Fresh from the lathe
Your bedpost pillar stands
In support of the canopy above

A quarter of the strength needed to Elevate You upwards from the
Floor below

A wooden column polished and
Created to collect
Hurt souls in notches

A monumental mast to be
Molded by martyred men
Out of love for You
-•-

So it begins
It's first nick comes as
A scar that dents the fine finish
An eyesore incision

The same as trash to treasure
One mans pain becomes
Your pleasure portrayed as
A slash across the room

Etched so deeply
The engraving as an epitaph for
A damaged embrace of failed love

With chisel in hand
You prepare Yourself to
Chop and hack Your way
Through honest men's lives

Consuming all in a
Sculpting effort to find what
You are truly looking for

Unknowing Your actions are a
Mere aimless diversion from
Living and existing as
Your own shallow self
-•-

This is just the start
As more come and go
Loving hearts are carved in
One by one and staked down to
Your ground

Chipping and scratching away
Bits of wooden passion
Fall in flakes and splinters that
Gather to cover the carpet

With good looks and a shiny smile
The gaps in Your picket post grow
Gashes that grind down and
Gnaw away with sharp selfish teeth

These grooves are reflective of
Your own emotion
But You refuse to let Yourself
Slow the pace until
You have reduced this
Upright support to a skinny stick

Your bedstead now an homage to Constantly diminishing attempts to
Shape Your life in love
-•-

When will You be satisfied that
It's finally been cut down to size?

Each slice doesn't change the score
Every sliver shaved away leaves Your heart
Your will
Raw and sore

Trimming little by little
Allowing hearts to crumble
A work of art You've whittled in a
Destructive stumble through
Crushed people

The indentions You've made
Are what have disintegrated
Your shame

You've let them erode
Eat and wear away
Weaken and grind down
Your heart and souls true desire to
Devote Yourself to
Just one man who will stay

You thought You could never align
With a single indent for all time

Now do You would realize that
You should have waited to
Watch what You'd been
Creating all along?

The bed has collapsed
Your bedpost is now
A jewelry box
-•-

Kneeling in reverence
Apprehensively opening the lid to
Reveal its contents

You find nothing except emptiness
The same as the
Company of the room You're in

No more places to tally tick marks
No more hearts left to hurt
No more bodies remain to
Cut and burn

Let the leaning sleep and the
Loneliness serve as a
Reminder of Your reckless abandon

No ring will ever reside in Your box
Your finger will be bare forever

As punishment for Your
Torment and misery
Anguish and agony
Sadness and suffering in
Perpetual heartache

A box from a bedpost
                 </3

I feel like I'm the grass and You're the rain, because the only time I grow is when skies are gray
We both know this is true, that I'm brightest when I'm drenched in You and
Now the sun shines and brings the rays, and Your water dries up and the flames will blaze
I need to be soaked in You, to stay alive, or else I'll start dying at the roots, I won't survive
Could have guessed the wind was all it would take, to turn thick to thin and fog to mist and rid me of my haziness
You left too fast and all I ask is give me back my overcast, I get comfort in shade
The heat is beating down and random spots are turning brown
I'm warm on a summers day but that's never been enough to make me ok
I'm dehydrating, with each moment passing, it seems this might be everlasting
We used to have the best front yard on the street, then You left, now it's filled with sticks and leaves, and dirt
I'm weak and withered You know **** well it hurts and
The weeks will pass and the months will turn from the day you let that fire burn
In springtime I hope You'll return with a downpour that will quench my thirst

When you interfere, I get an inner fear, that You should not be here
But You interject, and I recollect
The resolve You test, you know what's best
You insist, and I resist
To keep You at bay, in the same callous way
I won't let won't let you in, I can't let you win
To solidify my sin, the kind aside from religion, apart from illusion
Adultery of the Spirit

It may be true that love does not make the world go 'round
But it is the warmth that makes my heartbeats pound
Its force the sun and I the earth turning as it burns
I've been told the bigger they come the harder they hit the ground
But I've found it's the size of your heart that determines to whom you are bound
The dimensions of our bodies serve only as suits to surround our souls
I know a heart that's breaking makes an awful sound
It's a mirror that's shattering and a thousand howling hounds, in mourning

Those wounds will heal, though the pain is profound, and another hearts heat will be coming around

How fragile we are
To be finite beings
In infinite wonder and
Wandering

How frail we are
To block out the life giving sun
With the shade of technology and
The shroud of mass media
While still somehow managing to
Shelter ourselves from reality

Take a step back and
Take a look up
Everyone would benefit from this
But to ask it of all
Would be an order too tall

Some of us can
See straight through the clouds
To the truth beyond and
We know there is a burning answer

But don't let that fool you
Because let's face it:

Not every question
Has the right response
Not every problem
Was meant to be resolved
Everything happens for a reason
I'm told
But the hardest part
Is figuring out if it's good or bad

It's called life
Because you have to be there
To live it and
Prove that you're alive

It's called laughter
Because you have to lean back and
Let go and
Just let it happen

It's called love
Because you have to really try and
Learn from each other
To make it legitimate and
Lasting and
Real

So I don't mean to discourage any of you
Because everything is going to be quite alright
Just don't forget when your time comes
To be fearless and ready to fight

I wish the world was rounder
Or at least a little softer around the edges
But what I've found up until now is that
The ground we walk on is flat and sharp and
I can only assume that the cosmos is the same and
Further conclude that the universe reflects
Our names in the stars
In a Milky Way white wonder  
With a backdrop of midnight mystery  
Placing obstacles in the way between
Us and our true identities so
We only get to see them as a
Twinkling reminder of history
Paying homage to the past
With a flat pinpoint canvas
To show us the sky is smooth
A shining mirror
The earth is flat
It has an edge
You can fall off
It happens so fast
I hope it starts to spin and
Begins its orbit
Before I slip again and
It's my last

