This is one of those cheesy things
One of those things about love that people can’t stand
It starts with “I miss you” and ends with “I love you”
In the middle comes “I always knew you were the one”
Later on comes “We’ll be together forever”
And it ends with “I love you”
But, now we are at the start
I miss you
I miss you terribly so
There are times I cannot bear it
There are times I think it’d be easier if I were to end it
Then I think of the next
I always knew you were the one
From day one, it was only you
Through the ups and the downs, lord knows we’ve had them
It has always been you, faithful and true
We’ve been going strong and showing no signs of slowing
We’ll be together forever
That’s it, that’s the next part
Pieces start to come together
Our life begins to form
That’s when the ending ties it all in
I love you, my darling
I always have and I always will
From start to finish and life to death
Forever, my darling
I love you

It's never goodbye
Always see you later
Though my body is far
My mind is nearer
Than the air you are breathing
I'm with you there sleeping
Always remember
Never forget
The time that we've spent
Together again
Soon we will be
So don't you dare fret
The going gets tough
We've always had it a bit rough
Roll with the punches
And play with cards that are dealt
With a bond such as ours
We will always prevail
Over the hardships and toils
Our blood, it will boil
Tiffs and spats will be had
But, we'll never stay mad
It's been fun and will remain
Joyous all the same
Cuz it's never goodbye
Just see you later

Strapless and lace
That's what I thought it'd be
It wasn't just a dream
I really thought that was me
With the done up hair
With a bouquet of roses
I thought that was me.

White picket fences
Children in the yard
Cooking breakfast and dinner
For all of us, three
With that picture perfect life
I thought that was me.

But, forget about that
I remind you of the wedding dress
That I won't be able to wear
Because it has your name on it
The wedding dress
The engagement that could never be salvaged
Not that I want it...anymore
It's just a pity
That poor wedding dress
Will never be worn
Because it's meant for me
But, still has your name on it.

You want me to...?
I guess I...
Maybe I....
Can I...
Really?
What if...
I don't know about this...
Maybe I'll think...
What if it does...
What if it doesn't...
Is it right?
What if it isn't...
What if it is...
I don't know...
Can you help...
I can't...
Maybe...
What if...
I think...
I don't think so...
You do it...
Can you...
Please...
I'm nervous...
Help...
I don't know...
Maybe...

What terror is held in this
Rejection at its finest
Being the one to reject
Or be rejected
Which is worse?
Having hopes and dreams crushed
Or having to crush them
The latter I say
One can be crushed and moved on
One crushes and forever wonders.

Forever wondering
Was it right or was it wrong?

Choices
There is always a choice

Yes
No
Maybe
Kinda
Later
Now
Black
White
Square
He
She
Ri­ght
Wrong

Right....



Wrong....

Is it?

Just a little neighborhood
No Wisteria Lane
But, everyone has their secrets
For they cannot abstain
From the behavior that they know
All of that is understood
Now I shall paint the pictures
The Portraits of the Neighborhood.

First we have a lovely lady
She is lovely indeed
Too lovely for her very own good
The word "no" she does not know
Night after night climbing out the window
Parents in bed, as daft as the dead
Climbing in a car, skirt pulled high
Sitting in the backseat, getting high as the sky
A car full of boys
She's as ecstatic as can be
If she only could know, she's only a toy
Each takes their turn
Tossing her like a rag doll
Finishing inside then it's on to the next one
Dropping her off at home
Telling her to get out of the car
Readjusting her skirt
Back through the window she goes.

Peeking through the window
The next picture painted
The pervy next door neighbor
Always looking to score
The things he has done
Not proud of them, he says
For he has done terrible things
Just sit back and read
Watching through the window
Holding himself in his hand
Wife sleeping in bed
As good as dead
To him because he doesn't see
The love that she brings to him
Only the meat
That she's grown on her bones
Since their wedding day alone
The *** is lack luster
He needs someone else
So he calls on the hookers
And neighborhood hoes
Seeing the girl in the too short skirt
Now he's made a mess on the window
Time to clean up.

Now across the street there
It's an interesting affair
A seemingly loving couple
Blue skies, no rain
She gardens, he works
She cooks, he works
Always greeted with a kiss
Smiles all the time
But, they have a secret
Like everyone else
Behind close doors
He isn't Mr. Nice Guy
The cuts and the bruises
They come from somewhere
She covers them up so no one will stare
She says it will stop
Just give it some time
But one of these days
He'll get carried away
Sensing no danger
This silly young woman
Hangs around town
To be beaten again.

