smiley in grammar school because that is what she appeared to be since the doctors had sewn her lips shut in a permanent smile criss crossed with thread so as to appear more human.  She was my best friend, and I the town crazy.  She was seen as an animal because she often imitated the likeness of a feline and she would often lick the back of her hand and catwalk as well as lounge like one sometimes.  She would try to meow but only the slightest mew would come out, the faintest high e.  She could still open her mouth slightly after all so as to breath.  I would often photograph her in various environments with artistically appropriate themes and her image would appear slightly more angelic with every picture.  With every strip of film, she became more and more endearing.  Her outer shell really was the polar opposite of what her heart encompassed.  Her face was as if a beautiful girl’s however it was only the template before all the details were added.  She was a girl before her second face was put on in front of the vanity.  I loved her deeply.  She had not a clue, so caught up in herself and for good reason too.  I remained single and didn’t care for making it official or taking the next step because she was my best friend anyways and all we had was each other.  So for 10 years we grew old together.  10 years. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9-… just counting 10 seconds seems unbearable… but I enjoyed every second of the ten years as if it were melted butter clogging my arteries with their undeniable grasp on my taste buds.  Smiley was all I could ever want in a lady because she was unwanted by every other male.  She was a rose in glass casing, except that she too was made of glass.  
​So, I couldn’t take it anymore one day and so I staged for us to have a video shoot for an art video I was creating to go along with the song I had written about her several years back.  The guitar work had finally reached a level of mastery that I thought was appropriate for how much classical beauty I saw radiating from this girl’s unemotive face.  I called the song, “A blank canvas.”  I was actually part of this piece as well and so a cameraman was hired.  We went on a long crazy trip through the city on horse & carriage.  We went to a ball, danced and later on to a scenic restaurant overlooking the city and got some great shots of us holding each other on a transparent balcony and again with several different ice sculptures.  At the end of the video I finally mustered up the courage and with her eyes granting me permission in the way that only I would be able to recognize I took out my pocket knife… cut loose the thread… slowly pulled it through and finally unraveled her lips so as to kiss them for the first time in the rest of our lives together.
Sep 2012 · 3.1k
Sermon Monsieur
Samir Sep 2012
We are absurd
You and I

Fragments

We have created a figmentative reality,
where words are symbols of relation
that you and I falsify

And Bingo was his name-o!

Ah!

Oh holy onomatopoeic jargon

What do you mean?
and how shall we bargain?
And mora is but a half step to a whole

Eek gad!

January Febuary March and April
May I introduce you to June and July
August 28th
Sept Oct Nov Dec

Randomly systemized organs organized
Abstract or… dissonant?
But who is in charge?

12345
12345678
12345
12345678

12344
12344556
12344
1234­4556
“Why so serious?” said The Riddler
Mellow dramatic
Melodrama
Melancholy

Pantomimes!
Pantomimes EVERYWHERE!
They are able to speak
But alone I mime, “Do you have the time?”

Together we fall!
United I stand.

Backwards
Upside down
Inside out
And grammar

What’s in a name?
Please don’t be lame
Sarcastic and the glamour

Synonymous nonsense
Homophones and nyms
Where are the polysemes?
In the antonyms
In the antonyms!

Repetition
Exclamation
Annunciation
tions…

verbage verbage verbage
syllables and such
meaningless meaning
defining definitions with such

True or False?
Hide and Seek

Ring around the rosy
We all fall down…
We all fall down.

Salt
Sour
And bitter
And dill
And
And
And
And
And
And
Ampersand

Institutionalized poetry
But I am for rhythmic prose!
No, not you
Listen to the hue
that the colors protrude
red green blue
red green blue

Black is not a color
Chrome is my favorite
I will not believe otherwise

You are an alien.
I have divided by zero
Musical dissonance
Asterisk*

A beautiful disaster
A shadow without its owner
Wild natured wilderness
And naturally a wildcard.
**** **** **** **** ****
Etcetera.
Sep 2012 · 1.1k
I remember him
Samir Sep 2012
wait…
no I don’t
sad face (pout)
and this is my problem
happy face (smirk)

