staring at an empty page
wonder why
how
I use to fill it with meaningful words
so easily
but there are
no thoughts now, no feelings, I threw them out with the rest of his t-shirts.
it's just this bottle
and these drugs

get high..
get low
sleep
repeat.

the drugs help you forget but they make you question yourself
so tell me

What is it like to fly without wings?
and
how does it feel to be trapped in your own dark paradise every time you close your eyes?
your left alone with your thoughts so often you start to wonder if they are even your own
and you try to teach yourself to breathe again
but your lungs fail you
and



*it's just empty here
always so dark and empty.

it's a pattern
a trip on the mighty merry go round
over and over and over again..
it's just a pinprick they say  
a few seconds of blowing smoke
do it again and again and again
until you forget his name..
inhale
exhale
heart beats fast
eyes dilate
and next thing you know, you're on the ground, crippled over, wondering how it got this ******* bad..
I'm rotting from the inside out
and the sick part is I absolutely love it.
and I guess if it really gets down to it, that's what you we're to me
                a dance with the devil
an addictive narcotic

and you always

found a way to **** me just a      
                               little bit more


                                                              ­   **but I would never tell you that.

I want to peel off my skin
and shed my broken bones and broken promises
like needless paper weights.
this skin I live in?
it's a rotting cell
and
i always hated my ribcage and how it
imprisons my heart with thoughts of you.  
you scribbled yourself into my bones
and there's no escaping the words and memories of us anymore
so my bones will keep me up at night
the ache always did remind me of you
and ill lie awake at night and punish myself
because

I've hated myself since the day i realized that
our love isn't coming back
*and its the only thing I needed.