The last and final portrait
This middle aged woman
Beautiful and kind
Everyone loves her
Including a boy
A mere 15 years old
Stops by her home
Everyday after school
She's giving him lessons
But, everyone knows better
A steamy affair
She can sense the danger
But, the thrill it gives
She cannot stop
Everyday he walks in
A locked door behind him
Window blinds closed
The secret well hidden
He kisses and rubs
She does the same
Till they're both in heaven
Away from the pain
He leaves in an hour
Sometimes a little more
She waves from the door
Until tomorrow, there'll be more.

I've painted my picture
Brief as it may be
Every neighbor has their secrets
Whether young or old
What lies writhe behind closed doors
Soon to escape
For now just wait.

Ten page paper
Orchestral Excerpt Jury
Music History
Sight Singing exam
Practice piano
Piano final
Make revisions
Evaluate
Drink coffee
Cry
Get drunk
Try the ten page paper again
Take some advil to get through the jury
Try to wake up in time to get to 8am Music History
Hope to not get a sore throat for singing exam
Piano piano piano piano
What were we talking about in religion?
What am I doing my paper on?
When's it due?
Music. Music. Music. Music.
Cry.  
Cry some more.
Get **** done.

I have so much love to give
What is this life
If I cannot share it with someone
What is this life
If all of this love I have
Is all wasted just on little old me.

In this life passion is the why
And you are the how
But who are you
And how can I life this life
Without you by my side?

I miss making dinner and the late night tickle fights
More than that I miss the intimacy
I miss the foot rubs after a day at work
I miss the way you're a dork
I miss loving someone.

I am meant to love
I meant to give it up
But then I relapsed and fell
It was then I realized that I'm miserable
Without this funny thing called "love".

Now society tells me to be a strong woman
But, who says I can't be strong
Along with someone
Be stronger together
Ordinary apart, extraordinary together
That is way I want
But, it is too much to ask.

So I'll have all of this love to give
And just wait for the next who is worth of it.

Though the sun is shining bright
Dark rainclouds hang in my mind
Thick drops fall onto my heart
Making it harder to see out of the dark.

Standing in front of this mirror
Stripped down, bare, to my soul
Looking at my body
Seeing into myself
What was once ugly
Now undergoing metamorphosis
An ugly duckling
Now a beautiful swan
Once a lowly caterpillar
Now a butterfly spreading it's wings for the first time
Such enlightenment
Seeing yourself for the first time
Forgiving yourself for the first time
The start of being yourself
Taking off the mask that has hidden your beautiful face
And you know it's beautiful
Realize yourself and be happy

My stomach hasn't settled
Since that one day
Butterflies and knots
Riddling my stomach into decay
Like a virus
Eating from the inside out
Always hungry
Never full
Always eating
What's inside of me
Nothing hushes my aching stomach
What's wrong?
Maybe an ulcer
I guess it could be cancer
Of the stomach
Or liver
Maybe even the pancreas
It could even be my heart
But for now I'll just call them butterflies
Eating out my gut.

Broken and bruised I stand before you
Tattered and split I held my heart in my hands
Turning blue and cold my eyes focused down
My heart hardening to my soul
Broken and bruised I stood before you
Words spoken through a damaged heart
Feelings of a wounded soul
A broken heart and a twisted mind
Twisted through the lies of another
Broken by the actions of the other
Cracks in desperate need of repair
Blemishes and no one cared
Cracks along the surface travelling deeper than most can see
If you look correctly, you could see right through me.

You've seen right through me
And I can't deny
That these feelings are truly mine
Not needing to hide or to find the right time
These feelings are mine
What a wonderful thing
When you can let your heart sing
The sorrows of the past and the joys of the future
Makes you think that there might be a cure
For the tears that have been shed
It just might be worth the hit
Because I know when I open my eyes
These feelings are truly mine.

Beaten down and battered
Words condemned me and now liberate
All it took was an emotional quake
Brief moments of panic and pain
All needed to keep me sane
At least I once thought...

My vision is clear
The end is not near
For me but, for you the end is here, I fear
So, my dear
Expelled from my life
No longer can you cause me strife
Your words hurt like a knife
And choked me until there was no life
Now my vision is clear
And my end is not near.

I stand here licking my wounds
Battered and torn
Broken and bent
Tattered and shred
Sewing myself together with needle and thread
Finding warmth to bring the pink to my lips
Sailing your ships
No longer wanted, no longer needed.

