We look deep into each others eyes
Glance at our souls
The self satisfying reason
We decide to live to see tomorrow
Yet as a tear escapes your eye
I know we are not forever
We will soon end
You can't face the fact that I love you
You think I deserve better
Well think again
I don't deserve anything but a bullet in my brain
Chasing out the thoughts that keep me awake at night
Laying in an empty bed
For countless hours
Wishing you were with me
Even if we are not forever
My love for you will be
And no one shall ******* love
No one shall know my love
My heart will petrify
Turn to stone
Till you learn that you are all I want
The only one I want and I don't care who knows
But you know this poem is for you
Because I talk to you everyday
I text you early in the morning
I love you with a heart broken
But still made of gold
Because this heart is in your hands
If I have to cut it from my chest
We are not forever
Because we will die
Its our love that will be forever

Tears flow like a river
Down the valley of wrinkles
On my face that flood
As I cry due to today's pain

Blood flows like a waterfall
Down the cliffs of rough skin
From the cut in my wrist
That I opened due to today's pain

How can I survive today
When tomorrow will soon
Become yesterday
When yesterday could of been
The day I found peace

Goodbye
I'm going to ******* die now
I slit my wrist
I'm not looking for attention
I'm not looking for help
I'm helping myself
By permanently solving
All these temporary problems
Seeing as how I am the problem apparently
So I'll say goodbye one last time
Lay my head to rest
And just slip away
Into my own oblivion

Writers block has struck once again, **** I hate this

See the peasants
As they weep at my feet
See the hearts
You led me to break
They all bow before me
Everything is dark and still
Tears fall even faster
Fears grow heavier
You see my love
I am no longer the man you fell for
But the demon you created
When you decided to curse my name
And walk out of my life
Leaving my very heart
Breaking and dragging behind you

How else did you think
That I wanted to end my life
Why did you think
I was so distant today

Look I have to go
I dont want to waste
Any more time
Like I have already

See if you ever wanted to know
Exactly how much
I truly loved you
Look in my wallet

You can see the drawing I did
Its a heart with wings
Three little roses
And your name in the middle

I wrote the deepest love poem
Directly under it
And I told you everything
That I ever wanted

See I was head over heels for you
Sadly it came to an end
And the scars I have from that day
Are proof of every mistake I made

I tried does that not deserve
Some kind of recognition
Does that not deserve an applause?
I gave you everything I could muster
Yet apparently I fell short
Because tears still roll down your face
Scars appear to dress your thighs
And hide underneath your clothes

I tried to make you happy
And that alone is an accomplishment
Considering that I have nothing to offer you
I am just as broken as you are
If not worse
I may not be the best looking guy
But I had what most did not
Knowledge as to how you felt

I have worn your shoes
I have slit my wrist
I have cried tears that no one could see
But I planned out my life
Just in case I go further in it
Because I never thought I would make it this far
And I know you had your doubts
But can I give it another shot

I learned how you operate
You didn’t come with instructions
But I was willing to stand back
And learn every curve
Every scar you had
Even hear your most suppressed screams
Due to the torture you put yourself through
Before, during, and after you closed your eyes

I tried to make you happy
I tried to ease your pain
But it was by your hand that guided me
It was I you were holding
As you plunged me into your flesh
But I also seen all the guys
You tried to make yourself happy off of
But it never worked


You cried tears I couldn’t wipe away
Because in human form
I was a nobody
To far from you
To tell you I loved you
To far to hold you and make you happy
But I am here now
And I’ll take on any form for you

Just put my other form down
For I have hurt you enough
And I promised never to do that
But I tried to just make you happy
Yet I failed at every attempt
Because I did not understand you then
But baby I am here
And I have learned

So give me one more chance
To make things right
To rewrite the way things have happened
Because every tear I wipe away
And every piece of your heart I glue back together
Will be worth it
Because instead of trying to make you happy
I will succeed in doing so

And if I get hurt in the process
I am not going anywhere
Because every cut every scratch
Every bruise or crack in my structure
Will be worth it
I am willing and ready to die
Fighting to make you happy
But it all starts when I find the courage to say “Hello”

Use It as a swords not a shield
Let your voice be the sword, Don't hide behind your past

