I was on a freezing
Train platform when
A cursing man approached
Me
His smile already queued up
"Hey man,
I tried to ride the
Train with an old
Ticket"
He turned the ticket
Over and over
In his hand
To accentuate this
Point and continued
"And i have 9 bucks
Could you spot me
For the rest?"

"I have no cash"
I lied
As most do
When confronted for
Money by a stranger

"You don't need cash
You can use cards on
The machines"
He said pointing
Towards the bank
Of awkwardly standing
Ticket kiosks
Our only companions
In the chilly night air

"Nah man, i'm good"
I said

His expression changed
Not to anger but
Disappointment
"Well, thanks anyway"

He walked off cursing
A broken trail of white
Breath twisting dizzyingly
Away from his head

Standing there I felt bad
That I hadn't helped him
He only needed 7 more dollars
And I had six crisp twenties
Folded neatly in my wallet
And two credit cards
Nowhere near maxed out

For some reason
I started to interpret myself
As part of the problem of mass
Apathy amongst men
In turn feeling slimy
Unnatural  

I made a point to lap the
Station multiple times
To find this man and give
Him more than he needed
Not to help him
But to prove to
Myself that I wasn't
A phlegmatic  
******

I caught him inside
With another young man
About my age
With a softer face
Giving him a sandwich
And a few crumpled bills

They traded a few words
And laughed
I returned to my
Perch on the platform
Alone in the
Freezing night air

Later the man came out
Smoking a black and mild
And waited next to me for the
Train

When we got in he only sat
A few seats from me
I saw him take the
Ticket he told me was old
And hand it to the
Attendant
Who punched it and moved
On

Later we made
Accidental eye
Contact down the
Aisle
He queued the same
Smile and turned away
From me

She is hunched
Over across the aisle
From me
A balding man
Sits against the
Window next to
Her speaking
To the girl
In between them
In spitting whispers

"I'm going to throw up"
The hunched over one
Says staring at her phone
The balding guy and
The in between girl
Laugh

I can taste the
Beer on my own
Breath and my
Coat is too hot
For the train
I fidget around
Waiting for her to
*****

The balding man is
Mad at the in between
Girl now cursing her
Out under his breath
And she laughs in
Gasping chortles
And the slumped
Over one is pale and
Crumpled like a
Saltine in chili

They all start to sing
A song I don't know
And get off at some
Stop I've never been
To

They bother me
I don't know why
But I could tell
You a million
Reasons why
I ******* hate
Them

It is a superior
Trait of mine
To be able to
Hate what I
Don't care to know
While most
Pretend to know
And hate anyway

Please
*****

I saw two dogs
White and black
On their hind legs
Playfully fighting
On a lawn
Manicured
Into sterility
Minus the
Blanket of
Yellow from
The shedding trees
Coats

I felt like
My life was
Woefully
Behind
That there
Was a black
Hole or a
Black cloud
That followed me
Around

I thought that
All my answers
Were in the bottom
Of all types
Of bottles and
Pipes and
They were nowhere
I should have
Known that they
Were never there
In the first place

I try to
Distract myself
The best that I
Can
Much like
Everyone else
But sometimes
There is a
Chewing worm
At the back of my
Mind
A writhing snake
In my herb
Garden and
I can't help but
Decapitate it
With my *****
And go inside
And have a glass
Of lemonade

Good luck all
As we march on
Into ruins and
A blizzard of
Hot ashes

I'm tired of
Waiting for
The rest of
The world to
Catch up
With you
& I

I know it's
No way to
Think but
One day
We will both
Die and all
This wasted
Time being
Apart is
Making that
Day draw
Closer &
Closer

I don't
Want to be
Away from
You and you
Don't want to
Be away from
Me and neither
Of us want to be
Away from us

We will happen
Whether they
Want us to
Or not

The mariachi band
Is playing dizzyingly
Next to our table
The guitarists
Hair wetly slicked
Back

"We live off of
Tips sir,
Anything
Will help.
Now, something
Romantic for
Your woman"

When they are
Finished their frantic
Strumming
I had him a
Folded 5

They dash off
To the next
Table

I slug a pounder
The beer inside is
Warm and the water
That runs through
The city is the
Same color as the
Water in Disney
World
Dyed that sickly
Turquoise grey

Tour boats cut
Small waves that
Lap the sidewalks
And the fat tourists
Feed tortilla chips to
Swarming clouds
Of small brown
Birds

Another warm
Swallow of beer
And the sunglasses
Perched in my
Greasy hair

Who needs a
******* job
Give me warm
Beer and sickly
Fake water and
A table with her

Two fat young
Robins sit on a
Power line
Reaching off my
House

They don't make
Talk under pink
Clouds and a
Tangerine sunrise

They are serene
Perched in silence
They sense my
Envy and fly
To a neighboring
Tree

As I head out
To my car  
I can hear them
Talking
Probably laughing
At me

I was walking on a
Leaf covered path
The oranges
Yellows
And browns
Of fall carpeting
The fractured asphalt

My dad walked beside
Me with the hounds

"It smells so good
Everything is just
Starting to decay"

The oddly sweet
Perfume of a
Dying forest is
Lovely

He told me
That his wife's
Ex husband's
Wife had
Shot herself
During her
Lunch break

He came home
And found her
There by herself
Much like she had
Been for a long
Time

"Jesus"
I said
"That's awful
No one deserves
To find that"

My dad looked
Out at the massive
Flock of floating geese
On the reservoir
Honking loudly
At one another
As the setting sun
Painted a golden
Streak through the
Water

"Dying is bad
Enough"
He said
"To self inflict
It is doubly
Worse"

I agreed with
The doubly
Worse part

Maybe dying
Isn't that bad
The leaves don't
Sob or scream
As they rot and
Fall to blanket
The ground

I'd like to think
She didn't either

I know that
The trees don't
Mourn their
Lost leaves
And I know
They won't cry
For me