Broken and bruised I stood before you.

The feelings are there
The words won't come
It's like some kind of writers block.

Dear cup of coffee,
You're all I need
In the morning
To get me through the day
Or at least until two
Then give me another
Another cup of coffee
To get me through
An ode you, coffee!
To me you have always been true!
Pick me up in the morning
Wind me down in the evening
This is an ode to you!
Always cherished and always loved
You're like a gift from above
When I indulge too much the previous night
I always wake up with a fright
But, there you are holding my hand
My dear coffee can
This is my ode to you
Forever shall we always be true!

Little girl
So shy and scared
Why can't you see there's nothing there.

Under your bed and in the closet
The monsters you say are there
The monsters that have you so scared.

Run and hide in your mind
The thing causing you this fear
For the monsters were never there.

The monsters of your mind
Nothing to fear you will find
To the corners of your mind the monster will be confined.

One day you'll know
The things the world has to show
The one day where you grow.

The monsters in your mind will always be easy to find
Monsters that take many forms and all kinds
Doubts and insecurities messing with your mind.

Monsters are never hard to find.

When beauty is only skin deep
The beauty loses it's beauty
When you only see the outside
There is no beauty
There cannot be beauty
That is only skin deep
Being beautiful implies
Much more than meets the eye
More than that porcelain skin
And those blue eyes
Beauty is the soul
Beauty is not cold
Like some of those who are called
Beautiful.

My sadness is neither beautiful
Nor poetic
But, if I weave these words
Twist and turn them
Maybe I could fool
Not only you but, myself
Maybe these words will help me smile
When I am not feeling well
Because it is oh so hard to do so
Though few fully understand
Even those I love
They understand what they can
I can't blame them
I know that I can't
So, am I to blame myself?
I really don't think I can.

My loneliness and my sadness
My tears and my screams
Do not think them more beautiful
Than the nighttime sea
Nor think them more poetic
Than the most famous poetry
Because as much as I can weave these words
It doesn't change what they really are
I can twist and turn but, I can't deter
These feelings, forever to occur.

What makes a weeping willow weep?
For it is beautiful
That is plain to see
So what makes the willow weep?
Luscious green leaves
Draping ever so carefully
Down to tickle the grass
Wind blowing through the branches
Like the longest hair
That would make Rapunzel green
So why does the willow weep?
The willow with cascading leaves
A waterfall of green
Creating a beautiful getaway
Behind its falling leaves
Why does the willow weep?
Creatures they scurry
To and from that green curtain
Frolicking and dancing among the green
Little children play little games
Hiding behind the leaves
A lovers first kiss
Hidden in the privacy of the willow tree
Why does the willow weep?
With beauty surpassing
And gratefulness overflowing
Why does the willow still weep?

Like the sun and the moon
With stars that kiss the surface
Never touching
But, always admiring
Living to see the other rise each day
But, never getting close enough
To kiss the moonlight with the rays
Never letting the moonlight bathe
Live for the mere existence
Never touching and always looking
Settling for the starlight that shines
But, even that doesn't touch
While I have darkness
You have blue skies
But, even that just doesn't feel so right
Because blue skies mean nothing without your baby
And the dark serenity doesn't mean a thing without my love
But, every once in a while on a cloudy day
While the clouds pour and rain
You may come to bask me in your rays
I may steal a kiss or more
But, only until the clouds go away
Then it's back to yesterday
And we'll settle for blue skies and starlight.

Through the world we've traveled more
Than the furthest shooting star
Not in distance as you would say
Just think metaphorically, per say
We shot of like a space rocket
Blasting through all that sky in no time
But, then we stopped to catch our breath
Rocket fuel had been all gone
We were left wondering what went wrong.

Band-aids cover up the wounds
Like a smile hides the pain
Day to day we pray
That we won't need anymore band-aids
When we can smile and mean it
We can pray until that day
But until that day we will smile
In hope that they will be real
Because there isn't much to do
Besides struggle and fight
If we value our life
If we believe in the day
When we won't need anymore band-aids
And we can smile
But, until that day
I pray.

