Poems are a changing thing and are at worst a dragon.
Come to consume thoughts and drag words like virgins to the stake.
             when I was a witchy thing, black wings spread over in grief.
              I began to breath fire from depths of pain that no longer
              We're hidden- safe.
What a beast! Her eyes hot and tongue sharp and beauty unfolding
With each rip from a torn soul, oh! And to me, the greater the passion
The more a story is told.
              So it seems dark embers stir this creatures heat,
               While thundering for meaning as
               Joy to love, like a monster my dragon was only
               Trained to eat.
Molting form a maidens horror purity was up to fight,
Against the memories and faded- incomplete prose
That only taunted the will to abide.
               Writing only when voice can not answer
                and my heart offends- the more it bends
                To serve the dragon's fire.

It feels like a hot iron,
Sitting
on the back of your hand.
Burning
away all the flesh.
Exposing
tendons and bones.

Blood. Burn.

everyday I apply the faded mask of mine
it shows I'm happy & nothing is wrong with me
then when I'm alone
the sadness begins to manifest
& I swear I can feel every inch of it
crawling up my spine; sending chills with every touch
my ears ring at the sound of the deafening silence
the demons in my head begin to take over
killing my motives & dreams
& replacing them with threats & nightmares
I try not to let them get to me
but in the end,
they always win
*a.c.

you were always so strong,
always holding on to what was left
of us
or what you wanted to be left
from us, our trademarks
our skid marks our triumphs
and our failures

you were always strong,
strong enough to hold us both together
even if I kept making us fall down
and I'm sorry, I really am sorry
for being that piece of paper
which couldn't stick to the glue

and I'm sorry for being the odd man out
and I'm sorry

for doubting that you weren't strong
I'm *sorry

Now I know.
I am as safe as a secret.

Some will spread me like jam and eat me alive,

Some will savor the sweetness, taste here and there, and love me.

But who is who?

I've tried so hard not to breakdown this past week,
Not around my peers, my friends, my love.
But I failed.

I broke because my math teacher asked how I was doing.
She meant the assignment, but the words still got to me.

little girl, little girl, why do you cry?
you're only three; it shouldn't be hard
mommy & daddy just need a break
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, where's your smile?
you're nine years old; you should be
happy & enjoying childhood
mommy & new daddy are just having another disagreement
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you hide?
you're ten years old; you shouldn't be afraid of him
new daddy is just grabbing a drink
he wont hurt you when he's sober
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you run?
you're eleven, you should stand up for yourself
new daddy didn't mean to hit you or your mom, it was just an accident
& daddy didn't mean to ruin your life
it just seemed to happen after
he took you away forever
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why don't you speak?
you're twelve years old; you should have a say about who you are
daddy & new mommy are just
"disciplining you", don't take the insults personal, darling
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why don't you understand?
you're thirteen; you should be a big girl now
big brother is only doing what's best
for him & mom
you'll be okay on your own
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, why do you harm?
you're fourteen; you should be strong
daddy & new mommy are just angry
& having a bad day today
they didn't mean it when they called
you worthless, did they?
don't be mad at mommy for what happened when she was with
new daddy
if she didn't abort the baby
you & her wouldn't be here right now
your little brother or sister
wasn't allowed to grow
but maybe she did what was right
don't worry, everything will be fine
in time

little girl, little girl, where did you go?        
you're fifteen; stop being so pitiful
words don't hurt, right?
that's what everyone said, right?
how new are your scars, darling?
you must feel terrible
now that your parents know
you're good at hiding the pain
almost too good
thoughts of suicide & scars of
self-harm; you're one of a kind
why did you try to leave?
why are so you depressed?
why are you always asleep?
little girl, are you even listening?
don't worry, the worst has passed

you're already lost.
a.c.