I want to shake you
Scream into your face
are you blind?
made of stone?
I want to guide your hand
give you a nudge
a hint....a clue
but it is forbidden.

You see, I've knocked on that door,
more than once
I've prayed to whoever, whatever, that she would open it, just enough to feel my love.
You only had to smile and the locks, once rusted, turned with ease.

I've clutched at straws, held her so tightly, dried her tears, praying that she'd see me....

She only sees you.
Just you.
In every raindrop.
In every storm.
In every leaf that's ever fallen.
In every rotation of this planet
You.

She never speaks your name,
She sings it
To a melody so haunting that it captures all that hear it
a symphony of sorrow
as a heart once laid to rest starts to beat, to believe....then to mourn.

She loves you, though she always swore it was a lie.
She loves you, though she promised not to.
She loves you, I see it, in every smile that lays tangled within her confusion, her tangible fear.

I can only love her from afar
I can only wonder at her strength
as she protects your heart at the expense of her own
as I wait to pick up her shattered pieces once more.

You're gone.
I stumble through the dark.
Thoughts explode, lighting the dark with mocking tones. I would gladly die to call your name, to reach the unreachable but it's too late to draw breath.

A scream escapes my throat, tiny against the lack of you it dies without echo.

I am alone, afraid of my need for your comfort, afraid of my quickening heartbeat, afraid of  myself.

I am the coming storm.
Shadows dance in my wake, wrapped in lace from the gowns of the jilted, they drink my tears as their music turns tainted flesh to stone.

I am nowhere.
Here reality becomes transparent. The illusion of happiness and love  revealed to me in rapid flickers, a tickertape parade of twisted lies lurking in the folds of lovers limbs.

You're gone.
I stumble through the dark.
Tonight I will give myself freely to the depths, in the hope of no return.

True love hides behind her smile.
Can't you see it?

Six small words, that's all.


Six. Small. Words. 


Yet they sit mute on my tongue, held tightly by fear of the destruction they will cause. 

Seven syllables.
Swirling around my brain, screaming through my consciousness everytime we talk, begging to be spoken, consuming my every panicked thought.

Twenty two letters.
A small amount, though enough to tear two worlds into shreds and cast friendship into darkness everlasting.


They're only words, right?

If that were true, I would scream them across the sea, my truth drowning out the roar of the tide..... but these words would take you from me, so I bite down on them, imprison them within, where they churn and spit with fury at my cowardice.

Six small words I'll always mean but never say, seven syllables that would send you reeling, running, betrayed.  Twenty two letters that I could only ever follow with "I'm sorry" as I watch you walk away.

I hear the rain as it hits the glass
no need to open the drapes
the summer all but disappeared
no more sunshine escapes.
We were planning on a picnic
as a way to pass the time
good food, good friends a kickabout,
a glass or two of wine.
My enthusiasm dampened
I stumble out of bed
and ***** around for caffeine
to lively up my head
While stood here in my kitchen
my heart sinking, feeling blue
I thought I'd pen a little verse,
a "hello" from me to you.
I'm sitting at the table
striped pyjamas, coffee cup
when a thought it hit my addled brain
and really cheered me up
We shall have our sunshine picnic
though the sun no longer shines
I have 20 golf umbrellas (don't ask!)
large and gaudy in design.
So we'll take them to the shoreline
and what a sight we'll be
Lining up there like a rainbow
my friends, my boy and me.

Take these words and hold them dear
as proof that once I lingered here
within these hallowed written walls
that speak the fate of one and all.

Do not mourn me when I'm gone
heal your heart and carry on.
In sorrow ne'er my heart did dwell
for I was blessed to know you well.

Place no flowers, lay no stone
for barren earth is not my home
no marker there to bare my name
no mourners heads bowed deep in shame.

Shed a solitary tear,
then walk in light and never fear
as darkness creeps across the land
I will be there to hold your hand.