Our words are synchronizing up.
The shower is just the right temperature.
We are so close to simultaneous release.
Mornings are warmer.

Freezing legs.
Warming up your thighs.
My fingers are a hot bath.

Steam from the curtains
Dripping down the wall;
Wells.

The drain clogs from all the
Fear falling off us
From all the
Tears falling off; (Lust).

No more separation.
Resistance isn't.
Downward...

When I look in the mirror
Your hands are still on my chest
Your head on my shoulder.

These days, I feel older...
But like I have lived valiantly.

Like eyes don't just feel.
Like eyes don't love hands.
I laugh.

I love you...

Like women's children love laughing,
Like misery loves company,
Like we love crying,
Like women love their children...

Like ladders love painters,
Like brushes love canvas,
Like the pen loves paper,
Like the world loves Atlas...

Like bitterness loves constant dwelling
Like a housecat loves warm napping
Like soothsayers love the act of telling
Like women love their children, who love laughing.

Like strings tie us into impossible knots,
No one can pry apart our eye-contact...
And even when you weren't watching,
I was poking holes in your mind.

Distance is only a conceptual nuisance.
But what is distance to us,
When we share a soul?

I feel my heart beat behind your ribs,
I feel the steady tempo of my snare
Within your contrasting veins.

Mixing bodies, forgetting that we each
Have an ending.
All I know is somewhere in the midst of tracing you
There's a fine shadowy line
And then suddenly I'm tracing me.

Or maybe I was just tracing the same person all along.

Your light touch, gliding along my neck...
Air particles, dust wisps
Dead skin from sweating children.

Here's what I will do:
T-shirts and cologne
Hidden away in between your raveled muscles
So when you stretch your legs
You can feel my finger-tips
Tracing your calves
Wrapping around your heels.

And when you're here, bury yourself alive
In my bed. Between the sheets and feathers,
So when I want to cry at your struggle,
I can simply smell you in my clouds.

And when it begins raining,
I can see you leak from my pillowcase.

But once again, what is distance
When our minds stretch across oceans
And our love withstands society?

Your eyes touch the back of my mouth. Make it so hard to swallow.
I never breathed so evenly, my stomach feels so hallow.
I'll bury my face in your neck. Allow me to sink my tongue, and
Drown my teeth into your arms. Your breath fills my lungs.

Everything is easy now, since we simply let it be.
This is anything but sarcastic, the way our colors bleed.
I love your golden irises, I love your sepia skin.
Wrap yourself around my bones and melt into my ribs.

I feel like our arms glide through each other,
Like dancing lovers, after years of familiarization
Predictability in every step, but for once
Comforting to know what's going to come next.

Your hands hieroglyph the language of my fingernails
Decoding a sensation that belongs to something bigger than us,
And finally understanding that it's okay to touch that.

Contentment for war. Trading pity for empathy.
Trading sympathy for care.
You were always in the confines of my aching head,
Your name is in all my search-bars.

If I had the right fingers, I would create you in marble
I would design a statue and have it be gilded
In your honor. And if there was a temple for us,
It would be in the shape of a man, aimed at the earth.
He would be bowing to a large evergreen tree.
And our initials would be carved on the side.

Let's finally spraypaint our faces in underpasses
Eyes like this deserve to be gazed into.
Eyes like yours.
Deep breathing, my face in your chest.

Breastbone meeting skull
Dripping my lips onto your skin
Like candlewax.
If you kiss me with finality,
"I promise, darling, I'll kiss you back."

I'm floating through clouds of color
Skies of creamy tan skin.
I have...
A backbone to direct,
Gaps between ribs in which to lay my fingers,
A stomach to caress,
To lay on a chest,
A beautiful mind in which to rest.

Your eyes are so wide open, it's almost frightening.
The contorted, twisted confusion in your cheeks,
I want to wipe this all away.

Come here. Hold me.
I am your anchor. You don't need me
But I am here for you.

This is a very simple poem,
But the point is,
I love you.

HE. IS:
A whirlwind of absolute rage and apathy
Cruising through life like a pitfall
Without a place to land.
All these problems, all these horrors,
Mugging, ******, ******, genocide,
Making people pay to live,
Making people believe money is the root of all evil.

When I met you, I wanted to dominate you.
And you wanted that. Is that really right?
Because now all I want is to show you affection.

We would take each other as ******.
We must take each other as we are.
I love you for every single thing you ****** up.
I love you for every single thing you did right.
I love you for understanding I am a child.
And so are you.
We are children, wandering and wondering
What is it we're going to do?
"I can't take care of myself!"
Neither can I! But I can take care of you.
Let's eat.
Let's enjoy it.
Let's not feel disgusting.

Because we're beautiful.
And putridity is wondrous.

I wanted you to hit me so hard.
I wanted your lips to break in mine.
Your teeth are wise, your tongue is buzzing and fluttering.
Your eyes, red and itching,
Burning and running black down your cheeks
Your pupils so large,
Your irises glowing
The whites were just water
Water and salt
And pain

And agony
For him
For you
For me
For our parents and that girl I met when I was ONLY NINE
And alcohol and war and self-loathing
And lack of confidence.

We will cry for everyone we can not fix
And it will be the best thing in the world
Because when we're fixed, we're going to be real adults.
Geniuses.

I hope you don't have to leave.
Because you are strong enough to do this yourself.

And no matter where we go...
No matter what God is watching
(if there is one), I love you.

And ******, I love myself.