This is not a speech
But somebody use
At least one line from this
To show that you can learn
From mistakes hidden within your past

See today I hear people
Blame their past for who they are
What they do
And how the react
To certain situations within todays society

We are young yes I know
But why hold on to the past
When the past can make you or break you
So stop using your past as a shield
And forge a sword with it

Move head first into battle
Because even today we still fight
We fight for our beliefs
We fight for our rights
But we hide behind our past

Scarred to cast the first stone
But maybe that first stone
Could make us free from the prejudiced people
From snide crude unfair remarks
Presented by the most insecure people

I have felt the pain
Of things that happened
Over a hundred years ago
When Europeans set foot on this grand soil
And brought forth diseases

I may be young
But I have witnessed the rise
Of a weak society
Because they hide behind their past
Using it like a shield

This sword I possess
Commands not a legion of men
But a million legions of dreams
That have become the pinnacle of war
And I shall cast the first stone
Because I will carry on what my forefathers started

I will be the echo to their voice
I will strike down unfair prejudice people
Not with violence
But standing here on the battlefield alone or not
And demand freedom
So join in hands with me
And write WE ARE FREE in the heavens
Letting it echo on the wind even after we die

I offer it to you
For it is all I have left
I know its a wasteland
But within your hands
It holds potential

I have brutally murdered
All those I loved within it
Sacrificed everything
Just to be with you
Hoping you would take it

So as I stand here
In the cold pouring rain
Offering this wretched wasteland to you
Will you honor me
And make it an angel kissed wasteland

Please I beg of you
I ask only this
I know you cry everyday
I know you feel pain
So allow me to take it away

Allow me to love you
The way you have deserved for so long
Allow me to love you
The way you have waited for
Just give me a chance

I know you are reading this
I don't plan on hurting you
But if it comes to bad times
I would rather have them with you
Than any other person

I love you so much
I hope you will consider
To make my barren wasteland of a heart
An angel kissed wasteland
So we both may find happiness in each other

Do you see her?
She's in the corner
Hiding in the shadows
Ashamed of the tears
That roll down her face
Scared of the blood
That flows from her wrist

Do you see him?
He's in the closet
Hiding from the demons
Ashamed of his fears
That show in his eyes
Scared of the blood
That flows from his wrist

Do you see them?
Their on the cliff holding hands
Hanging from a tree
Ashamed of the mistakes
That show on their wrist
Scared no more
Because they found love even in death

When you find love
What do you do with it?
When you find someone to love
How tight do you hold them?
When you find happiness
How do you know that's what it is?
When will I get the chance to at least try
To make you happy?
Because I know I love you
Unfortunately I cant hold you
But I promise one day soon
I will hold you
Love you the way you deserve
I hope your reading this
I hope you know you are the only one
That I want to hold my heart
I am yours
I hope you are all mine

Here I am
Living proof
That YOLO is a false statement
Because here I have lived
Over a million times
Walked in the shoes
Of a million people
And those who have seen the life
That is either as bad as mine
Or as good as mine
Have become the inspiration to every poem
I am not just your average poet
I am the voice of the speechless
The ears to the unheard
Why should the rejected be refused
We still bleed
Even if we bleed
Blood darkened with poison
You Only Live Once is a false statement
Because I have killed myself
Over a million times
Within the words
I have painted onto lines
I am an artist
Words that might be cold
Words that might be heavenly
But still words
Intended for an audience
That can comprehend their meaning
I have murdered millions of people
Within the words
Yet they still stand
They still try to tear me down
They still reject the refused
I ****, I commit suicide
Every time I close my eyes
So continue to use a statement
False in every way
You Only Live Once
You Die You **** Every Chance You Are Given

If I were to die tonight what would you regret not telling me?
Would you regret anything that you did or didn't do?
Would you cry for me?
Would you come to my grave
Sit there and just talk to me?
Would you leave a rose
At the foot of my headstone?
If I were to die tonight how much would you miss me?
Would you even miss me at all?
Would you think of me?
Would you dream of me?
I was there for you
When no one else was
Would I if it was you?
Call me cruel but No!!!

