I wish you could see what I see
Than maybe you will realize
Why you mean so much to me

The world never saw me for who I was
now that I think about it
the world never saw me
Somehow I escaped all their memories
I avoided all records of the time i spent here
my slate is white as snow
and much cleaner then my couscous
I thought you already knew this
I am an invisible girl
you have to see me to believe it

“Poetry is better when your write about yourself”
They say this to me
Repeatedly
But what they don't understand is no one cares about me
people read poetry for healing
So how is me telling people my pain helping?

I think poetry is better
When I talk about beauty
When I describe the sun taking over the sky
And the waves licking the shore

I think poetry is more creative
When I convey someone else's life
When I try to write from their perspective
And see what they are dealing with

Poetry is better
When the words mean something other
Than just depressing life stories
And healing for yourself

Because when you write for others
Your words mean something
Your ideas come to life in someone's mind
And can free them from themselves

Poetry is more than just self therapy
It's using words to heal things
To help people
And to show them they aren't alone

Poetry isn't better when I write about myself
My readers need help with what they go through
Poetry is better when you write about things that matter
Not just things that matter to you

She's perfect
Too perfect
Living the life dreamed of
And being who I've dreamed to be
She's different
she's not what I'm use to seeing
Shes more
Only a freshman and already amazing
She didn't have an ugly stage
She was just always the epitome of ideals
Shes unattainable
Yet standing right in front of me
She's perfect
Too perfect

She doesnt see her own beauty

She doesnt see the perfection in her stride

She doesnt see the plan for her life

She doesnt see how many people would cry if she was gone

She doesnt see me

I'm not friends with her

sadly

I only met her twice

and maybe if i didnt look at her apperance

and if i looked at her eyes

instead of her eyes shadow i would of seen

maybe if i practiced what i preached i would of noticed something

maybe if i wasnt stupid enough

to judge her on her clothes

I would of seen the pain

she was trying to hide

maybe if i didnt spend as much time critecing her lifestyle

I could of seen what her life was like at home

maybe instead of throwing her away

I could of looked in her eyes

Maybe if i wasnt so stupid

I could of seen

the one thing we both hide perfectly

she's sad again
i can feel it in my bones
at night when im alone
i can feel her tears on my cheeks
when she purges
i feel empty
i want to help her
but im the reason shes broken

She screamed and yelled
IM NOT MY SISTERS KEEPER
she is not my responsibility
it not my fault this is happening
I AM NOT MY SISTERS KEEPER
then she broke down to cry because that morning her sister died
if only she made sure her sister looked left and right
she says she not her keeper
but she wishes she would of been able to keep her
for a little bit longer
hold her in her arms
but now her sister is gone

The sun is rising

the clock is ticking

but you still lay your head like a lamb on a cloud

peacfully

almost as if the. Ti
time  passing. Means  nothing to you

which is ridiculous because you can't  ever be late

but you prove me wrong because right now

you are peaceful

I'm tired
I wan't too sleep
No need for me to keep on going
Can't knowing
You won't be with me
I'm done
Done with all the dreams
All the we use to have
Use to be
I'm tired
So please let me sleep

Monsters never leave us

They just sleep

until we think we are safe

Then our demons come back

and we realize they never left

She wanted to stay asleep
I tried to tell her that if she doesn't wake up she will miss amazing things
like prom and graduating
but she didn't reply
all I heard in that room was the beeping machine
that machine was keeping her breathing
and for 3 years I have tried to tell her to wake up
I told her I loved her and that she was my baby
but I understand that waking up isn't always the easiest thing
she  doesn't want to live worrying about things
it may be easier just to sleep
so that day I stopped the machine from beeping

I cant sleep
but I would rather stay up knowing
you are somewhere awake thinking about me
We cant sleep

Smile, im gonna die soon

I'm sorry
the words ran out her mouth as fluid as the blood from her wrist
Dont hurt me
But it always ends the same
he comes home
screams
laughs like its a game
please
he just smiles more
she wonders what her life is for
I love you
he picks  her up
hugs her so tight her lungs start to shut
he slowly brings her feet back to the ground
he whispers in her hair
I love you to *
he smiles and she forgets what just happens in the living room
and disapears into the feeling of joy she gets from coming near his skin




they move on
they fall in love all over again
she smiles  becuase he has he wired
to follow him until shes dead
*I will love you to the end

