I need to let it go
But how can I
It MADE me who I am
Its the past
Its my past
But I wont let it ruin my future

It ruined my present already
Why did it happen to me
What did I do to deserve this
Its the past
Sadly it cant be forgotten
I will never forgive

Its my life
Its the past
My unholy past
My unforgiving past
Its the past
And i dont want to remember anymore

Clear my memory
Just end my life
This past is haunting
Like the demons in my dreams
Someone help me let go of the past
Because i wont be able to let go

It made me
It kept me alive
Its the past
That saved me
That ruined me
The part of me you will never know

they fall with a piercing silence
every drop burns his face like acid
he doesn't know what they are
he only knows their there because of her

he knew that love was dangerous
he became silent when she left
as his hatred for cupid grew
still he knew he wasn't the monster

his blood flowed like the Nile
he cut his wrist
he never looked back on the path she paved
his footprints never lingered
like a demons tears

his family didn't know him
his friends hated him
she took his world away
that little angel wasn't so angelic

a demons tears
you dont see in movies
or at any given time
they just fall with silence

he ended up the monster
with rage uncontrollabe
emotions never showing
but still she lingers on his mind

he thinks he doesn't deserve to live
he contimplates his suicide every minute
she watches closly
only cheering for his death

a demons tears
never come twice
they just fall with his body
limp and lifeless
due to her hatred for his existence

in this icy world
in this constent nightmare
in this ruthless war
in this flooding ocean of blood
am i alone

on this path to darkness
on this island of screams
on this edge of sanity
on this sinking ship of hope
am i alone

i cant possibly be alone
because with every step
i hear a voice
a faint whisper
but i cant comprehend its words

as i shatter under the pressure
i finally see the source of the voice
i hear its words with perfect clarity
coming slowly from her lips
"your never going to be alone"

a childs cries
as her mother lies
her blood staining the tiles
she hides in the closet
waiting to be found

as hands grab her
she screams and yells
she blacks out
and as she awakes
in the corner of white walls
her screams muffled by silence

a child cries
as he watches blood flow like rivers
his father tells him the highs
of sweet victory obtained
so he runs to the mountains
where he hides in a cave

as hands grab him
he screams and yells
he blacks out
and awakes to a cold floor
with four walls without a door
his screams are muffled by silence

our unheard cries
of help or sorrow
we pretend to hear
we refuse to listen
as children cry
for thier mothers and fathers

the world has turned cold
yet some choose to fold
others stand strong
proving thier might
even without light

we abandoned all hope
when hope seemed lost
we vacated all faith
when faith seemed unreal
when a child cries

still the childrens cries
the first to die when death struck
like lightnings quick flash
echoing like thunder through the ages
forever remaining unheard

I said goodbye to you once
Gave you a kiss
And turned my back
Put one foot in front the other
And slowly walked away

But your the one
Who took my already broken heart
Ripped it out my chest
And left it bleeding at my feet
Then let me walk away

I had nothing left to say
So i said goodbye
Put down the pen
Picked up a bottle and a blade
And wasted my life even further

I tried looking for another
But I couldn't find one
So I looked for you again
And when I found you
I simply said "Hello"

why do people like me
why do they act like thier my friends
is it due to my poetry
is it my hatred towards life
is it the fact that i hide my emotions

why does life flourish
why is peace seekable
is it due to a lost adventure
is it due to the fact that we hide the truth
is it the love for humnity

why do people question me
why do the act like im important
is it due to the fact that im a failure
is because i speak my mind
is it the philosophies i acknowledge

answer these questions
somebody please
tell me lies or the truth
it doesnt matter cause im losing the grip on life
love doesnt matter to me

koti thank you for the comments
kevan thanks for the advice
all poets of time
thank you for being my inspiration
but time has it flaws
and people have thier end
my lost sanity
brought on this poem

the hearts of men are cold and violent
so we turn to the hearts of women
their perfume assailing our nose
soft heartbeat like a choir of birds

no other woman can love me like you do
you nurse me when I'm sick
you love me when i'm losing
you never hate me

you helped me turn a corner
writing a new chapter
book number three
you'll always love me

you praise me when i'm calm
you stand in my way when i'm going crazy
i fall deeper in love
no regret for tearing my heart out

you give me no reason to hate
smile from ear to ear
gaining sanity i never had
i worship you like a goddess

the tears come freely
relief like no other
my heart was cold
making me blind

a heavy fog lifting
vision repaired
i see the world happy and smiling
welcoming the first sunrise

i love you with all my heart
never will i allow you to leave
marriage i ask
till death of our death shall we part

