This used to be my home, my safe place but now every room has an echo of you, though you have never lived inside it's walls.

This used to be my mind, it was filled with crashing surf and Beach Boys medleys. Now it's filled with how you looked when my kiss broke your precious trust.

This used to be my heart, only ever used once, I thought it could only beat for her, then it met you, fragile and broken, filled with a delicate strength, masked by the laugh of a devil.

You used to be my friend. You'd fill my days with words, my nights with laughter, my heart with hope and though you're still here, I know that to me you are gone.

I ****** up, I know this now. There is no explanation I can give, no rewind button, so I'll crawl on my knees and hope that one day you'll forgive me instead of forget me.

I will write a million apologies.
Because I can't stand these days without your smile.

A fool and her heart are easily parted,
there is nothing broken that cannot be mended.

I'm digging a hole deep and wide
I'll bury my love for you inside
then I'll fill it in, right to the top
and stamp it down, in hope to stop
these feelings that stumble from my core
and silence them forever more.

I'm building a wall as high as I might
behind it I'll hide my heart and my light
some stones once removed, now back, standing tall
they'll keep me within and forbid me to fall.

I'll paint on my smile, cherry red beaming wide
I'll laugh when expected, though empty inside
I'll move through this life like I haven't a care
but if you look closely
You'll see I'm not there.

I'm feeling an expansion
That isn't physical
Nor inside of my head
I know, I've checked
And, though easily tired
I have scoured my depths
For what?
A notion of things past
Experiences not realized
Nor will be
Misogynist, hater of existence
All but mine
A gift to myself
Fruition to be
Or not yet seen
Both awake and in slumber
I writhe, lain flat in covers
Real and fictional alike
There's nowhere to direct a longing
If ever I would create one

There was a boundary, a clear line, a stop sign
I overstepped the mark
saw the curve of your smile and wanted to taste it
I watched you, the way your lips drew on your cigarette
the way they move when you speak
and suddenly I was there
leaping the wall between us
breaking barriers that should remain.
I threw caution to the wind
and with a stinging slap you threw me in the trash.

There's a mirror in the bedroom
in it stands a dying girl
fading now, her skin transparent
pale beneath her crimson curls.

Standing there beneath her heartbreak
weighted down by the love of man,
enchanted by her slowing heartbeat,
love lies bleeding in her hand.

Deep inside she holds a secret,
words that form a heavy cross
with brittle spine it's weight she carries
fearing judgement, feeling lost.

There's a mirror in the bedroom
at my broken self I stare
shaking now, I'll start erasing
till I am no longer there.