Smoke it, snort it, break it down,
Grind it, roll it up,
Inject it, snort some more
Smoke some more
You can always do
A little more
You know you want your heart to stop
As much as all the toxins
You dump in your body
You ******* fiend.  
                                     - Drugs

That awkward moment
When your pistol looks
Pretty ******* friendly

I'll simply say
That I'm not the same
Without you

It's hard being an optimist trapped in a cage of chemical imbalance
I always hope for the best, but I feel the worst on the wind
and the malice in my mouth
when I grind my teeth anxiously,
Hoping for something, anything of interest to come and inspire me
Restore my heartbeat, my chest explodes violently, fiery
A blooming flower with a soft epiphany
Bond again with my soul, a spectral synergy
My world is black and grey, Yet still,
Colored vividly

I dream in black and grey drawings.
Like a flip book of subliminal messages.
Every mark a memory
Underneath eraser stains
Your outline is still visible
I've only got one canvas
So I'll have to make beautiful things
Around your shadow
Like I'd never made you into art at all

Today I feel very bland
I am that nasty tan color of the walls in school
I am that odor of stale cigarette smoke that fills your nostrils
I feel so plain I make chicken stock look extravagant
No drive or real motivation
Just moving through the paces
Like I figured out humanities hidden robotic algorithms

Someone please inspire me

Muttering, stuttering,
Lost in thought,
Steps are stumbling,
All signs
Of a heart
That's fluttering
With love

Walking with your head down
Doesn't leave much to see

Fire, smoke, scorched to dust
The fire we tended with care,
Has burned out with us

I forgive you,
For all you've done
Come back, baby...

Have you ever loved someone so very deeply,
And knew they were the completely wrong person?
You knew they were going to shatter your heart eventually
But you just didn't care.

You embraced everything about them.
How high they made you feel,
How low they drug you down
How they could be a complete disaster
And you'd still be around
worshiping them,
Putting them on a pedestal,
and bowing before it
Knowing full well their throne
Is built on a lie.

The worst part is when
You start to see right through them
When you've committed yourself
But you're too far along to quit
So you stay in the game
Asking yourself every day
"why'd you have to come my way,
With that deadly, ambiguous gaze.
I'm running through your maze,
Delirious, deranged
all the while expecting you to change."

You'll think that they're different,
That they're not the same,
You'll buy into the  illusions
That haunt photo frames
And you know that they'll  say
"I'm doing my best!"
But you can feel all their baggage
Weighing down on your chest,
And it becomes hard to breathe

Funny now, how the nausea replaces the butterflies

I lost myself in darkness
Trying to find your light

I want to rip my flesh open,
And tear out your influence by force.
I want to split my skull with a chisel,
Insert a hypodermic syringe into my frontal cortex,
And drain my memories of you into a bucket of wasted time.
I want to regurgitate the anxiety you left me with
Into a black and sloppy pile at the throne of your falsehood.
An offering to set me free from these chains,
So held down, hands bound by your instabilities,
Your insecurities, that ate us both alive.

I'm so sorry it had to end this way.

I don't even know anymore man
I don't want to live anymore
My chest gets heavier every time I exhale
Every bridge looks like a place to jump
Oncoming traffic a play zone,
I want to wash my skin with a razor blade loufa
And clean my teeth with cyanic Listerine

I walk barefoot in hopes of venomous spiders
I break mirrors while walking beneath black cats on ladders
All the while hoping my 7 years comes in a lump sum

I hope I choke on a Goldfish for the irony
Because it's the snack that smiles back

Stop. Breathe.
Feel the earth beneath you're feet
Stay intact, stop the fracture
Everywhere you look there's greener pastures
Have a moment of laughter,
Appealing to no master
In this current moment
You know nothing else could matter
Peace will come full circle like the rings of saturn
You can pull yourself together when you find yourself scattered
You're destiny is malleable, and only you can be it's crafter

Loving girls with broken pieces,
Leaves no patience for puzzles

It's been a long time,
But once again,
I'm dopesick.

I'm falling away from peace,
Back into my self destruction
And honestly, part of me
Just wants to let it happen.

It's much easier to be a sinner than a saint.

I'm standing in the ashes,
Of the bridges in between us

Shoots of grass spring up.
As the rain is falling down
The Earth breathes new life

She was dressed in the sins that matched mine,
She exuded imperfections as she walked
and her eyes bore the scars
Of seeing through a screen
In a life spent a life spent half-mad

She made me feel okay to be flawed
I no longer looked in the mirror
And felt like I was chewing on the glass
Swallowing whole the shattered shards
To hemorrhage what was left of my self-esteem

Yet, now that she's gone away..
I'm tearing at my skin again
Abrasing my blemishes,
My specks, and my spots
Re-opening old scars
Astonished by imaginary disfigurements.

Now I sit here, look in the mirror,
Blood is running down to the sink,
I'm chewing on glass again.

You made my blood stand still when you came in,
My cerebellum panicking wildly
As I stood, my will could not be caved in
I approached and asked for a dance, mildly.

Everlasting oceans crashed inside you,
Washing over my broken, waking shore,
Pulling me down into your bitter blue
I wonder what the bottom has in store

I see you drowning me in lullabies
Enticing, pulling me into your sea
I know even mermaids had their dark side,
Drag me through the waters, a silent scream

I flash back, and you're still in the doorway
I'll leave you be, I can't swim anyway

I feel isolated.
I call to the wind,
Only Echoes...

