"Do you love me or do you need me" i asked with a tear rolling down my cheek
and with a wicked gleam in your eyes, you said
"figure it out yourself"

i dont want you to knock on my door.
cause i know if i saw you standing in my doorway,
id run to you like you didnt break my heart.

step 1. cry into the abyss. scream until your lungs ache and your ribs bruise. beg, plead, pray, and whimper to a god that hasnt listened to your prayers since you were a child.
step 2. stare at the ceiling while you sit in agony, wonder if this feeling will ever go away. replay every happy memory in the back of your mind until you can almost feel their touch burning your skin
step 3. fall asleep in a heap on the bathroom floor, with tears staining your skin and chills covering your entire body. its to cold to sleep there, but you wont move.
step 4. repeat the last three steps every night until you are only a shell of your former self. a hollowed out piece of flesh and bone. shine a flashlight against your chest and watch as the hole in your heart glows
step 5. finally become human after months of rotting into your own prison. do your laundry, the smell reminds you of them. hold back the tears that sting against your eyelids.
step 6. hangout with your friends, force yourself to smile. laugh out a dry heaving laugh, look at your feet when your friends look at you funny
step 7. sit on your bathroom floor and relive the past, hold your knees to your chest as you do. it feels like a hug, but its not. its only your cold arms.
step 8. go outside, watch the sunrays dance around the trees. smile, a genuine smile. god its been forever, hasnt it. soak up those rays. tell your mom about your good day
step 9. put all their clothes into a box, purge your room of any memories you had of them. dye your hair, pierce your nose, reclaim the person you lost.
step 10. laugh again and move on.

forever chasing after something uncatchable.
forever tripping over my own two feet.
pitiful.

for the way he dances is as graceful as the angels voices.
the way his head moves, his hair following every direction his feet go.
his arms spin, his head nods, his fingers tap out the beat.
hes living in the moment, for the way he dances is so graceful,
how could i not fall for him.

i love you more than you know,
and i hope you realize that before i lose you too.

i tend to get upset when people misunderstand me,
and when they cant truly read me as a human being.
but then i remember i made myself this way.
i built these walls up around my soul brick by brick.
i pulled the veil over my heart to make everyone turn away.
i am my own worst enemy

some days i let it curl into my side while i pet its head softly
other days i scream at it until my mouth tastes of blood
most days i watch it lurk around my room, picking up certain things and dropping them back down again
grief isn’t a friend, but it’s no stranger either.
it’s made it’s home in the pit of my stomach

ill make you fall in love with the way i say your name.
like the gentle flame of a candle light.
ill make you fall in love with the way i wipe your tears.
softly and lovingly.
ill make you fall in love with me.
and leave you wondering why you ever did.
im sorry

i have wished upon many shooting stars in my lifetime
waiting for the proper one to come.
i wished and wished until i fell upon you,
the most brilliant star in my little galaxy.
but like all shooting stars, many people wished upon you as well
and fell captive to your wondering gaze.
if only i was a shooting star,
then maybe youll wish upon me.

you watched me cry one day,
without realizing the pain in my eyes.
although you looked into them
you saw right through me.

i thought i saw you standing there, in my room.
but when i turned on my light it was just a chair with a jacket thrown over.

crimson rivers escape me as my lung exhale the pain.
alluring ravines cross my skin as your lips try to heal my hurt.
im trying to fight the good fight but it keeps on getting worse.
i hope my bruised and bloodied arms will never make you leave me.
im trying my best to heal the pain, but only your words can fix me.

i speak.
the clouds that once fill my lungs seeping out with every breath, as you refill them with daisies.
the pain i once felt in the bottom of my stomach, washed away with words that roll of your tongue.
its a never ending cycle of healing,
through softy spoken words soaked in sweat,
through the ever so gentle touch of your lips,
through the way your love fills me to the very brim.
although i am broken, i can slowly feel my pieces come together when im with you.

devil town is colder in the summer time,
id lose my mind at least couple thousand times,
hold my hand tight,
we'll make it another night.

i still get a little scared of something new but i feel a little safer when i'm with you.

falling doesn't seem so bad when i know you're falling this way too.

heart torn in two,
and all i can do is mourn the thought of losing you.

i can’t forgive what you did
but i miss you so much it hurts

after a while all the thoughts will resurface.
you can shove every sort of pill down my throat,
force me to learn 'skills',
make my parents into new people.
you can fix the world around me but you cant fix me.
and we all know what the real problem is.
its not you, or him, my mom, my dad.
its me.
im the issue and you cant fix a person thats lived 7 years of their life feeling hopless.
yet ill let you try.
cause god knows i wanna be okay.
just like you want me to be.

after months of intoxicated thoughts.
thousands of daydreams on a high.
weeks of sober tears.
i’ve decided that it’s better to be safe then sober.
cause when i’m sober i think of you,
but when i’m under the influence i remember you.

when i stare at the sky searching for the dim moonlight i see your face in the stars.
when i look for seashells on the beach i see your face in the waves.
when i walk through the forest i see your face in the trees.
when im asked for my definition of perfect the first thing i see is you. your smile, your eyes, your hair, your shoulders.
i see you. youre my definition of perfect.
and no matter what you say, or do. you always will be

i came alive when i first kissed you,
the best me has his arms around you.
you make me better then i was before,

thank god im yours.

you.
are.
enough.

i love you he said,
handing me a dying rose.
and as he turned around to leave, the petals started floating away.
one
by
one.
and as each fell, he said
he loved you
he loved you not.
and by the end, all i had was the stem of the once beautiful rose,
and the petals.
showing how broken our love really was.

sign your name under the terms and conditions of my heart,
so that when you break it youll have to pick up every piece,
and heal me once again.

the feeling of hopelessness has riddled my bones.
theyre shaking.
i cant stop.
im hopeless.
im in u t t e r
silence.
and
i
am
helpless.
and
i
am
hopeless.

and sadly i am
n o t h i n g.

sometimes i stare at the sun,
swallow the mouthwash,
take an extra advil,
cross the street without looking,
take off my seatbeat,
walk alone at night.
but then came you,
and that all stopped.
i finally have something to live for.