The mere thought
What a beautiful thought indeed
Just a thought of you
A ray of sun on a cloudy day
I know this sounds cliche
But every word rings true within me.

A smile comes to my face
Every time you look my way
A smile that won't seem to shake
Resonating in my soul
Your words so deep and so true
You've changed my life
This is my ode to you.

The games we play
It's all fun, sure
But nothing beats that moment
In all seriousness you look
My eyes into yours
Reading my mind
The kisses so sweet
The feeling can't be beat.

So safe and warm in your arms
My favorite place to be
If you could hold me forever
Keeping me and protecting me
I'd have it no other way
Whether I'm crying or smiling
Paradise is found inside your arms.

Difficulties have arisen
Most of them my doing, I know
But, you've stayed for the long run
Holding my hand when I begin to fall
I wouldn't be the same without you, my dear
Day by day I see a little more clear
Our life together in the future
Yes, I know I'm sure
Marry me, my love
Not now, of course
Wait for the time
Just be with me
I'll be yours and you'll be mine.

Your breath across my neck
Sending shivers down my spine
Sweet nothings you whisper to me
You love me
You hold me
My own piece of heaven on Earth
A gift of God, you are to me
Sent for me and only me.

This ode to you
I could go on
My love for you will continue strong
Until I die
You will be my love, my life
How do you end a thing such as this
For a man such as you
So kind and so true
Only one way seems fitting
Darling, I love you.

Only when I think about it
Does my stomach drop
Along with my heart
Which ends up on the ground
Because I can remember the sound
Of your voice.

Only when I think about it
Do my hands begin to shake
And I have to will them to be still
Because you were the one who held them still
When I couldn't do it on my own
Like right now.

Only when I think about it
Do the tears start to fall
While sitting in the library
In the middle of classes
Trying to stifle the cries
Like right now.

Only when I think about it
Do I see you and what we were
Only then does my heart sink
My hands shake
And the tears fall
Only when I think about it
Which happens to be all the time.

A ray of light, shining bright
On my windowsill
Late at night
How? You ask
Could this be so?
The moon, the sun
The stars shining in the sky
Do not compare to the shine in your eyes
Lighting our way
Can't you see?
Clearly we are truly meant to be
Nothing compares to your eyes and mine
When beheld is each other
Only seeing one another
Shining so bright
Envy held in the stars at night
Even the sun hasn't seen this bright of a sight
As dark as it may be
Light left to find in our eyes
I find yours and you find mine
All we need are each others' eyes.

Just a secret
Between you and I
I tell you these things
And that makes you mine.

There isn’t a second that goes by where I don’t miss you
There isn’t a minute that goes by without me wanting to kiss you
You fill my thoughts and make me smile
You appear in my wildest dreams
There isn’t a day that goes by without the longing for your touch
The miles that part us, forever going, forever long
The time that separates does nothing to help this empty ache
I lay awake at night and cry in despair
For every day that goes by, I am here and you are there
I fear it will always be this way
A day at a time I take it
There is no other way
I could dream about the future and reminisce on the past
But either way I slice it, it leaves me rather sad
The future brings me hope and I close my eyes and dream
But, then once I open my eyes, I am left with no one there
I have seen you in the past that is true
But, when I look upon those days it just deepens my remorse
So what shall I do?
I shall wait for you
I shall cry my tears and vent my pain
I do this in hope that our time will come again

Now we have lived a life together
Our life has been happy
Through triumphs and strife we have stood by
We’ve been by each other through it all
Our love was long and still is
My life has ended
But, I can tell you this
I still love you
I pray every day that you can still feel me there beside you
Because I am
I am with you, forever and always
Our love has not died
Death could not destroy this
I see you cry at night
And I wish I could help you
It tears me open every time I see you cry
But, forever, I will be by your side
I sit at the table with you
I eat breakfast with you
I sleep with you
Forever by your side
I wish you to not mourn for me, my love
For I am right here
I know your heart is breaking
For mine is breaking, too
Our hearts, torn in two
I ask you to remember our memories
Remember the long nights alone
Our wedding, the proclamation of our everlasting love
The countless vacations spent together
Remember it all
Relive it all
Though we are in two different worlds
Our love is still
It will never die