An Angels Sorrow
heavy like her heart
as teardrops fall from her face
falling through the clouds
not knowing which direction to go

i love her even when i lie
waiting and hoping to die
i caught her when she fell
released her from the depths of hell
i wish to carry her sorrow

an angels sorrow
a burden like no other
heavy like my heart
stained with others blood
no longer will she feel it

her sorrow i wish to relieve
her tears i wish to dry
her beauty i wish her to know
an angels sorrow
i relieve with love like no other

my love i wish her to see
her head i wish to clear
lay your head on my chest
listen to the heartbeat of a dying man
for deaths tattered cloak wrapped around me

an angels sorrow
a sorrow like no other
a sorrow i wish to relieve
my heart aches for her
as tears fall like rain

dark clouds shape the sun
an ominous wind blows
as her sorrow grows
an angels sorrow
the one thing that could **** me

as her sorrow ends
her beauty glows
her heart slows
an angels sorrow
i took away with my last breath

i still hear the screams
of the tortured souls
as i walk the path
which runs though
the meadows of pain

i still smell the blood
that spilled from the bodies
i stepoff the path
and images of death
race through my mind

cursed meadows of pain
tearing a hole so deep
so sinister and dark
i lose myself

the wrath of a lunatic
cursed this land
now i am reliving
the dreaded nightmare
in the meadows of pain

these meadows known as
the meadow of pain
took lives destroyed families
now i am honored
by burning these memories
in the meadows of pain

as the inferno blazes
i see the smiles of those
who have been murdered
and the hatred
in the eyes of the maniac

with nothing left of
the meadows of pain
all that remains is ash
no more will there be
the meadow of pain

screams of a child
as she watches
her father die
and his blood spills

screams of the dark
as they drag
the body away
and feast on his bones

screams of an angel
as she falls
when the clouds open
clipping her wings

screams of the helpless
as they starve
their bodies crumble like ash
bones showing aging scars

screams of everybody
yet nobody hears
muffled by refusal
drowned by prayer

screams of the restless
knowing they will never sleep
hoping for death
so they can sleep forever

screams of ghosts
as they try to find their way
no hope for them
they are lost forever

screams of the forgotten
as they march a path
paved by death and loneliness
never to be remembered

screams of the living
when they look in the mirror
and see time take its toll
death releasing them from times hold

screams of the tortured
as they are left stranded
helpless to nature
reckless in their steps

screams of the poet
as he loses his mind
sanity never gained
lost in words he choked on

i ran without looking back
left all those i loved behind
the last words i said
still haunting and echoeing my ears
and i know the further i go
its going to be a long road home

i never made them cry before
but when i left
i heared the weeps
and the tears hitting the floor
like a stampede of hoofs
stomping my heart a mile away

yet i continued on
never looking back
because i knew if i went back
my world would be black
thier hearts would be cold
and the truth would remain untold

i couldnt live a life like that
i had to escape
but my ties to this life
remain in the object of my love
the soul hier to my heart
the one whom i never thought to leave

she stands under an oak
using the leaves as an umbrella
for the rain has started
covering her tears she now sheds
as realization that i will not show sets in
she sits at the beginning of a long road home

i got a long road home
but the troubles i faced
will be worth it
when i find what i've searched so hard for
my sanity that was stripped at birth
my soul that left a pair of hollow eys
and i know this road will only get longer

Still lost to this darkness
Prisoner of the madness
Yet I proudly say
I'm back

Today marks my decent
Back into the life of poetry
I so desperately need
Again I say Hello to you all

Staring down the barrel of a 45
Looking straight into the dark
Knowing what lays down
This ghostly corridor
Could take the pain away

On the edge of this 20 story building
Looking down at the earth
Feeling like an angel
About to fall into hell
Hoping for peace to finally find me

This is not where I belong
On this corner of Life and Death
Pushing the remnants of my sanity
Waiting patiently for you
To tell me you love me

On top this ladder
Nuse tight around my neck
Looking for a way out
Of this reoccuring nightmare
Knocking heavily on Deaths door

Laying with this blades edge
Slowly placed on my wrist
Knowing this poisonous life in my veins
Will eventually bleed out
Bringing on the silent darkness

This is not where I belong
Here with Lady Death
I belong in your arms
Held close to your beating heart
Knowing how much I am loved

It doesnt matter
Where exactly I belong
But a future with you
And a lifetime in your heart
Is better than any mans heaven

I dont care
Where it is I belong
As long as you are next to me
Helping me save myself
From this untamed demon inside me

For every little thing
On every ordinary day
I find myself say I'm sorry
Well I'm sick and tired of it

I'm not sorry for your petty problems
Even if the the words I say
Put a whole in your chest
Or make you feel empty again

If the world caved in
Underneath what you thought
Was solid ground
I wont be there to pull you out

I'm tired of saying I'm sorry
It's all I say
Every ******* day
And I'm not saying it again

I would rather feel regret
Numb, broken, and alone even more
Than say it one more time to you
So no matter what you say or I do
Those words will never come off my lips again.