I'm miscarrying. I'm losing a Child I could never have.
I expected an abortion and what I got was a second trimester.

I feel like everything beautiful I could ever say to you,
Everything that could truly add up to your worth,
You already know, and I have never even said them...
Except with my eyes. All I want is to have
And to hold.

I feel you have always known me.
Like a little piece of what I am has always been in you
And everything you are has somehow sunk into my
Conscience, my soul. When I am around you,
I feel I have a soul. Remember? An entity. It's really there.
People like you make me hope hope hope TO GOD that there is a Heaven
People like you make me pray pray PRAY to someone I don't KNOW that we, as a species, can finally transcend and become something MORE.
People like you make me BELIEVE that there is a possibility
That humans can be the epitome of goodness, and tenderness, and responsibility, and care, and equality, and pensive, and love.

I'm honest. Everything will be fine for me:
It's fine that I'll cry
It's fine that I'll feel depressed
It's fine that I'll feel unwanted
It's fine that I'll feel neglected
And rejected, and pitied, and inadequate...
Because these are all normal human emotions.

But before this happens, what about...
How long we can gaze at each other?
What about how perfect our skin feels aligned?
What about what those moments made you say?
Remember the contentment? The beauty in us
Just being there?
What about you wanting it more than I did?
What was all this? A precursor to a let-down?
A build-up and a sudden realization of the fact that we are two separate people who feel completely comfortable as a single whole and you can't handle that right now?
Because I could understand that.
And I would still be here for you.

But for the record...

I feel like if this universe were to open up right now
And time melted and disintegrated into dust
And oceans began screaming and violins exploded
And swans sang choruses with choked voices
And volcanoes erupted, and bombs fell, and echos stopped
And all the bells in the world forgot how to ring,
That my last dying wish would be to run as fast as I could
To find you. And then I would hold you.
And I would hold you as this world collapsed.
I would hold you until my hands grafted into your skin
I would hold you until we were but skeletons arm in arm
Splitting into thousands of pieces from shock waves
I would ****** your spine with my fingers until they collided
Until the world split directly in half
I would rewrite constellations to spell your name, PROUDLY
I would cry blood into your soul and you would know what I REALLY FEEL.
I would squeeze you so hard that you would HAVE to understand and tell yourself,
"These are the very last moments I will live."
And, without speaking, my lips would reply,
"SO LIVE THEM WELL."

Claustrophobia, bouts of depression
An extreme sensation of longing
A sudden realization to the loneliness
A harsh fervor for the idea of loneliness
Bitter repulsion at the self for the loneliness
But when you get over loneliness,

then it's just guilt. and then nothing.
It's worse when you forgot what you did
Or you choose to deny it.
Lying to the self.

That's when I drown.
I need you to be my gills, so I won't drown.
I need you to be the truth, so I can't deny it, so I can **** this guilt.
I need you to be loneliness, so I can crush you.
I need you to be longing, just for me, for a balance.
I need you to be depression, so I can be free
Of claustrophobia.

And then I will swim.

This is something I care not to clarify
I love the way you love the way I love the way you think.
It's so passive, reliable, justifiable, true.
Genuine, down to earth, positively youthful
I like the airwaves within this space
The fluttering shimmers of particles
Floating leisurely among these silent breaths
Between words, between sighs, between signals
Never misinterpreted

It's as though a single mind unites both of ours
Not as if we share it, but as if some unifying God shares us
And allows us to share its beauty among ourselves.
This is the moment that freezes the day still,
A completely honest simplicity in naked exposure
Veins pumping radiated green liquid
Nitrogen honeycombs decorating the walls
Splicing and combing DNA strands

This is what it is to be maybe, probably, quite possibly but most likely not in love
But maybe, probably, quite possibly but most likely not just a confusion.

I think, I think this is a blank sheet.
That we have openly filled in
You propose with those bright colors
And i fill in all the dark spots
And this blank paper becomes a painting
And soon, I feel, whether you try to make it work or not
We will be immortalized in this painting...

Because let me tell you one thing I know for sure about us.
Whether it ever got finished or not,
I would never, ever, EVER sell that painting.

I want to tear you away from the clouds
From the ballfields way away from here
To scream right at your face in violins
And swelling horns and drums crashing
Choirs crying out a deafening triumph!

You would be blinded by your own tears
And your smile would light up this passage of time
Galaxies would burst open with our hesitation
We come closer and closer, clouds explode
Three suns are yours, eyes and mouth
Enwrapped in snow, we'd clasp and dig holes
In each other's backs.

I want to grab hold of your ribcage
I want to open my door and fly under six feet
At the force of your body totaling mine
Your lips breaking my teeth
Our tongues tied.

Bones bleeding into one another
Color receding...

Your initials in the sky
Title biting
Fall into my chest...
Seraph, succubus,
Everclear angel.

Blasting sparkling blizzards
White skies suffocating;
A ****** of crows hiding.
Chattering from treebark
Petrified little rodents (final)
Serenity in personified wind
Given shape through fog and flake
A symphony of schools of tiny pearly fish
Slamdancing in steam from generators
Perspiring the only heat (miles)

Needles on branches leaking natural
******, made by contrast of mother-of-pearl
Glistening from coral made in woodland;
Empires of organic respiration
Evolved into perfect lungs.
Let the Big Fish gather!
Stalagtites from shed-ceiling
Melting slowly. Cones sprouting
From ground of perfectly smooth rest
Nesting in honeycombs of golden hashish
Leaves falling from stems busted
Water filling up airlocks long since rusted
And the rooftops of cars and homes are dusted

A shroud of grey cloud, nothing comes in
No one goes out. Fortress, sanctuary,
Harmony, charm. Schools stop worrying.
No sharks, no wolves.
Only lonely, shivering coyotes.
And nestled cubs in bedspreads
Let your tongue out, divulge, reel in...
Partake...
Ingest.