Awake again for the tenth night
It could be the fifteenth or the twentieth
I don't know, who's counting?
I lost count around night three
Maybe it was four?
All I knew was that I was in for more
Tossing and turning
Unable to sleep
My eyelids unable to shut
Then the frustration sets in
And I'm a wreck again
Because the thoughts won't stop coming
Then the tears won't stop flowing
Because I'm tired of this
No one knows just how tired I am of this
And yes, I just tried to rhyme "this" and "this"
I keep praying that maybe I have a cyst
Removed with just a clip and a snip
But, I won't have that luxury
Because people will think that I'm just telling stories
That's in all in my head
That's why I can't see the end
But no one knows just how tired I am
Because it's always an excuse
But why would I put myself through this abuse?
Sure the pain only stops when I cry
But, that's just science, I can't lie
The feeling comes and body responds
Now let's change to "The Big Bang Theory"
Maybe some comedy will make my heart cheery
Maybe it'll make me sleepy
Need to find something else
Since the thoughts I once used
Have been beaten and abused
And no longer help me sleep
They just leave me here to weep
Until then the sleepless nights will come
I'll still be sleeping some
I'll just be tired until it's done.

I hear every whisper you make
Every breath you take
Lying there in your bed
Miles away.
I hear every request you make
Every whisper that escapes your lips

I hear every sound
You don't hear me screaming
How is that possible?
You must be deaf.

What words can I make this poem say
When I just want to tell you I miss you
I've told you time and time again
And there's not much else to say
But, I'm still writing anyway
I miss your smile
I miss your eyes
I miss everything all the time
I miss your touch
I miss your kiss
With you, everything is bliss.

Have I mentioned that I miss you?
Because, baby, I really do
I miss the **** out of you.

Protection is what I have yearned
And protection is what I have found
By these four walls
No longer am I bound.

Comfort seeming so distant
No longer am I in discontent
Day and day so insistent
For me, you have been sent.

Be the gun at my side
And I'll be the trigger
No longer shall I hide
No reasons left to shake and shiver

Protection is what I've yearned
And I've found it in you
For reasons anyone can discern
I'm proud to call you my boo.

Thick as thieves and close as can be
You shield me from the obscene
Stitch my wounds when I am hit
Protection is what I've yearned
And I have found it in you.

Feeling my heart beating out of my chest
I'm sitting here and you there
Inches away but seeming like feet
You look at me, I turn away
You smile at me, I see out of the corner of my eye
I clear my throat and your hand grabs mine
My cheeks flush red and I pull away
Your gaze falls away and you take mine
I look at your hand
I look at mine
My hand inches towards yours
Timidly, I reach for it
My touch surprises you but, you smile
I look in your eyes and see all I need to see
We just sit there staring, our eyes doing all the talking
Your hand grazes my cheek
My cheeks flush once more
I smile
You smile
We are closer, our bodies nearly touching
The electricity running through our bodies
I can feel it through your touch
Your fingertips at my neck, sending sparks through my body
Just a simple touch, that's all it took to send my mind spinning
You move in closer, your eyes half closed
You being so close, I'm nearly breathless
My hand grazes your cheek, my lips longing for your kiss
You're close now, your hand in my hair
Your kiss hits me and leaves me without a breath
Your soft lips on mine, your hand on my knee, mine on yours
My body on fire, ignited by your kiss
The kiss comes to an end but both of us linger
A breathless whisper, "I love you"
A tearful smile across my face, A kiss that says the same
Our touch so tender, our kiss so sweet
What seems like hours, is only minutes
Lost in love, lost in touch
Your hands trace every outline
Your lips saying everything that I need to hear
How speechless you leave me
I can only stare, admire the beauty
We look deep into each others' eyes
Needing no words to say how we both know we feel
We've waited for this moment
We've waited so long
Now it's here and it's here to stay
Forever you're mine
Forever I'm yours
Together at last
Forevermore

this is the first outing since you

Since "we" became and "you" and "I"

And I was terrified

But, it went alright.

Butterflies formed in my gut

But, not the kind you used to give

A different kind

A new kind

A kind that I could get used to.

I watched his face as he talked

I observed his mannerisms

And probably looked like a creep

But, for an instance, I could not recall yours.

We watched a movie and he laughed

A loud laugh that was contagious

A deep, full laugh

That was so different from what I've heard before.

I was awkward

And he was nice

We talked

And it was nice.

I apologized for being awkward

He said it was alright

He asked what I'm writing

I said "Nothing special"

I think I lied.

Not that I'm in love

But, now a bit less afraid

Like a weight lifted

Who knew fear weighed so much?

So what am I writing?

Just jotting down some thoughts

...Possibly

But...nothing special?