Welcome to the hall of immortals
Always remembered even in death
You raised a warrior
You built bridges for me to cross

Now with me on my own path
Still an immortal you shall be
Forever your name shall live on
Forged in stone

Your my guiding angel
You provided me with knowledge
Now with your job done
I lay you down to sleep

Welcome to the hall of immortals
Buried six feet below
Still watching over me
Hopefully a man like you I will be

A million times I walked in your footsteps
still I cannot match
Half the man you were
I'm your legacy

You gave up everything for me
Now I will honor the name
That you gave me
Welcome to the hall of immortals

To love with no end result
To live in pain
And wither in silence
It's impossible

This mask I wear
Has become the face
The world has come to know
And still all I see
Is the worlds back

It's impossible
To just walk away
From the anger and the hatred
To just continue to say
I love you without you knowing how much

To breathe these toxic fumes
That the world calls air
It's plagued with screams
For freedom and peace
That will never exist again

It's impossible
To smile and laugh
When there's nothing to be happy for
All I do is past the time
Sit in silent shadows and wait for death

It's impossible
To continue listening to these screams
To continue fighting myself
To just gain my sanity
When I'm growing weaker

It's impossible
To continue not letting you in
To watch your tears fall
But there's nothing I can do
I'm just as lost, broken, and alone

It's impossible
To be happyWhen your not smiling
To celebrate life
When life has been cruel

They say I haven't lived
So I can't say
I hate this world
But I've seen enough of it
And I can say I hate it so far

It's impossible
For you to understand me
When I told you so little
For me to continue on this road
Of my own self-destruction

It's impossible
To be loved
When all I do is stress, rage, and hate
To love you anymore
Than what I have offered

I'm goin to die alone
I'm already living alone
So what's the point
Of saying I love you
If it's impossible to continue living

I've been beaten, shattered, left, and forgotten
I still got up
Because I had you to fight for
But now I say
It's impossible to fight any more

I still love you
But I'm growing weaker
I felt the change come
But I still remain the same
And everything is still impossible

I'm done with life,
With love, with wisdom,
With respect, with poetry,
With art, and finally with myself
Because all I do is curse myself

It's impossible
To say I'm done
When I just got started
To say I can't
When the will is still there

I'll fight for you
I'll be there for you
I'll never back down
Till my arms can
Caress your body

It's impossible
Not to love you
To just remain silent
When your tears crash
Instantly destroying me

It's impossible
Not yo want to hold you
And give you a place
Where your tears can freely fall
To just never be there when you call

Loneliness
The key to my survival
The one thing I try to stay in
But people are attracted to me
Confusing and sending my mind reeling

Questions I hope to answer
Answers I pray never to find
But I'm in a lonely world
Dark and mystical

Leaving me breathless
Waiting for my true love to give back
My stolen heartbeat
Paralyzed in a world full of killers

Yet the one I fear is the killer
The monster, the demon within
I hope and pray my world to turn to rubble
Sending me to a dark corner

Watch as your nightmares
And my sweet evil dreams
Become the reality you came to find in me
The apocalypse is the bomb inside me
That is the reason I prefer to be alone

Loves dangerous game
Kills painfully without mercy
Choking his victims heart
Clouding their vision with false love

He waits patiently for them
Then he strikes with harsh words
He whispers  in your ear
You forgive him because you love him

You think he loves you
But he loves the blood that will spill
Loves dangerous game
Where love always wins

He tells you lies
And feeds your heart poison
He slowly kills you
Then he sinks his teeth in

Tearing your heart out
Fully killing you and leaving you
Inches from deaths extended hand
But you manage a smile

Your strong and you know it
Bleeding from the inside
But the mask covers it
False smiles forever showing

Poetry flows with the hatred
Loves dangerous game
You fell victim to
Not knowing if you will survive

That son of a b** you cry
Thinking how could he do this
But you already know the the answer
He has no remorse and no heart

He's a criminal mastermind
Kiilling you without killing you
Making you feel like your not important
Than the voices get louder

Cursing yourself for your stupidity
Not knowing if you can love again
His face scaring your eyelids
Making you awake from the nightmares

Crying and screaming
Kicking and sweating
Thinking your drowning
Choking on your blood

The pains too much
You miss his touch
Then you cut your wrist
Adding a sick twist

Wandering why you can't sleep
Popping pills by the bounty
Livin  at the bottom of the bottle
Waking up from the nightmare

Loves dangerous game
You fell victim to
You hunt him down
Hopping to find his ****** heart

Stabbing the knife where his heart belongs
It disappears in his chest
He slits your throat
Deaths extended hand you grab

Now who's the fool
You were his tool
Death came to you
Sweet like victory

He finished what he started
A smile crosses your face
Blood flows like a river
He drinks his fill

Loves dangerous game
You fell victim to
Lived your life in the shadows
Buried without a tear

Nothing on your tombstone
Your a lost memory
You finished your story too soon
Not the life you could of lived

You were important to somebody
The boy that watched you die
Your own son couldn't bear the pain
Now he's dying inside without a mother

The only question
Echoing in my head
I guess I'll never know
Because I never acknowledged
What I had before

Even this cold heart
Wishes to cry
My mind just keeps reeling
Hoping to find out
What the hell have I done

