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Robin Russell Apr 2010
No one's putting me on the spot
Except the one I'm standing in now
I can see from the edge of reality
As far as imagination allows

What happens if I step just over the line?
Because...I think I'm already there
With a hint of what's beyond this gate
It's almost more than I can bear.

I didn't draw this line in the sand
The rules were set before I arrived
He convinced me this where I belonged
But I see now that it's all contrived.

I could stay and color within the lines
The boundaries he's placed on me
But I've taken the risk and stepped across
And indeed the grass is much more green

He was busy keeping me within the lines
When a force came through from God knows where
Then the lines were blown and disappeared
And all my senses were alive and finally aware.

Now his insecurities no longer contain me
I'm putting myself on the line
I know in my heart it's the step to take
Toward truth. With love. For what is mine.
Robin Russell Apr 2010
Lately I just can’t seem to clear
The clutter from my attic
Can’t help but climb those well-worn steps
Again and again and again and again.

Bare feet feeling the crack in the ladder
Being careful where I take a step
Can’t afford to slip and fall, not now
I could do without more bruises.

Fragile cobwebs of an interesting past
Sticking feather lightly to my head.
But the more I try to free myself
The more they tangle in my hair.

Stepping over the history that made me
On pages torn softly, through faded color images
In history-scented albums, on so many faces
The hopes and dreams they wished for me

Somehow, I think…I know they understand
I’ve been compelled to start down a different path
There’s something up here that I want to find
Just once, I think. That would be enough.

Tears in warm and random patterns
Splashing on top of what I thought
Was an ancient layer of colorless dust
Think I just stirred it all up again.

That baggage I had convinced myself
I carried out forever and a day ago
Somehow found its way back up here
Guess I haven’t let it go, after all

And when I try just one more time
To clear out the attic, once and for all
I find myself tripping hard over you
Again and again and again and again.

Thought maybe I could box you up
And set you aside like everything else
That I’m not sure I can handle.
But I can’t. And I won’t.

Now pull the cord; turn off the light
Then take my hand in yours
Let’s help each other out of here
The clutter will sort itself out.
Robin Russell Apr 2010
Pulled up the warmth that blankets my dreams
Slipped into sleep to envelop my needs
I replay one moment again and again
With not one waking answer as to where or when.

I’ve imagined one scene a thousand different ways
So where is the one who simply isn’t afraid?
Who brings to life one dream in original words
And shares it with me as it needs to be heard?

Somewhere there’s one who ignores the fears
Takes charge of what’s right and makes it clear
One embraces the longing that comes in the night
But lets it go freely when the answer is right.

One comes in waves and drenches my soul
Then vanishes for days…keeps me on hold
Am I one in a million…or one of a few more?
Acknowledge the truth and open the door.

How does one separate fact from the fiction?
With one sheltered life full of many contradictions
You hesitate to take just one painless chance
When you desperately need that one breathless dance.
Robin Russell Apr 2010
Watched you turn and walk away like that
We just stood there, not knowing how to react
Tried to speak but the words wouldn't come
The time arrived and we all came undone.

More often you have a distant look in your eyes
But I'd like to think somehow, down deep inside
You know you're the reason for everything here
And when you're ready to leave we'll still be near

Your face still expresses what you cannot say
Time cannot be so cruel as to take that away
Surely you'll keep with you the best of this place
Leave behind the baggage that we'd all like to erase

From 11A I watched the city slip away
Through filtered clouds and sunlight on an extraordinary day
I looked down on everything I still believe is home
Couldn't maintain my composure; I just let it all go.

I've no choice but to believe with patience and faith
An inexplicable passage will lead you to grace
We can't change the outcome, but it takes nothing away
You'll live on through us and we'll make our own way.
I wrote this as I was sitting on a plane, flying back home, after  having moved my father to an assisted living facility.  I started grieving his loss that day...not the day he died in 2009. We were very close.  I loved him so much.  He was buried with full military honors at Arlington National Cemetery.  I am so proud of him.
Robin Russell Apr 2010
Think I'm crawling out of my skin
Or maybe I'm finally settling back in
Completely foreign and absolutely right
Full moon lit up my dreams last night.

Out of control and not wanting to stop
Getting higher but not quite reaching the top
Feels so unfamiliar but not at all untrue
Not sure if I'll ever recognize the clues.

Awakened with the hope of something more
Dressed in the clothes that happiness wore
But somehow they still didn't fit just right
Got off the ground but never took flight

No patience for a transition to come along
I'm taking that walk and it won't be long
You cannot come with me for this trip home
I understand now I have to take it alone.

Time inches me up against this wall
Summer burns more quickly toward fall
Feels perilously close to disaster
Got limited seasons to find my answer

If you could understand the words to the song
And face the fears we've both had all along
I've faced them all and I'm finally graduating
You've got to let go; stop make me waiting.
Robin Russell Apr 2010
When did you feel like you couldn’t quite breathe?
Deep down inside you knew it wasn’t make-believe
That your very soul you thought was gone with the breeze
Crept up from behind and knocked you to your knees?

What did you see, when you looked into those eyes?
The dreams you almost ended at once materialized
You met the kindred spirit that eluded you for years
And everything once cloudy became gloriously clear.

How sweet did it taste when your lips began to touch?
Only now you can imagine wanting something so much
Every time you lean in close for just one more kiss
It’s one move closer to the life you’ve sorely missed

Why, despite the risks, do you listen to your heart?
‘Cause the consequences are worse than ever getting caught
To go on living…knowing you let it slip right by
You’d never truly know what it was to be alive.

Where is it written that you get just one dance?
That pure, unclouded paths lead to passion that lasts?
What makes you whole arrives when you expect it least
And makes its way down a much less traveled street.

Who knew that you’d rekindle such a rush of desire?
It’s been too many years since I felt this inspired.
When I thought I should leave but my heart wouldn’t move

…that’s when I knew.
Robin Russell Apr 2010
Seems to me that living large is far too overrated
When I hit the wall it became far too complicated
When it stopped being fun I was altogether numb
Looked over my shoulder; couldn't see from where I'd come

Been driven forever toward everything I thought I wanted
Believed that's what mattered.... but now I'm just exhausted
Not sure these days who I was trying to impress, anyway
With a false sense of success I could never break away.

In the chase to have it all I became overextended
Seeing it clearly now, it's not the life I intended
If I never have the chance to tell you face-to-face
Your touch on my heart opened a place of grace

My thoughts are filled with hope and contrition
For what I know is the truth is quite the contradiction
The life I created for myself was completely untrue
Then I knew what it could be when I came to know you.

Should our eyes never meet, you'll not see my gratitude
But I can tell you, at least, so it's clearly understood
Your gifts have inspired a soul worth exploring
My appreciation grows for a person worth knowing.
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