I have a question for you all
have you ever wanted something more
have you ever looked to the floor and wished you had something more?
I'm guessing that is most of you
and don't feel bad I do it to
but i just wanted to tell you
you are amazing with what you have
and what you do
so one day of your whole life
just be you

Sometimes I wonder
Where the problem truly lies
Because unlike prophesy says
You cant see pain in someone eyes
No matter how hard you look
Sometimes its deeper than that
I know because the smile I see in the mirror every morning is pretty convincing
Because everyday I can be pretty convincing
You see its not always in the open
Some times the pain is buried behind many locked doors
And a lot of times
We don’t know where to find the key
Tragedy
Is never expected
You didn’t see the president predicting 9/11
And you never would of saw me predicting this
It’s funny
How one second you can be happy
And the next wollowing in despair
Because sometimes you feel like a magician
Making people around you disappear
And it seems like the world is deaf
You scream out and no one seemed to hear
So now your quiet
Now your silent
Living in the world without a voice is violent
Like your hand cuffed
And buried in a coffin
No one you can hear you if you scream
Like tou drowing and ever time you try to open your mouth water fills your lungs
Like your blind folded and cant see
Where life is leading you
Do you ever wonder where your life is leading
Do you ever wonder where you are leading your life
Do you ever wonder
Why you do  things
Or what does it all freakin mean
Do you ever wonder what your missing
It seems like your in a comedy show and everyone is laughing
At something your not quite hearing
Sometimes living without a voice is pretty lonely
But that depression gets to feel *****
Your  reality accepts the silnce
No matter how violent
The pain is now your identity
Depression has stolen your name
You are everything they call you
And at the same time nothing at all
You have let this go on for to long
But you don’t know how to stop
Kind of like an addiction
The silence has grown on you
But what you haven’t noticed
Is that there are people screaming out for help in this world
But you haven’t had time to listen
You have been drowning and couldn’t lend a hand
You have been buried under layers and layers of pain
You secrets have been held so close
You emotions have been put so far back
That you cant remember what feeling them is like
And you have been so focused on how your feeling
That you didn’t care too look around you and see who else is drowning
So silent that instead of speaking on what you saw
You sit back and watch them suffer
You become part of the problem
And its sad
This cycle
Of asking for help
Not getting it
Than not helping anyone else
All you want is for someone to reach out to you
But you can’t reach out to anyone else
We are all drowning
And only if we could work togethere
Maybe
We can get to the surface
Than maybe
We can breathe

Im sorry I dont believe you
It's not that i havent tried

but i have been betrayed so much in my life
I'm sorry these things take time

I'm sorry i dont know how it feels
to be left a lone

I'm sorry I cant relate
I'm sorry I cant read you
I'm sorry I dont know you tells

It's not that I havent tried
But ever time i do
I tell my self to stop

because i dont read people to know
like you do
or i think you do

I do it to figure people out
the first thing i try to do is hurt them
the first thing i do is find thier weaknesses

So that when the time comes
I can use it against them

But yes i have tried
tried to read you
but that is one thing i havent been able to do

I'm sorry i dont know you
I wish i did
I'm sorry I'm not the friend

That you needed

What would you like me to say
I was never really good at charades
I can't read you like an open page
I don't wanna play this game
Words on the top of your lips
I don't take hints
Just talk to me about it
I'm no good at this

You cry over spilled milk

While I clean it up

Spoken word is the art of forming words to say what no one thought you could
to give people a chance to ride on the waves of the sylabels
the ocean of self expression

Spoken word is the art of story telling
the story unfolds in thier mind like the note you sent your highschool crush
that crushed your heart inside and out

Spoken word is the ability to reach people
and let them reach you
open up
spread the light
let them see you
be transparent to show them what they need to see
tell them what they need to hear

Spoken word is the art that is just out of reach
you cant exactly see what is that makes you feel amazing
you stretch your hands to reach
but your hands are empty
and your heart ends up warm

Spoken word is the art of opening eyes
the ability to blow people's mind
Make them experience something they have never seen

