i am most upset with myself for not being honest
for saying the next time will be the time i come clean
now everything is so messy
i feel like its better to leave it as is  
and go back to being alone rather than try to tell you now,
i can't even envision what would happen after that

Glad we could get that out in the open now. I'm....sorry if it seems like im uninterested but actually I... I think I might be in love with you. And,  I know thats a really big thing to say. But I mean it...Then again, I fall in love with the weeds that are growing through the sidewalk cracks, or that random cd at goodwill that you think might change your life if you just had a cd player to listen to it. God, I need to stop trying to so hard."

"I wish I could just know what you want"

she writes in a haze and everything makes sense. if i was on ssri's i might take the risk over feeling like this. nevermind that was stupid to say because how can you know when you've experienced it. find a way to survive soon or this is gonna be a little bit messy.

i left all my tears in my bed the other day, i hate when my face scrunches up and i told you i cant think out loud. i saw a cherub on the telephone pole outside my house and they told me i should take a second guess. life is exactly what you see. try not to think so reversely.

thought about the sidewalk leading up to your house
the lightning bugs we caught along the way
the stairs up to the door
the blanket that rested on the couch
the pans in the sink
the tv in the shaded room
the statues in the backyard
the tomatoes we used to pick
the basement i was scared of
the filled up washing machine
the upstairs rooms filled with treasures
the secret door that lead to no where

i miss that house
i miss you more
im sorry i wasn't there to say goodbye

too little too much, i write next to you, your shoulders touch me , but you would never touch me. i heard the music starting to spike, i wish i could rewrite, the way we met, so it was just in my head. it was worth it, around 80 degrees, overworked every time, the ac went out last week. i see straight up, i decided the ceiling looked better, when the floor fell out, from under you.

when i read everything i write, it all seems so ridiculous. where are the real problems? have you ever been through anything ever or is loosing someone due to your own fault the biggest thing you've ever had to overcome?