I might have lied.

It's the hardships
That make us stronger
And make us appreciate
The times when you don't need to be strong
And all of those hardships...
Disappear
Like they never even happened at all
No memory at all
Of those things that made you so strong
But, those times when the front comes down
That facade drops
And it's just you
You and that person
The walls come down and you're real again
But, just at that point
Of comfort and happiness
That's when shots will be fired
And without walls how can you protect yourself?

Stranded alone with sand between my toes
No one in sight
Looking to the horizon
Nothing but storm clouds
Shelter I need
But, these sticks and stones won't hold
Stones molded together with mud
A sad escape from the storm
The temperature drops
And I shiver
So cold
Tears start to fall because I don't know how
I don't know if I'll survive
The clouds draw near and I can feel the wind
I look over and what do I see?
Are my eyes deceiving me?
A figure walks towards me
A man with more stones
"Go get more"
He tells me urgently
I shake my head and leave him be
I gather more things and when I return
What my eyes see gives me a start
My array of sticks and stones
Turned into a home
A proper shelter from the storm
A gift so great
I walk in and see you sitting there
Arms outstretched waiting for my return
Tears flowing free
I collapse into your arms
You cradle me, giving me warmth
Kissing my forehead
Wrapping your arms tighter
We hear the wind from the storm
But, the shelter stands strong.

At times I feel so tiny
My 260 lbs, 5'11 frame feels so small
That I could fit into your pocket
Or possibly just the palm of your hand
For you to carry me around and hold me safe.

At times I feel so small and feeble
That with my next step I will trip and stumble
Under the weight of the air around me
Claustrophobic but, wanting nothing more
Than to be wrapped tightly in a blanket
With a comforting arm around me
To make me warm again
And maybe make me feel something other than the air around me.

Tiny like a fawn pitted against an 18 wheeler truck
Just standing there, wide-eyed, knowing what will happen
But, paralyzed with fear
Because that fawn has never seen anything so menacing
With bright white eyes piercing the dark and cold metal waiting to hit
But, still, too scared to make a move.

At times I feel so tiny
But, I'm so big.

Do I just blame it on ***?
Why I'm feeling all this stress
Why these tears stain my eyes
Why I lay on my bed and cry
Or is it something more
Something deep down within my core
Something following me in my life
Causing me all this strife
Is the anxiety for nothing?
The things inside the dark of my room
Making me feel gloom and doom
Whispering in my ear
"Just come with us, dear."
Listen to them, I will not
With them, I will not rot
Seeing death night by night
Can give someone an awful fright
Should I remain in fear of these apparitions?
Or should I ignore the superstitions?
Are they only in my head?
Just monsters under my bed?
Imagination of a young child
Temperament meek and mild
Shadows becoming figures in my head
The tears begin to shed
Fear faces me in every room
Please tell me I'll be leaving soon.

Something different
Something sudden
I was caught by surprise
By those, oh so stunning eyes
I said hi
You said hello.
My little kitty
Vowing to forever stand by me
As friend, maybe more
Kitty, thank you for caring about me
Maybe you can help me see
For the second first time
Help me pick up the pieces of my mind
As you so vowed to do
Because you know the hurt
And you could desert
But, I'm just guarded and scared
My heart is just tired
And it's me you want to admire
It's just such a crazy notion
That some of your beauty and style
Might notice little old me
With the pudge and the baggage
But, here you are patiently waiting
And helping me pick up the pieces of my life
Maybe one day I could call you my wife
One meeting could make a lifetime
Some things I can't help but take as a sign
But, only time will let us see
I was just so surprised
When you said hello
And I said hi.

The man in the hat always stares
The man in the hat is always there
The man in the hat holds the key
Under his hat, no one can see
Everyone is looking at me
The man in the hat is there
Can't you see?

Here in a pinch and gone in a flash
How long are these supposed to last?
Who knew it was this late?
I always lose track when I hallucinate.

Am I crazy or are you?
Keep staring, it's nothing new
But, have you seen the man in the hat?

No one ever sees the man in the hat
But, on my bedside he sat
Plain as day, clear as crystal
He sat there by my side

They say a sickness and I say a blessing
Someone there is all I've needed
And now the man in the hat is here
I am well now, my dear.
Nothing left to fear
My man in the hat is here.

The devil
He's the first card drawn
Evil grin with servants serving him
They could break free of their chains
Only held by mentality
Time to break free
Of this reality.

