did you love them?
or did you fall in love with the version of them you created in your head?

i will love you
until i disappear into the ever growing darkness
yet it’s taking me over.
and soon i will not be able to love you

why is it,
that i can sit and waste my days staring at my walls.
allowing myself to be overcome by the sea of sadness i have within me.
why is it,
that my favorite song is silence.
that my head screams at me to listen.
why is it,
that whenever im with you, im some how okay.
but in the long run,
i can even make you ******* stay.
why is that?

you tell me

in the back of my head im already dead, but in the front of it that doesnt make sense.
am i alive?
am i dead?
what am i?

sometimes i watch the stars cry,
i watch the clouds turn gray,
and the sun to blue.
sometimes i watch the world run cold.
the rivers run dry,
the oceans waves level out,
the lakes stop rippling.
the world stops, and it breaks my heart.

i hate seeing you in pain.

i swear to god if you look into someones eyes and realize the home you saw in mine had been moved..

im not sure what ill do.
cause my eyes are only honey pots to you..
to the rest of the world theyre brown.
and dull.
but not to you.
god not to you..

i want someone to wrap me in the warmth of their arms.
i want someone to hold my heart in the palms of their hands and slowly heal me.
i want someone to take a look into my mind and try to understand my pain.

but the only reason i dont have that is because of me.
its my fault no one wants me

i feel sick.
i feel tired, and empty.
i feel my eyes moving in their sockets.
i feel the blood coursing through my veins.
i feel my lungs slowly filling.
i feel me.
i feel every piece of me.
im sick.
and im tired.
i dont want to feel.
why do i feel anyway?

why must the world be a battle field?

why are the loving hands of black men and women considered weapons?

why are members of the lgbt community considered evil?

why are non religious people seen as a spawn of the devil?

why must we live in a world where life is a battlefield?

why must we fight to believe in our own dreams?

why must we fight for the rights gifted to us as humans beings?

everyday we put up a fight,

and frankly i’m tired of this battlefield.

when i look into your eyes i can tell im dulling down.
my edges are rounding,
my color is dimming,
im not as shiny.
im trying to be perfect,
but maybe im not perfect enough.

im tired.
im tired of watching cuts slowly heal over and bruise.
im tried of begging for help.. silently.
im so tired.
i cant even hold my head up anymore.
but you know, im flexible.
you can pull me and i wont break.
not yet anyway

i dreamed of you the other night.
i dreamt of the way your hands would feel running through my hair, while our legs were intertwined.
i dreamt of the way your lips would feel pressed against mine, holding my face in your strong steady hands.
i dreamt of you the other night.
the way your chest rose and fell, with deep inhales and soft releases.
the way you would spin me around in circles.
i hate dreaming of you,
because i dont have you.

we're all just broken people telling others how to heal their brokenness, while ignoring our very own advice.

im the person that stands in the corner at a party,
that spends nights laying awake in the comfort of makeshift arms.
the walls are caving in on me,
and the loneliness in my head is slowly eating me alive.

you tend to slip through my fingers, leaving remnants of memories on my fingertips. while your hands spin so does my head. sending me into a spinning haze of cracking tears, and hyperventilated memories. why must you steal from me? why must you take away the precious moments. you've left me wasted and empty. while you reminisce on my day dreams and leave me with nightmares.