We've both become a living testament
Of how some people can only speak in argument
When Your words quickly change from night to day
You never say what You mean, You rarely mean what You say

Lust before trust has always been a failing policy
Love without devotion is a guaranteed fallacy
You've only been my companion intermittently
It's becoming too much to handle wondering where You could be
And
With whom

So I want to be able to see as far as the sky can see
Because only then would You always be within eyesight of me
But if I gaze too long my heaven starts to bruise and
Slams down upon me in black and blue

You can't run before You walk
If We start at a crawl
We tried to sprint to race the clock
But in turn We had to stumble and fall
We couldn't chase the embrace that made Us seem reborn
It was a fleeting feeling from failing hearts We'd torn
Your eyes were constantly shifting searching for more and more and
Soon I felt like nothing I could do was right for You, the now is now, no it's not like before

I want to test the structural durability of my body
See the strength of my skin
Bite and break my bones
Shed and finger paint with my blood
At least then I could finally make a mess
My OCD clean up everything mentality
Thrown to the wind blowing and
Yet again bending backwards
With a cut throat slit neck decision
A split second mind numbing category
Of guess which allegory I'll use next
A fixed gear fear with one pedal
Driving the next one ahead of the other
Unable to feel the free wheel coast through life I desire
So I say I again
I need to know how strong I am

I stammer through my sentences
Like a stumbling drunkard ***
Holding out his thumb
For a free ride to anywhere but here
But he knows **** well
Ain't no way in hell
Is anyone gonna pick his wasted *** up

So I continue to talk and talk and
He try's to 'walk' and 'walk'
But it looks and sounds like
A sloppy tightrope tip toe or
A precisely timed and
Meticulously planned and controlled fall

Instead of breaking through barriers
My words begin to build walls
That trap and surround me
I can't sense how they're sounding
Until its too late and
The conversation takes place in my memory

I'm brought back to this stutter
An utterly annoying inarticulate attempt at
Conveying what I mean to mean and
How I'm feeling
Are you with me??

I bet you know how the winds of a story blow
You've felt them flow through your hair with ease
From a strong gust to a slight breeze

I'm sure you've seen what the words in the weather mean
The sky has spelled it out and spoken to you
Screaming storms or softly staying serene

I fear that you've felt the fire of the frost bite
A ferocious cold fever flowing through you
A frozen reminder of your failure

I hope you've heard the song of the blizzard
It's the same one that brought those teeth but
With a message in a melody sounding underneath

I think you've had a taste of ticking time
A bittersweet bite of moments
Some seconds savory
Some sour and stick around longer to form hours

I trust that you've learned the truth in fading youth
The progress of conviction and
The consistency protest

But now I ask you to live the love of life
Nothing else can bring existence justice
Catharsis

As You sleep soundly
I have a profound longing
To hear your voice
But I'll stay silent
Allowing You to have
Your beautiful violet dreams

It is the color of the power inside You
The fire that drives You
Your strength and stamina
Make Your spirit bleed
Radiant indigo ink
I need it to sink into my skin
With cleansing rejuvenation
I will be baptized by Your beauty and
Blessed by Your holy heart

You are my profound prophet
You sing me scripture
Every time You speak
You are my divine deity
I lay at Your feet
Praying I deserve to feel
Your loving heat

Your clairvoyance purifies me
With Your open oracle spirit
Spouting moonshine mysteries
In magical mountain memories
Dancing through Your mind and
Coming alive inside your eyes
For all to see the
Blessing of life free of disguise

Inside you is
The value of so much:
The heart I hold so dear.
The soul that stands beside me.
Destroying my fear and
As I watch it disappear
I thank the Earth for
Helping you find me

We both revolve around the same world
I am the sun shining in adoration
You are the magnificent moon
Making sure I am safe
I am the warmth to guide You home
While You roam nights alone
I hope You know
I'm always going to be here when day breaks

I worship Your grace
Because the kind lines of Your face
Have proven to me
You are worthy of it
Your being allows the ocean to move
So I want to crash into it
Burning out but covered in
Anything You have touched

Except I won't
Because I know You need me
An inferno aflame
For my full moon baby

He is an open sore
Hopeless romantic
A blister that burns burgundy
A stalemate of statistics
Gathered blind in a
Swarming rage undercurrent

She is an inspiring
Inhale breath with
Intoxicated integrity
A baby bird at the bar
Waiting for her feathers
To be felt in between his fingertips

He buys her a drink
A liquor love potion that won't work
An ethanol elixir that will
Only serve to
Even out her inhibitions and
Cloud the memory of
His hands taking flight

She takes shots one after another
As he feeds her them like bullets
Drunken target practice
Waiting for the one where
He hits the mark
That spot right next to her heart

He knows it's only a matter of time
A recipe of patience and
A fresh paycheck
As he checks his watch
Wishing the time would tick
Faster and closer to two

Forcing them outside into the night
They fly
Leaving the bar behind
They fly

He takes her hand and
Puts her head against his chest
Cradling her
The baby bird
In his raven grasp
Taking off
Taking her
They fly

Blessed be the death of me
The one and only holy thing I will ever do
Grant me the grace to save face
I loved you all but it's just too much
I've never seen divinity in your trinity
There is a holy war being fought inside my heart
There are wicked angels
Wearing fire halos flying around my head
Threatening to crash and
Burn my mind and
Inside out from my chest
An unwelcome spiritual dissent
I have no faith in your god fearing fathers
I will humbly halve my heart
For the lack of all healing
None of us are righteous rebels
We all stab each other with our sins
With grins on our faces
Great gleaming deceptive teeth bite
Tears tear from my eyes like paper
Rip the pages out of your bibles and
Write a brand new blasphemy
Vile sacrilegious lies with sight glaring
Irreverent immoral makeshift innocence
Devout glory for the ignorant many
Forced fury for the unfaithful few
Hallowed be thy name
Messianic pure morality
Saint sacrosanct
I pray to the sun to extinguish
Or explode to end my anguish
The only thing I truly believe
Is blessed be the death of me