Next the star
But, look at that
I guess I'll be reading it upside down
Flipped on its head that is what it said
Spiritually speaking you're confused
You don't know the rules
Of the game you're playing
So you just lost hope
Day to day seems mundane
Everything is always the same
Dwelling on the negative
Ignoring the positive
The star is saying
Just open your eyes.

Oh hello, Mr. Magician
I see you've joined the gang
You've come to tell me about my day to day
Lost touch of reality
Feet aren't on the ground
Tell me Mr. Magic man, how can I get down?
You're confused and you're lonely
Just listen to The Star
Open your eyes and see who you are.

Now it is explained, Mr. Magic
Now as I'm wielding this three of swords
Rejection and loss
Things ever present in your life
And to fill your future with strife
So this is a warning
Please beware
That danger is lurking
So tread with care
But, do not shy away, I say
Learn to live and love the day to day pain
Keep in touch with it
Before the sun comes the rain.

A young man is next
The Page of Cups
I'm sorry for your bad luck
For it is flipped on its side
Check your addictions
You might want to have a look
Don't let this person hurt you
Whether it be you or another
Insecure and abusive
Don't give him too much
For he wants much and gives none
Just seek who it is
We're just about done.

What a fitting end
The last card reads "Death"
Lucky for you
The meaning is reversed
With that being said
Please don't think you're cursed
This means transformation, a rebirth
Major change is near and dear
So please, do not fear
Let go of the past
Let it linger no longer
Let go of your hurt
Fill it with desire
Accept the change that is beside you
And no longer will you feel like you're stuck.

I hope I have helped
With this reading I've prepared
Each card holding relevance
Don't believe?
Turn the other cheek, if you dare.

I was eight years old the day you left me
It was early in the morning, I didn’t know a thing
I remember the lights, oh so bright
They were flashing in my eyes as they came
They came and took you away

You were my best friend; I’ll say it till the end
Up until that day you were my life
We’d talk and laugh and we’d cry
Oh, I was young
And I never thought the day would come

I saw you in that hospital bed
Even though they say it was impossible
I swear you opened your eyes to look at me
But, I was so young, who knows?
It could have just been me

Life moved on after that
A lot was lost but, no one knew
Just how much was gone for me
I cried and I cried, I still do sometimes
There are some things that time won’t mend

Now I’m 18 years old, thinking back
I’ll never forget the times we’ve had
The good and the bad, it was all true
We were thick as thieves and still are
Because I know you’re still here with me

I struggle to hear your voice these days
I can’t remember how it sounds
It hurts like a knife in the heart
Though I can’t remember your words
It doesn’t change how much you mean to me

It’s been such a long time
And I’m not that eight year old girl anymore
Still I know when I’m sad and down
I’ll just look up into the clouds and see you smiling down
And I’ll smile back and know, for now, that it’s going to be okay

In my head
In my bed
When I'm laying alone
Wondering if I'm in yours
And it hurts me to my core
The fact that I still miss you
And I still want to kiss you
But as time will pass
I'm sure this can't last
Right?
You're neither friend nor foe
I don't know what you are, though
I believe you are something
Ironically
Something not logical
And temperamental in nature
A ticking time bomb of sorts
Just waiting till the fuse burns
And everything bursts
At the seams of the heart
And everything will rip apart
Then come together with such synchrony
That it'll be a little bit scary
But, I don't fret
Because I know I'm better than that
When laying in my bed
Welcoming the feeling
But dreading the presence
Of the image of your face
That I once held so dear
But, I no longer fear
Because I am better than late night romps in your car
And trying to touch something that is so far
Away from me and through with me
But, you are not my enemy
These problems are beneath me
Because I deserve more than a lack of trust
And asking for a massage...was that too much?
I forgave you, yes
But, that doesn't change this mess
Now I'm sober and over
This mess that we left
I'm cleaning myself up and dusting myself off
Because I may have faltered
But, I will always get back up
And in time we'll both see
That you're wrong about me
No logic, only emotion
Well, you can't have a beach without an ocean
But, that's over now and I won't let myself settle for rejection
In this circumstance I won't be it's subjection
I'll only be it's objection
Because I won't stick around where I'm not wanted
And maybe soon I won't be haunted
By you in my head
And in my bed
And maybe soon I won't wonder if I'm in yours
Because soon I'll know that I'm in mine.