It’s been 2 months
And I can’t do it
Living without you
It’s something I could never do
I spend my days coping
Work, food, sleep, work, food, sleep
A never ending routine
Our life was never routine
There isn’t a day that passes that I don’t mourn for you
For the loss of you
The loss of our love
The loss of me
I don’t know what to do
Sitting here with this bottle of pills
I don’t know what to do
You’re picture on my desk
I don’t know what to do
Maybe if I were dead
I’d see you again
But then again
What if I don’t?
My mind races
Heart beat quickens
You would tell me I’m being ridiculous
You would tell me to stop
But, I was never one to follow directions
Now was I?
It’s what you loved about me
I went against the grain
Well now I don’t
I think
And think
And think…
Till death do us part
I said
We said
I was never one to follow directions
My last thought before the room began to spin
I see your face before my world goes dark again

A love so sweet
has now turned sour
I'm at the window
you walking to your car
Tears in my eyes
like the rain falling on yours
what went wrong?
I ask, the tears falling fast
what did I do?
You slam your hands on the steering wheel
Driving dangerously fast
You call me
I ignore it
Unable to utter a sound
The love we had, where did it go?
It has turned to anger
Fists in the air; voices raised high
why were we fighting?
I can't even remember
what made me do that?
You ask yourself as you drive
dangerously fast
without a destination, just driving
I cry on the floor, thinking you're gone
you took my heart with you when you left
Will I get it back?
You pull over, trying to think
I'm the love of your life, and you just left me
Your face goes white and you turn around
Driving fast
Dangerously fast
You call, I don't answer
You leave a message
"I love you, baby, and I'm sorry.
I'm comin home, please let me back in."
I cry more
I'm so happy you're coming home
I call you
I'm sorry too, I say
I didn't mean the words I said tonight
I never want to be without you
Both of us crying, proclaiming our love
I love you baby, you say
Till death do us part
You cry, tears clouding your eyes
driving dangerously fast
I say, a smile on my face
Till death do us part

Feeling my heart beating out of my chest
I'm sitting here and you there
Inches away but seeming like feet
You look at me, I turn away
You smile at me, I see out of the corner of my eye
I clear my throat and your hand grabs mine
My cheeks flush red and I pull away
Your gaze falls away and you take mine
I look at your hand
I look at mine
My hand inches towards yours
Timidly, I reach for it
My touch surprises you but, you smile
I look in your eyes and see all I need to see
We just sit there staring, our eyes doing all the talking
Your hand grazes my cheek
My cheeks flush once more
I smile
You smile
We are closer, our bodies nearly touching
The electricity running through our bodies
I can feel it through your touch
Your fingertips at my neck, sending sparks through my body
Just a simple touch, that's all it took to send my mind spinning
You move in closer, your eyes half closed
You being so close, I'm nearly breathless
My hand grazes your cheek, my lips longing for your kiss
You're close now, your hand in my hair
Your kiss hits me and leaves me without a breath
Your soft lips on mine, your hand on my knee, mine on yours
My body on fire, ignited by your kiss
The kiss comes to an end but both of us linger
A breathless whisper, "I love you"
A tearful smile across my face, A kiss that says the same
Our touch so tender, our kiss so sweet
What seems like hours, is only minutes
Lost in love, lost in touch
Your hands trace every outline
Your lips saying everything that I need to hear
How speechless you leave me
I can only stare, admire the beauty
We look deep into each others' eyes
Needing no words to say how we both know we feel
We've waited for this moment
We've waited so long
Now it's here and it's here to stay
Forever you're mine
Forever I'm yours
Together at last
Forevermore

My knees feel weak
My heart is all a flutter
I look down at my dress and smile
You stand there
Waiting for me
A smile on your face
Never to fade
I take deep breaths
A tear runs down my cheek
I’ve never been this happy
The time is finally here
I look in the mirror and wonder if it’s a dream
You look so handsome
In your suit and tie
You straighten your tie
And smile wide
Our wedding day
It’s here
Our love wasn’t just a dream
I stand and wait
The veil over my face
The door are opened and everyone stands
People cry and people smile
I walk past
Doing the same
I see you and I cry
Tears of happiness
Knowing that you will be my husband
And that I will be your wife
Your eyes light up
As you see me walk down the aisle
Misty-eyed you smile at me
Mouthing “I love you”
I reach the altar and you lift my veil and kiss my hand
I smile
You smile
Everyone is smiling
The vows are said
We love each other
We couldn’t live without each other
I would die for you
You would die for me
I’ve never loved someone so much
You’ve never been happier
We’ll be together forever
Until death do us part
You put the ring on my finger
I cry some more
I put the band on your finger
A tear falls down your cheek
“You may kiss the bride”
We kiss….a wonderful kiss
I see our life in that kiss
I see the love
Sitting on the front porch early in the morning
Sipping our coffee
Late night movies
Curled up by a fire
I see the fights
Money
Jobs
Things that won’t matter
But, most of all
I see our happiness
The mornings
We wake up and smile knowing we’re with each other
Knowing we’re madly in love
The kisses
The gentle touches
Our love is a great love
One this day, our wedding day
I love you more than ever
I am yours and you are mine
When that kiss ends
I see your tear stained eyes
And you see mine
We smile and walk down the aisle
You take me in your arms
And I take you in mine
An embrace full of love
We kiss again
And I know now
Our love
Forever this will be