I let you slip
Right through my closed fingers
But I knew it was meant to happen
The faint image
Was meant to disappear

My hatred for love
Clouded how I really felt
To the one person
That understood everything about me
What the hell have I done

You got away from me
Like a jackrabbit at midnight
I just wont find another
You were all I wanted
I just wanted you to be happy

I thought not once
When I decided
That you were better off
Without me in your sights
But know sorrow I can't drown

It's overwhelming me
I can't sleep it away
It has a mind all its own
What the hell have I done
You're just another ghost

I curse myself now
For being so stupid
Yet I know
Deep down
You really are better off

These walls are closing in
Telling me how stupid I am
For not trying just a little harder
What the hell have I done
Is all I can think about

I let you vanish
Into unknown land
But I'll see you soon
Someday, maybe one day
We'll cross paths again

But it's not enough
I know it's not
I can really say it now
But it's too late
Goodbye and farewell

What the hell have I done
My tongue keeps getting twisted
My eyes are vacant
My chest a hollow shell
Of what once was

I lucked out
But better yet I lost out
I'm a mess
You're not the monster
I am

What the hell have I done
**** it all to hell
I'll dine with the devil
I'll sell my soul a million times
Yet I'll still never know

I'm just a being
That deserves to die
If I say those words
I was afraid to say before
Maybe they will clear the list

No use is it now huh
You're already with him
I really lost you forever
But that wasn't the last poem
You have for me and you know it

You want to curse me
You want to break me further
I'll tell you this now
Go for it
And maybe then I will know
What the hell I have done

My body decays
Even more rapidly
My sanity
Lost at birth
Lost again when you wrote those words

We're not done
You know we're not
Those eastern winds
Will blow again
And bring your cries to me

What the hell have I done
Please tell me the answer
But you wont
You'll let me go mad
I'm just not worth it

Yoy killed my
Not the metaphor
But literally killed me
When You said
''My last poem to you''

Ha-ha it's funny
Because I thought
You already wrote it
What the hell have I done
By letting you go

I watched it all
My sweet painful torture
Shame you'll never read this
It's just another goodbye poem
That I wrote drunkenly to you

Here are the words
Read them close
The meaning is infinite
But they are true
I LOVE YOU!

On life
On this world
Maybe dark and twisted
But his view on his work
Is utter awe that it captures an emotion

He gives it all he has
And at the end of the day
He can rest his head
Knowing that his poetry
Reflects on someones life

He has no fear of death
Instead he waits for her to come
He grows older
With every breath he takes
Yet he continues his work

A poets view
Is complicated
No one knows it
They will never understand
For they never read his work

He's a man with honor
He loves a woman
Who may never love him
The same way he loves her
Yet he continues his work

His words flow on paper
Like the mighty currents
Of the never ending sea
A poets view
Is strong and wide

He's happy with his work
He married it a long time ago
He gave it his all
And now he rest at night
With a smile on his face

A poets view
Will never be seen
By the average person
They can only capture a glimpse
At how he looks at everything

If your 19 and older
Your old like dirt
You refuse to be young
By refusing to have fun

Let your imagination run free
Like birds migrating or wolves on the hunt
Like lions on the prowl
Be old mentally never physically
For this is my philosophy

Never aging like peter pan
Creative not incompetent
Young never old
It's my philosophy

Live a million times in a minute
Be an astronaut
A zombie killer
Be young and wise
Not old and crippled

My philosophy is profound not proven
Run a a marathon in two seconds
The power of imagination
Makes everything possible
No can't or improbable

Vibrant, young, relentless, and wise
Even at age 89
Your young if you have fun
Dont get old and grumpy
This is my philosophy

Don't hate me for my ideas
Love me for my creativity
Because I know I'll live longer
If you decide to despise me
Your old and fragile
I'm young and agile

My philosophy made me young
I refuse to grow old
My body may age but my spirit will not
My mind is set
We'll never meet our grave, you want to bet
It's my philosophy

Seeing your angelic face
Smiling and in the arms of another
Brings memories of you in mine
But also brings the pain I will never forget

These memories
This pain, anger, and hatred
They are my burden to bear now
I just wish the weight wasn't so much

Knowing you let me go
And I can't do the same to you
Makes the weight even more unbearable
**** I just want to give up

Collapsing under these burdens
Is my only resort
No help within reach
And my cries no longer loud enough

These racing thoughts add even more weight
And I don't want to drop these burdens
Because you were the best thing That ever happened to me

All the pain, anger, and hate
Burning so intensely
Threatening to consume what remains of me
Prevents me from finding peace

This heart is red
The skies are blue
Yet it doesn't take a rocket scientist
To see that I loved you
Honestly
I have no idea what to call this
These feelings are all new to me
It feels like a fantasy
So take my heart
Do as you wish to it
I don't want to live
If my world isn't with you

Bloodstained white walls
Are all that is left
Of my tattered heart

These men in white
Keeping me restrained
Preventing me of tasting freedom

I'll use my own blood
To paint these asylum walls
Just to smile once again

Instead I used their blood
Their screams adding a final touch
To a beautiful masterpiece