Some people think they speak with razors and spit fire
But there's a gun on the tip of this tongue
That shoots the truth straight through you
I know it goes in one ear and out the other  
I wish the words would fill your lungs
As punctured penetrating proof

Don't deny
You can't lie
For a moment you felt it
For a second you knew
I was right

Relentless residual resentment
Anger plaguing me
I'm always meeting the wrong people
It keeps happening
They take advantage of me

I hate those that hurt
It should have been them first
No one ever really gets what they deserve

My knuckles should be permanently bruised
Because what they do makes me abuse myself
If I can't hit You I'll strike everything else

If my lungs won't spit fire
I'll write it down and spell it out
I hope it's enough to make them burn and
Put my own flames out

Are you sure You're not a musician?
You've struck a chord within me
A tightening tension
A violin bow with fresh rosin
Drug across a string to sing
A welcoming friction
Note of pure joy

If I didn't know any better
I'd swear You were
A world renowned composer
You've made sweet music of my love  
It's penetrated my body and mind  

You've brought upon me
A kind of symphony
I never imagined I could find
Like it
Your every movement
Is a motion of Your majesty
Each phrase is a graceful melody

What I heard before was loneliness
I listened time and again
Over and over
Until You swept in and changed the key and
Played for me a masterpiece

It sounds great
When You arpeggiate
Your adulation for We
Every interval an integral
Part of Our pleasure
One by one
Each note an ode to Us
Ascending the scales of
Our hearts

We both intertwine
Like a divine hymn sung by angels
In a church built by fond feelings and
Free of devils

We will sing Our song
To the open sky
Letting all who hear know why
We were meant for each other

You are and
Will always be
My
Conductor of comfort

At some point I tucked away
Somewhere in the back of my head
The idea that before I'm dead
I'll have a daughter
I'll be a father
I'll be forced to figure out how
Fragile this female creature can really be

I'll find all the time in my strength
To be one with her
To hug her head against my chest when she cries
To tell her everything is alright
At least she tried
Never stop trying
Nobody just hops on and
Rides a bike the very first time

It takes failure to finish things
It's the same reason I didn't add training wheels
A false sense of security that
Allows a leaning deviation from truth
You gotta grab life by the handlebars and
Hold on tight
Push one foot in front of the other

I will see in the offspring of her step
That she's come from me
Especially looking her up and down
At the end of the day
To find scraped knees
****** and still bleeding
From honest attempts to fly
She will claim I lied when I said
'It never hurts to try'
She will endlessly question and
Ask me why

I hope I have answers
I want to be able to tell her
Everything is was and is going to be ok
But I can't even say that today
How can I be sure
She won't have to live my life
In the very same way
I did

Every parents biggest fear is having their child turn out like they did
Living the same lies
Making the same mistakes
Never looking up
Tying themselves down to their frowns
Always shivering from trying to shake the sadness off
Taking too many ibuprofen for depression and
Never having that headache fully go away

But my daughter will be brighter
Than I ever was
She will love me unconditionally and
Accept my every flaw
She will call me daddy and break my heart
I want to teach her every good thing I know
But more than likely I will be the student and
The lesson will be love and
I will have remembered what it means to live life to the fullest

My daughter will work harder
Than I ever did and
She will put in half the effort
To get twice the result
She will do anything and everything she wants
Accomplishing admiration and acknowledgment
By simply existing and smiling

My daughter is the water and
I am the seed
I'm in need of her nectar
To change me from **** to flower
Her passion will be the rain

I have big plans for my daughter
But soon I will see she has
Even bigger plans for me

Dear Flawless Fairy,
I write to You with good and bad news
First of all, on a positive note,
You are the moon
I can't tell You how great it feels
To finally find You
My sunshine saunter
Was a worthless wander
Before Your cool caress
Graced my heart
-
Now for the negative,
I no longer feel sad and blue
I know this sounds like I didn't lose and
I didn't
But now I cannot write my frowns down
I only smile because You make everything worthwhile
I used to pen depression on paper
With sarcastic laughter pretending I enjoyed it
But I didn't
Though I wrote such heavy heartache
I couldn't wait for my clouds to break
Allowing me to shine on
Your beautiful face

So I regret to inform you all
I won't be pouring my tear filled soul out anymore
I know how much you enjoyed the pain
But I can't help but refrain from these failed feelings
I don't believe in them

I've been moonstruck at midnight
She once was crescent and
Now is full of my bright
I once was clouded and
Now She reflects my light
Back upon me
I'm so happy :)
She is my beautiful celestial body
She is my elegant flawless fairy <3

You talk about eggshells
I hear the crunch as I get closer to you
Thought it was glass breaking but it was too soft beneath my shoe
I can't stay out of your perimeter forever
When the diameter grows bigger and bigger
Pushing me farther away
I can still see soft silhouette

Your skin is so frail
Pale white made of the eggshells at your feet
You reach down time and again
When you're pierced by words
Cutting off oxygen
Penetrated by the carbon dioxide truth
You're not young anymore
Age is ageless numerals
You're not old

How many birds flew away from this pile of youth?
Each one once packaged like a gift
Leaving behind stacks of birth to sift through
You gathered them
Scattered them evenly around you
Put your appearance and self worth into them and
Waited for the crushing blow
Marching toward you from all sides
Your insecurities will swallow you and
The stomping will leave you angry and hollow