Feel the heat
My body against yours, pinning you to the wall
My kiss, electrifying, quick with passion
The look in my eyes, burning with a fiery desire
A hunger that must be satisfied
You pull me close
I feel you grow on me
Your hands ravaging my body
I can't catch my breath
Off comes my shirt, see it lay on the floor
Yours soon joins, and then more
Our naked bodies pressed together
You can control it no longer
Pulling me up, my legs wrapped around you
You lead me to the bed
The blank canvas on which we will paint our love
You kiss me all over, making my body tingle
From my lips to my neck, making me moan with pleasure
Your hands caress and rub, making me squirm
Your kisses go lower and lower
Until I scream out of delight
You taste me and lick me
My hands in your hair, my head thrown back
It couldn't get any better
I see you sit up and I look in your eyes
Your animal instinct, failing to hide
You pounce on me and I feel you inside
My legs wrapped around you, your hips going deep
We share a kiss, breathless and wild, you biting my lip
Your movements get quicker, my hips move with yours
My nails dig into your back, your teeth in my neck
Both of us close now
Me screaming your name
We both yell out, with one final ******, no longer two people, just only one
Our moans soon quiet as you fall limp in my arms
Both of us breathless
You wrapped in my arms
We kiss a soft kiss
You roll on your side
We face one another and stare into our eyes
You graze your hand along my cheek
I move in closer, our legs intertwined
You kiss my lips softly and I close my eyes
Pulling me to you, my head on your chest, a kiss on the head
Before a whisper befalls my ear
"My one and only, my love, my angel, goodnight."

Today you haunted me
More so than any other day
Today I felt your arms
Wrap me tight and hold me in warmth
That soon turned cold
And I wanted nothing more than for you to leave me alone...
But, how naive of me to think
That you leaving me alone would end this ache
This ache that I haven't felt in weeks
Since our last day...
So I called you up
Asked you if anything was up
Asked you if you'd thought of me
And what that could ever mean
A mystery for now it seems
Because at the time being
Between you and me
It's not meant to be...

And I lied when I said
I wouldn't write and cry
About you
Because it's the only thing that takes away the ache
And it takes away the pain
Like an amputee
I lost this big part of me
Now I'm left with the phantom
Of what we used to be
And what we are today.

Folding my laundry today
And I felt you right behind me
Holding me tight
No pretense, no warning
Just there you were inside my mind
Your hands in mine
Then your warmth turned to cold as I realized
That you're that phantom
And nothing more.

Just a little neighborhood
No Wisteria Lane
But, everyone has their secrets
For they cannot abstain
From the behavior that they know
All of that is understood
Now I shall paint the pictures
The Portraits of the Neighborhood.

First we have a lovely lady
She is lovely indeed
Too lovely for her very own good
The word "no" she does not know
Night after night climbing out the window
Parents in bed, as daft as the dead
Climbing in a car, skirt pulled high
Sitting in the backseat, getting high as the sky
A car full of boys
She's as ecstatic as can be
If she only could know, she's only a toy
Each takes their turn
Tossing her like a rag doll
Finishing inside then it's on to the next one
Dropping her off at home
Telling her to get out of the car
Readjusting her skirt
Back through the window she goes.

Peeking through the window
The next picture painted
The pervy next door neighbor
Always looking to score
The things he has done
Not proud of them, he says
For he has done terrible things
Just sit back and read
Watching through the window
Holding himself in his hand
Wife sleeping in bed
As good as dead
To him because he doesn't see
The love that she brings to him
Only the meat
That she's grown on her bones
Since their wedding day alone
The *** is lack luster
He needs someone else
So he calls on the hookers
And neighborhood hoes
Seeing the girl in the too short skirt
Now he's made a mess on the window
Time to clean up.

Now across the street there
It's an interesting affair
A seemingly loving couple
Blue skies, no rain
She gardens, he works
She cooks, he works
Always greeted with a kiss
Smiles all the time
But, they have a secret
Like everyone else
Behind close doors
He isn't Mr. Nice Guy
The cuts and the bruises
They come from somewhere
She covers them up so no one will stare
She says it will stop
Just give it some time
But one of these days
He'll get carried away
Sensing no danger
This silly young woman
Hangs around town
To be beaten again.