I tore their hearts apart
Ripping their eyes out
Growing silent without a tongue

They thought I was weak
Yet when I raged
That crazed strength showed itself

Now I'm confused
I'm at a  lost
Between bloodstained white walls

Not caring who I killed
Yet wondering why
These bodies lay still bleeding

I swore I bled them out
Using every drop
Just to paint these walls

Bloodstained white walls
And unheard screams
Creating my home of sick, twisted masterpieces

I hanged the bodies out
Making a fence
Running barbed-wire through their temples

The crows feast
The vultures stalk
As an evil smile of joy crosses my face

Blood still wets my hands and face
Yet the evil still shows
Not knowing which asylum will be next

Mom you gave me life
You gave me knowledge
Yet there is nothing
I can give you on this day

I wish you
A Happy Mothers Day
You are truely the greatest
Your a hero to me

Mom you deserve everything
You sacrifice till there is nothing left
And you sacrifice more
Your undisputed

All there is left to say is
Happy Mothers Day
You deserve to rest
I love you

Are these the answers
That I didn't want
That I didn't need
Are these the answers
That could save my sanity

Are these the answers
That I searched high and low
That I gave up on
Are these the answers
To questions long ago asked

All I know is
That these answers
I knew I would find
Whether I looked for them or not
Now that I got them I'm even more lost

I can't forgive her
I can't love her
I hate her with everything I have
Now I have more questions
And the answers I'm not ready for

I told her to answer one question
The answer determined
Whether I could forgive her or not
But all she did was remain silent
Refusing to answer

Are these the answers
To questions not yet asked
That I refuse to ask
Are these the answers
That could fix my heart

Are these the answers
To questions I needed to ask
To questions I knew would hurt
Are these the answers
To questions asked for decades

All I need her to know
Is that when I needed her
She wasn't there
So now I don't need her
Nor will I ever need her

She's just an image
A target for my anger
The cause for my hatred
She's the reason I'm scared to let you in
She's the reason my walls are up

Are these the answers
To the questions you ask
To the questions you wanted answered
Are these the answers
That could bring us longer

I am at home
I am immortal
I can never die
In her eyes
I will be a hero

No matter what I do
I can do no wrong
In her eyes
I can get lost
But I'll always be found

My life had no meaning
Till it fell into those eyes
In her eyes
I saw an opportunity
I saw an unlived life

In her eyes
I'm a god
I'm superman without a costume
My love is endless
Sanity isn't portraide

In her eyes
I see the future
I see the past
I see the present
But most of all I see her soul

I see the wrong she has done
I see the pain she has felt
I see me, her last hope for a better life
I see myself
In her eyes

I love her
Not for her beauty
But for the knowledge
She says she loves me
But she's not in love with me

But in her eyes
I see the truth
I see that she's in love
But not with me
But with the rage within

She knows that the pain
I can give
Could be the end
In her eyes
I'm her savior from this life

Their screams of terror
Their cries for help
Their weeps of sorrow
Their the voices in my head

They have grown so old
They have become so loud
Now they echo all day long
I just wish for them to gro silent

The voices in my head
Grow more and more reckless
That I can't even think
Of the consequences to my actions

But no matter what they say or how they say it
They love you just as mush as me
Yet you dont see the love in my eyes
And you cant hear the songs that they sing

The voices in my head
Maybe sweet and comforting
But most of the time
Their sick, demented, and twisted

They argue over whether or not I should
Put a gun to my head
And all but one agrees
For me to pull the trigger

That one voice who cares
If I pull the trigger
Is the voice of reason
It's your beautful voice

The voices in my head
Are they wrong for wanting me dead
Are they right for causing my insanity
All I know is that I can trust them

Every second of my time
I spend listening to their screams
Their cries and their weeps
I realize why they do it

The voices in my head
Echo my pain
Because they know it
And know my demons

The voices in my head
Have never seen my heart
Yet they know the truth to my lies
And the tears not in my eyes

Of all these voices
Yours is the loudest
Causing me to put this gun down
And think of a better way to end it all

The voices in my head
Tell me you the only one
I can and will ever love
And the only one I can't hurt

But I feel as if
The voices in my head
Want me to be hurt
Due to the pain I have dealt

I beg of them to stop
And let me live on my own
To die on my own terms
But they continue on

Then I begin to notice
That all these voices
Are the voices of those I have hurt
Except your one voice of reason

Could it be
That all the pain
Not only my own
But the pain of others
Is the reason to the voices in my head

The voices in my head
Laugh as I piece together
A puzzle to bid to understand
A puzzle not meant to be pieced together

The voices in my head
Grow louder and louder
Even as I fight with them
I realize why I write about war
Because the biggest war is with myself

As I reach for the gun
To end their eerie laughs
I know it will bring satisfaction
So I load and **** it back
Squeezing the trigger slowly