When I think of you,
I ******* own blood

I wonder if I disappeared,
Would you come and look for me?
Would you know I was gone?
I don't want to be forgotten...

It's all the little reminders
That tear me down,
Again...

To think I've wasted so many beautiful words on you.
All these poems mean nothing now.
All of these verses just add fuel to the fire of my bitterness.
I'll douse them in gas,
throw them above my head
and set them ablaze while they rain their eloquent ashes down  upon my melancholy soul.
Arrangements once soft and light hearted
now fill me to the brim with negativity that I want to regurgitate back into your mouth and watch you drown on all the stress you caused me.
I want my pain to fill your lungs like fire and pepper spray,
searing through to what's left of your callous heart.
You never deserved me.

The ego inside me is slowly but surely dying. Soon my eyes will awaken to their full, all knowing capacity. I will see the world exactly as it is, and that thought is comforting, yet terrifying. Being wise is a long, scary journey. But the light of wisdom outshines the darkness of ignorance. I will glow brightly, and illuminate this darkened space we live in and take for granted.

There's a fracture in my consciousness
Telling me to move on and forget her
And I'm really trying
But she's still got her hands
Wrapped around my neck
Squeezing as tightly as ever
Just this time from a distance
And on the other side of the barriers
We've built between us
And I'm praying that the hand of god
Will strike me down
Or the epiphany of true wakefulness
Makes it's presence known.

I can only take so much.

It seems that the sun,
Is setting upon the optimist

Crush
Break
Snap
Unleash
Reform
Corrupt
Smash
Destroy
Revenge

I wish I could push these thoughts away

I'd melt you down,
And inject you in my veins

Sinking, sinking,
Further down into nothingness,
I'll fade away,
Slowly

I should practice what I preach,
I'm such a hypocrite

I'm just really sad right now. I feel so worthless and unappreciated. I'm an optimist and I try and look on the bright side but the world just makes it so hard. It's hard to keep being compassionate and mindful in a world that's so ugly and greedy and ambitious with people who would sell their mothers skin for personal gain. The love of my life left me for the dude she cheated on me with and I can't stop thinking about it. Him holding her. Kissing her. Making love to her the way I did and it makes me want to **** myself. I don't want to be miserable anymore. I need to end my attachments to others and learn to be happy on my own. I know all happiness comes from within, and the Dharma is my guide. I just need to pull myself out of this rut. Get my **** together, keep working at my job and finally graduate. I just feel like I have a thousand pounds of weight on my shoulders like a bar bell I can't toss off. My anxiety makes my stomach hurt all the time. I'm so different from everyone else. No one really "gets" me like that. Everyone else is so material, bland, and blind to the truth. They all just look at my like I'm crazy. Like I'm gonna douse myself in gas and light myself on fire in protest of their sins. I', just in a terrible spot in my life and this is the one place that I feel like I can be honest. I'm sorry to bother you all... goodbye

Sing songs that lull your demons

wisdom burns through my veins,
Igniting endorphins into flames,
Primordial fire,
Exhale desire,
Detach from the self

I will love all who cross my path
I will treat them with kindness and compassion,
Wear my heart on my sleeve, but not for fashion
I feel a swelling in my heart you can't even imagine,
My spirit lifts, soars,
Powerful, born of dragons

I will take only what is given
Receive humbly, give naturally
I will help others reach the top of the mountain,
Making leaps and bounds over life's long climb
I will offer them water,
And let them drink from my hands
When they've become to weak to help themselves
Because those who would tend to the Buddha,
Would tend to the sick, the tired, and the famished

I will live in the present moment,
Not in my inescapable past or independent variable of a future
The only time is now,
And I'll liberate myself from the chains of suffering
I will be free,
I will return home

This is my Mantra

You're dead to me
But I still feel you sitting
In the bottom of my stomach
Making me anxious,
Making me sad,
Causing all of the tension
That's driving me mad,
You're gone, and I'm glad
Because I knew that you were bad
I'm trying not to miss you
But you're the best I ever had,
Making me bitter, letting loose, with no filter
Scribing at my scratch pad

There will come a time when
I have to choose a path
And I know it will be the one
That leads away from you....

You're dead to me.
You'll regret leaving me.
I assure you.
But I wont be awaiting the return
Of someone who treats me like you did

Ungrateful *****.

Moonlight to the Earth
Is a down feather to the flesh
A gentle caress, A way to bless
The surface with something soothing
And cool

Perspective pries your once weighty eyes
And gives you wings

Come unto me,
Let me caress your soul
And bathe you in the
Clear waters of contentment
And we'll slip away
Into the mists of something
Wondrous

Something new,
Something fresh
Something greater than
The suffering of rebirth and death
Cycling through,
Never ending
But we've grown wise,
through holy lives
We're repenting
Unrelenting
In our drive to change
For the better,
For whatever the weather,
We're on this quest, together

Do flowers cry when
Their petals begin to fall?
Or become weightless?

Just another city kid
Trapped in the grip of Wanderlust

Don't regret your past,
A stream does not flow backwards,
Move on, and be great