why is that girl over there
surrounded by the darkness of the clouds?
she can’t feel but she can still taste
the blue, wondering who
the unspoken words
will melt into.
if i could read her mind, i bet
she’s thinking of the roof of her school
look down upon people wrapped in gold,
the roof that will be the end of her.
she’s thinking of jumping into
the blue ocean she drowns in,
making a tiny splash that no one will notice,
swimming away, floating away,
slowly.
and on her last day,
she will find the answer she’s been looking for,
because it has been right in front of her,
at the edge of the roof, the entire time.
she will let the wind carry her away as she falls,
nothing to stop her but the concrete she lands on.

i don’t even know how we got here.
we’re lost, out of control,
being driven crazy.

i still dream of a boy
that i used to know.
now i’m stuck looking
for a place to fit in.

can’t find a place and
now i’m late.
we walk in looking
like we just had a make-out session.

but actually, that’s just because
we tried to run one mile
in two minutes. honestly,
i thought this would work.

but you ran ahead.
why didn’t you wait for me
to catch up?
now every spot is taken
no space
left for
me.

you are a box
that i open.
a gift
that i receive.
and it's all mine.
          (...i think...)
i can put more love into the box
and let things pile up inside.
i can bury all my pain inside
and all my fears will be hidden.
          (...but they won't go away...)
one day we won't like each other anymore.
we'll have to move on.
that means taking back everything that's mine.
but all the pain and sadness
can't be given back.
i have made use of it
and it's now mine.

friend a,

          how are you.
          i am
          fine.
          today i made a new
          friend.
          he walks me home
          and he is in all
          my classes.
          his name is
          depression
          and for my birthday
          he said he’ll buy
          me
          pills.

                    love,
    ­                me