Accidental happenings and spun intentions
Into something so evil
The devil dare speak the words
The anger in my soul
Making Aries burn green
Fists and kicks
None hurt worse than words
Those without meaning
When strewn with guilt
And misjudgment
Creating puzzles out of clarity
And chaos out of peace
Cacophonies of noise
Disrupting the minds of those
Who the words still held meaning
To measure into the abyss.

When I cry
I let my tears fall to the floor
The tears I used to dry
They aren't mine
But, alas, they are mine to dry.

The sleepless nights
They are countless and growing
Those nights are not mine
But, alas, I am the one awake
My body is the one begging for sleep.

I am mine
Because you never were
And I never was
I am mine and that is how it shall stay
I am mine forevermore
Until the end of time
I will be mine
Until my bones grow weak
And my skin grows cold
This heart will always be mine.

My heart
My heart is mine and will only beat for me
Because when  you let it beat for someone else
That's when the tears are not yours
And that's when the sleepless hours become nights and days
And there's no willing them away
My heart has beaten my skin to the punch
Seemingly cold and motionless
My heart sits in my chest
What once used to ache for you
Now beats for no one
And hurts for no one
An impenetrable fortress of cold, hard ice
That I hope, for your sake, never gets melted
Because that's when your tears will start
And the sleepless hours will become nights
And you will be as cold as I.

Bathroom floor
White tiles
Cold surface
Comfort in the strangest of places
In order to experience life
You must experience the bathroom tiles against your skin
As you tears fall onto the white surface
Until you view the bathroom lights from a different angle
You haven't experience life.

Until you've seen the inside of your toilet bowl
Because you've drank so much
Just to mask the feelings you don't want to feel
Until you can see your tears ripple the water
You haven't experienced life.

Until you've sat on the edge of your bathtub
Tapping your foot nervously on the floor
That cold white tile of your bathroom floor
Developing that friendship with your floor
Knowing the cold comfort it can give
As your tears fall to the floor
There is life.

The moonlight dances on your skin
And I melt within
The beauty that radiates
It must be a sin
From the top of your head
To the tips of your toes
This beauty that no one knows.

Laying naked in my bed
There are no words that can be said
To accurately catch your beauty
From the tips of your toes
To the top of your head.

Long flowing hair cascades in waves
Across the pillows, tickling my face
Your porcelain skin glowing with the moon
Your moonlit kissed eyes glowing and seeing right through me
Into the darkest corners of my mind
And loving every corner.

Those perfect pink lips
That so many times have kissed mine
Soft and supple
Leaving me breathless every time
Along with those big brown eyes
That see through me every time.

The landscape of your body
Should be the eighth wonder of the world
For it's fluidity and wonder never cease to amaze
From the gentle ***** of your shoulders
Leading to your delicate but strong arms
To the ***** of your *******
Two hills of decadent perfection
The curve of your back
So soft and so sweet
With the curves of your hips
So tantalizing to me
Leading to your legs
Legs that go on for days
Your legs and your curves...
Enough to drive anyone crazy.

The beauty of your exterior
Seems terribly inferior
When compared to your inner
The beauty of your soul and your mind
So kind and so caring
But, also, just a little bit daring
And the darkest corners of your mind
They're much more beautiful than mine
And how someone like you could love someone like me
Well, it has to be destiny
How else could you explain it
Someone so perfect and beautiful
Loving someone so broken and a little dull
But, such is life
I'm just glad that you're here tonight.

What do you take for granted?

The illiterate
Unable to read
Unable to write
Communication is dead

What do you take for granted?

The blind
Unable to see the world around
Seeing beauty inside
But, never out.

What do you take for granted?

The deaf
Music is gone
Voices are nothing
Never knowing sound

What do you take for granted?

The mute
A voice that is lost
No singing that song
Vocal expression...gone

What do you take for granted?

The roof over your head
Shelter from the rain
A place to lay your head
Shelter from the pain

What do you take for granted?

Loved ones
The ones there for you
Helping you through
Without...you are alone

What do you take for granted?

The beauty of life
Everything.

50/50
Hurt
Pain
Pleasure
Happiness
Take it
It could be worth it.

Back to basics
It's where we all need to go
Go back to home
And remember how it all started
When you hit that wall
Come crawling home
Because that's where the heart is
Because that's where you left yourself
All those many years ago.

You left to go search for yourself
But, you were unaware you were always right there
Just behind you
Disappearing when you turn around
Eluding you
As stealthy as a ninja in the shadows
You left to learn how to find yourself
And now you can
After years of searching
You're ready.