We are all hippy chickens
Making wishbones out of peace signs
Hoping for unity
Not realizing it's meant to be broken
A lopsided libra unbalanced
The powers that be
Expect you to follow obediently
Stand in line
You can't take just give
'Short people ain't got no reason to live'
Newman must have know
How difficult it is to create new men
One by one we attempt
To tip the scale in our favor
But the bigger Man
Can push it down with a finger
Like a toppling Pisa tower
A slow motion fall to the ground
A single direction agenda
The momentum gained
With each inch leaning

So stop clowning around
Sweep up your eggshells and
Go buy a dozen more grade A's and
Break them all at once
We don't have much time

Homicide bomber through trial and error
The epitaph moniker scours my name
A sacredot comes to abduct unseen felonies
But you and I will never ever be the same

We neglect the olive branch
We are poles apart

Catacomb undercroft, catacomb deposit box
The cabinet mourns for me
My stigma is lost

Big chill runs through our vertebrae
It can surely be precise
Don't contemplate but ruminate
Extinction will suffice

We respect the villain
We lock horns

Catacomb undercroft
Catacomb deposit box
The cabinet mourns for me
Our stigma is lost

Diuturnal explication
Evanescent predicament
Fabricated blade incision
It cannot be over yet
Diuturnal - explication
Evanescent - predicament
Fabricatedbladeincision
It cannot be over yet

Homicide bomber - trial and error
Epitaph moniker scours my name
Sacredot comes to abduct unseen felonies
You and I will never ever be the same

We neglect the olive branch
**We are poles apart

The best dream I ever had went by far too fast
It had me lying in the grass looking up
Resting next to blades blowing
Inward as I inhaled

A swirl flowing up and outward
In all directions the wind whirled
A washing machine around me
Wailing and wanting me to get carried away

But I maintained a straight arrow
Stare at the stars and
Saw so many of them shooting
I swear they were
Cosmic passing cars
A traffic jam of celestial
Extraterrestrial vehicles

In this lucid moment
I had that same epiphany
That we all have had consciously
One time or another in the same
Seemingly safe serenity

We are sand

Watching pebbles fly far away
Some already lived their lives
But still wink their eyes at us

Others hit the brink and
Try to breach our safety
A questionable security

As I see through this
My eyes align with clarity
I open my arms and
Allow the spin cycle to to complete
It's cleansing

I realize I'm soaked to the bone
With the wind knocked out of me
Again looking skyward without cyclone

I heave to catch my breath
But I know it was never really thrown
Through each huff and puff
I feel at peace with the unknown

I start to wonder if in this dream
I have a handful of quarters
To start the dryer

But then again it dawns on me
Wet with wisdom is where I want to be

Eyes open awake shut
Them forever

Your rants and raves are really jokes
Not everything that happens is planned and hoaxed
You live your life in paranoid anxiety
'The government is out to get me!'
All events are viewed as conspiracy
Even in light of true tragedy

You put a spin on victims emotions
Insisting there must be more to the story
You thrive on scandals
They're like handles that drive you
Your rumors humor me

We watch the news as politicians falsify
Every word said is meant to forward their cons and lies
However this may be the deception you crave
Just go with the gossip
It's all crime
It's all fraud
It's all hearsay

They all have schemes
They all have scams
But will you allow their crimes
To cheat and swindle their way into your mind?

Of course you will
Buying into fake feelings
You fabricate your reality
We can't remove their ***** linen
So why don't we all commit
Treacherous treason?

By all means be aware and informed
But be fair warned
Our opinions play an insignificant role
In issues that go beyond our control

The Internet has proven itself a poisonous tool
I'm using it to show you that you are all fools
Myself included

Get a grip and
Lighten up
Lets make the most of it
Because apparently
It's all corrupt

I hope one day, and I know this day will come because I'll make sure of it, but I hope one day my sins become visual and cover the walls of a cabin far in the woods, and all my bad deeds will be residual and my soul will be attached to, but not trapped, there. People will come to visit only once or twice a year, but when they do, I'll make the ******* most of it. I'll stay subtle and silent, with gradual motions like a faucet turning on or a door closing in an empty room, and the living visitors will think 'how strange', but it's not strange, what's strange is I've waited for this opportunity hours on end in an afterlife limbo where I'm not entirely dead, but was I ever really completely alive? Here I'm still bound by time and space, and I could go on to forever, but I choose instead to make banging sounds on worldly walls and cause men to be macho and insist this house and these woods are not haunted, but the goosebumps on your girlfriends arms say otherwise, and so do I. But why do I waste my time? Yes, time, here it is again, and therein lies the answer to my question. Time. I have it, I posses it like fingernails or hair and watch it grow to indicate its ongoing forward crawl. Time with its mouthful of gnashing teeth that grind and grind and grind but never wear thin and toothless like a homeless man who humbly smiles at a passing stranger even though they scoff at his politically incorrect poverty, the teeth chomp constantly and rhythmically reminding him and all of us that we cannot escape it, not even in death. So I use this purgatory I've chosen to bother anonymous teenagers who come from far away to these mountains with a lust for adventure and in turn find themselves wondering what these sounds are they keep hearing and why the tv turns itself on and off and the channels change without warning.  I'm telling them 'hey, just because you can't see me doesn't mean I'm not here', and it's not fear from them I want, only for them to understand that an invisible man is handcuffed here and has no hurry to get to hell. I'm just a phantom holding you ransom with my hardship, light the fireplace and I'll help you feel it.

I felt like a scotch tape stretch screech screaming out to hang pictures of tigers teeth

[Teeth dripping of the colorful swirling primordial ooze that is forming and foaming in the corners of your mouth.]

A slightly sickening substance you don't perceive as gathering worries reminding you saliva leaves a maniacal residue

[A film of acidic copper coats your mouth as the tension in your mandible builds with each passing milisecond relieved by jagged popping motions, but if only for a moment as your hands melt into the carpet making a pool of creamy peach nothingness, but if only for a moment.]

