Rose Amberlyn

Rose Amberlyn Feb 2014

Fear

Burning, burning, burning
this fear that has no right to own me.
Long gone is trust,
and a connection I long for flies overhead
with his wings stretched and hovering.
Lightly drifting in the wind.
No troubles.
And I a flower yearning to blossom, to break free of my roots.
Yearning to have wings.
But burning is this fear.
An emotional challenge turning physical fast, fastening me to the ground.
What will break it free?
Why, nothing,
nothing but
me.

Rose Amberlyn Jan 2014

Grandpa

You knew me from the second I was born.
But you never really knew me.
And I never really knew you.
What was your favorite color?
What did you think of your life?
Now all I have is the toaster strudels in the morning,
and you throwing me into the swimming pool when I was 7.
All I see is your warm eyes and smile,
and your overflowing heart.
And now that is all I need.
You are loved.
You are greatly missed.

11/12/1941 - 01/19/2014

P.S. I stole your jacket and flannel from your closet. I wear them and think of you.

Rose Amberlyn Jan 2014

Right Now

To worry about the future is to worry over what may or may not happen.
To regret the past is to agonize over what is unchangeable.
To live in the present is to create the future and replace the past.
The bad becomes good.
The large worries are swept behind into the dust,
left behind as the road stretches out ahead.
Live for now,
love for now,
play for now.
Because tomorrow may never come anyway.

Rose Amberlyn Nov 2013

Adventuretime.

I desperately yearn for that sweet feeling,
where the earth sits beneath my bare feet.
I eagerly search for the next adventure,
the one that will make this life complete.
Long summer days, long sunny rays
that play with the color in my cheeks.
Getting lost and being found,
in a city that plays hide and seek.
Tall evergreen trees or grainy sand,
I'm living free,
no matter where I stand.

Rose Amberlyn Nov 2013

Play Ball

Everyone I touch ends up hurting.
My aim is high, but my throw is low.
Right in his stomach, actually.
Knocking the wind out of him.
Again.

Rose Amberlyn Nov 2013

Who

Breathing.
You're doing it right now.
In and out, in and out.
But why?
What do you breathe for?
Do you see a face?
Who do you breathe for?
I know who I see.

Rose Amberlyn Nov 2013

I let go

He invited me to come see his play tonight. It should have been lovely.
Instead I pulled over on the side of the highway afterwards to sob.
His parents were all there. All four of them.
One waved sheepishly, one looked on disapproving and another was surprised.
The last didn't look at all.
I cannot say I blame them. I did break up with him for a second time two months ago.
I don't know why I am so fickle.
Something must be wrong with me.
This was a mistake though. I will not go anymore. I will not show anymore.
I subject myself to sadness like this because due to my guilt I feel...
I deserve it.
He messaged me after the show to find me and say hello.
I had already hidden behind the crowd and ran out the back door to my car.
After holding everything in for a while,
tonight on pacific coast highway under the glimmering street lights,
with the ocean lapping up the tide,
in my car on the side of the road,
I let go.