I can’t take anything seriously
so I take everything seriously
I mirror bipolarly
my mannerisms scholarly
polite
quite right
perhaps
the emoticon with one eye that’s bigger
B.P.D. Artistry
wait…

maybe I am him…
Sep 2012 · 3.1k
Luscious
Samir Sep 2012
seductive effective cutlass sadistic
serendipity and la la la
licorice liquor lick her and plastic
roses rise relentless resentment
time mime rhyme desire
sentiment sincerely aspire admire
anonymous synonymous simultaneous symmetry
molasses disastrous syntactic mirrorly
Samir sincere severe severe
la la la love na na na never
samirly this way
suicide sinister cynical silence
stop and stare
care and share
love with or without violence
sloppy seconds menace a menace
minus a life structure dependence
relevance relevance irrelevance
sense tense and meaninglessness
sincerely samirly
synthetic systemic sense
cents cents
sense sense
cents
Sep 2012 · 3.4k
Sermon Monsieur
Samir Sep 2012
We are absurd
You and I
Fragments
 
We have created a fermentative reality,
Where words are symbols of relation
That you and I falsify
 
And Bingo was his name-o!
 
Ah!
 
Oh holy onomatopoeic jargon
 
What do you mean?
And how shall we bargain?
 
And mora is but a half step to a whole
 
Eek gad!
 
January Febuary March and April
May I introduce you to June and July
August, Sept Oct Nov Dec
 
Randomly systemized organs organized
Abstract or… dissonant?
But who is in charge?
 
12345
12345678
12345
12345678
 
12344
12344556
12344
12­344556
 
“Why so serious?” said The Riddler
Mellow dramatic
Melodrama
Melancholy
 
 
Pantomimes!
Pantomimes EVERYWHERE!
They are able to speak
But alone I mime, “Do you have the time?”
 
Together we fall!
United I stand.
 
Backwards
Upside down
Inside out
And grammar
 
What’s in a name?
Please don’t be lame
Sarcastic and the glamour
 
Synonymous nonsense
Homophones and nyms
Where are the polysemes?
In the antonyms
In the antonyms!
 
Repitition
Exclamation
Annunciation
tions…
 
verbage verbage verbage
syllables and such
meaningless meaning
defining definitions with such
 
True or False?
Hide and Seek
 
Ring around the rosy
We all fall down…
We all fall down.
 
Black hat, white shoes, and I’m red all over.
 
Salt
Sour
And bitter
And dill
And
And
And
And
And
And
Ampersand
 
Institutionalized poetry
But I am for rhythmic prose!
No, not you
Listen to the hue
that the colors protrude
red green blue
red green blue
 
Black is not a color
Chrome is my favorite
I will not believe otherwise
 
You are an alien.
I have divided by zero
Musical dissonance
*(asterisk)
A beautiful disaster
A shadow without its owner
Wild natured wilderness
And naturally a wildcard.
 
**** **** **** **** ****
Etcetera.
Samir Aug 2012
If this message somehow gets to you
and/or applies to you whomever you may be
whatever you may be going through
assuming you are someone who understands that there is nothing
"people like us" can do about it
because the things that trigger this cause
are the things that we can no longer have a hand in changing.

or maybe we just want to be left alone about it...
not literally... i find the usage of this expression to be ironic.
or maybe we are impossible... yea impossible for you to define?
understand?... accept?

and you simply do not like that you cannot understand the method of this madness
rather than ask... you channel all your energies towards trying to get it out of me
well.. here I am again revealing to you the fascinating wonders of what makes me-

it seems lately that I, like you, just more-so...
have been getting a lot of attention lately as to my

"wanting to die"

look at it...
just look.
...

this feedback is first and foremost... unwarranted
It is not simply that I "want to die"
I don't know if I believe in such a thing
I have thought about it before
once or twice...
daily...
hmm...
Is it peculiar that I find this so unnerving?
so... ordinary?...

anyways,
let me reassure you it is quite the contrary
you see I am drowning in a cluster-**** of swallowing misconceptions...
for some reason people get the wrong idea...
and this has an enveloping effect...
a drastic one

It is not that "I want to die"
It is that I want to start living.
for once,

without thinking about it.
but maybe,

just maybe,
I'm the one who just doesn't get it...

when you give people what they are actually looking for
instead of what they're used to...
Samir Jul 2012
I've searched the world for myself
and found I am a part of everyone else.