The ripple relief is tension relieved yet a remix of images perceived as water washing over eyes cleansing and clearing obscurity but still obstructive and obtuse overwhelming

[The filter is flipped off,conscious activity roams free as if it were a rain dance of visual, tactile exploration of serotonin amongst limitless creativity. Never ending like the far reaches of space but just as tiny as a molecule.]

A never ending meandering mingle of the mind with minuscule details coming to life and finding a force unlike anything you've climbed, realizing the mountain of motion and the commotion of sparked senses is a let loose expression of deep down inner desire

[Teasing its way to the surface and tingling under skin like ants in an endless procession of drone servitude. Consume, ****, die. And realizing the meaning of it all, the sole driving forces of life is *** and death.]

An endless one by one two by two march in line behind other droids digging lines in the sands of time again and again obeying their inner desire design by the man with the magnifying glass in the sky. And all we can ask is why don't we just be us, ourselves and fly saying **** the confinements of our meaningless antennae lives we have wings and all we must do is express it in jumping and believing in flight

We are butterfly's and birds feeling wings we once thought worthless and it's because of this substance stance we are taking and the dance we are waltzing that we get to have this enlightening experience

That morning came
The same as any other
A kiss and a hug
From daughter to mother
A departing smile
As she turned the corner
Unknowing this day would change everything and
Carry her away

A bird of prey
Swept down with eagle eyes and
Grabbed her and led her astray
Leaving loved ones lost
They hope and pray
For her safety in searching
Always in their hearts she will stay

A simple stroll
A routine walk to school
An innocent young girl
A bright spot in a dark world
She shines so beautiful

Her star was taken
A gentle twinkle
She shimmered in the night
But blinked out in an instant
A cloud formed to
Block her from the sky
A blanket of grey in an
Unfair display of evil incarnate that Brought hurt and pain

An entire community cannot comprehend
How can this happen?
With such malice and confusion
How can we continue to function?
A society filled with tragedy
Ongoing sorrow is sickening
Family and friends gather together
To support each other
With comforting words and
Violet flowers

That mourning came
Our worst fears realized
Our feelings and emotions paralyzed
This can't be real we say
Who could steal her away?

Her love is pure
A little angel
She did not deserve
To have her wings clipped or
Her soul hushed
But her spirit lives on forever

The villain of our beloved victim
Will cower and run and hide
But we will never stop until we find
The one who so suddenly shook our lives

We must remember the joy she gave
We must have faith the one responsible will be found
We must hold on tight to love and
Know she looks down on us now From above

Now we wait to join her once again
When we will embrace her in heaven
We can still feel her life within us
The memory of her laughter
Will echo in our minds
Until our own hereafter

I am the emotional roller coaster
You no longer wish to ride
I am the operator
Pushing levers that leave
Devastation
Sadness
Lies
I lie to myself every time I say I'm
Not in love with you
True I've tried to shake it
But I'm not a wet dog
Though I look it
This wet tear soaked fear
Cannot be shaken off
I feel the scoff you make
At my heartbreak
You see the subtraction
I draw like a backwards mathematician
We will never work and
I'm aware of that being manual labor
I'm under construction
Or rather the pre build destruction
Precisely timed building demolition
Once I've leveled myself and my head
We can start from the ground up again

I hear your hoofbeat heart
Galloping toward me
A stampede running steadily
Kicking up clouds of dust
As love to cover me
I have to admit
I don't feel *****
Coated in you
I feel nothing but clean

How could you do this to me?
It's not You or I, but We
That make Us, that make up
Who we are not
Supposed to be

The way You hold on to me
With a blank face
You make me feel so empty
When will I finally see?
Your eyes alive within me

The knots You tied around me
The greater the gap
And I can feel them tightening
You make it hard to breathe
Short of breath and I'm always gasping

Rewind, repeat, and depart from me
These are my limbs You're severing
I'm barely functioning
There is still phantom feeling
Please bring them back to me

How could You do this to me?
You make me feel so empty
You make it hard to breathe
I'm barely functioning

It's not You or I but We
That make Us, that make up
Who We are not
Supposed to be

In mutual misery, we found it comforting we weren't completely alone
We were planning, preparing and speaking and sharing, there was much we had yet to be shown
We harnessed our sadness, and all of our madness, and blinded and beat down our angst
But beneath our belligerence there was a persistent longing for future and change

We both were pent up, and fully fed up, and said 'we'll get the hell out of this town'
If just for a short time, we'll hop in and start driving west with intentions unknown and
Probably, maybe, we'll find ourselves saving ourselves by just waiting it out
It seemed so far away when we'd all move together and be happy at home in our house

And
Then out of nowhere, but probably somewhere deep down inside you found fate
You didn't look further than right where you were for her and I must admit you look great and
I can't let jealousy take hold of the best of me, don't think I am trying to blame
I remember you saying that this didn't matter, but now I see it's not the same

In the middle of all this, I was slipping unconsciously under the weight of my thoughts
I knew you'd been set free, and wanted to help me, but I knew not what I sought
I turned down the volume, and in turn was consumed entirely with what I should do
I imagined you smiling, while making new memories, and wanted the same for me too

Your time is now spoken for, not like it was before when weekends were spent working out the kinks
You need her, I know this, I'm trying to show this, with each word and each kiss, I'm missing it all in a blink
I'm sure I'll be ok, I feel better these days, I've learned to let go of my stress
I know in due time I'll be getting what's mine and we both will be at our best

So long story short, I wrote this to report, to say that we will always be fine
Let's try to forget, but have no regrets, and make the most of each moment in time
But try to remember, I'm always around, and want to come down, to the places where you plan to be
We'll share time together, in life and forever, in harmony eternally :)