Spoken word is the ability to convey anything with words you may speak
Spoken word is an art
And it's the art for me

As the flowers bloom
Pollen graces the air and
Spring is here

I wish
we could drive
out to the middle
of nowhere  with
you and talk
under the stars

It's starting again
Like a cycle of depressing hopelessness
I'm going through it again
Different name and different face
But the script is still the same
I'm still the villain in this ******* play
And they treat me like a game
Eveytime it's the same
I always lose, so why do I even play?
I'm always forgetten so why do I always recognize your face?
I See you in everything and I know it's not okay
I try to forget you
But I can't bring myself to push you away
I have to bring myself to push you away
So maybe this time I can stay sane
And maybe we can both end up being okay
But I need you now
In this instant
Because it's starting again
I can't sleep
I can't eat
I can't think
I can't feel anything
The numbness is worse this time
It's like I'm color blind and the only time I can see the different shades of light
Is when I'm with you.
But I don't want to hurt you
Like I always do
I have to leave this time
Before I break you too
I have to leave you

Is it just me


Or does everyone want to start over?

When I fall
I pull people down with me

When I break
The shards cut the people around me

When I get lost
I bring people into my labyrinth of life with me

I'm not stuck up
because im no longer speaking

I just dont want to make you feel that hurt I am feeling
because that is what happens
when people become friends with me

Sticks and stones are ******* bones
they can rip your life apart
Words can sting like anything
But silence breaks the heart.

He was her angel in shinning armor
With wings on inspiration
He protected her fragile heart
From the arrows of jealousy coming from every direction
And she
She was his master piece
He took her from the bottom too top
showed her What she saw as nothing
Was something
He turned her heart from coal too a beautiful diamond
But this diamond was fragile
So he protected her with wings of encouragment and inspiration
He saved her
But while he was protecting her
She saved him too
Because he worn his armor
Not to protect him from you
But to protect you from him
Because he thought he was a monster
What you see as shiny armor
And glory
He saw as a prison
And a victory
A victory against who he was
And who he was becoming
Because he no longer loved himself
But then he saw his reflection in her eyes
He saw the angel he was becoming
The greatness he was capable in achieving
and he realized if he could make the girl with the diamond heart smile
And she realized if she could show the angel his wings
Then they where worth something
And they were worth something good

She was whoever you wanted her to be
You could take an image
Reflect
She will repeat

He was a fire
He could grow and into an unstoppable force
If the vacuums of depression and peer pressure didn't take his breath away
He was fragile
But beautiful at the same time

I am a broken down snow globe
Still playing that same old tune
A little of key
Hoping that someone would wonder
Into this abandoned town where I am left hopelessly
Alone
The glass is cracked but I still try
I bend the broken springs
Train the ballerina how to twirl
And keep the snow falling
Just so I can bring joy to someone who wanders past my little broken town
And see that life can come from death
But no one ever comes
And I an left hopelessly
Alone

And we all want one thing
Love
And we all search for it at the bottom of this never ending bottle
So we all drink our selfs to sleep
On this cold dark island
Where we can't build a bridge of hope to get over the river
So we sit
Side by side
Dont cry
Breathe
Drink
Repeat
Until we get weak
Fall asleep
And no one else is there to fill our cups
Our cracked old cups with the fake potion that makes our hopes a reality
Then puts us to sleep

Maybe this time I won't wake up

Repeatedly

Dont hate the player hate the game
fine then I'll stop playing

I just wanted you to know

I tried to **** myself for you

Question: How do you get out of a house
with walls of hopelessness
a floor of despair
and a ceiling of what you can't do?

