i’ve memorized your heartbeat,
i’ve let it’s sickly sweet beat flow through my ears and stick to the inside of my head.
i’ve memorized your hands,
how the creases and curves folds upon the strongest hands i’ve ever held.
i’ve memorized your lips,
the way they slowly curl and settle as you fall asleep each night.
i’ve memorized your taste,
that addicting taste that lingers on my tongue and leaves me begging for more of you.
i’ve memorized you,
and the song that is your life.

mama, you know im not built for this world
i cant stand the way people talk
the way they sweat
the way their jaws pop.
mama, you know im not ready for this
yet you push me harder
you laugh at my tears
you push on my buttons
mama, i dont think i can do this
but you keep pushing me
why?

i fall apart.
into tear soaked pieces on the bathroom floor.
cold and trembling.
i fall apart.
in your arms.
warm and safe.
but either way i fall apart

empty thoughts, filled with empty words
floating around the abyss that is my head
yet they all make sense to me,
why not anyone else

i always feared you.
your strong arms, and harsh hands
the way you towered over me and seemed to not care.
im not sure why i was scared,
if im being honest.
but i dove into you, i watched your fear and your anger
your sadness and heart ache.
and i soothed every aching muscle to reveal the most beautiful
guy i have ever known.
i now no longer fear you,
yet i fear what youll become

my messages shine back bright green
depicting that you have moved on
while i am sadly chained to the thought of you on my skin

if you look up the definition of love,
a deep affection for someone or something is the result youll get.
but love is more then that,
its tears
its pain
its fighting
its screaming.
love isnt beautiful
love is a war.

you already know my words before i speak.
you already know my heart feels weak without you.
you already know me.
just by looking me in the eye.
and it’s beautiful

through rouge storms
and the darkest of clouds
through mighty waves
and broken wings
your light shines through to me
and makes my float into a dream.

i think a part of me will always linger by your side
waiting to hold onto your hand when we cross the street
i’m scared i’ll miss you forever

stopping to stare into the whispers of a breeze,
to stare into the eyes held within the stars,
to see the faces in the trees.

home,
is within the eye of the beholder.
and for me, everything reminds me of you.
so i guess you have become my home
and my second nature

even if i were to hand you the worlds finest wine, using all of my delicacy to place it in your gentle hands.
your eyes would wear holes through them, causing the nerves to split and shake.
spilling the blood like wine all over your white pressed shirt.
yet even then, youd still love me.
and thats all that matters.

the sun failed to shine that day.
the ruby red roses failed to bloom
the sun failed to cast dancing shadows upon the streets
the clouds deteriorated into nothingness.
everything changed the day you left me.
and the sun still fails to shine upon my tear stricken face
abandoning the lit up the memories stored away
of simple me.

yellow days seem to turn into black sluggish tears.
the sun seems to fade away into the black oblivion inside of my skull.
the feelings i have manifest into screaming and betrayal.
i have no end, no life.
everything’s dark and there’s no one here to save me.

you can come home to me,
when you’re ready.
i left the gate unlocked for you

i’m flooded in love.
surrounded in promises that have made a blanket around my heart.
brought into a home made of the strongest arms.
i’m flooded in love.
and he taught me how to swim.

i need to stop setting my frail body alight
to keep you warm within my reach.
when you cant even be bothered
to hand me a blanket at night.

youve held me in the darkest days
kissed the screams off my lips
held my shaking hands
glued the cuts on my skin

youre simply the best.
my heart and my soul
my love <3

the blade sat,
buried in her moon white skin.
rivers ran, gushing their flow down the cracks and imperfections in her arms.
she sat,
the blade buried into her and with a sigh she said
"ill see you soon my love"

your hair is winter fire,
January embers.
my heart burns there too.

when will i ever be loved
be held into the early hours of the morning
be kissed with the passion of a thousand suns
be sung to with the sweetest melodies
when will i ever be loved.

sometimes
i wish to be yours
the way you are mine

maybe ill watch every single sunset
maybe ill sit and enjoy every sound that rings within my ears
maybe ill inhale the smell of rain every time a drop hits the ground
maybe, just maybe
ill be okay

i wish to live forever
to live in the damp earth  
to live within the hearts of the ones i love
to live within his head.
yet i will only live for a small while,
just for a small while

you make every star explode in prefect unison.
you make the sun dull.
the rivers dry out.
the earth turn slower,
and time run wild.
you make the world seem imaginary, and its beautiful.

i have peices of you stained on me.
like rings on a wooden table
like coffee spills on white t-shirts.
youre stained on my skin, never to be washed away
never to leave.
maybe thats why im hung up on you

im a lonely star.
stranded in the night sky, surrounded by the dark.
burning out.
is there anybody out there?

as i smell the crystal snow laid in lines across my bathroom counter, i cant help but remember you.
its as if the toxic fumes filling my head are full of your laundry detergent, letting you ever so lightly lay your hand on my shoulder.
telling me youre here, as i hug this straw in my hands. the way i wish i hugged you.

i hope my absence brings you the peace my love couldn’t.

i have monsters in my head.
i have spiders in my lungs.
i have blood clots running through my veins.
but darling your voice.
your voice fills my head with singing angels.
you plant flowers in my lungs.
you make my veins run pure gold.
you make me okay.

i stared into your eyes and declared my love for you
i felt my soul leap out of my throat
and my heart pound against my rib cage
i said i love you with all the air in my lungs
with all the marrow in my bones
i said it with all of me
and you said it back, with none of you

so now i stare at this navy blue prom dress,
hung up in my closet
and curse to myself
how could you be so stupid.

i don’t know what it is about her..
that strikes so much jealousy within me.
maybe it’s the past, and the deeply regarded feelings you had.
maybe it’s the way she speaks to you like you’re waiting for her.
maybe it’s the way you light up when you talk about her.
maybe it’s the way you go to her for everything, and barely come to me.
theres just something about her that makes me doubt.
and i wish it wasn’t like that, i just dunno what it is about her

the feeling i get when i look at you, is so overwhelming i fail to describe it. but in this poem my love, i will try.
just for you.

my dear, youre soft like summer rain.
your heart patters again the cage that is your ribs.
knock knock knocking for the right one to find you and mend your broken pieces.
my darling, youre peaceful like the ocean.
your arms hug every inch of me.
blooming flowers against my moonlit skin.
my love, youre gentle time springs wind.
your voice blows beautifully crafted cords into my ears.
drifting angels voices into my head.
my sweetheart, your comforting like the trees.
your smile brings me home each night.
allowing my heart to jump into the arms of yours.
my love the words i wish i could write to you fail me.
but i promise to one day put them all together.
just for you.

if the world was caving in and the stars were falling around us,
would you use your dying breath to say you love me.
the way i would mine.

sometimes i wonder if you ever loved me, because if you did you wouldnt have left me so easily

i sat, staring blankly into the stars of the unknown.
imagining your arms wrapped around my chest tightly, imprinting my skin with your touch.
trying to feel the remains of your lips pressed against mine as we fall deeper into lethargic slumber.
envisioning your angel sweet voice drifting through the room, only to come back to my ears in a soft and simple i love you.
and so i sit, staring blankly, wishing you were here with me.
but soon my love, soon.

despite all this rage,
i am still the little girl crying over her scraped knee

and yet again,
my tears have become a sea