I'm about to take a cruise to an arctic wonderland
Trees will be tumbling and white
Cars will be snow-blown and frosted
My limbs will be hypothermic and exhausted
The sky will be a dull gray
I will be enclosed in sepia tones
Black and white like the sweet 50's.

But constantly I wish I'd happen to spy
Your black silhouette on the milky white sky.

Begging you
My knees scarred and raw
Purple
Bleeding profusely

Skin falling off
Stare at these eyes
Can you see the gold?
A frequent memory of lawns
And sheets among dawn
Thankful to simply be a pawn
Apologies unneeded
Warnings unheeded
Don't you utter a careless word
Is this all we have with which to work?

You may carry the aroma of harmony,
But your twisted psychiatric cacophony
Is a melody to the sad symphony
That I wish I could sing you
I would put you to sleep
Every single dark evening
By feel, under star-shine

If my songs were moving enough to make you stop crying inside,
Would you finally carve our initials into trees
And spray-paint our faces into underpasses, please?

You threw my ashes into the walls
Prolonged my life by a few minutes
You genuinely care about me
My singsong introductions
My performances, my body
My aging.

You really care, you really invest, you truly impress.
So why can't this grow?  Relapse?
Come hither.
I trust you to use me responsibly, dear.

I'm drawing a blank, here.
Let's spill it all out.
We love everything altogether as it is. Even the things we hate.
We love to hate them. I do. You certainly do.

No relevancy here, please don't even try to understand
This hastily scribbled bunch of swirls
I am just trying to meet my psychological demands
And dance across continental rifts
Deep-sea madness floods

Your brain on the walls
All your memories on my favorite sweater
It's so beautiful to watch your life flash
After your eyes are turned round
And they get all bloodshot
Like my buckshot.


This doesn't make any sense anymore.
What am I doing?
Seriously, guys, what the ****?!

It's so hard to watch the good ones turn sour.
Beautiful and poetic.
"I hate the way things are."

I think, if we continue to go on like this
There will be a moment when we realize
That we must end it.

The new beginning can be golden, but you're scared
The abuse is shining through you
Your eyes are blackening like pigment ensnared
Like underneath, the shadows glow through

Please say it again, please say it again.
Every time you do I just can't help but crumble and melt
And yes, darling, it is true.
Just like an ocean blue, the curtains make me wet for you
The morning fog is peeking through
Like a [seven-ten AM] full moon.

We can't keep meeting like this.
I hope you see these words
Because I want to throw them in your face.

You are my one true wish. A desire I could never endure.
A person I could never approach to be sure
Yet when you're near, it feels so pure
To look in your eyes and wash the cure
Out of my bloodstream, with your venomous teeth
Attacking my chest like boysenberry leaves.
The subtlety of clumsiness becoming its own grace
Everything pinned down with your breath next to my face.

You know who you are. You woke me up.
With your hands on my shoulders.
Our arms locked.
Legs interlaced like a progressive scan.
Nails digging into the palms of my hand

The kiss that I see in your eyes, tongues tied like phantasmagoria
Get on my back once more; Your hands are food to my euphoria.

Arms intertwined
Telephone wires
Lay on my spine
Simply desire

You don't have to be scared to let the thoughts in
This morning would be pointless if forgotten
My body being pulled apart like cotton
Was this room made for truth or to be fought in

Violence and *** separated by a
Thin Line. Talk that way again and wreck
My Spine. Say those words again and then
Grind.
Precipitating on the windowsill, she's a widow still
Her pending husband killed before he was even real
I can't imagine the spasm from the thigh-bridge chasm
Until she pins down all my arms and keeps me fastened

The ease in our flirtation is no cause for alienation
You're a potential scream sensation, no room for retaliation
When my legs are in the basement and my back suffers lacerations
Nail recalibration in the spinal cord creation
Your hair still caught in the drain and the humidity of the rain
Peeling the walls off the paint, i always said she was a saint
The pulse will make you faint, in the rivers that I'd taint
I'll give you my heart and brain if you promise to keep me sane.

Your eyes dance like the last 3 men on stage at the end of a tragic play
Your legs grow from the earth and never falter like evergreen trees on a foggy day
we'd gallop down these empty cobblestone streets until we entered the veins
And on and on our twisted wires will conspire until we meet in the rain.

Darling, are you famous?
Is it for you I play this?
Why is it so hard to say it?
I want to loosen your teeth and your locked lips

Smile for me, the radiation in your mouth blinds the hateful fool inside me.
Laugh for me, I'll create a nation to bind you to the coils of my arteries
Hold me, your arms are oh, so cold, and they never relax my neck long enough
Open your mouth and leave your cries out to dry out and rot away in the sun snuffed

You're the one I bowed to, you gave me such a start
"Is it really her name that's been stuck inside my heart?"
And had I known that I really had a choice
My undying desire for you, long ago, I would have voiced
When you stroll by, all I can see are the music waves in your eyes
And sometimes, not knowing your name made me want to cry
So tonight, it will be known that I hate being on my own
And if I am lucky, maybe neither of us will have to stay alone.

