I wish I had found in you,
all you had found in me.

now
for the first time
I can hear in the silence
echoes of where
those three words
soon will be

And I thought of all the people
I so desperately wished I could
Stick my broken hands into
And rearrange their hearts to make
Them love me
And I thought of the million ways
I mutilated myself to fit the mould
Of another persons needs
And I felt the presence of absence
All over again
And I thought of the serenity prayer
They say in AA meetings,
The part about accepting
The things you cannot change,
The courage to change the things you can and the wisdom to know
The difference and I started to cry
Because if the sky can rain one minute and snow the next without
Knowing the difference
Then how on earth can I even fathom
Accepting the fact that I cannot
Even begin to tell you the root of
How I first began to rot?
Because you won’t listen and I won’t spill and my heart is an empty shell I wish you’d fill
But you can’t and you won’t
And there’s no way around it but
If I can’t accept it at least I can
Think about it
And thinking is not better than
Accepting
But it’s something
And something is always
Better than nothing.

Come one
Come all
To this circus of thought
Through the curtains of opinion
You will see wonders of creation
These animals of personality
And tricks of illusions
Dark secrets held close
Hates long buried
Brought out from the attic
For all to see
Cleaned up and polished
Expressions of beauty
Belief and disbelief
And ugliness
And confusion and
Stress and irritation
And happiness and bliss
And everything that makes a girl
Human