its been awhile since you've heard from me
                              
                                                  ive missed you.

its like we're stranger now, just walking around with each others secrets.
                                                i wish we werent.

maybe ill see you around sometime. we can get coffee if you want.

                                               i wont. but i can hope so

i miss you. come back to me.

                                              i love you.

*the number you have dialed is no longer in service.

i uttered those three words.
gently, softly spoken.
it was 3 am and the only sound that drifted through the room was the rasp in my i's.
i remember you looking at me and smiling,
only to softly whisper them back to me.
thank you..
thank you for loving me.

why am i so sorry for myself?
why am i filled with pity?
i guess i finally realized the trauma has eaten its way at me.
but now all i am is filled with sorry feelings and pain.
why cant i think, why is this empathy weighting at me.
i cant continue to be sorry for myself.
but all i am is pity.

im rotting away in this hell of mine

i colored inside the lines my whole life.
than came you, and now my colors are reckless about their lines

lay me down in the middle of a field, covered in primroses and lavender poppies.
let the sun wash me over and the clouds cover me gently.
allow the bugs and birds to sing me their simple songs.
cover me in the simplicity of nature till the sun falls.
i want to be one with the earth and live ever more.

i can stare at you for hours and still wonder the same things.
how such gentle hands have held up the worlds fires.
how such loving eyes have seen the worse aray of things.
how such sensitive ears have heard the worst words around.
i wonder and wonder about you.
yet you still leave me breathless

i feel like im drowning.
in unsaid words, unwritten poetry, unvoiced thoughts.
i can feel myself sinking into the bottom of this pit.
with my hands in shackles and my ankles tied.
im sinking.
everything echos down here.
im almost gone.
every thing is so cold.
imgone.
dont
       forget
me

you cant water dead flowers,
itll only drown them.

i can hardly remember the days i spent with you.
i forgot your voice,
the ways your hands felt against mine,
the way your giggle sounded.
i forget the moments i once lived for.
im forgetting you.
or maybe this bottle ******* away the memories too.

that song plays.
i see you, your face as your hair blows around sticking to your lips.
i see him, his fingers tapping along to the drums on his steering wheel.  
i see her, her fingers intertwined with his, screaming the lyrics out his window.
i see them, nodding their head looking at you with the sweetest eyes. not knowing the song but enjoying the energy.
then you see me, our eyes met.
and for the first time in forever, i felt at place.
the song ends.
and so do the worn out memories of you. my beachboy.

ill forever have a piece of you, and you'll forever have a piece of me.




*******br>

trust in me.
trust in the way the leaves fall
the way the clouds move
the way the stars shine.

trust in us.
the way the world turns
the way the sun burns
the way the seasons change.

trust in the change.
the way the heart heals
the way the mind mends
the way the lungs refill.

trust in yourself.
its all you truly have
its the only things there for you always
its your canvas.

trust in you, trust in me, trust in us.
together we heal.
together we grow.
we can do it.

sometimes my heart speaks louder than my mind.
and thats when i make the worst mistakes.

i would be honored to have my heart broken by you

you always loved card games.
slaps, war, jacks.  you name it, we played it.
but your favorite card game was called hearts.

we dealt our love, feelings, friends. we threw them all on the table.
you had me deal my heart.

and we played.

like always, since it was your favorite, you won.
taking what was dealt on the table and walking out.

i still think about this wicked game you played. and i still think about my heart. i wonder if it beats for you, i doubt it would. but sometimes in the earlier hours if the morning ill see you.

and i can feel my old heartbeat in my fingertips, slowly drifting me off to sleep. and making me think, if part of me still longs to play the game.

i miss your hands.
i miss the way your fingertips trace their love into my hips.
i miss the way your hands wander all over me.
i miss the way your fingers feel on my tongue.
i miss your hands.
i miss how you hold me close.
i miss the way your fingers run through my hair.
i miss your hands in more way than one, but i long for every way just the same

thank you for looking past the fake light in my eyes.
thank you for looking past the man made scars that graze my skin.
thank you for feeling the tension in my shoulders.
thank you for being with me.
thank you for being there.
thank you bub.
thank you.