What would you say if I told you
that every time you were near me, i got a little nervous?
Or that butterflies punch me in the stomach any time you smile,
and your eyes make my chest heat up about 200 degrees,
and when you laugh i cant help but smile

and what would you say if i told you

you were a goddess, a genius, a beautiful woman fit for a world with no pain, a [female young messiah], an ideal
a woman in which every woman should wish to touch and every man should wish to steal

After all this, I said that if I had the power and the mind to do it, I would have convinced you to be mine years ago...

Flutter on, because as we know
We're destined to grow
Not tonight, but...
Maybe tomorrow.

Frozen in shock
Frozen in sleep
Opening wounds
While I weep.

Lonely, left behind
They laugh and walk on by
And she's never quite as high
As she is when I try to die.

The one that balanced out the flag.
The Aloha state, palm trees glinting and feathered
Like a heart, to a streetlight, tethered.

This is where your intelligence hides
While you lay inside an empty motel
Nothing but the smell of gunpowder
And sweat, and her tears on the barrel.

Who are these people? They keep breaking down the walls.
I don't know if they're fighting or making love,
These Days,
which is to say,
has there ever been much of a difference anyway?

Ice being shuffled by a small, Spanish woman
Who moves silently between doors
Crowing like a bird, to keep the house
Clean, raw, like her hands.
Strands of hair hanging loosely in front of her forehead
Dangling like your fingers in front of my face
Trying to take hold on my thoughts.

The machine hums a steady frequency
And makes ice
She thinks of the power box outside your Hawaiian home.
The emptiness is humbling.
Heatwaves are rolling along like leaves would
If there were any trees to drop them.

The body among the bed, lying in a heap
Of loose teeth and lost sleep
Of licked feet and low upkeep

When the clock strikes, you can't hear it.
All you know is the sun turns white.
And the coyotes begin to howl and whine
Under the black skylight.

Powder, pulse growing louder
Coward, sour pint growing
Flowers, under my blue veins
Southward, outward up from a cave

Debase, erase, retrace, relate
A growing ******* *****
Eyes flying backward
Seizures coming and going
At their leisure, constantly glowing
I love my spine
But I want to lose it
So I don't have to use it
I'll feel right to abuse it

Obtrusive, under dissolved
Sometimes I feel like it's up on the walls
Always my fault, the simplicity
Of leaving life behind in favor of animosity
The thought crosses me, and the tamer tosses meat
A chance to breathe, desert floor underneath
My scorn disease, burnt and crumbled cities
Everything disappearing, wasteland empty

I don't like this life, it's bureaucracy
Everything we do is pen and paper
Transactions
Distractions
From the true inner peace
The true outer soul
Ego is gone when the world burns.

There's lead in my teeth.
When I smiled, the bounty on my head
It increased.
My twisted snarl is a symptom of disease
Soon I'll be
Deceased.

Leave me no option,
Save, to buckle
Under this leaf.

A man with antennae.
I can taste the tension
In the air. I love this part...
We release.

It's over
No more distractions
Curtain's closure
Save your reactions
Not sober
Justified actions
Come closer
We are a fraction

Love, listen to the earth
Speaking to my eyes
Entering the web
Shove me into a curb
Leave me where I lie
Watch the car flip

Gas leaks
Shards of glass afloat
God speaks
The words my father wrote
Our arms weak
Heads in the radio
Your fingers creak
Blood in the raincoat

Soft, unspoken eyelash
Staring into the sun
Kissing thunderclouds
Dogs barking in the rain
At people they don't know
Echoes on my radio
Cough up my keys again
I can not understand
Why this feels unreal
Hogs passing my remains
It plays on over again
Bodies unconcealed.

(It's over)
(It's over)...

Tonight my sheets are so cold
And my body is like ice
And angel, truth be told
To sleep with you'd be nice.

These buildings have fallen.
This earth is rotten.
Dust devils are really it,
Just a long, deserted highway...
Tumbling.

I miss everything we did, the way we held hands
And clasped legs
And lie there as if we had been married for years
(when I had known you for weeks)
Covered by our safe and stable concrete
Between deep breaths.
Biding our time before we go back out onto the grass
The only grass in the entire world.

We will make fireworks and nuclear explosions
For generations to come
No one will remember our faces after this.
It's perfect.

How I wish you and I could simply fall in love.
Could be pure, could be simple again.
Could love the skin, the subtlety,  the grace
Between stepping closer and closer
Trying to delay the touch, delay the kiss.
Then the dance, where our bodies become one.
Let these god forsaken people never, ever know
That these bombs fell for us.
Take these pleasures to the grave.
Curse the day the people know we set off these fireworks.

But if you ever need a lover, and if you are still
Out There...
in this Wasteland...
These searchlights in the sky are for you.
Love, R.

if i push this branch
the earth
tips
up.

tie me to the trees.
remember me?
your
banner.

when i spin this disc
the room
breaks
up.

drop me to my knees
dismember me
loud
hammers.

a virus on the land
a mansion made of sand
wrap me up in hands
of fire.
she'll never understand
or meet your high demands,
rather hire a band and
conspire.

if i flip this piece back
the crust
opens
blue.

you see the undertow
introduce the
wheels
to spinning

if only i could reach that
your trust
bleeding
through.

what kind of silence glows?
who told the atoms
to start
splitting?

the nebula commands
put forth the final plans
abandoned firework stands
are hoarding.
my vision blurs and bends
our eyelids now descend
has everything you've said
been distorting?