The elderly skin on my heart
Is thin but will no longer stretch tight again
Like a baby girls innocent cheeks grin
My senior citizen love comes at no discount

It's free to anyone who wishes to
Count the wrinkles on my arms and legs
The scars of time
Face it
Age is not a number it's a place

The youth of my youngness short lived
Took a toll on my skeleton
Bare ***** attitude toward commitment
I give it away as skin cells turned to dust
Never would've guessed it would be
In my chest

I still have a certain amount of elegance
There's a smaller fire in my heart sight
Kept my cardiac eyes as peeled as I could

The fight fought genuinely
But never without naïveté
How can it be this shocking?
The overall life EKG

Oh I know I'm only twenty something
Don't think I'm trying to act mature
You've made it clear I'm another heart sore
But your words bounce around my skull and
In my chest

Age is ageless memories
Numbers are mathematics
My heart attack tactics
Have grown my heart love decrepit old
So if you hold my hearts hand
Stand for something
Please

If I hold your hand and
You flow through my heart
Understand I'm more than willing to
Start again from day one again

Just forgive the crevices in my sternum permeating my heart skin

Inquest 
Is it better to have 
Loved and
Lost and
Learned the 
Lecture of 
Life; unavailing 

Or be it 
Simple and
Stay
Silent and
Survey the
Selfless shadow of solitary

I have
Yet to
Yield a
Yearning for
Yesterday; I am 
Young

It took a lot for me to learn
To not speak in absolutes
Statements that climb ladders
But quickly fall in chutes
Sentences that build you up
Tall enough to fall flat on your face

Beggars become choosers
Quitters become losers
Nobody likes a quitter
Not with that attitude

I will never
I will never say never
I will never say never again

My life looks like my handwriting
Sloppy
Messy
Barely legible

Your love for me is calligraphy
A fluid movement of the heart
A cursive caress
A swift swoop of your stylus

My anger is stenciled onto me
In big block letters
Up and down both arms burning
To a furious fire in my hands

Your laughter uplifts me
An entire alphabet sings within it
It's another language
Filled with well wished words of wisdom

My sadness speaks to me
It's become my best friend
Whispering softly in my ear
That something has gone terribly wrong here
What I've worried about all along has now arrived

Your beauty is deafening
It came at me yelling and screaming
In an uproar that made me feel ugly
An unparalleled audible pretty
Before the silence muted me
You said everything I could ever ask for in a muse

I believe you can help my hurt
By leading by example
Showing and teaching me
The hand gestures of a happy life
The signs to communicate love
A beautiful return of sounds
A loud anger and
Sadness barrier breaker
Taking them away

When I hear this song and
My nothing becomes something
Then I will talk and hear again

I don't believe the people I see and the strangers I meet even enjoy the fact that I breathe, through their greedy eyes all they see is a worthless carbon dioxide expelling oxygen stealing machine that's wasting precious space they reserved for themselves or at least another somebody they feel is free, which can't be me because I'm sitting here absorbing their stares and soaking up their thoughts that I can actually hear audibly as a scream shouting 'Leave! Leave! Run! Flee!'
So I do, I take off in a sprint in the other direction where more eyes glare pair by pair flooding me with despair leaving me choking for air, the same air that blows my hair but belongs to them so I hold my breath for blue cheeks to make sure I'm being fair, I wouldn't want to presume upon them or assume they're willing to share because clearly they don't want me here, and they didn't want me there
'Leave! Leave! Run! Flee!'
It's ringing in my skull now, the words bouncing around like a basketball rebound, a round rubber reflection in motion thumping against my temple repeatedly, and I obey what they say because I think maybe this time I'll find a way out of here and arrive in the company of those that don't envy that which they can't see and will truly let me be calm and breathe.
'Leave! Leave! Run! Flee!'
With history repeating itself time and time again I'm gone and going and I keep performing the same actions expecting different results which I'm sure is the definition of insanity, but it's all I've ever known and it has worked a time or two for a couple of memories here or there, ultimately temporary just waiting for the next event that has me on my feet and running again.
'Leave! Leave! Run! Flee!'
Who's coming with me?

Nobody, always the same thing, so here goes nothing, maybe that will bring me something
'Leave! Leave! Run! Flee!'

I want you to understand
I don't need you to lend a hand
Your absence pulls my chest apart
I need you to lend your heart

I don't think I will ever understand
Why my heart fits perfectly in the palm of your hand
You hold it unpinned from my sleeve
Leaving me with my red stain vacancy

Reached through my ribs to apprehend
You took my love my skin won't mend
My soul won't send or receive signals

Grabbed hard squeezed tight
Grasped hugs felt right
Got greedy with your need
But never gave it back to me

Not a fair trade
More like a shady drug deal
You got the goods and
I got the grief to feel

So you see I'm empty
I want you to break open your body
Our transaction is incomplete
You have mine so swap your pulse out
So I can have a beat

I've fallen down I cannot stand
I don't need you to lend a hand
My blood is still and needs to start
I need you to lend a heart
I need you to lend your heart

Chances are you've changed your plans again and
I'm betting I'm no longer a part of them

So I stand still and
You go steady
I guess you thought my friendship needed a vacancy
As if we could have too many
Reach a maximum occupancy
Exceed the optimum capacity

I have to say I'm not surprised
I've been told bigger lies
I often wonder why our pants aren't on fire
Isn't that what we used to say to each other?