Darkness engulfs me
The voices stop
Peace I don't have
As tears roll down your cheek
Another life I have wasted along with mine

It feels like yesterday
I fantasized about
Making love at midnight

Now its just a distant memory
I love you
And the *** never mattered

I only wanted you
But the world slipped away
And you wouldn't hear me out

I don't want to say goodbye
But if your life is happier without me
I'm gone forever

Making love at midnight
Just a dream I had with you
So lets talk about this

Before we hurt ourselves
With irrational decisions
Produced by irrelevant feelings

I'll sit and listen to everything
That I know you want to say
And hopefully you will do the same

Making love at midnight
Only possible if we make up
And you allow me to say I'm sorry

They never go slow
They live life in the fast lane
Never looking back
Hitting top speeds
Reckless and oblivious to so much
Only fools rush in
I guess I'm one as well
I rushed into love
And paid for it with my heart
Just look at my feet
There it lies broken and bleeding
Knowing she's alone and crying

Clear skies
Clear water
Staring off into the distance
At the point where they meet

Such a beautiful sight
But you still can hear
The current calling you
Violently wanting to drown you

Even the most beautiful things
Hold the greatest evil
Even hear on the shore
I'm not safe, only mesmerized

Clear skies
Clear water
All seen with a clear mind
No longer clouded by my emotions

You are my muse
You are my inspiration
You are my one true love
Yet I don't know you

I've told stories about you
I've heard your voice
You can't be seen
You're just as lost as I

Who are you
What is your name
If I only knew you
Better than myself

You're a myth
You have no reflection
Yet I can describe you
If I only knew you

You have no pulse
You have no shadow
You have a voice
But still no face

I don't know you
But I'm in love with you
You say your hurt
Yet you don't reveal yourself

You don't want my help
Your the reason I live
The reason I get up
When I fall flat on my face

I can trust you
But I don't tell you my secrets
I can love you
But I never tried

You need me
More than you need air
You love me
But you don't say it

Empty rooms
Empty halls
Everything is empty
Including me
But I'm complete
When I'm at your side

Thats all you were
Young and fragile
Sweet and cheerful
But innocent all around

Your small dollish figure
Running around with a smile
Blinding even the sun
I wish you would remain this way

My dear girl
How sweet your name is
Bees wish they could talk
As if they never tasted sweeter

But the world cried
Every tear it could find
When your body was found
Still innocent and lifeless

What kind of evil
Could take such a beautiful life
Away from a world
Already lost in enough chaos

I feel like I'm drifting
Slowly away from all I've worked for
I've tried to fix my shattered sanity
But every piece I put together
Another breaks away

I feel like I'm falling
Endlessly into a darker abyss
I've tried to warm my iced heart
But every piece I melt away
Another grows thicker

Every attempt I make
At something right
I end up in a darker haze
Not knowing if the next step
Will end up killing me

Is this the life I'm meant to live
Can this be all I have to look forward to
No I refuse this
But if it i who I'm meant to be
I will not let it get the best of me

Haha world I got the last laugh
I'm the one standing tall
After you put me through it all
Even as death seemed imminent
I stared back with unrelenting eyes

Broken, beaten, lost, and confused
As I walk through deepening fog
But I laughed at your attempts
To bring me to my knees
Because all it did was make me braver

I feel like I'm suffocating
Under hollow flesh and bone
I've tried to fill these eyes of empty dreams
But every piece of soul I cleanse
Another becomes dirtier

My life, my dreams, my future
All remains a giant mystery
A guess changing like the sea
But not for a second will I stop
To someday, one day be free

Their unexpected errors
Their beautiful sights
But for one split second
Their your biography

Lifes final moments
Wait for no one
And when their done
So are you

Their epic dreams
Their riveting sounds
But for one split second
Their what sets you apart

Lifes final moments
Come in all fatal times
In a dying persons eyes
And the truth to their lies

If I took my life
If I said I love you
If I can't be loved
It doesn't matter now

My life is over
Was from the beginning
So whatever step that kills me
I can't take it soon enough

If someone said they care
If someone wanted to listen
If i could rage even once
It doesn't matter now

My world is collapsing
Was from the start
But trying to find someone to trust
Was **** near impossible

If someone hated me
If the world wanted me dead
If it got any worse
It doesn't matter now

I am who I am
The way I think is negative
And if it offends or worries you
Go to hell its my life

Brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers
We bid you farewell for now
But we'll join you soon enough
You have accomplished so much

Footprints in the sand
Unable to be washed away
Impossible to replicate
Still you will never be forgotten

Names forged in stone
Medals pinned on your chest
Flag draped over your coffin
Laid to rest as the final shots ring out

Friends, uncles, aunts, and cousins
Family relatives of all kinds
Never have we seen stronger people
We salute all you upheld

Veterans, men and women of  war
Thank you for your sacrifices
Now on this day please
Rest in peace

It's not love
It's not you
It's not my faith
It's not my past
It's not my future
It's not my present