Cardboard boxes containing a fabric
Of something quite similar to corduroy
Converse high tops and a ***** old mattress
All the while oblivious to the boy.
Stacks of old donuts and Burger King fry bags
With whiskey and wine and a strip of barbed wire
Wrapped around a pair of prosthetic legs
And in the meantime he couldn't get higher

I see the photographs flashing in his eyelid telescope breastplate
He slams the sky and dances to the end of days
Crawling on the floor and throwing wet sweaters
Into rusty old dump-trucks on days of red letters!

Sunglasses mimicking Kanye style on a sweater-vest
With hands crawling up made out of glass bowls and jewelry
To encase the black chin made up of the camera-rest
Leading back to the nose jutting forward; a full-finger ring
Molly was her name and her fair hair flowed beautifully
Made up of plastic bags and empty pill-capsules
The eyes are glowing so bright and the mouth gaping open
He screams his dark magic right into the night!
The ******* techno disc-jockey ******
Runs up the telephone pole into kaleidoscope starlight
Eating the moths from the mouths of the dancing girls
Laughing quite gaily and not looking quite right!
The objects unfold and the man crawls from underneath
Surrounded by possessions, clinging to everything
Trying desperately to breathe, dying from a quiet disease
All the things he owned ended up owning him, you see!

Oh! Oh!
Red, red lungs!
Whoa no!
A wire undone!

Lightshow battle for capsules of fame
DJ buckshot bass heavy blast beats
You are evil; do you now realize it?
When you come here, you are pacified.

No voices, no words, no useless games.
A constant pounding in your head
The frequencies rising and dropping
Speeding up and slowing down
Record hopping
Sample stopping
Echoes from squealing vocal boxes
A drink for the woman behind the mask.

Flash that peace sign. Smile gaps.
It's beautiful.
Tragedy, in essence.
Huge eyes glinting brightly
Raving spirals encasing them
A look of constant fear, or dread, or excitement
Or maybe it's all three.

This is the love of my life.
I feel like I can finally admit that to the world.
You are the love of my life.
She's better than that.
Numb brain.
Bunk in for years.
Never wake up.
But never really sleep.

Every night the bracelets glisten
Take it all off before you go.

Now pick what's truly important:
Your mind or your body.
You'll feel better with sleep.
But if you ride it out, your mind will thank you.

Blue hair.
Shine on.

In my room with a crack in the curtain
Hands glowing blue, I ask if you're certain
When the veins of the water enter my lungs
You leave me speechless with my neck well-hung
From the bakery, you bleed into me and
The painting on the wall of the ribs I wished to draw
Floating shamelessly by us as your *******
Become my chest cavity, obsessed pleasantly with your smell

And if today is the day you say you love me
You'll disappear into the hills forever
Your metacarpals smell of rosemary and honey
Sincerely breathed the throat until Spanish September!

Your eyes are penetrating, your torso radiating
Bed creaking and complaining by the weight of our backs
And the cracks in my voice give me no choice
But to ask you to sweat out all your noise!
Sometimes I wish you still spoke Deutsch
So we could get under the shower without getting moist
What do you think of when I swallow your thighs?
What do you see when I look into your eyes?

And if today is the day you say you love me
You'll disappear into the hills forever
Your metacarpals smell of rosemary and honey
Sincerely breathed the throat until Spanish September!

You are an unpronounceable vandalized symbol on the
Walls of the empty bathroom stall that is my bone marrow
Elements out the window to remove limitations
So the space between our lips is sub-atomically narrow.
When I wake in the morning to lavender conditioned locks
There are no movements, there are no clocks
And when I open my eyes and clear my throat twice
You roll over to soak your hands up into my sides

And if today is the day you say you love me
You'll disappear into the hills forever
Your metacarpals smell of rosemary and honey
Sincerely breathed the throat until Spanish September!

You are the destination to my mind's only track
And I'll always remember you even if you never love me back.

I hate your eyes.
They're so big. They stare.
They mock me so.
They laugh.

You're so scared of being a good person.
It's so much easier for you to manipulate
Why feel when they give so freely?

Because they want your body. Your perfect curves.
That smile, those perfect crescent moons just below
The beautiful frequency notated collar bone
Etched and perfectly carved below your neck
Proportionally exact to the beauty we envision
During fantasies and action flicks and tabloids
Your face, the face of a star
A star-******.

Force you out. You are no longer what I desire.
Hilariously enough, I am no longer saying it for you
It's for me. It always was, in a way. But now...
There can only be one.

This town isn't big enough for the two of us.
So hurry up and do what you swore to do
For so long.

Run. Leave.
Go.
We're forcing you out.

Command.

A new day sprays my room with colors
and dust particles and light rays
like underwater sleep and showers.
There are chemicals to be blasted,
jackhammers with holes to pound
into mountainsides

This house looks like you and it was built in my honor.
Every time I climb the stairs, I hold your hand
Every wall, every angle, every archway, every door
They're all your eyes, your lungs, your veins
I revere in your deep colors.

Arms outstretched, a temple flattened
We will make our patterns loud and our faces heard.

I'd rather destroy this landmark than soil it with people
And their idea of success or power or God.
We are God. It's time we shout it.

We may not have every planet. Or the stars
Or the souls and tears of a million followers,
But we have knowledge. We have wisdom.
We have a healthy curiosity for more.

