no matter how harsh my shush
my eyes still shout
"look at us!"
to passersby

no matter how loud my love
my lips still open
without sound
when I'm alone

no matter how strong my self
my teeth still clench
when I think
myself crazy

no matter how deep my death
my ears still hear
your last jest
in the dark

don't cry
no matter how evil I am

It's me, my skin, my bones, my mind
it's wrong, sick, distorted
Warped is the world seen through these eyes,
felt as it seeps into my pores
suffocating me, drowning me in acid
A moment is wrong and it's forever
I'll cry into the darkness,
"I can't hold the weight"
It echoes, reverberates, distorts and disappears, unheard

When darkness is my forever
and a struggle is a war that doesn't end
I am just a casualty

When life is a drama
and happiness is bitter and transitory
I am just an actor

Everything is real and nothing is real
Actuality isn't actual
The walls are bleeding
Barriers are breaking; or were they even there?
Secrets are painted on the bleeding walls
In a fleeting moment life is a war
How long can I fight?

remember windows.
Raindrops pounding against them as we cowered on the couch
safe, smiling
remember your smile

windows were your eyes
when you let me see your soul
I gazed for hours and we shared our secrets
remember your laugh

remember the window where you snuck in
we whispered as the night gave way to dawn
we wished it could stay dark forever
remember your embrace

writing at my window
I watch for you for hours
I shiver, aching for your arms...
remember how you used to smile.

I can stare through windows but I miss seeing your soul.