My greatest failure
Is this forsaken life
And you can ask why
Or say it's not
But look at the facts
I've never accomplished anything

I've always failed
Fell flat on my face
Thought I had a reason
To get back up
Only to wish to cry
When it was gone

Spent countless nights
Staring at a blank ceiling
Wondering where it went wrong
Why I always ***** up
Then I realize it don't matter
What's gone is gone

My greatest failure
Is real and you can't see
So look at all the lies
The tears not in these eyes
I've failed at life
So nail this coffin shut

I already  live in darkness
Might as well die by it
A menacing nightmare
Waste of life, space, breath, and time
A legacy soon forgotten
By people already lost, deaf, dumb, mute, and blind

It's kind of funny
How i want to forget her
To let her go
And disappear into ancient shadows

I told her so many times
That I wouldn't do that
But she didn't realize
That I have a limit

I hate this lingering love
Dissolving my insides like acid
Twisting my mind like a pretzel
And I just want the pain to end

I knew that when I took
That one leap of faith
I would regret it all
Now I want to forget it all

This lingering love
Is filled with more pain
Than when I wanted to hold her
And be there when I knew I couldn't

His journey started
When his mother abandoned him
Leaving him for dead
With a father
That was hardly ever home

He grew up
Not knowing what was next
He thought his life was perfect
Till he heard
The mother he knew wasn't his

He wanted answers
Grew into a depression
Anger and hatred boiling
Fueling the rage
That would soon be seen

He contemplated his suicide
Attempted it but failed
Something wanted him to live
He still contemplates
just never attempts

He slept with women
Having meaningless ***
Never staying for too long
Lost to his world of dispair
Creating demons for himself

He hasn't cried
Since he was eight
He watched his family fall apart
Dropping like rocks
Hoping for his time to come

He writes poetry
He draws endlesly
Wanting his emotions
That stain his soul
To disappear into the words and lines

He thought he was in love
So many times before
But they only deserted him
when those words
slipped off his tongue

Now he sits
Thinking constantly
About how the future would be
If the past wasn't so hard
Just how simple his life could of been

But when a girl
Walked into his life
Curly hair and a bright smile
Beauty crippling him
He said hello

When he left
All he did was think about her
She followed into the next grade
He was overjoyed
And he knew he was in love

He took a leap of faith
And said '' I love you''
She shrugged it off
Like the words themself
Had no meaning or value

He strived to prove to her
That he truly is in love
He thinks about her
He wants to comfort her
When she thinks she's not perfect

He finally convinced her
That she was never
Going to lose him
But it wasn't enough
He wanted her to know his demons

She asked countless times
To see his heart
So he gave it to her
And said ''Take a look for yourself
This is why I'm a mistake''

A waste of time and life
A waste of space and air
Is what he thinks of himself
A monster worst than any evil
That he created in the dark

She only told him
She loves him once before
He just wants to be hers
To be there even more
So she will never be alone

He thinks he's not good enough
That he can't make her happy
He's probably right
She never proved him wrong
And may never

He wants to kiss her
To love her
Go to sleep holding her
And wake up to her smile
Each and every day

He write poems for her
Thinking endlessly of her
But doesn't know where to start
When he's never felt like this before
Hoping she can help him

He wants to hear those words
Not I love you
But I want to give you a chance
He wants to ask for that chance
But too scared of the answer

He looks into the mirror
Ask the reflection some questions
Hoping for a better answer
Only getting what he wants
Not what he needs to hear

She loves him
He loves her
They want the same
But don't known where they stand
Still stuck in thier own fantasies

An unknown mans life
Is what he lives
No one knows who he is
What he stands for
Or where he came from

He's just a shadow
Like flames licking at your feet
Waiting to be heard and known
He's the poet born with rage
Letting his emotions be known

His work doesn't reach out
To every man, woman, or child
But to those who suffer
From countless days of pain
But he remains unknown

She encourages him on
She is his muse
The love he can't have
The Juliet to his Romeo
The only person keeping him sane

He stands on a cliff
Letting the ocean spray
kiss his face
As he listens to the calming winds
With her close to his heart
Thinking of his next poem

Condemned
To a life that wants to take me
To a heart chained and restrained
To emotions not shown or supported

Condemned
To love for you that kills me slowly
To darkness forever with no way out
To fears that no one can understand

I’m tired and sick
Of trying and failing
Thinking I had a reason to get back up
But look to see and its gone

Condemned
To people who believe in a god that doesn’t believe in me
To a world lost and forsaken
To anger, hatred, and pain towards the giver of my life

Condemned
To demons I created for myself
To be a nightmare the world created
To be an orphan of society

I hold you close
Your lips meeting mine
My body warming yours
Giving the moment a boost

Your skin smooth and soft
As my hands
Reach every inch
Gripping you and pulling you closer

We make love under the stars
The moon whispering a song
Making the thrill even better
As your moans grow louder

You finally surrender
Knowing too well we want the same
My lips embracing every inch
Of beauty your body contains