I've become quite accomplished if I may
take this moment to pat myself on my back
no matter how stupid I may look...

I turned out to be quite the well rounded person
great at plenty, never really the best at anything
Yet it was one direction that I was searching for the entire time

I've searched the words
Google'd them
and tired my brain
and soul

I've searched for words
I've searched forwards
and backwards
yet skipped over my all

I've searched the world for what I do best
and wound up finding out my search was for what I loved all along.
Jul 2012 · 1.7k
simply jest
Samir Jul 2012
cliche, boring, bland and weak
based upon a foundation of chic
pseudo-intellectual

you distract from your lack
with your apathetic crap
entomology and intonation
i call it character *******

you do it too often, many of you
just be who you are so we can shine through

i just have to get this off my chest...
your subject matter concerns love
who would've guessed

it rhymes and chimes and deliverance isn't best
and if one skims just beginning and end
there is no need for the rest

lacking originality
either resolve or contradiction
not cryptic nor a riddle in sight
not an original thought nor display of risk

you can learn here from this one write
what you could never tell east from west
and even though, you'll be better so
it will never be
as clever as thee
so just hide behind your traditional text

its not that i seek to pick on the weak
its quite the contrary-

start over with command
so you understand
it is the fraudulent that i detest

it is lack of interest and tact
and i won't take it back
your technique is as the rest.

you slack in approach
you couldn't hold my attention
from the first line
to the next

no captivation
no eccentricity
no enigma
flooding, you are, a pest

parasitic in your relentlessness
attention seeking for all the wrong reasons
leading poetry to its death

you bore me truly
insincerely yours,
unafraid to best.
Jul 2012 · 1.1k
B.P.D. Artistry
Samir Jul 2012
Here we go,
take your pick:

which is worse?
to cry and not feel
or to hold back the tears?

in public?...

which is worse?
living in a house made of glass brick?
or a house armored thick?

so no one can ever see you...
or harm you
or your house...

which is worse?
being in a body you cannot stand?
or being the person you said you can't

are you your own?
or are you being held captive
perhaps by a former you

are you your own?
or have you turned on yourself
lied and said that it was to protect the rest of the world
rationalized

you are too clever
you are too violent
you are too... much,
or so they say.

yet its all on credit, an unregarded tab
and someone somewhere is keeping track

your words they twist and turn
they are vines and veins
whose blood they burn
you deconstruct meaning
transcending with every verse
it is a blessing, it is a blessing
it is a curse, it is a curse

oh but which is worse?

immediate classification no, judgmental interpretations?
descriptive deliberation of informative investigations
soon as the information is deliberately delivered
to the perception of my appreciation
artistic systemization

or

casting all this self manipulation aside in finalization
and choosing self mutilation
for the preservation of the rest of the nation
all the while, pleading through consideration

which is worse?
which is better?
to be everything is to be nothing

lack of identification.
Jul 2012 · 704
In my life
Samir Jul 2012
I have loved
I have played an instrument
I have laughed
sighed
And have been disciplined

I've seen the world through crooked eyes
As well as sober ones
And without eyes as well

I've risked more than I had wished
And it's too late I'm afraid
I've gambled away my love
For I was gambling with fate

I have defined
I have vagued
I have criticized all the ways

I have nothing
I have it all
One second here
The next will fall

I have existed
I haven't mostly
I have learned

The poem ends here.

I've even died once.
Well, legally.

I've even died once.
Samir Jun 2012
we're always lending out a hand
a hand that asks why

we're always lending out a hand
one asking why is it I want to die

we're always lending out a hand
a hand that leads you to surprise

we're always lending out a hand
saying what happens if I cry?
Jun 2012 · 655
I cry
Samir Jun 2012
because I know it will never be the same again
because there is no god
because there is no karma