The last and final portrait
This middle aged woman
Beautiful and kind
Everyone loves her
Including a boy
A mere 15 years old
Stops by her home
Everyday after school
She's giving him lessons
But, everyone knows better
A steamy affair
She can sense the danger
But, the thrill it gives
She cannot stop
Everyday he walks in
A locked door behind him
Window blinds closed
The secret well hidden
He kisses and rubs
She does the same
Till they're both in heaven
Away from the pain
He leaves in an hour
Sometimes a little more
She waves from the door
Until tomorrow, there'll be more.

I've painted my picture
Brief as it may be
Every neighbor has their secrets
Whether young or old
What lies writhe behind closed doors
Soon to escape
For now just wait.

Protection is what I have yearned
And protection is what I have found
By these four walls
No longer am I bound.

Comfort seeming so distant
No longer am I in discontent
Day and day so insistent
For me, you have been sent.

Be the gun at my side
And I'll be the trigger
No longer shall I hide
No reasons left to shake and shiver

Protection is what I've yearned
And I've found it in you
For reasons anyone can discern
I'm proud to call you my boo.

Thick as thieves and close as can be
You shield me from the obscene
Stitch my wounds when I am hit
Protection is what I've yearned
And I have found it in you.

Though the sun is shining bright
Dark rainclouds hang in my mind
Thick drops fall onto my heart
Making it harder to see out of the dark.

Back to basics
It's where we all need to go
Go back to home
And remember how it all started
When you hit that wall
Come crawling home
Because that's where the heart is
Because that's where you left yourself
All those many years ago.

You left to go search for yourself
But, you were unaware you were always right there
Just behind you
Disappearing when you turn around
Eluding you
As stealthy as a ninja in the shadows
You left to learn how to find yourself
And now you can
After years of searching
You're ready.

Standing in front of this mirror
Stripped down, bare, to my soul
Looking at my body
Seeing into myself
What was once ugly
Now undergoing metamorphosis
An ugly duckling
Now a beautiful swan
Once a lowly caterpillar
Now a butterfly spreading it's wings for the first time
Such enlightenment
Seeing yourself for the first time
Forgiving yourself for the first time
The start of being yourself
Taking off the mask that has hidden your beautiful face
And you know it's beautiful
Realize yourself and be happy

The days will soon end
The nighttime will be coming soon
Weary heads will rest.

What terror is held in this
Rejection at its finest
Being the one to reject
Or be rejected
Which is worse?
Having hopes and dreams crushed
Or having to crush them
The latter I say
One can be crushed and moved on
One crushes and forever wonders.

Broken and bruised I stand before you
Tattered and split I held my heart in my hands
Turning blue and cold my eyes focused down
My heart hardening to my soul
Broken and bruised I stood before you
Words spoken through a damaged heart
Feelings of a wounded soul
A broken heart and a twisted mind
Twisted through the lies of another
Broken by the actions of the other
Cracks in desperate need of repair
Blemishes and no one cared
Cracks along the surface travelling deeper than most can see
If you look correctly, you could see right through me.

You've seen right through me
And I can't deny
That these feelings are truly mine
Not needing to hide or to find the right time
These feelings are mine
What a wonderful thing
When you can let your heart sing
The sorrows of the past and the joys of the future
Makes you think that there might be a cure
For the tears that have been shed
It just might be worth the hit
Because I know when I open my eyes
These feelings are truly mine.

Beaten down and battered
Words condemned me and now liberate
All it took was an emotional quake
Brief moments of panic and pain
All needed to keep me sane
At least I once thought...

My vision is clear
The end is not near
For me but, for you the end is here, I fear
So, my dear
Expelled from my life
No longer can you cause me strife
Your words hurt like a knife
And choked me until there was no life
Now my vision is clear
And my end is not near.

I stand here licking my wounds
Battered and torn
Broken and bent
Tattered and shred
Sewing myself together with needle and thread
Finding warmth to bring the pink to my lips
Sailing your ships
No longer wanted, no longer needed.

Broken and bruised I stood before you.

Rest your weary bones, my love
For tomorrow the work begins
Goodbye is just the start
For us two, connected at the heart.

The tears may shed tonight, my dear
Not only yours but, mine
On this, our last night
Our last night.

Close your eyes and I shall be there
Wrapped in our warm embrace
Giving your lips a gentle taste.

Now as I write this the tears flow down
As you lay next to me, snoring loud.
Who would have thought that I'd miss the sound.

My love, oh, my love...



