I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

As I stay here where my feet
Are permanately planted
I catch myself seeking you
Watching you from a distance

You seem to be content with yourself
And what you're doing nowadays
But for some strange reason
I wish I could be a part of it
And not feel so astray

But I guess
some fields
just aren't as green as the others
And some oceans not as blue
And I guess that's what its like with
Me and you
You could always do better than me
You could find a blooming flower
Instead of a withering ****

I could have been the sun shining
Maybe just not as bright
I could have been the calm snow falling
Maybe just not as white

I could have been the fire burning
Maybe just not as hot
I could have been a memory
But then you just forgot

I know I'm nothing special
But there is something about your eyes
That won't let me forget about you
I just don't know why

You could have been the captain
To my smooth sailing ship
But you decided you didn't want me
So I was surely left to sink

But truly everyday
you somehow flood my brain

So I'm begging
Please help me
Please come stop this rain

I'm drowning
I need you
To stop all of this pain

But I wouldn't burden you
To help me get through

I hope youre happy
And I hope the sun shines on you

I will not forget you.
Would I like to forget you? Or what you did to me?
Perhaps.  But I will not.
Do not.  Cannot.  Have not.

I do not forget you.
Certain places, touches, people
Remind me of you, of us, of that fateful day.
I did not forget you.

I have not forgotten you.
I cannot be near a farm without a memory
Invading my mind and my heart.
I cannot eat or smell a mushroom without flashbacks flooding through my head.
You put them there.

I cannot forget you.
I did not choose promiscuity, abusive relationships, or self-harm.
You chose them for me.
I did not choose to give it all away to some devilish boy cooing in my ear,
"I love you, Sarah."
But that was my new normal.

It is not normal.
And it is not now.

I once had hoped to forget you.
To block out the pain associated with your name.
I did not want anything to do with you.
I did not want to believe you hurt me.
I did not want to deal with the mess you left behind
While you gave into your own selfish impulses.

Now I do not choose to forget you.
I allow myself to feel the hurt when I need to.
I allow myself to mourn the loss of my innocence.
I allow myself to acknowledge that I am not completely "moved on"
And I let you be my motivation to help others.

I do not have to forget you.
I chose a life for myself in order to deal with it
Feminism, activism, writing.
And frankly,
That is quite okay with me.

i see you in the silence
and the blanks of
mind. crazy how violence
says more about love
and its power. the contrast
is fading unlike your
eyebrows, and the last
drop of sanity hits the floor.
thoughts of you as
your actual presence,
because your absence has
finished its evanescence.

Are you here ?
Stepping on the fallen autumn leaves with your worn out leather boots
Smoke rising from your lips which entangle themselves in your hair
And then free themselves in one stroke like the paintings you paint
Or the songs you hum and cassettes you buy
They remind me of us,those cassettes
The world does not see how beautiful they are but you do
So you play them on rewind, like those mornings where we hold each other
Maybe too closely,in bed cause we are afraid of what it will be like
If we fall apart
Slipping on broken glass
On that old dial- phone that you refuse to throw
Oh I love to hear you voice,and your silence
Your breath drawing me to a close proximity of what peace would feel like
And then you smile cause you know
And yes,you love me so

We traced back word by word
Scar by scar
Tearing love
Blaming stars

I hardly ever see people
I see people trying to be people
but they fail
hollow faces smile at other hollow faces
broken hands shaking broken hands
no cast to fix them,not hands as broken as these
people use one another and they call it love
I call it delusion
Love did not get us here
no my friend
it was merely the delusion that we cared
that put anger in my heart
and guilt in yours
if we truly cared
you would not have lied
and I would not have been so cruel
you were not real
and neither was I
we were existing around one another
but not with
we
were
deluded
but so are they, them ,all
and I pray for something real