I come from
Bleeding gums
Skinny arms
And ketchup smothered chicken
From dyed blue hair
And chipped black nail polish
From
"There’s no use crying over spilt milk"
And
"You’re not the first person to fail history"
I come from
Cracked bathtubs
Cracked skulls
Crooked teeth
Oversized sweaters
Overly sweetened tea
From diabetes
Breast cancer
And depression
I come from black heads
And pimples
Frizzy hair
Half filled journals
Half empty coffee cups
Purple lipstick
Scars from dropping the oven mitt
Seared flesh on wrists
I come from
Cigarette smoke curling under summer skies
From fake fire places
Freshly baked cookies
Poetry in the form of blood cells
From mental hospital stays
From blinding headaches
That vibrate through teeth
I come from
Pentacle necklaces
And pearl bracelets
Apple perfume
New York City visits
I come from
Trees
And grass
And flowers
I come from the beach
From salty air
And sandy toes
I come from everywhere
And I’m going nowhere

Sinking into the abysm of the dark corridors of my mind
Here, In darkness where every thought becomes so clear
Each breath mirrored by silence
And this solitude forever drills tiny holes into bits of me
I shudder when I catch my own reflection in the mirror
My tormentor looks just like me.

Time remembers what we have forgotten; those moments feigned a dream, our reality misbegotten.  We said “I love you” when we should have said” I’m lonely without you.”  My god, what were we thinking, impulses of our youth to pledge our demise wearing trinkets. The dos and do nots hanging beneath the expectations; emotions lodged within our throats, choking the communication.  The catastrophes unforeseen, at times expected; the burden to heavy, the pain and fire misdirected. We carry a desire to change; we find it difficult to give up our troubled ways.

I fell in love only once
I didn't know what it was
at the time
it was only lust
it was only a game to see who would fall broken hearted first
to see who'd dare to say those words that mean so much
to see who'd forget that things in this world don't last forever
to tell a story of misery
to see who'd become sick and bored first
but then we shared secrets and danced while drinking ***** under the moonlight

You're so proud
Breaking all these fragile hearts around
But you're just as weak
As all the hearts you've caused to weep

You kept changing from one door to the next,
I couldn’t reach you in time like every ex,
You’d step through a door and I would try to fallow,
But every room had been cleared and hallow,
I reached finally and grabbed your arm and looked in the eyes,
And you were beautiful,
But you said you need to go,
With eyes of hate and anger was now all you could show,
And to let to let go of her arm,
I begged you to please don’t,
And you said you wont,
My satellite ran into your semi in the sky,
And we both flew down to earth,
So I let go of your arm.

I'm so tired sad and confused
Lost hurt and forgotten in this place
Want to know what I do to feel something
I usually lay on either side of my body
I go into deep thought about everything: how I have no one, how I am a no one, ect. , and it doesn't even take me long to think it through cause I know its the truth.
Then I get so depressed I tear up.
And this ladies and gentlemen, is it.
One satisfying lovely heartbroken tear comes out my eyeball and is slowly making it way to my pillow or even into my deep collarbone. If it goes to my pillow then its just one in a million sitting in it. But I usually like it in my collarbone, well because this the part I told you about. I feel something there. Something or someone is near me. Resting on my cold, cold, bones.

It has been 268 days, 1 hour, and 27 minutes since you left the world Mel.

I felt you the other day,
As the leaves were changing their colors
I felt you the other day
Just like the trees feel the breath of winter upon their backs
and Fall inevitably turns to Winter
And the leaves disappear
And just like the leaves fall to the ground and get carried away
So do my memories of you
One at a time, I’m losing them
Since the day you died, fall has been in season
I had a tree full of brilliantly colored memories
And as time has passed on
The weather is having its way with my mind
No season lasts forever
And this one,
I wish it would
Because every day brings me another 1440 minutes
Away from your existence
I’m forgetting.
The first to go was your smell
So I held on tighter to every moment I spent with you
I wrote them all down, you know.
But my mind doesn’t understand how badly my heart needs to hold on
I’m forgetting
Your voice.
Your eyes.
Next it was your laugh
And all your little corks that I held so dear.
It’s been a while. Hasn’t it?

I felt you the other day
Without even thinking of you at all
I just knew you were there
Looking down at me
You know, sometimes I sit for hours
And focus solely on you and try to remember
And I torture myself
With the thought of you being gone
Until I feel a little bit of comfort,
And in that comfort, I know you are there
But as of late,
I don’t feel better
Sometimes I sit for hours and cry until I can’t see,
Until I can’t breathe,
Until I can’t speak
I have to.
Because if I don’t,
Then it makes me ashamed
I feel guilty
For forgetting to miss you.
I miss you everyday
It’s just sometimes, it hurts harder one day than it does the next

I felt you the other day
I felt your presence in mine
It was comforting
And shattering
I’ve learned that the wound never really heals
We just find a stronger medicine
I felt you the other day
As I sat in the red chair that people you didn’t know
Decided to dedicate to you
As an act of kindness so that we’d remember you
It’s been here for 218 days, and a little change
I’d like to burn it and pretend you never left
I’ve noticed that it’s easier to talk to you during the night-time
When I’m looking at the stars
Because it’s easier to remember when it’s darker
The sunlight just distracts me

I’ve breathed a million breaths since the day you left
Inhaled life and exhaled the stale air that somebody else
Will fill their lungs with
Yesterday is gone and tomorrow hasn’t happened yet and
I’ve spent today missing you
Today turns into yesterday
And tonight bleeds into tomorrow
And I’m still denying the truth
That you’re gone

Your voice will never reach my ears
Your heart will never pound upon your chest
Your breath will never pour into the atmosphere
And you've left us all here
and maybe we’re resentful cause none of us were ready
Goodbyes **** the passion out of you
Put your reality on pause while the world continues spinning
They take your breath from you
While reality drowns you and your lungs give out.
And you end up panting for breath
As you choke back the sobs that the world needs to hear

I sat next to your grave today
And the wind, made drunk with your presence,
Breathed against me
We talked, you and me
I talked
And you listened
I saw your mom
She told me that “you’re better off than we are”
And maybe you are
But it still makes me bitter
I’ve heard that nothing is destroyed,
everything is just transformed
So the trees are cut down and thrown in a fire
The logs are turned into ash
And blown away with the wind
Your shell is resting 6 feet below me
Flowers are growing
The grass has come back
You are in them
And that is eternity

And I hope you went
With a smile
I hope it was as easy and as quick as
Leaning back in a chair the color of the sun
while listening to lazy piano music
Can we reverse time?
Or has the timing been assigned?
Every moment has a purpose
Maybe death is misunderstood
Grief can cloud the mind
You roam free, no longer confined
Your destiny no longer follows a design
Wherever this journey took you
Don’t forget to paint the skyline
With your presence

It’s a little unfair and a little unclear
As to why you had to leave
How can life be so cruel?
It’s hard to believe
That moments turn to memories
And some memories turn to regrets
Regrets turn into lessons
And lessons paint vignettes
That become your background
Just a part of your past
We may be through with the past,
but the past is not through with us

Life changes and seasons go on
People pass away
Memories live on
Sceneries shift
Faces are interchanged
Life keeps on keeping on
And hearts get maimed
Human connections
Are all that truly remain
The fragile beats of the heart
Never stop when you’re in pain