I shall wait for you, my dear
Always waiting to be near.
Always waiting for the next embrace...

On this our last night I write
About our last night I write
With a smile upon my face
For tomorrow will come with haste...

You're resting now, love
Something I will not do tonight
For the thought of you gone leaves me torn
My mind not sheltered from the storm.

So, I say, rest your weary bones, my dear
For the ending time is drawing near.
Be prepared for what lies before us
I know it will be hard
But, we are connected at the heart
I know it will be hard to part
Not yet, love, not yet
For now rest those weary bones, my dear.

50/50
Hurt
Pain
Pleasure
Happiness
Take it
It could be worth it.

Through the world we've traveled more
Than the furthest shooting star
Not in distance as you would say
Just think metaphorically, per say
We shot of like a space rocket
Blasting through all that sky in no time
But, then we stopped to catch our breath
Rocket fuel had been all gone
We were left wondering what went wrong.

Now the past is gone
And who would have thought
The cards would be played like this
So many things I no longer miss
Because I have better
We have better
Through all of the tears
It all comes to this
A feeling so right
No feelings feel wrong
Cast away fear and leap
This time someone will catch me
For so long I made the ground my home
Beaten down, I **** near drowned
In my own sorrow
Now there's no more ground
And I feel safe and sound
I'm finally safe and sound.

Imagine me
Want me
Need me
Imagine my touch
See my eyes on you
Want me to need you
Say the word and I shall
I shall be forever yours
I’ll be there in a wink
Want me
Like you’ve never wanted anything more
Want me and you….
I need you
I love you
I need you to love me too
Need me to love you
Say the word and I shall
Say it and I shall be yours
Promise me your days and your nights
Promise me
Say you’ll be there
Mean it
Say the word and I shall love you

Screams from the past
They aren't really from the past
Are they?
Screams from the past
Just screaming out now
Screams of the present
To the future
A scream is a scream
I'm screaming now.

It's never goodbye
Always see you later
Though my body is far
My mind is nearer
Than the air you are breathing
I'm with you there sleeping
Always remember
Never forget
The time that we've spent
Together again
Soon we will be
So don't you dare fret
The going gets tough
We've always had it a bit rough
Roll with the punches
And play with cards that are dealt
With a bond such as ours
We will always prevail
Over the hardships and toils
Our blood, it will boil
Tiffs and spats will be had
But, we'll never stay mad
It's been fun and will remain
Joyous all the same
Cuz it's never goodbye
Just see you later

Light of day breaks
Weary bones
Slowly begin to move
Dreary mind
Gears begin to turn
Another day
Just another day
Missing what's coming
Seeing what's going
Looking back
Remembering the pain
Forgetting to look forward
Missing everything coming
Seeing everything that's leaving
One track mind
Focused on the wrong
Turn around to face the day
Not looking back on the night
Looking to tomorrow
Vision is a gift
Life is the same
Set sights to life and take off
Weary bones get moving
Dreary mind is cleansed by the sun
Warm rays showing hope
It's (not) just another day
Set your sights to life

One by one
Trying to make the pieces fit
Of what is left of it
My heart, my mind, my soul, my trust
Shattered.
Now just scrambling
Until the day that I feel better.

Stranded alone with sand between my toes
No one in sight
Looking to the horizon
Nothing but storm clouds
Shelter I need
But, these sticks and stones won't hold
Stones molded together with mud
A sad escape from the storm
The temperature drops
And I shiver
So cold
Tears start to fall because I don't know how
I don't know if I'll survive
The clouds draw near and I can feel the wind
I look over and what do I see?
Are my eyes deceiving me?
A figure walks towards me
A man with more stones
"Go get more"
He tells me urgently
I shake my head and leave him be
I gather more things and when I return
What my eyes see gives me a start
My array of sticks and stones
Turned into a home
A proper shelter from the storm
A gift so great
I walk in and see you sitting there
Arms outstretched waiting for my return
Tears flowing free
I collapse into your arms
You cradle me, giving me warmth
Kissing my forehead
Wrapping your arms tighter
We hear the wind from the storm
But, the shelter stands strong.

Feeling this way for days and days
I'm scared
Why won't it go away?
Has the sickness set in?
Finally, it's time to pay
For all my little indiscretions
For all the lies and all the times
For another day, I say
Why won't this go away?
The pills they bring just slight relieve
Am I too far gone to ease the pain?
Shivers and sweat run down my spine
This sickness is no ordinary kind
What can they tell me?
What will they say?
My very worst nightmare
I've tried to wish away
It's caught up with me today
The sorrows and the pain
Of today and yesterdays since passed
Hopefully this won't last
Cold sweats in bed
Shivers under my blanket
Someone come help before I am dead
For days and days
I am terrified
Why won't this go away?