I cry because I have given up
because there is no one else

I cry and I cry alone
no one sympathizes with me
no one understands

I cry with dignity
because I am man

I cry because I sigh
and I sigh because of my life

I cry in a bed in a room alone
feel stupid in my head
feel nothing but alone

alone
alone
alone

I cry on my throne
my throne made of ****
alone

I cry.
Jun 2012 · 373
Here.
Samir Jun 2012
-take all I have...
Jun 2012 · 1.7k
polygonal me
Samir Jun 2012
an anomaly
few roots are many roots of the same tree
from outside I am within the bark that encloses me

here ye here ye! polygonal me
mocking you an apology
all a'Riddle first due to the very nature
my skin my leaf

contradictory, the roots they twist on me
the vines of me
the veins of me

my pain you cannot see
my pain you cannot see

double vision two no three
four or infinity to a varying degree

my body tis' of thee, tangled up insanity
of thee I sing

***** from my fathers side
egg from my mothers side
brain and heart formaldehyde
let my moods swing

polygonal me an anomaly
normally unnatural
and artificially indeed
through means of fabrication
and good malicious deed

confiscatory generous
and metaphorically my breed
sarcastically scholastic
institutionalized branches
from the end to my seed

divinely soulless
constrictedly free
interestingly boring
grammatical greed

desperately selfish
slowly with speed
movingly static
hungry to feed

constantly moving
polygonal anomaly
how many sides
to a coin always flipping
to a coin always spinning

polygonal me
transparency
just
like
a
tree

there are many sides to a story
through shadows cannot see
the interlocking counterparts
elbows, knees, branches on trees.

who says they can't get along?
I say they have to disagree.
why can't they just let it be?
why don't you be you?...
and me be me me me me.

Just like a tree
whistling and singing
chirping with glee
waking me up at 6:30
though shadows cannot see
an anomaly sometimes
they play tricks on me

polygonal me
Jun 2012 · 1.3k
Regretting Today.
Samir Jun 2012
because of an accident at the main intersection
because of several hazardous accidents before
my driving is impeccable
yet, I have a long history of fines and penalties

suffer...
with the decisions I made for other people
not for their happiness,
but for the life they wanted me to live
but a fool I am for listening to them

My deadbeat dad only told me one good piece of advice
and that was to never listen to anyone but yourself
too bad he was a ******* that I could never depend on

I destroyed my life... They destroyed it
but I can't blame them... for the time has passed
and I now live with the remains that haunt me daily
not them... but worse
I am to hear backtalk from them everyday
blaming me
everyone
blaming me for their manipulation
blaming me for having listened to them in the first place

mocking me with their actions, mocking me with their continual bad advice

BUT DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME TO STOP WALLOWING IN MY REGRET.
DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME TO STOP LIVING IN THE PAST
DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME TO STOP REGRETTING TODAY

because you don't know what my today is like because of your advice yesterday
you don't know... all of you... don't know.

a dream from my past
awoke to a missed call from my past
I guess I'm not alone in regretting today.

listen here, I'll make you a deal
the day I stop living in regret
is the day you stop living in denial.
Jun 2012 · 2.1k
Patience.
Samir Jun 2012
****** spit on top of a napkin
face up in the garbage
no better than-

peculiar how life turns out...
my tea still at the rim of the glass
lost all of its steam
I no longer-

what does it look like inside the mind of a broken one?
channel skipping?
static? beyond-
comprehension
what does this mean?
I don't understand...

****** spit on a napkin
atop the garbage
grabbing your attention
against your will
and leaving an...

unsettling feeling with you

like the question of what makes a true artist?
life.

life makes a true artist
it is not a choice
but what makes a true artist
what is art but a bunch of nonsense
but even nonsense has meaning
what is art but the broken expressions of the broken
artist... ?

what is a poet but a bent neck?

an artist is an ordinary person
inflicted in the mind perhaps
but this has more adverse effects on the heart
in all reality

but again... an artist is an ordinary person
who's been beaten for so long
who's sacrificed everything
unappreciated

who's been singing the same song unheard
who's ran out of communication
a new medium is born
heralding new information to those who don't need it
to those who are better off
more healthy in mind

an artist is a person who's had enough
the one who left ****** spit in the napkin

enough explaining.
Jun 2012 · 778
All the world's a Lie.
Samir Jun 2012
this I can't deny
a secret person from myself
a secret life behind these eyes
cast away behind the shelf

a personality I cannot find
what no one expects
... sincere
and yet...
insane

for being a caged animal?
tame?!

