BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES IN LIFE,
I HAVE WOKEN UP,
AND SOMEBODY WASN'T THERE.
SO MUCH SO,
THAT EVENTUALLY I STOPPED WANTING TO WAKE UP AT ALL.
SO YES,
YES I'M STILL AFRAID TO FALL ASLEEP AT NIGHT,
AND I'M AFRAID TO LOVE,
ESPECIALLY TO LOVE.

Hide me
as in make me disappear
I dont want to exist
I dont want to be here
I'm alone
and that scares me
I am scared of everything
Anxiety
Is killing me
I'm pacing
my heart is racing
someone save me
I'm dying
the world is out to get me
no one loves me
everyone hates me
I can't breathe
is there something wrong with me
please
save me
I can't see past this anxiety

Her
Face is dreamy
Her
Body is naked
Silhouetted by a marbled bra
Draped in thick sheets of plastic
His fingers dancing, dervish-like
Across me
Smiling her coyest smile
She stands, dazed, off on my shoulder
Her hair like lily of the nile
Now she's
Taking off her sunglasses, slowly
Rocking in unison
Arcing back and forth
Like a mad pendulum
A hand covering her
Pink mouth
Her
Face stricken with fear
She gets up
She stumbles through
The thick wooden door
Soon to be
Blowing huge clouds
Of cigarette smoke
Feeling relaxed, if still a bit shaken
Looking down at the fire lit
Eyes red and swollen from crying
She ends the night with-
"I just need to use the phone"

She's beautiful
Perfect
as in all of her flaws are the definition of pretty
she's amazing
but she's not mine

She has the cutest dimples
the nicest smile
the most entertaining laugh
and amazing  eyes
but she's not mine

She's full of laughter
full of joy
Kinda shy
but has a loud voice
but she's not mine

'and she never will be