Awake again for the tenth night
It could be the fifteenth or the twentieth
I don't know, who's counting?
I lost count around night three
Maybe it was four?
All I knew was that I was in for more
Tossing and turning
Unable to sleep
My eyelids unable to shut
Then the frustration sets in
And I'm a wreck again
Because the thoughts won't stop coming
Then the tears won't stop flowing
Because I'm tired of this
No one knows just how tired I am of this
And yes, I just tried to rhyme "this" and "this"
I keep praying that maybe I have a cyst
Removed with just a clip and a snip
But, I won't have that luxury
Because people will think that I'm just telling stories
That's in all in my head
That's why I can't see the end
But no one knows just how tired I am
Because it's always an excuse
But why would I put myself through this abuse?
Sure the pain only stops when I cry
But, that's just science, I can't lie
The feeling comes and body responds
Now let's change to "The Big Bang Theory"
Maybe some comedy will make my heart cheery
Maybe it'll make me sleepy
Need to find something else
Since the thoughts I once used
Have been beaten and abused
And no longer help me sleep
They just leave me here to weep
Until then the sleepless nights will come
I'll still be sleeping some
I'll just be tired until it's done.

The end is drawing near
Can't you feel it, too, my dear?


Slow the breathing, my love
Soon...soon, it will be gone





Leave us, heathen
Leave us to live in peace

Slow the breathing, my demon
Soon my pain will be gone



You've served your purpose
What little that might have been
Now go on and cease
Can you leave us feeling proud?

Grasp your last days of life
Love your one true love
The bottle you always hold dear
Never the ones that are near

Ignorant you are to the pain
But, that is fine
Sweet salvation is near
So, slow your breathing, my dear.

Your life will fade away
As will our pain
I will never forget
How can I forgive?

You don't deserve
You can't have us
Our pain will fade


So, slow your breathing, my dear
The end is drawing near.

I can't imagine life without you
Things will be so different
I try not to think
But, it's hard...

Stay here, my love
Don't leave me alone here
Alone to be stuck inside my mind
Please, don't leave...

I cherish these moments
For I know they will be few
I love every bit of it
This life with me and you.

I'll remember this and relive it
Every second of every day
You will be there and I'll be here
But, still...you'll be near.

Though distance separates
Nothing can part my love for you
I shall stay here, waiting patiently
Happily waiting for the next time...

I shall be here with a smile on my face
Because I know I'm not alone
So, smile, my dear
Because neither are you.

I find it alone.


It is for me,
Only mine.

I find it inside.
Deep within my mind
as the night goes on.


Alone with my thoughts
as I lay in bed.
My piece of peace within myself.

I find it alone.
As I fall fast asleep.

The one thing that stings the most
Is the realization that I really was wrong
I made a mistake and now I'm paying the cost
The greatest words that were ever said
"Focus on Rosie and ***** all the rest"
That's what my Mama said before she left
And I know that she's right
I need nothing when I have me right by my side
No one here to let me curl up and hide
People say these are the best years of my life
I sure hope not cuz' all I want to do is curl up and die
But I won't trip
Because I'll keep a stiff upper lip
It just hurts that I was wrong
So I'll just keep singing my song
Time for my solo queue

I used to think loneliness was something I could bear
I'd pride myself in living this life alone
Now I seem to find myself just longing for the love I've missed

Living alone was not so bad
I had time to find myself, time was mine and no one else's
Though time grows old when you're alone
You question why the clock ticks on
You count the seconds until the day is done
Then rest your head until your mind is numb

The numb is over and you rise again
You begin to ask "When will this end?"
Stuck in that dark place you wonder why
Why?
Why?
Why?
...why?
Why go on with no one here?

You've been strong, yes you have
You've found yourself, grown wise on your own
But, now what is the purpose?
Living your days alone holds no fulfillment
All the love you have to give
It is something, only if there is someone to share it with

Here I stand
Watching you watching me
On your finger there’s a wedding band
Guess she’s not what you need

So here I stand
Looking at my face in the mirror
I see the band in your hand
Do you even love her?