In life's stillness
So sweet in silent repose
A breath of fresh air
Renewing and filling your lungs
Eyes of full sight
Seeing that all is alright
Enjoying the joys of the day
Sighing the stress away
Take a breath in and wait
It'll be okay
In this moment of serenity
The moment so still and stagnate
But, not stuck
Just paused, soon to move on
A night by the fire
Morning in the sun
Reading in your bed
A bath to clear your head
The moments are still
Ceasing for a moment
In life's sweet repose

It's the holiday season
Christmas eve to be exact
I'm sitting at home with a cat in my lap
The television is on
A Christmas special
What else is on?

**, **, **!
Says the santa on TV
Trying to spread joy and cheer
I smile a little then look over at you
Eyes glazed over, nursing a beer
Tears begin to well
I turn away
Who knows how you'd act if you saw my face.

I look out the window at all the snow I see
Wondering what is exactly out there for me
Standing up, I grab my coat
"Where you goin?" he slurs, a hiccup in his throat
With no response I go
Right out the door

It's a little bit chilly
But, I do not mind
Walking down the New York streets
On Christmas Eve night
The street lamps are on and I can see all around
The houses lit up
They truly are homes

The family cozied up
All around the tree
Ornaments and lights
Tinsel and beads
I stop and I stare
If they saw me, I wouldn't care
The family inside
Oh, how nice it would be

I keep walking, my head held down
Thinking about the joy of the families around
I can't help thinking
Somehow....I missed out.

I walk down the street
Down to the local park
It's where we first met
But, things are different now
Sitting on a bench, I take in the scene
Freshly laid snow, not tainted by feet.

A couple comes by and I close my eyes
They're just like we were
Walking so late at night
Hand in hand
Kisses galore
Giggles and laughs
It brings them back

We used to have that
A love so true
Now I'm wondering what happened to you
I never thought this is the way it'd be
Afraid to come home
Afraid of what you might do to me

It's time to go home
How nice it'd be to walk the other way
My feet move reluctantly against my will
Leading my home
Leading me back to you

I walk in the door
You're nowhere to be found
I see a note on the couch
It reads "You're better alone"
I hear you upstairs as I walk in the room
"I thought you'd be longer"
You're there, packing a bag
Both of us look down, tears in our eyes
How can we salvage all of these lies?

You come to me and I flinch for a second
Until you look at me, soft and warm
A tear runs down and you wipe it away
I can't look at you, I just wish you'd get out of my face
"I know things have changed"
You're getting choked up now
I've never seen you cry
It's about **** time

You sit on the bed
Your head in your hands
"I want to change back
Please give me another chance
I'm getting some help
Please take me back"
You're in tears now
Pleading in your eyes
I know you had prepared to say our last goodbye

You're eyes
They don't lie
I know you're genuine inside
I walk to you, cradling your head to my chest
"My darling, it's Christmas Eve night"
You look up at me, sadness in your eyes
I say "This night can be salvaged, break open the wine".

Driving through the country side
Windows rolled down
Music blaring
This is the good life.

Without you I just feel so alive
Now wait before you start jumping to conclusions
I'm not meaning to cause pollution
Between you and I
I just mean to thank you
I've felt more in a month that I have in a lifetime
This is too real for a rhyme
My eyes have been opened
Though nearly killing me my heart is here
And my voice along with it
Never to be silenced again
Never to be hidden again
Through the monsters of my own imagination
No longer through degradation
My spirit is free
From myself
All along I had the key
Without you I feel so alive
I hate the feelings
But I love being alive
A feeling I will never fear again
Because being alive is what I have in the end
When I'm down on my luck
The hope I have is here to stay
And the hope is real
One day again it will be "we"
I just need to be alive without you
So I can be alive with you
And I thank you
And I love you
For what you have given us
I feel so painfully, wonderfully alive.

The droning bass
the big piano swells
Like the swells of my heart
Growing
GROWing
GROWING
Like my affection for you once did....

Flitting of keys
High and piercing
Sweet dissonance
Minor seconds...the major sevenths
Coming together in sweet cacophony
Just as our bodies once did....

The warmth of the chords
Sending sweet chills through me
Making me close my eyes to enjoy
The music entirely
My body surrendered to music
Just as it once did to you....

Now it's just my music
The swells
The dissonance
The warmth
That is what love is
So I shall make love to music
I shall make it mine
I shall love and be loved
Just as it once was us...