though we do not talk anymore,
i still think of you -
not my idea of you - but how you were,
as i knew you to be.
beautiful, like a swan
cute the way you would lose things
like your wallet or phone,
the way it almost seemed like you lost them on purpose
just to give yourself something
tangible to look for, to distract you
for a little while.

though we have spent more time apart without talking
than we probably ever thought we would,
i still smile to myself when certain memories
float like little clouds shaped as animals
over my heart.
like that night we took black and white photographs of ourselves
in my mothers bathtub, beautiful pictures
of us smoking cigarettes, and you said
"two girls. black and white. naked in a bathtub.
it doesn't get more honest than that."
and i smiled because you were right
and it felt like we had accomplished
some artistic feat, like the love we had for each other
was finally depicted into something that we had both
created, in the way great artists create things,
beautiful & brutally honest,
and i felt so much joy and beauty
in that.
i still look at them sometimes,
when my heart aches for you.

though you have hopefully replaced me
with better, kinder, balanced, healthier, supportive people in your life
i still think about you,
and although i do recall how deeply we both hurt
each other
i do wish the best for you
and i hope you're really
happy and that you finally feel
like the goldmine
you are.

Imagine,
Me, pulling back the universe,
Finding a tear,
Where a star fell too far through
And space is limply hanging loose,
Swaying lightly in a comet's wind.
What would you find behind it all?
Some say that the stars shine
Only because Heaven shines behind them.
Some claim that the moon is made of cheese
Even though they have never visited the desolate rock.
But what if space is like the covers on my bed?
When you pull it back
And place is back over you,
There is your imprint,
Your fingerprint,
And it warms you
By the light of the cosmos
By the proximity of the planets
And no one can see you anymore
Because it protects you
And the monsters of this world
Disappear.

He poured the coffee
Into the cup
He put the milk
Into the cup of coffee
He put the sugar
Into the coffee with milk
With a small spoon
He churned
He drank the coffee
And he put down the cup
Without any word to me
He emptied the coffee with milk
And he put down the cup
Without any word to me
He lighted
One cigarette
He made circles
With the smoke
He shook off the ash
Into the ashtray
Without any word to me
Without any look at me
He got up
He put on
A hat on his head
He put on
A raincoat
Because it was raining
And he left
Into the rain
Without any word to me
Without any look at me
And I buried
My face in my hands
And I cried

You do this thing
Where you look at the side of my face
Or some other random part of my flesh
When I am speaking

I know you are listening
And if I catch you
You look away sheepishly

At first
I thought you to be socially awkward
But then I became extremely self conscious
"Do I have a blemish?"

Then it occurred to me
That you were doing the same thing I always do
Taking a person in

You were memorizing every part of me
And branding it into your mind

And in this moment
You transformed in front of my eyes
And your insides seemed to spill out in front of me

I understood you
and accepted you
and you were beautifully ignorant
To all of this occurring right before you

And that made the realization all the more enchanting

The strangeness arises. . .

I feel your young hand creep up
My old spine, as it crumbles
Apart into four pieces
Knives turn into forks
Like lives burnt into the north star
The big dipper pulls out
And back and forth
Into our only sight and you say

"The sky swims away with the day
and the clouds will all drift away. . ."

Soon enough they will,
When we meet again on those ****** city
streets. . .

Can you believe it?
As a star is made to rule them all!
Collisions make memories
Into classes I'll fail. . .

I'll fall down around you,
Like the comets do
And I will most certainly see it
Happen and I'll just happen to be
downtown where you are not
With me. . .

Alone
           &
Alive for sure!

Until we collide on the shore
I'll be waiting for. . .

Everyone has a ghost.
Some call them their first love.
I call mine you.

You're my ghost,
the stone in my heart.
And how does one -
erode a stone?

Vitrification?
Turn you into something,
pleasing to touch?

Oh -
but my hands are -
cold as snow.