This is a different kind of pain
It's different because no one knows
because it's bottled up
but the pain is too much to live with alone

This is a different kind of pain
because you were the one that helped me through
it's because of you that I'm here today
but that didn't matter anyway

No pain is greater than loss
not unless you lose the one you've had for your losses,
Who knew you were bottling up pain,
who made you open up

No pain is greater than betrayal,
heartache, the end to something so strong
and it is the pain in my back
that reminds me not to take you back

Nigel had said a lot that day, he spoke of old love and Jesus and other such fun and ****** things, he swore only once, and the lines from the poem stuck out like bright pink bubble gum on the soul of a black shoe, special lines.
Sunday was a long day, I didn't think anything would come of it but he still made me nervous.
We went to the skate park and he sat across from me and we were together and talking about the terrible person who had broken his heart, and how he never really loved her, he loved the idea of her.
I thought of how dumb it was to think you were in love with someone and then only like them for who they seem to be.
The windswept us under a skate jump and we just sat away from it all tucked away, then it started, he was annoying,
His hands found my extremely ticklish sides and he wouldn't let them go. At one point I tried to get out and he pulled me
Onto his lap, I was sitting on him and every inch of my body was screaming about something, about how much I loved this man and
How on Monday nothing would change and we would just go back to being friends, then he grabbed me and we found ourselves cuddling
Out of the wind and my lips were too close to his I opened them as if to prelude to a kiss, that day he had been licking his bottom lip
Lip which was a sign that he wanted to kiss someone, My lips parted and I spoke the line that reminded me of everything I wanted,
"I wanna kiss you like a traffic jam."
He smiled and laughed without moving his head back, "I wanna kiss you so badly, I am willing to chop of my own head and throw it at your lips"
I taunted him, my nerves tingling. This was wrong, or was it... it felt to good to be wrong,
And yet...I challenged him.
"Bring it."
And then we were kissing.

You think you are the victim
But everyone knows
That you are not
You didn't even want me
So what is the big deal
I haven't done a thing
I politely asked you to leave me be
And then you hold it against me
Why are you so caught up in this
I can't help what other people say
I didn't tell them to stand up for me
But they did so anyway
They saw that what you were doing
Was rude and unnecessary
You didn't want me around
So why must you keep trying to see
What I say
What I do
And who I talk to
Be hateful for no reason
That's fine
A guilty conscious will ruin you
In time

Alcoholism,
They tell me it runs in my family.
That it kills every single one of us that it takes over,
That its our own curse and nightmare,
That its a silent death.
They tell me to stay away from it,
So that I dont become like Aunt Andy,
Who is an alcoholic,
With her life spiraling down the drain.
Or like Great Uncle Bill,
Who died before I was born,
Of liver cancer,
Because of alcohol.
They say that if I don't go near it,
Then I'll be fine.
What is it?
A rabid dog?
The smell of the poison,
It calls me in,
Like a Siren would a Sailor.
It puts me in a trance.
They tell me to never start,
To never go near it.
I'm already at its door.
They say its in our genes.
They've told me this for years.
I always figured that someone spilled beer on their jeans,
Apparently not.
Apparently we have what they call a "predisposition",
To the silent killer.
Why did they always call it the silent killer?
Drunks aren't silent at all.
My daddy warns me,
And begs me to stay away,
And to not get involved,
But there's already a burning want for it.
The burn as it trickles down your throat,
And then the buzz you get in the back of your head.
Maybe just one drink,
What will that hurt?
Thats how it always starts,
In my family at least.