Liar liar

You're too busy and
I'm too guilty
Ultimately
I don't really want you to be this happy
That says less about you and more about me than
I love you
Ever did

I'm sorry you had to babysit
My infantile intake of insults
Never ceasing to receive the same results
I just wish you wouldn't insist it was only my fault

Be honest
It wasn't just me who crossed the line
I was never leaving lies behind
When you found out you just said
You'll be fine

Liar liar

Go get married and have two kids
A few years from now you can tell me how it is
I won't know how it feels to repeal vows
Wedding band wasteland
What wonderful self worth we might have

Ill hang out here near the exit
Loitering through life and
Longing for the opportunity to
No longer want to be loved
When the fire crashes down from above
I will look to the sky and whisper
"Best friends forever"
Aflame at last

Liar liar

Take a deep breath
The kind that fills your chest
Puffs you up proud
You've always known your strong suit
That royal flush tuxedo you wear
Bearing the crest of failure and regret
You feel so formal sporting it
A fancy way of hiding your true shame
This isn't the poker game you wanted to play
But regardless it's Texas hold you down and
You're friends are the jokers wild
Time to show em whose best
Lay your cards down

I am the number one sun
You are my two ; the moon.
We are love incarnate
Within one another,
We have set Our separate fires in each other,
But then combined them and
Allowed them to burn together
as Us and
We.
You are Her and
She.
We can find harmony in
Our silence eventually
Because knowing You are breathing On the other end of the receiver is a
Comforting feeling and
Even then I know
We share part of each other
While We are both just sitting and Listening and
Waiting.

We are two corresponding links in the chain.
Cuffed together like holding hands.
Coupled as consecutive arrows
Stuck in Our quivering hearts.

Held by Our bond and
Tethered by Our trust and
Attached by Our adoration.
Connected by a
Constant comfort cable
Two souls smiling in succession

Love is a question mark that starts with its
initial inquiry upwards
launching and
lifting off and
gaining ground for a moment because
you think you know the answer but then it peaks and
pinnacles and
hangs in the air
which is an illusion because it immediately slopes down and
plunges as you
talk a circle around the subject and finally fall
straight down into confusion
not quite knowing
what it is or
what to do and
the dot at the end with a period is
the actual question as
a bottomless pit of punctuation but
there is a point to all of this

What is love?

Love is ever changing clouds

At times a blanket that shrouds
Completely surrounding
With a gentle warming

but

Then it grows dark and
Cries out and
Bites down with
Razor rain

Screaming and shouting
Hollowing You out
Filling You with doubt

An overcast obscurity
A vapor veil
A growing gloom
A murky mist in moonlight

then

Morning comes clear and cloudless
You wish for shade or
An overshadowing fog
But this clarity is loveless

The sun blinks out
Everything extinguished
An enveloping eclipse

All is taken away
An illusion
Blotted out for now
The edges still shine rays

Bringing an amber overhead glow
A burning buttermilk sky
Now I see what they mean by cloud nine

Heaven is mine in peaceful paradise
A blissfulness that burns true and
Shoots me over the moon

and

Comes from only
Seeing and
Loving and
Being with the
Weather that is
You

I will remember tomorrow what I found fruitful today
Like a sudden symptom come alive
A cavity
Decaying my roots
The trees I grew up climbing
Rhyming limb after limb

I broke my right leg twice
Once while jumping off the jungle gym
Holding Chip and Dale stuffed animals
With a beaming smile in my elementary hands
Back then it meant more

Another time broken again to
Remind myself this can still happen
It's always happened
The fracture
The departure
The flight from here or there and
Farther

Look it's like a crutch
Holding you up
Or holding you back
Remember breaking your arm
When you could've broken your back
For lack of a better word:
Dramatic
Fell from a fence
As dense as my youth and
Made as much sense as you or I do
But I tumbled head over feet
To have a meet and greet handshake with the grass that kicked my ***

The tears ran down my face as if
Disgrace had painted my way
I walked the long way around Because stopping to think or look behind me
Apparently wasn't an option

Still crying tears of embarrassment
I said they pushed me but they didn't
A full circle fall
Back to where I started
Uninjured and insured
Go to bed back to where I started again
In the morning my bruises will be fresh
As last night with the sunset
But now the orange juice brings it out best
And my army is broken
Acknowledged at last
Cast in blue
Singing my favorite colour
Thinking the authorities will
Swoop in and take my mother

But they had another thing coming

Me

Broken bleeding
Disorganized obsessively
Compulsive jealous
User taker
Bridge breaker

Me

I'm a lost sock
Longing to keep a foot from feeling cold
Even though I can't cover your entire body
Ill settle for an extremity
Because it's true that
Something really is better than nothing

I was dropped between the dryer and the washing machine
Forgotten about just like the paper clip and the thumbtack
My mirror matching partner
May have gone on to meet another
But either way I lie here in lint

I remember the comfort of being in a shoe
When the warmth flowed through me
I knew I was really getting somewhere
Always aware I was part of a pair
One of a two
Half of a couple that together made a team

Then again there was way back when
I was pressed and packaged and pristine and
Presented myself to people in a store
Who could care less to think twice or
Double take and have a second glance at me
I was as unique as all the rest
But I took my job very seriously

Now I crave to do anything
To help anyone and be of use anywhere
To maybe one day be rediscovered and
Perhaps reunite with my other or
Become a fine furniture duster or
A puppet upon the hand of a person Practicing how to be humble

It's a dream and a hope and
One of the few things left I'm free to have faith in
They can take my feet away but
They can't take everything

Somewhere out there is a bare paw
Chilled to the bone and shivering
Stinging exposed to the world
Wishing I was there

Come find me
Drop something worth picking up
So you notice that long lost missing sock
Reach and retrieve me and return me to reality

I've been waiting for this forever it seems
But through your eyes it's just a
Routine insignificant finding
Unknowing that it means the world to me and
My entire existence revolves around dependency

If I had a dollar for every tear I've made
I would've watched the world drown while my bills got paid
I would've worn a salt crown while the sadness fades
I could've kept myself bound to the groundwork I laid