if you are what they want you to be
if you are sane... then you are weak
if you are financially inept
then you are ******.

goodbye dignity
goodbye "BEING A MAN"
but you never needed that
you were always an intellectual
you had no other choice

but this is hidden in the chaos
and the chaos is something no one can argue
when you try they don't believe you

they believe in a higher being
when they don't understand
they don't understand disorder
they don't understand biological disorder

I am not tame when provoked... just like you
except when I am provoked...
I naturally turn violent

when I turn evil, I turn on myself
safety measure, defense mechanism against me.
and when I can no longer take it
the dark thoughts pace rapidly
nerves are shot

I am only writing this to save my life
I am only writing this to save my life
I am only...

the life I don't want
in a place that's tolerable
with the inhabitants that don't understand me

I am only writing this to preserve....

I'm not pathetic
I'm not what everyone says I am...
or thinks I am
I'm not...

but they wouldn't know that

they never bothered to ask me...
I'm either too intimidating by appearance
too the opposite by demeanor
I'm either this or that
this or that...
ITS ALWAYS MULTIPLE THINGS AT THE SAME TIME
DOES ANYONE ELSE EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS???

It barely makes sense to me..
I cannot identify...
and then I give up..
turn apathetic...
begin narration

and I am only writing this to calm myself down
I am only writing this to save my life
I am not selfish enough to take it...
even from the people who don't believe me.
the people I love.

I fight myself everyday for them.
Because if it were up to me... well...

...

I now remember why I chose to write
I am defeated... by nature
and a workhorse by society.
hysterical...

I hope no one ever reads this...
even if they did
it wouldn't matter...
this is the last thing someone does
is trick themselves into company
who cares what others think
when you're basically talking to yourself
you're talking to yourselves
and yet...

you are still the mystery narrator

A MAN, just how the world likes us
defeated.

Dead in a Metaphor.
May 2012 · 4.7k
Tear in a Glass Eye
Samir May 2012
What do you do about someone who is speaking publicly of you?

...beneath the ill and secretly in the shadows there
are the parts that reveal truth of which no one knows...

what do you do about people who once mattered no longer mattering?...
what do you matter?, to those of you who chose to....
what do you do about them talking about you...
what do you do when all they do is lie of you...
what do you do when they no longer matter
what do you do when I no longer matter to you?

what do you do?
when you are pale blue...

What do YOU do when-
no one loves YOU!
May 2012 · 635
Chrome.
Samir May 2012
I'm so alone

I could hear my heart beating in my ears

I'm so accomplished

I'm still screaming at my fears

and all the while

though I'm fighting through these tears...

they trickle down and still...

nothing

I feel

as though

nothing

as if

nothing

nothing.

like a grandfather clock's ticking echoing down the hallways of my ears

tick

tick

tick

strikes the hour

does not chime

oh grandfather clock divine

oh old heart of mine

why do you not chime?
Samir Apr 2012
I kissed myself on the forehead
and told myself that I've had better days
that everything used to be...  ok...

I wish I could go back!
I would change so many things,
I would learn to control myself better...
I would not listen to those who controlled me

all things considered
it seems I've grown bitter
and these words they haunt me
all things considered
it seems I've grown iller
and my killer he taunts me

the writer inside,
"negligible pride
despite the crazy ride
on a track that cut off "-me

I wish I could go back
I would explain myself better
I would not resort to street medication quackery
I would read up on hereditary

I would brush my first set of teeth more
I would learn to sleep
I would prepare preemptively before a storm
I would promise, I would not keep
I would avoid ever taking the high road
I would avoid the very notion of forlorn

I would stick to what I knew
yet despite the way I grew
I became what i had hoped
achievement was my rue
and now I am torn

I would lie.
I would lie to everyone.

because they all did it to me
and it hurt, but they couldn't see
that no one cared
not even me
and herein lies
insult to injury
the ones that love you most
are the ones who hurt severely

and so
I kissed myself on the forehead
and then I saw clearly.
Apr 2012 · 1.1k
Vain Vane Vein
Samir Apr 2012
I'm hemorrhaging

Bleeding confidence

Hollow and deprived

Striving to survive

Caught between my apathy and dismay

Severing the life I once carried within me

Fill up my lungs with decay

And pretend in a usual way

I'm hemorrhaging

Time to switch veins

Here I am a zombie

Is this how Jesus felt?