In this, we are the kings of our own world
We wear the crown of daisies and clouds
Muses are alive in every forest, every fence
Every field that we have wandered without sense
Every breath we have taken in this gulch.

When you looked at me, you didn't have to say anything.
I knew you were mine. I didn't have to say it.
And I wouldn't have given you the satisfaction in doing so.

This is a calling for every American soul aching to be free
I yearn for a revolutionary who will hold this man
With this face: no fear, no guilt, no pain
In the face of a billion firing squads,
At the edge of the gallows
With nooses around our necks.

This is a calling for a patriot:
"I threw that statue down the elevator shaft
Because I love you."

Left behind
I don't care about you
I'll look at who I want to look at.

They're cute.
He/she/we are so ****** ****.
We are evil.
They are us.

Just stay home and do your work
Clean the dishes and take a hit
She's melting you.
She's torn you.

Herein lies proof that you're no longer on her agenda
*******.
You're not handsome.
You're shaggy. You're not exciting.
You're kind of an *******.

When someone looks at you they won't think,
"Wow, he has got something no one else has."
Unless of course you hold a guitar.
Or a microphone.
Or a *** of cash.

All they will think is
"Who the hell does he think he is?"

I don't, anymore, my love.
I don't.

There is a pounding at the door. Soon it will fly open.
Men in gas masks will flood the hallway.
With shotguns.
You have so much to live for, man, don't do this.
We'll come in if we have to. But we just want to talk.

Your children love you.
God knows why
After the things you have forced them to see.

It's humid and the air is causing the culdesac to shimmer
Just above the road, like we lit the tar on fire.
Gangsters lean on their cars to watch
Your misery unfold.

Helicopters keep breaking my concentration
Glowing eyes from the floor
A collapsed heap of laundry
Rustic

All curled in on herself.
Where did we go wrong?
How did it get to this? How did the police get involved?
Smashing up counter-tops with a golf-club.

The windows are breaking and tear gas starts to rise.
The last thing I taste is formaldehyde
And then steel
And then red life
Flowing out the holes
And the orifices.

Carry the children out.
Give them some air.
Move along.
There's nothing to see here.

How is the wife?
Carry her to the stretcher.
Another day in the life.
Tomorrow will be better.

Anxiously Awaiting Atomic Assimilation:

Still not happy.
What is it about being pinned down that causes our hearts to rush
Or the pulse to harden?
I can hardly listen to music anymore: It all sounds like you.
My brain says give up and stay home
My heart says go out and love!
Give it all away! Take them all for granted! Let them use you!
Would it hurt? Not anymore. Not after us.

Random but justifiable meltdowns occurring every day sometime past noon. Every single day.
Your picture still on my windowsill
You in that dress
Our hands melted together
Our arms behind each others' backs
The smiling.

All the holding and kissing we did on the boat.
The propeller spun the water through my head
And out your mouth into my eyes
From there into your thighs
Out your ears and under your bed
From the time we wake up until we're dead

Bolted shut. The door is locked.
Every time I leave, I lock it again.
Robbery is a victimless crime when you don't care about your worthless crap.

Take me. Take it all from me.
Be an angel and sin with me.
She never will again.
Not as long as her picture exists.

She will never leave my head.
Just as long as that picture persists
Or the Pinback track continually insists
I just sit back and cry and open my wrists.

I can't cry. I can't laugh for any real reason unless a hookah is near, AND SPEAKING OF WHICH:

I want to be with you again, man. You left me at the same time she did.
Add insult to injury. Degrade my emotions. "She outranks you. It doesn't matter what you are feeling. Only what she is feeling."

Those words echo like a ton of bricks
Thrown against a canyon
Or a gunshot cracking on a silent, frosty night
The city glows, but not the way I like it.
Not the way you described.

THE WAY I DESCRIBED.
Don't you ******* tell me I ruined it for you.
It was already ruined! I just spelled it out for you!
Have you no eyes?!
Can you not see your impact?
You witch. You monster! You ghoul! You sorceress!
Succubus!
Seraph!
Get out of my head! Leave me to rot!
Let my tears dry! Let my head clear!

Fog from my eyes will dissipate!
But only if you GO AWAY.

One with eyes that burn me every time I move
A scowl which damns me the viral infection
Yet you hold her tightly
And it kills me.

I never could reach any amount of perfection that had been set as a goal for me. Never could keep anyone like you around. Never understood what she wants me dead for. Now you and her walk hand in hand.
After I spent so many euphoric nights with you
And so many restless nights now without...

She wants to hang me from telephone wires
She wants to impale me on trees
She wants my face stretched and contorted
To fit your needs! She will feed you!
She will have everything you want!
What will I have?

No heart, no smile, no happiness.
Just bitter, broken-hearted hatred
For her. Deserving you when I never can.
For her being able to be close to you.
For her being able to hold you.
For her being ALLOWED to love you.
Hatred for your acceptance of that
Hatred for the fact that you finally found
Someone as beautiful (if not more) as you.

You probably don't understand
How you can hurt me this much.
I don't know how to explain it.

Just, I miss you, I love you, I wish you the best of luck...

But sometimes I kind of want to hurt you.

Oh, yes, and just to be quite clear:


She doesn't deserve you.

Tears run soft down our cheeks
Your scent's in the ocean breeze
Loneliness and cracked CD's
O Solo Mio, hold me please

It's all okay now. Lay your head on me.
Gaze into my eyes. What are you thinking?