Do you see the pain I see in your eye?
Do you see it in mine?
I give what you pay for
It’s all just a big lie

Go back to your wife honey
I ain’t worth your time
Walkin down the hall, I hold my head with pride
What a girl does for money….but, oh, it ain’t me

When I get home I find dinner on the table
Little baby loves her mommy
She’s passed out on the couch
Her mommy carries her back to bed

Tucked in bed, I kiss her cheek
Keeping the tears back, afraid to be weak
I run the water and hop right in
The tears begin to flow, only then

Do people know what goes on?
Can you see it?
I come and I go but, I never truly leave
This was never what I wanted

There I see you again
This time, no wedding band
You tell me its wrong
I say I know
Pulling me close, kissing me
There all my pain seemed to go
There I let all my tears flow

You held me tight
Told me that I’d be alright
And here you are kissing my baby goodnight
Looks like, in my life, I finally did something right

I have so much love to give
What is this life
If I cannot share it with someone
What is this life
If all of this love I have
Is all wasted just on little old me.

In this life passion is the why
And you are the how
But who are you
And how can I life this life
Without you by my side?

I miss making dinner and the late night tickle fights
More than that I miss the intimacy
I miss the foot rubs after a day at work
I miss the way you're a dork
I miss loving someone.

I am meant to love
I meant to give it up
But then I relapsed and fell
It was then I realized that I'm miserable
Without this funny thing called "love".

Now society tells me to be a strong woman
But, who says I can't be strong
Along with someone
Be stronger together
Ordinary apart, extraordinary together
That is way I want
But, it is too much to ask.

So I'll have all of this love to give
And just wait for the next who is worth of it.

Writing ad lib, thinking of  you
Trying to find the right words
To tell how much I'm missing you
Trying to find what to do
To lessen the pain of missing you.

Is there anything else I can do
But sit here and write?
Is there anything else I can say
Except that simple three word phrase?
Oh, my love, please know it is true
I love you and I miss you.

Counting days, how long has it been?
I'll be by your side and you by mine
Soon, love, soon
I'll see your handsome face, your lovely smile
And you'll see mine, dear
You'll see mine.

Life is short lived
So is our time
But soon, dear, I'll see your eyes
And you'll soon see mine
With all of this in mind
Believe me, darling, when I say
I love you
and
I miss you.

Love is languages
Spoken at once together
Neither this nor that

But both.

Things I want you to know are so hard to speak
Blinking away from tear stained eyes
Biting my trembling lip
All to say what I need to say

I can't look at your beautiful face
It is beautiful
I can't look knowing you have to leave me
I can't look at my love when it'll be gone

Like a knife in the heart
Wedged deep inside
Twisting the blade
As I watch you leave

Anticipating this moment
The moment when I have to see you walk out my door
I don't know if...
I can't...

It hurts to think that this is coming to an end
But, it must...
You must leave...
And I must stay...



Oh, but, my love...
How I wish we could stay near.

Like a caged bird
I stare out the window
Wishing for more
All I can do with this sore
Scratching the itch again and again
Infection seeps in and feeds
Off this soul that is no longer
Suffocating me
Struggling to breathe
Just wanting to be free
From this pain
All this negativity
It suffocates my brain
What once used to pleasure
Now a chore
Here with myself
Suffocating more
Or is it someone else's hands around my neck
Choking the life from this being
Breath after breath
My soul is gasping
Suffocating from the pain
Shallow breath and cold sweat
Fear no longer this death
Welcomed messenger
Bringing me news of salvation

It's that time of year again
The weather changes and things grow
The sun comes out
Washing away the fears of the past
Bringing forth a beautiful future
Smiles of people pass me
Walking down the street full of bliss
The sun on my face and wind in my hair
Not a thing wrong with the world
A kiss from a stranger
A hug from a friend
At this rate
Our world will never end
Music pumpin
Heads thumpin to the beat
Not a care in the world
Oh, it's that time of year again
When the weather changes and life begins
Opening a bright future
The world is beautiful, friends.

In life's stillness
So sweet in silent repose
A breath of fresh air
Renewing and filling your lungs
Eyes of full sight
Seeing that all is alright
Enjoying the joys of the day
Sighing the stress away
Take a breath in and wait
It'll be okay
In this moment of serenity
The moment so still and stagnate
But, not stuck
Just paused, soon to move on
A night by the fire
Morning in the sun
Reading in your bed
A bath to clear your head
The moments are still
Ceasing for a moment
In life's sweet repose

Both for the better
Neither for the worst
Never wishing ill
Always there to help
No more "we"
No more "us"
Though we could have been on the cusp
You had my full trust
To not hurt me and help make me better
And now it's gone
And so are you
I'd be lying if I said I hated you
But, these feelings are true
Raw to the bone
Like a knife searing me
Waves crashing into my soul throughout the day
Short of breath and bleeding
But both of us for the better
Here's to something happier
You made a stronger person
But, that could be said about the ****
About the alcoholic
Was it good or was it bad?
Whatever it was, it was a trip and a half
Between you and me on my back
It was like a verbal attack
Then all the promises of forever
I guess you couldn't keep
Telling me to not quit when the going gets rough
Well, I guess the tables turned
Now I've learned.