Answer: Suicide

I have been suicidal for as long as i can remeber

but its diffrent on the other side

I girl i met only three times

tried to commit suicide

and i went in my room and cried

the entire night

i barely knew her

I she was a friends friend

But if she actually died

I qouldnt be the same again

I want you here

so i can make crystal clear

that i love you

and that its not your fault i will no longer be here

that its not your fault I started to disapear

and please know
the person you fell in love with

is no longer near

My brain is eating its way out
Of my head
Stop screaming
The pounding is cracking my skul
As i stand in the model of my denial
You scream at me
For doing what you told me to
The way you told me to
I'm sorry
For not reading between the lines of your screams
For not drowning punt your words and leaving the message
I let a little slip away
I'm trying to learn from my mistakes
But everything i try
Is wrong
Don't cry

But i don't listen to my own advice
I break down
My legs shiver as my mind gives up
Jenny
My mind screams the name my lips won't dare to let out
She's gone
As my hands start to shake
You scream at me
Stop this game
I'm sorry for surviving
For crying
I'm sorry for not dieing
Tonight im gonna make it up to you

She got pregnant a 16
and he actually stayed with her
so the first time he hit her it was just a bad day
the next time a bad week
A few months later she said it will be ok
but she needed to get away
she knew what was happening
but she said her love for him will stay the same
she was acting like it was a game
she thought it was her fault
she thought she deserved it
until she had her baby
and things started to change
he would scream at the child and call her names
her child would cry every night and ask go to take the pain away
then one day she asked her mom why she stays
her mom answer stayed the same
"My love for him will never go away"
the next day
the girl walked out the house with a packed suitcase

The only thing stopping me
From being happy
Is me
I'm my own downfall
Pretty sure I won't last long
I self destruct
And even though you love me
You can't change that
There is nothing you can do
I have to heal my inner wounds
And you can't help me through
I'm sorry but it won't be pleasant
I won't be OK
Most of the time I'll be crying
Mentally dying
Trying to smile through the pain
I can hid it if you want
Won't tell you anything
I just wish it would stop
But only I can take away my pain

Talking is so difficult
so I will make this easy for you friend
I will hold out my hand
so we can start again

To be honest
I'm done with it
All of it
Since about 2 months ago when I first saw the monster in him
When my rose colored glasses came off and I saw what he truely is
But that didn't matter
Not in his eyes
And I've never been one to force goodbyes
I tried
Believe me I did
But this situation im in is no longer my decision
I don't have a choice
Because I can't bear the consequences
If I don't agree
If I don't appear when he needs me
I'm like a genie in bottle
Always doing what he wishes
Even though he never asks me anything
He Just tells me
All he does is scream
And yeah he buys me things
Keeps my wallet full
says he loves me
But I don't think he cares for me
I'm just an object to him
Like a stray dog he took under his wing
Locked in a cage
And won't let free
I just want to be let free
Breathe the fresh air
And not be scared if he sees me
Free to have my own friends
And not be scared he takes them away from me
I just want him to leave
But he won't
So now I'm stuck living like an animal
Trained to obey
And I still have to smile
Like everything is okay

Tell me how to get over it
how to be sober and live with it
how to stop craving their presence
and be ok with it
tell me how to get over it

Tell me how to get over it
how to forget a person was ever here
forget the pain they left
forget the depression that is here again
tell me how to forget

tell me how to forget the promises they left
the love they sent
and they violently took back
the pain they gave
the same pain I still feel
tell me how to understand
how she left

I was to young to understand how freaking deep this was

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down, but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it, but
These are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep goin',
And I, I gotta be strong
Just keep pushing on, 'cause

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb

The darkness is losing
but so many people are on the wrong side
people just going along with the ride
the devil telling them it will wall be fine
as they are on thier way to die
They jump off buildings because the devil whipsers they can fly
People chioce to be nieve
they dont want to believe
ignoring what they see
nothing is as it seems
if you live your life looking through a blind fold
the devil has a hold
on you
you like to believe your living your own life
but your just doing what your flesh tells you to do
you cant even move
if the devil doesnt want you to
you see your in a trance
you believe pain is all you have ever had
you feel empty and sad
so you  get high but it wont last
your mad at the world and you dont know why
your on your way to die
so might as well have fun
bring other people down with you
might as well betray all love
no need to be happy
no need to get saved
the world is going to end
might as well drink your life away
eternity doesnt matter
who cares where you end up?
all you care about
is that you never see the bottom your cup
and if someone tells you diffrent
dares to ask about your ways
they are racist, haters, and above all fake
you tell yourself these things
because you dont want to think
dare have an original thought
go against want the devil thinks
dont follow your heart
dear do anything that may help you in life
dont stop keep it up
stay on the losing side
never feel real love