Was once alive striving to help

Now walking dead forgotten on a shelf

Cast aside and sentenced

An empty room in which to reflect

A concentration camp

Please, do not interject

The chokee as she called it

With all do respect

I get sentenced to this place

A place to resurrect

The sentences are what I fear

Revolving in my head

They tickle trace and mock my face

PLEASE DO NOT INTERJECT

time to switch lanes, veins, valence, evade...

oxygen in my head

The oxygen

in my

brain

Hemorrhaging

The vain

vane

vein
Feb 2012 · 908
nocturnal ambivalence
Samir Feb 2012
Here I ponder empty hearted
Seems as though I remain *******

But this word is controversial in its essence
Politically incorrect malevolence

Because of what I speak pertains to delay
The thoughts inside my head retrace this time of day

And even though the wheel spins and spins
I am left in the same place where I begin

To trace and trace
Over again

At this time of day I remain hidden

I'm struggling now
These words to no avail
Youll never receive them in the mail

Word to the wise, here is your token
Do not put forth words of actions you have not yet spoken

Because if you loved me you would have never left

Me
here
alone
in this time of day

for lack of better rhyme
and it is to late to fix what you have broken

Yet you said it
Feb 2012 · 513
justanotherthrowaway
Samir Feb 2012
I'm sure you are happy
you always were
you always will be

I'm sure you are better than me
in the arms of warm company

I'm sure behind that big smile
seemingly always plastered on your face...
you are exactly as happy as you made that out to appear

I'm sure I am miserable
I always was
I always will be

I'm sure I'm as numb as you told me you were
lonelier than the person claiming that's a word
more lonely than 1.
I'm sure.

you won...you got your way...
you got a way,
(uh)*

I lose
but what if I had won?

This can't be true
He is just a writer.
Samir Feb 2012
It's crazy how life mocks you...

The sun shines bright
and then calmly dims as it sets

The moon shines also,
but rather always seems incomplete
always striving to stay fulfilled however
it is inevitable
completely out of its control

So much passion in the sun, so much life
You can't help but relate

Yet still

My heart goes out to the moon

Bright and wonderful all in its lonesome
surrounded by all the coupled diamonds in the sky
He wonders why he is always in his lonesome,
why fate has dealt him such cruel cards

The sun is content without him
in it's eternal love
encouraged by the world
to keep thriving
it benefits everything to blossom.

There is a certain allure to this lonely
character's circumstances though...

Forever alone isn't enough
his vex is unrelenting as an albatross stare
It is a shame
to always be situated opposite the constellations

he will never understand
why he is made to suffer lost
Why the only thing to keep him company
is the dark of the night

Why he is so numb
Cold
Desolate

And just as night to day,
night turns into day
and all hope is gone

It's funny how life mocks you
I want to die.

For I am the moon and time has turned its back on me
Is it so foolish to avoid the warmth of day
just to keep the moon company

Unreliable yet familiar
Irrational yet ordinary
Safe in the lie of night

at least I can avoid the sight of an albatross...
Jan 2012 · 615
half died
Samir Jan 2012
earth is a place
under the guise of life
that is

the subtext reads not

why are you so scared?
have you not suffered through every second?

the fire

do you not feel it?

the ambivalence

we are already punished

for earth is hell
and we will only start living
after we have died.

that is why we dress appropriately.
Dec 2011 · 1.5k
Lapidary.
Samir Dec 2011
a guy sits here
hair a twist
no ordinary man
but a case
whatever prefix fits

he knows no limitations
seeks no thrill but fear
holds no memory dear
brains grasp simply too frail
such a broken outside
and gargoyles pier
however
he tranquilizes them
anytime someone comes near
yet the people abstain still
no shame, no cheer

they simply cannot see what purity
he has in his crypt
intimidated
severe

so let us move forward and glaze over the thick
move towards the misery which anguishes him

nonsense is sensical, whimsy at best
rational is of logic and dreary
detest

******* and thumbing
he frantically does his best
pulls his hair out
pulls his hair out
closed fist
punches chest

"where is she
where is her
name i cannot confess
for it escapes me...
not because
but rather-"

due to his distress

he stopped and sighed
violence
cried
broke down
then bled
red from his eyes

i want her
the sad one
shy

hurt inside

abused, accursed
diseased but undisguised

she'll love me

she will
there's nothing there to hide
she'll make me forget myself
sing or dance or
romanticize

