the pain is louder and i am smaller
in your absence.
there is a crater inside my chest
that looks like you,
so i punched all my mirrors
until my fist burnt red.

i tried to plant flowers in all the places
you last touched,
but they need water to grow
and i am in a drought.

i used all my tears
to write page after page about you
and i searched for all the right words
at the bottom of different bottles,

but nothing could describe the way it felt
to have your heart beating on top of mine,
or the way you looked at me
as i wiped the tears from your eyes.

i fell apart in your arms as you carved
“this is what’s best for us right now”
across my body
over and over again.

this is what's best for us
this is what's best for us
this is what's best for us

so i scrubbed my skin in the shower
until i was black and bruised,
but all the scars just reopened
and they bled for you.