The devil
He's the first card drawn
Evil grin with servants serving him
They could break free of their chains
Only held by mentality
Time to break free
Of this reality.

Next the star
But, look at that
I guess I'll be reading it upside down
Flipped on its head that is what it said
Spiritually speaking you're confused
You don't know the rules
Of the game you're playing
So you just lost hope
Day to day seems mundane
Everything is always the same
Dwelling on the negative
Ignoring the positive
The star is saying
Just open your eyes.

Oh hello, Mr. Magician
I see you've joined the gang
You've come to tell me about my day to day
Lost touch of reality
Feet aren't on the ground
Tell me Mr. Magic man, how can I get down?
You're confused and you're lonely
Just listen to The Star
Open your eyes and see who you are.

Now it is explained, Mr. Magic
Now as I'm wielding this three of swords
Rejection and loss
Things ever present in your life
And to fill your future with strife
So this is a warning
Please beware
That danger is lurking
So tread with care
But, do not shy away, I say
Learn to live and love the day to day pain
Keep in touch with it
Before the sun comes the rain.

A young man is next
The Page of Cups
I'm sorry for your bad luck
For it is flipped on its side
Check your addictions
You might want to have a look
Don't let this person hurt you
Whether it be you or another
Insecure and abusive
Don't give him too much
For he wants much and gives none
Just seek who it is
We're just about done.

What a fitting end
The last card reads "Death"
Lucky for you
The meaning is reversed
With that being said
Please don't think you're cursed
This means transformation, a rebirth
Major change is near and dear
So please, do not fear
Let go of the past
Let it linger no longer
Let go of your hurt
Fill it with desire
Accept the change that is beside you
And no longer will you feel like you're stuck.

I hope I have helped
With this reading I've prepared
Each card holding relevance
Don't believe?
Turn the other cheek, if you dare.

One thing after another
One strike
Two strike
Three
Though it may not seem
I'm as grateful as can be
For the things that you do
And the things that you've done
The words "Thank you" are never enough
And they never have been
Because two little words can't encompass the feeling
Of not knowing what to do
If I were without you
From day one you held my hand
And taught me how to stand
Tall and proud and as confident as I can
Through the bumps and the bruises
And everything that confuses
The one I can count on
Because you're always there
And it kills me to hurt you
Because I never meant to do so
Some things I know have been stupid
Some things never needed to be disputed
I just want you to know
That as I sit here and cry
Please know that I'm trying
I've tried so hard over the years
Despite all of the times I caused you tears
No matter what words I say
They could never truly explain
The bond between mother and daughter
The feeling of appreciation and thankfulness
Until then I guess I will have to settle
For the two words that everyone can use
Thank you.

In the green meadow I sit
Cross legged in the grass
Sun soaking my skin
Warming me in it's comforting rays
Spreading over me
A blanket of youth

Opening my eyes I see
A strange bird
Staring at me
Feathers of red and a curved over beak
A strange little bird
Staring at me

A song it does sing
While looking at me
A song so beautiful
It caught me of guard
I get to my feet, unable to speak
For this beautiful melody has made my voice weak

As I walk to the bird
The beauty does strike me
Not only of the sound but, of everything around me
The leaves on the trees, dark reds and greens
The twinkling of the stream
The shine flowing the currents so mild

Walking to the stream, I begin to dream
Then the bird waddles next to me
The bird so odd with an exotic beauty
I reach out to touch but, it moves away
The bird of red motions to me
His thoughts aloud they seem
"Look in the water with me"

Craning my head I see what he sees
No longer is there a bird looking at me
The beauty is mine
My features they shine
Against the sun, against the wind
My wings, they will fly.

Laying ******* in bed
With my phone to my ear
You called me this morning
And now we've been talking
For what seems like forever now
But in reality it's only been
Like 24 minutes
Mostly silence it's been
But you haven't stopped
Or told me that you'd rather hang up
This is what I miss
More than our kiss
Being on the phone
Just breathing, knowing we aren't alone
I think to much
This much I know
But to that I say...so?
If you only knew
The things that I do
Things wouldn't be so different
You'd still be there
And I'd still be here
But, scratch the surface
And I think there's something more
Like words left unsaid
Things that aren't being expressed
Maybe it's for the best
What if it isn't?