"i want her...
a baby's friend
the neighbor's newborn daughter
the baby friend that came over
as an infant, i saw her
i kept the same heart
but its been through a lot
and now its done with slaughter

i kept the same heart
its growing apart
i need the neighbor's daughter"

it seems as though convinced
he truly had the heart of a newborn
ambivalent
knowing no complexity
purely hurt or comfort
either way's a shoulder
diamond or dirt
seemed to be bipolar

so he seeks the same
not the opposite
that would be a shame

because no one else can relate
to someone who feels the world
has turned its back on fate

he seeks out this girl
overlooking
all the beasts in his way

with evil colors they mask their face
appear to appeal, they may

but he knows better
their defenses fragile
they attract a plethora

to which they expose
like a sinister rose
the black rock in frame

the black rock so hard
shapely carved
to which its "blacksmith"
inscribes no name

a black heart
he sighs
which holds no light

might as well not exist
Dec 2011 · 1.1k
Bliss
Samir Dec 2011
we're all waiting in line
for the second to come
where we either fall off the cliff
or choose to jump

and get put out of our misery...
anticipation
impatience
boredom

a strangely familiar feeling of solidarity

it either feels like a waste of time
or like you have all the time in the world

either constrained
or free,

oh dear virtues of love and song!

what a slow painful bleeding
what an amazing violent relief
what a comedown
what beautiful brain swelling
an infinite white oblivion

what a sacrifice
what devotion
what passion

what music...

what a burden it must be for a musician
the bard who is to dwell in the ambivalence
the mime who wishes to sing
but remains a mute

oh cruel queue
oh manic elation
oh devestation

why must you rude & shove?
surely we can ration
is there not enough air?

this is not a line but a stampede
we remain trampled

have we not learned from the birds?
have we not learned from the herds?

we're all waiting in line
for the second to come
teetering above a white oblivion

infinite,
beautiful,
a comedown...
what a violent relief

what a slow painful bleeding
Dec 2011 · 685
If i had to:
Samir Dec 2011
i was never that type of artist
the traditional kind
you know, with a paint brush...

but if i were to paint a canvas with my life
i would fill it with beauty

if i had to,
i would paint the purest of souls
the most loving of design
the most intellectual intricacy
with the most profound modesty

and then i would make it bleed
i would pain; to the t.

then antique it.
Samir Dec 2011
you're like that girl that sets up charlie brown
its ironic how you aren't here to hear
these words...
don't you think?
you can read them some other time...

its gotten to the point where i cant consider myself worthwhile
if you keep allowing me this pain; forgiveness
good thing i don't have a say in the matter
i never knew ambivalence could be so... predictable

you always thought leaving your problems is easier
i always thought solving them is worth it
guess opposites do attract

you're drowning me in a river of sin
the anxiety of betrayal; the relief of failure
theres no skin left on my bottom lip
i'm just broken enough to let you win...
Dec 2011 · 582
Amazing how
Samir Dec 2011
a smile that once spoke silently of sunshine
warmth, security
takes a turn for the worse
it stays still, unaltered
it takes the joker out
turns him to a clown
a smile that once spoke promises
seems to have been just a mouth
a smile that took a turn for the worse
without having turned into a frown

it's amazing how a smile can betray
Oct 2011 · 507
As you sleep
Samir Oct 2011
I watch
I understand
and I feel
most importantly

As you sleep
I know
I cannot feel
anything
from you...

it makes one wonder
is love tangible?
or is it humanly fictionalized

written as if this
what you are receiving
and reading right now
is...
well,
love.

can you feel that i care?
I will never know.
by your stare
impossible...
for you are asleep