Lose my sight. On my knees
In the rain at night. Rescue me.
Light me on fire, put your arms around me
Sometimes I'm so tired. Please save me.
And don't forget me when you rise.
I'm sorry it's so late, but I must write
My eyes sting, burning red;
All alone freezing in my bed tonight.

It's all okay now. Rest your head on me.
Gaze into my eyes. What are you thinking?

Around a fire laughing like wolves
Nostalgia ran, the wind was cold
Eyes from a shaved head, her shoulders
Glowing in the firelight like a limelight night

Skies of the ocean run around beach-tree eyes
Put your arms on mine, laugh with me
Gaze into your blue eyes and ask why?
Why is your mouth so dry?

Let's go out and get some fresh air!
What's on your mind now?
I bury myself in your red hair
Vaporizing all the clouds

In a cocoon of your pale arms
Like the womb and its charms
You feel wet and red like a lamb
We all wept and fled for the sound.

Lies of the motions around peach-tree thighs
Put your arms on mine, laugh with me
We gaze into our own eyes and ask why?
Why can't I lay with you tonight?

Let's go out and get some fresh air!
What are you thinking about?
Bury myself in your red hair
And forget the shroud

It's all right now. Come close to me.
Let me hold you. Let us sleep.
It's cold right now. Come close to me.
I will warm you. Let us be.

I'm not happy.
Though warm like the pavement
Of a highway
On a freezing, summer night.
You can't tell because the blotter runs on strong.

I would die by your hands
Day by day.
Like a modern-day Prometheus
Sequence, substance, ether eager eyeballs
Stalling, stalling, stalling.
Call me forward.

Come hither, darling. You are so magic
Your face makes me break
Your eyes fill my heart with lye
It burns so much to see you
my chest and eyes and mind
My skull is an inferno uncontrollable
Inconsolable.

Darling, you will know
The meaning of undertow
And you have had me know
The true meaning of being low
Dead dreams, dead memories
Your eyes inside me
You haunting my dreams

Every night, another reason
To wake up to burning, red eye-sockets
Red rockets
Sky high
Firework death
Beautifully turning away from me.

I wish you cared and missed the fair because I didn't want to see you there.
I twist and turn and lose my hair all because you can not care.

Stare, stare, stare, stare. Haunting, haunting, taunting, haunting
Please leave me alone.
Please be there for me every day.
As a best friend.

But quit appearing in my dreams.
Witch.

Red, raw, raging regret
As far away as you can get
You make me want to hurt myself
To collapse into a shallow shelf
Shame is eating my head away
Pain is bleeding and here to stay
How can you say everything is okay?
That I am not killing you every day?

We need to talk. We need to walk.
We need to finalize what we feel.
We need to get all these feelings out
To remove our hands from our swollen mouths
This is all a nightmare.
My stomach churns and you don't care.
You said yourself you're numb to me.
Please, oh please, don't let that be.

I am so, so, so, so, so, so sorry
My aching eyes are closing hardly
There must be something left in you
For you keep writing about me.

Don't think I can't see it, it's so true.

Why won't you let me be in love with you?

Please, let's talk. Please.
See me soon.

Detached. Re-rendered. Under-appreciated. Again.

She was a cold photograph, still life; subterfuge, undertow, parabola, meltdown.
Words. Nothing in common. But the picture is there.

I'm not sure where it's going.
Because we are lacking confidence.

This world has interested me for so long. Celebrities save citizens more than governments. Hilarious.

Ellen was a saint during Katrina. Bush was in a tree house, as our satirical representatives like to put it.

Peoples' actions are giving selfishness a bad name. We all forget that non-infringement is the first step towards equality. We must preserve such sacred rights.

But do we care? History is a short hour of stifled laughter and deals. Ironic.

Let's just lie down on the grass like we used to.
But how can we knowing what we know now?

What if we had tools to forget? To run away?

There they are in the sugar.

Our God has forgotten our world
But we would rather float alone
We would rather own this home

No renting from judgment
Hypocritical clockwork
Every six minutes
Another empty phrase

This isn't just a warning
About the empty globe
This is a promise

Truly an apocalyptic nostalgia
Nebulae will fill the skies
The clouds will dissolve into green madness
It will be the most beautiful night of our lives

Souls have vacated all mankind
Only a few remain in right mind
We're the last to drift alive
But it won't matter by the end of night

The final hour is upon us

It's 3 in the afternoon

Trees all bearing fruit laughing
Gassing animals with broken hulks
Rusted on the roadside

The grass goes on and splits the mountains
The temperature begins to build
My hand and your hand
My glass and your sand

A broken mirror in the rocks
A final breath before it stops

It gets faster and faster every day. Every second in fact (notice the square).

I feel so sad for our generation.

Such a variety of brilliant minds spinning recklessly out of control, day by day by day. Things just get worse and worse and no one can stop it.

I feel sad because this collision course will end in one big cataclysmic crash, sending each of our young geniuses flying in all kinds of directions before they could ever discover the meaning of true, TRUE love.

The feeling one encounters when raising a child, an automobile, a house, a life...a goal. The emotion trapped within the nature of justice, the unbreakable cure for any disease of morality. This will never be revealed to us. It's all being drained away slowly, and every day new faces come round, and slowly those faces contort until they get more hateful, and with each passing day I see all the faces I used to love fading into cliques of twos and threes, starting to draw lines, burning bridges, ...falling down.

Divided.