Chills run down your spine
As i pull you even closer
Going deeper into the moment
As i whisper in your ear...I love you

Am I the Reason
she didn't find love
for anyone again
or cared enough
to even try

Am I the Reason
she tried to drown
all her sorrow
or hide her life
in blood stained white walls

Am I the Reason
she grew distsant
from all those around her
or faded into the background
of a fleeting memory

All I know
is that I'm the reason
for many of these things
I just wish I was
truly and deeply sorry

she made her choices
I was only an excuse
for her to do it
because there was
no one else to blame

her blood stains my hands
her fear I controlled
her death was my fault
and realization that
I will never see her smile again
makes me feel even more pain

am i the reason
she haunts
my very dreams
or still yearns
for peace to come

i guess that
i am the reason
i should be dead
i can't say i'm sorry
i have no remorse

am i the reason
you never forgave me
for tearing your heart apart
or taking that last bit
of sanity you tried to perserve

my actions say i am
my soul says i am not
but yet you lurk
around every corner
partying with death
hoping and waiting to feast
in my list of sins

am i the reason
you were selfish
enough not to take me
or care enough
to say goodbye

am i the reason
your sorrow filled yells
remained unheard
or for wasting
time on such evil

am i the reason
you ignored
my warnings
or was it
your stupid heart

my heart says i am
but i can't believe it
you wrote your story
unfortunately you finished
a bit too early
are you the reason
for these tears

Am I the reason
For the pain
In her eyes
Or the scars
On her wrist

Am I the reason
She feels nothing
In her heart
Or the voices
Echoing in her head

Am I the reason
For the tears
Falling down her face
Or the hole
Growing larger in her chest

Am I the reason
For the 45
Stuffed in her mouth
Or the bullet
Taking her life

Am I the reason
She contemplated suicide
Every second
Or the mistake
That should have never happened

Am I the reason
She felt loathe
Towards life’s beauty
Or the inchoate feel
That made her die

it doesnt come frome
his ability to cry
his ability to sing
or his ability to act
even his ability to think

A Poets Fame
comes long after his death
when children can relate
or when women decide to rest
when men decide to weep

it doesnt come from
his ability to write
his ability to ryhme
or his ability to laugh
even his ability to hear

A Poets Fame
comes when the world sees fit
when life seems worthless
when death is at your door
or when emotions grow to heavy

A Poets Fame
is written in history
bound to the pages
and his lost sanity
furthers his legacy
that we try to follow

They call it evil
when i speak of morbid things
when i think sinister thoughts
when i feel lower than dirt

They call it evil
when i write my poems
when i become inraged
when i feel death lurking

I call it being myself
I dont care if you hate me
you can die choking on your blood
get hit by a bus

they call it evil
when i speak of demons
when i draw dark things
when i let my emotions be known

they call it evil
when the sun dont rise
when the moon is dark
when the world falls into peril

i call it being *******
you turn your backs on me
i dont care for humanity
they can die burning to ash

they call it evil
when i speak the truth
when thier lies are known
when i do something right

they call it evil
when i dont care
when i feel like my life is over
when i release my rage

you know what
you all can go get bent
i control my destiney
my life is my own

no leash or collar
no chains or cages
im free like the eastern winds
so good bye and farwell

they call it evil
when i tell you
forget me if you doubt me
someday i can say
i told you

It's hard to tell anymore
We have grown so close
Yet we are still so far from each other
And I’m starting to feel the effects

I just want to know where we stand
Friend or Lover
I guess we’re somewhere in the middle
We both want the same

We may never get the chance
I know you better than myself
You know me better than yourself
And this emotion is tearing me apart

I’m afraid I’ll never get the chance
To share this love for you, with you
I want to hold you closer
Embrace your silent tears

I want your burdens to be my own
So the weight isn’t so heavy
I’m here for you
Never far when you call

Are we Friends or Lovers
We are closer than friends
Yet we never made love
I’m in dire need of the answer

I cant escape the demons
I have created for myself
And you still stand at my side
Waiting to see the real me

I know that the end is coming
I know we will never be together
Yet I want you to know
It doesn’t matter because I love you

I am yours alone
Call for me and I’ll be there
I have tried so hard for you to realize
That I truly and deeply am in love with you

Friends or Lovers
I’ll know when the time is right
We just have to face the facts
We are neither

on her wrist they lie
even on her thighs
razorblade scars
the scars that i made

i suffocated her burdens
i drowned her screams
i relieved her pain
but the price was her heart

razorblade scars
now dress her dollish figure
threatening to extinguish
the embers of her life

i dried her tears
i conquered her fears
i sheltered her from the rain
but the price was her soul

razorblade scars
still bleeding her out
her viens will run cold
for all i did was hurt her more

i crushed her dreams
i obliterated her walls
i stitched her wounds
just to make more

razorblade scars
now dress her lifeless body
as two on her wrist
sill bleed out her sorrow

i would take it all back
i would give it all back
just to see her smile once more
but the razorblade scars keep that from me