I
Hope
That
Right
Now
I
Am
On
Your
Mind

I can not pour my heart onto the table
Or dream on display
I can not express what I can see
I have never written something
So deeply penned
That it breached my skin,
Reached out
And touched someone's soul
Or changed their life
I do not want to change the world
I want to change someone's life
But I don't want their life in my hands
I don't want to find meaning in life,
I want to create it
I want to create something brilliant
And express the world
That no one sees.

Have you seen me in your dreams?
Was I dancing
Or writing
Or working
Or playing
Was I singing or darting around?
Was I me in your dreams?

We few, poorly oiled machines,
Working sixty hour weeks from age 16
Our sunburns as much a part of us as our high school transcripts
You can read us by sun stains on our skin
The places our burns peeled and left scars
We are not unlucky
I recieved a scholarship to an honors school
But I have to work for the rest of the tuition.
I have to work, so I miss pedicures and dinner dates
I'll take my notebook with me
I'll study on the walk home in the pouring rain if I have to
I have to work
People keep telling me that we all just want the world handed to us
I am halfway up the wall just grasping at the rope to climb
I am as privaleged as I'd like to be and still understand that
I have to work
I have to prove to you that I can contribute to the society holding my spine straight and my shoulders up
We lovely few insomniacs
Who will still be at practice in the morning
At work at night
And turn in an A- paper on time the next day
We are just getting to bed now
The alarm goes off in two hours and that's alright
We'll do what we have to and we'll love what we do
Life was not engineered to be a vacation. Nobody is holding our hands and we do not miss the hotel pool.

You
have broken all of your promises
I
think you have done enough damage
to yourself
and to me
I do not want to see you anymore
I do not want you
to read my writing,
to support me
at all.
I have to scream for you to listen
and even then
you just laugh.

Please wake me up
Next time you see me sweating and clawing into my stomach
When you see the nightmares you can't hear or understand
Don't tell me I need more sleep, don't gently press my hair away
Don't say sweet things silently as if I can hear you
I can't.
Wake me up.

I was sitting next to the mirror
I almost looked into it
I turned away
I don't like the mirror
What makes me real,
And not my reflection?
If I shatter the mirror,
Do I shatter her?
What if somebody loves her?
What makes a person real?
I don't like the mirror.

The plane’s wing is longer than I can reach
It’s not your plane
But I don’t know when your’s is coming.
The rain chinks of the wings
Silvery and soft
My clothes are drenched and likely ruin
But I can hear your voice in my head
Hey there Delilah
Don't you worry about the distance
I'm right there if you get lonely
Give this song another listen
I closed my eyes
And let the rain hit my face
It was cool
And wet
A thousand miles seems pretty far
But they've got planes and trains and cars
And I am just too tired to buy a ticket
I am too tired to run away with you
and I am too tired to stop being patient.
I hope that I am good to you,
I hope that I will wait long enough
When I get upset that you aren’t here
Or that I haven’t heard from you,
I fear that you don’t like me anymore
Or that I don’t like you.
Most days I don’t mind waiting,
But today I want you to walk home
In the rain
Slashing at the sidewalk
Through the mud and shadows
Under the streetlamps flickering on,
With me
*Our friends would all make fun of us
And we'll just laugh along because we know
That none of them have felt this way

For the love of all that is
Do not shut the door to-night
Do not push me out
And lock yourself away
With words
And thoughts
That drown you
Your thoughts **** you,
Don't they?
You have to remember
Your thoughts are just words
And words can be shattered
Dreams can be broken,
But so can nightmares.

I know how scared you are
And how sad
And I know because I feel like that,
Too
All the time
And I know that nobody understands
I don't understand how you are feeling right now
I know that it hurts
But I don't know how
Or how to help you
Just don't let yourself
Take your feet off the ground
Or
Your head out of the clouds.
You have to know where you stand
And see the real world
Take things at face-value
But
You also have to keep dreaming
Keep knowing
That you write your own future
You have your life ahead of you
And don't let right now ruin
The rest of forever.

Every thing
Is
Perfect
I
Really
Do not
Mind
Waiting.