I heard my life in mono before I met You
We became stereo
Me: channel left
You: panned right;
A cohesive strengthening of sound
A mutual clatter of turbulence, with such underlying beauty
Only we knew the clamor was best for Us, though no one believed
As the cacophony grew, Your speaker buzzed and squawked
I played unaware, loving the crescendo
-
Eventually, as stereos do, You
Shorted out
Grew weaker and weaker with each
Note; melodies were crumbling
I fiddled with the wires,
Hoping, wanting both sides of our discord to stay true
-
Then you were silent
Eerily and I kept screaming
Roaring with a clatter that could have blown my own side of this
Disquiet. You were muted, hushed
Now I hear but half of my life
The left remains;
The right, You, are not even
Static, and I pray for mono
Again

My heart is a massive immaculate fallacy
if I may attempt to say so myself with a queer face
My heart is a subtle severe explosion
if I don't ride that lightening I will crash as it's thunder
My heart is a make believe fairytale friend
if I don't make it to the ending where do I begin?
My heart is a heavy slave ship anchor
if I don't row my boat then I will never find my dreams
My heart is a hostile emotional terrorist
if I don't express myself my chest will rip

My heart is synonymysterious
My heart is honesterical

My heart plays anxie-tee-ball
with future failing children
My heart knocks on the door of the nervous fear
My heart loves
or lack thereof

My heart is a bag of loose screws
someone drive these
My heart is the face in the firelight
someone ignite me
My heart tells me I'm young
drink up

When I was younger my babysitter was my sister
I would call her my baby sister but she was older than me five and a half years
A mother figure figuring out what to do
Telling me when to boil the water
Or when to change the laundry and
Put it in the dryer and
Always still having time to beat the **** out of me when she was frustrated
But I get it it's ok
It's alright we had to fight
The battles within ourselves externally and verbally
I remember when I called you fat
I didn't really know what it meant
I didn't know it would hurt you like that and
I felt so bad
I remember when grandma died
When you cried and cried and cried and so did I
Only because you were
I know I was always an annoying little kid
I remember at fourteen you fled to grandpas house and
I would soon follow because the pain became too much
I faltered and fell away slowly at first
But eventually my clarity was few and far between and
You became mean
'We don't want you here leave'
So at eighteen I put on my shoes and walked away into the distance
No more armed resistance to your pleas for abandonment
If you would've told me what to say or who to tell it to maybe I would've told somebody
Now we bounce off each other like transferred energy
A steel ball see saw pendulum
But we get along

I'm not a handy man
Simply a man with hands
That wish to hold
I'm not Mr. Fix It
But I'll bet I can bend and
Twist and mend part of you
I'm certainly not Mr. Know It All
But what I do know could
Catch you before you fall
I'll never be Mr. Big Shot
But I feel like I've been shot
By a big ego
I'm not Mr. Executive
But I've lived consecutive years
Pursuing power and authority
I am Mr. E

I flood the world
While water fills my eyes
But you survive
Because you've built an ark of lies
You've gathered two of every kind
For forty days and forty nights
The rain fell
The plan was divine in back of your mind
The walls around me
Have me drowning in a well
You forced the storm to come and
Swallow everyone

I wish I was Jonah
In a whale in the sea
Tucked away underneath everything
In a deep dark empty belly
Hungering for anything

I've tried to fight like David
Tackle my towering demons
Grab my Goliath guilt and
Get over my greedy jealous feelings

But instead I'm Daniel
Lost in a den of lions
The threat surrounds me
Closing in
But nothing ever happens

I am Your tailor
To stitch strength into Your skin
I will clothe You in love
The color of crimson candles
I crochet scarves of courage
To cover Your soul
Sewing together festive fabric
Full of warmth and truth

I want to make my love into a suit
Or a dress and shoes to give to You
To wrap yourself in
When we are apart
A jacket you can have to heat
Your heart
A pair of gloves
To keep feeling in your fingertips
I want you to always be able
To write about Him

Imagine
We are forever hand in hand
Believe that together
We can do
Anything
Everything
Nothing that
Our loving lives cannot bring

I am Your carpenter
I will build Us from the ground up
Starting with a sound foundation
Groundwork will be made by Us
I am a handy man with working hands
I lay longevity in the floor
Wood for Us to walk upon
Strong enough for Us to
Stand the test of time

We will awaken walls to surround Us
A wondrous construction
Filled with adoration
Erected by emotion
A home of honesty and integrity
A house of comfort and family
Complete with a roof over Our heads
Two souls made one in Our bed

I love You Brittany
She is the moon above me
Her wholehearted love and devotion
Makes my burning bright sunlight
Swim through the seas

Step into the light
My flawless fairy
Take flight and
Take my hand
I will spend all of my life
Making you understand
My love for You ;
With me and You
There is not a single thing
We cannot do

I will be a man of all trades
For You
For Us
I will learn any skill and
Read every book
I will scour the earth
For any answer We need
I will climb all of the mountains and
Dive down into the ocean deep
To find for You and
Give to You
Me
A love and
Life and
Man
You can forever keep <3 :)

Do You accept
this proposition of We?
You and I
She and Him
Moon and Sun
Tree and Limb
Air and Lung
Mouth and Tongue
The woman I love with
The man who is loved

You can be replaced by nobody
Flawless fairy
Magnificent moon goddess
Cool commander of the seas
Calm and beautifully amazing lady
I made the word blush
When I called You pretty
You are so much more
Your breathtaking beauty is like folklore
Unbelievable yet real
When I see you I feel touched
By a spirit full of violet love

You are a divine being
Sent from above to be with me
I never really believed in angels before
But I've found You and
Now I question whether
My disbelief in heaven
Was a misconception
You are my celestial guardian
You are a holy dream saint
My darling

Remember always
I love You at all times
Never hesitate to call on me
Through thick and thin
Good and bad
Here I will be and
Here I will stay
It will be ok
You have my undivided everything