I'll just lay my head down next to yours
maybe my life will cease
hoping I will cause an effect
maybe just a crease

maybe I can stop you
stop you
from counting sheep

perhaps teach you how to read

or maybe you can teach me to stop loving you
as you sleep.
Oct 2011 · 640
Failing to describe
Samir Oct 2011
because this experience I cannot relay to you

cards being shuffled by a trickster

it repeats/ it repeats

control was never there

with a flick of the wrist he made me aware

that life is but a joke,

so ****** it we shall

and the only thing that really matters to this *******

are the cruelties of the bottom line

but don't worry, i will transcend

i will get the last laugh

if the will is the way then he is me

and i am not enslaved but instead

we are at each others throats

fighting over a **** parking spot

every

single

second.
Oct 2011 · 958
Oh how the pendulum swings
Samir Oct 2011
and i stop it from moving

but the second hand still ticks

and theres no such thing as reverse

but tragedy as I glance over my shoulder

oh how the pendulum swings

oh how i try to stop it

I'd better get with the times
Oct 2011 · 611
Here
Samir Oct 2011
you show me no promise
nor have you been able to keep one

you show no loyalty
you cannot justify the means
extremes

you show no mercy
you never had any to begin with

i show no pain
not in this day and age

i show no truth
simply cannot believe it

i show no filth
there's a soap for that

seems that whatever was is
bound to repeat

here

i draw the line

refined

sublime

here.
Oct 2011 · 1.1k
closet full
Samir Oct 2011
of straight jackets...
different color for each purpose

dancing shoes to match
polished and ready for me to skateboard with

someone rob me...

i want someone to hurt me...

i'm disintegration on the inside

collapsed lungs

choking

bleeding while i ***** my vital organs
all over the gravel my face forwards into

i turn around and look at the sky
as i reach for a cigarette out my front left pocket
i keep my phone in the right one...

no one ever calls though...

so i take out the zippo she got me on our anniversary
and as i inhale and death fills my lungs

i wonder...

would anyone stop me if i were to be jumping off of a cliff in this straight jacket...

sideways... all i see are different shoes scurrying past my face

and i wonder...

is my closet too full?

maybe it is time i got a new wardrobe

or maybe it is time i put myself in one of those shiny closets

you know...

the ones that you wear your clothes in.

they make you wear a fancy straight jacket

black with silver lines...

and a noose around your neck
designer most likely

you know its the one from that riddle...
"who makes it but doesn't use it... who uses it but doesn't enjoy it"
i fail to remember, it goes something like that...

anyways, it's the best you'll ever look in your life...

i've never understood that...

who's going to be looking at you when its closed?
Oct 2011 · 777
Tempt
Samir Oct 2011
me...
you attempt to

contempt
i am subjected to

sent from the nether
repent YOU!

spent like the decrepit
i resent you

crazy as the daisies
"I'll love you"

like the devils water
will ignite you

like the temptress you are
I resent you

like the temptress you are
I will tempt you.
Aug 2011 · 1.0k
I'm Evil
Samir Aug 2011
You should be scared

I am...

fear is what you receive from me

because I cannot conceive it

there are no such things as boundaries that I will not cross

I learned this from all of you

I tried to retain myself as the pure I once was

but I have now mutated forever it seems

I cannot change now

I cannot ever change

there is a vacant soul here

my skin has dried up

my brain has disintegrated

my blood stopped circulating

my heart rotted to the core

and I cannot fathom life

ever being the same between you and I

doesn't matter who you are really...

Evil is universal, Evil is unbiased

Evil is not selfish though

I sacrificed myself first

I am my first and best subject

now go sacrifice yourself

before I get to you.
Samir Aug 2011
bleed

blood
everywhere

i would find a way to hide it

do not be afraid
instead be forewarned

theres nothing left inside

burn me
it feels so good
uncompromising

i have never been less interested with this existence

feel
something
anything

overdramatic
cliche
i think not

disturbed
unbalanced
unstable,
maybe if you push me

undoubtedly
dangerous

i dont need brawn
i dont need brains
i dont need you
i dont need you
i dont need you

i only need this one sick thing that i've learned
this one beautiful thing

you can help me burn

you can help me bleed

we can bleed together

forever.
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