I decided to devote my time to finding the most grotesque and morbid things that happen to ordinary people in the life I live in the town I live in. I have decided to devote my time to the macabre. A sort of Chuck Palahniuk outlook, if one pleases. The generally "ordinary" people around here have some secrets, and maybe it's time to spill them. Maybe it's time for people to get sickened, and frightened, and disgusted, and revolted, and angry. Maybe it will make them do something.

Kudos, 2012.

There is no floor
Below the water there is sand and dust
My feet disappear below the mist
And below that is a floor of nothing.

Lock and key, relative conductivity
Separation of anxieties
Generally elementary
Universal energy
Scientific inquiry
Empirical discovery

What a bunch of crap.

I bathe in fake white plastic
I swim in silent smiles
Dionysian warfare paintings
Classical textual narrating

Fitness, happiness, soporific movies
Genial tendencies, braced for ingenuity
Waiting for a paroxysm to bring forth neologisms
That test the boundaries of scientific truth
That recapture the errant minds of youth
We could make new buildings or lose a tooth

I hold the latter higher than that
I tilt the ladder there and back
Assiduous and wont, *** for tat
All a game, a joke at that
Your domain, provoked and trapped
Impressionistic spinal taps
On canvases of green and black
All from within cerebral shacks

Wind hammers palm trees on windowpanes
Wind tears down houses, rips apart planes
Wind doesn't move me, yet seems urbane
It's so jejune, it's all the same
I'm tired and lonely, powder remains
Pink like reagents in reactive flames
Quick like catalysts jumping inane
Frontal lobes retired my brain.

All I think when you look away
Is that one day,
You're going to make me want to stop.

My skin's warmth will not keep you happy.
You have it all taken care of.

And when you don't,
Words I've pulled out of my head
..For real, though...
They can't do anything for you.

Some day,
When the clouds are only white,
You'll crush me.

And as with the other August Decembers,
You won't empathize.

Hair like the hanging gardens
Eyes, Irish portals
Raspberry lips and their absence
O, to soak in the glory of your presence.

Hanging from your words
Like Jon Wayne Gacy
Over the concrete slabs of Babylon.

The women and children gather in the square
To celebrate the suicide of a totalitarian.
We've seen it before, but this time
In your arms
It will never repeat.

Endtimes. Nagasaki.

Why can't we lie here until paralyzed?
Let's just stay here until it's televised
As a sit-down strike against stars undefined
Communism capitalized, now I can die.

Living is over-rated
I want to get lost
In your chest.

I want nothing more than
To be crushed
Slowly
By the force of your thighs.

Lost in the raspberry tinge of a sigh
Swimming til drowning, til choking alive
Treading blood limply, floating inside
Dead in the river of your bloodstream.

Taken by rapids
To disintegrate
In your eyes.

Sun shimmering highway violin
The eyes of her like clay painted porcelain
The air dry and frosty like moon-dried paint
A face drawn downward into the sand

Centering around the spaces between sounds
A great white somersault and then we lie down
It’s almost hard to sleep when you’re there next to me
It makes me breathe uneasily it makes me want to dry up

Worrying about your preference is way past pointless
A smile so simple and words becoming useless
Thoughts melt and blend into perpetual transcendence
Other people end in infinite dependence

Your voice is so refreshing in a setting so unsettling
A world unforgiving, and yet never forgetting
Concise and not faltering by around-the-bush beatings
All irrelevancies bleeding and restlessness receding

To come at such a time as this is divine.
All I can say is Thank you
For being mine.

I remember when we would lie around all alone
Laughing about nothing at all.
Digging our faces into each others' collar bones
Now that's only leaves in the fall.

How I wish that I could see inside your talk bubbles
How I wish that we could rewrite them.
Tonight was beautiful, but it eventually became rubble
I hope you never fully get over him.

Rose, you juxtaposed me, I suppose we were in love once, though it had to end.
Grow, let us slowly, become wholly, and nothing less than the best of friends.

The world I used to know was enough to make me suicidal
But you have opened my eyes
I want to make a recording of your lovely voice on vinyl
Telling me the beauty outside.

You were an ocean and I was letting myself drown
Without breath, I know I'd find you.
To end it all and become part of your underground
So I would always live inside you.

Rose, you juxtaposed me, I suppose we were in love once, though it had to end.
Grow, let us slowly, become wholly, and nothing less than the best of friends.

When the car pulled around the corner, I lay face down in the snow
Eating my burning tears, letting my fear grow.
The headlights stung my eyes and my hair was way too long
Dark in the freezing white, everything was wrong.

Hand in the back of my hair, you dragged me up to the curb,
Told me to open my mouth, and gave me what I deserved.
As all my memories sprayed all over the concrete
I thank my lucky stars that you haven't shot me!

It never stays in! After I finally swallowed it all!
It just comes right back up! We're so ******* small!
Justice will swallow everything!
And everyone!
If I have anything to say about it!

My head devoured all of my friends, but it's okay
I may never come back, but at least I'm never away.
My wrists will always be slit, figuratively
But in the end I will have no enemies.

It's so strange the way we can't just get past this
It seems there will always be tears in our last kiss
Everyone wants to go back to the way that it started
Before the swollen eyes and the truth, departed.

It never stays in! After I finally swallowed it all!
It just comes right back up! We're so ******* small!
Justice will swallow everything!
And everyone!
If I have anything to say about it!

Everyone wants to go back to the way that it started
Before the swollen eyes and the truth, departed!