I close my eyes
Recollect on all my past relationships
I see all the pain
I see you in my arms
I know I have a deep love for you
Yet we are not together
I can kiss you
I can hold you
We love each other
In a way not many people would understand
But My Love I want you to know this
I wish you would of been my first
My first love
My first time
My first relationship
My first and last
Because with you
Everything feels so perfect

You see mom
Im not totally helpless
I have watched
For the last 16 years
How you have changed
How this family has changed
But what you dont see
Is that I bleed
That I cry inside
Thinking, hoping to escape
Escape the hell this home has come to be
Escape the constant reminder
We are not a family
You see mom
I have my talents
I have been observing everyone
Every little thing
Just to gain more knowledge
And I want you to see
I want you to know
Mom Im 17 now
Im not that little kid
Who called for you when dad wasnt home
When I had nightmares
Mom please realize this
I wish you would stop
Stop for a minute and look
Look and see the man I have become
Look at the man you helped raise
Sure Im not the greatest
But you were the inspiration
To make a better me
Mom let go
And let me wander off
See the world for what it is
Not the way you have described it
I know this world is hard
And that life will get harder
But how am I to face that challenge
When you are here
Holding me back
Holding me prisoner in a home
That has become almost unbearable
Mom I love you and dad
But face it
Ever since the others left
Got kicked out
They forgot me
They dont bother to call me
Just to say hi
Im not happy
And I know thats what you and pops what for me
But how can I obtain it
You see mom
Even at night
I hear you get up
I hear you at night
I know you have trouble sleeping
So do I
You think I dont know anything
That I dont know what goes on
But even when you hear the music blarring
I can still hear you and dad
Fighting over the little bit of money we have
Yeah I know this poem os a little personal
But hopefully you will wake up
Realize IM NOT A LITTLE KID ANYMORE
I have matured faster than any of the others
I know where Im going
Where it is I want to go
And thats all thanks to you
You were home when pops wasnt
You were there when I came home from school
Sure we have our differences
But thats because
Well its obvious
You dont let me do the things I want
The things that will better me
I want to make my own mistakes
Learn from them on my own
Im tired of observing
Im tired of learning from others
I want to lear on my own
Can you please find it within you
To give me a chance
Let me take a chance at falling
Picking myself up
And dusting myself off
I dont need you to clean my face
Every time I have a smudge on it
Im a young man now
17 not 4
Remember that please
I love you
Your the only mother I truly ever had
Thank you!
I do apprecate you for that

A hollow chest
A hollow mind
Where your name echoes
A hollow sense of being

In the end
I would rather
Face the world
Go out in a blaze of glory

Im not afraid to die
Im not afraid to say goodbye
To all those who helped
To make me hollow

A hollow chest
A hollow mind
Where your whispers shatter walls
Built so thick and tall

In the end
I will still be nothing
A nobody that barely survived
Forgotten so easily

Here in this world
Im not afraid to die
Im not afraid to say goodbye
To all of you and fade away

I look on a blank computer screen
Hoping I can write
Maybe two or three lines
Yet every word I type
Feels like a bullet to my chest
Like the whole you tore
Is growing larger

Why, how did I fall for you
I fell maybe way too deep
Yet we barely know each other
Your five star restruants
While Im garbage can dinners
And I see it in your eyes
You know I love you

I know you better than you think
I watched you break down and cry
I held you in arms so scarred
I held you in a heart so broken
Yet with teary eyes you looked up
Said you loved me
And left me in the rain

I never saw you again
I waited for you
At the very place I first saw you
Hoping to catch a glimpse of your beauty
Yet you never showed
Then it hits me
Your gone forever

You didnt move away
I would of seen the movers
Instead I remember seeing the ambulance
Six cop cars
Three fire trucks
And someone being rolled away on a stretcher
Arm dangling over the side

How could this be
Was I too poor for you
Was I not worth your happiness
Was I not worth the chance
I never got the chance to love you
And now I cant find the words to express it
To show the world how much I loved you

Be my gorgeous nightmare
Be the reason I stay awake
The reason I fear breathing
Be the existance in my heart
Just wait till i sleep
And haunt me there
Hunt me like Im your prey

Abuse me in my dreams
Be my goegeous nightmare
Be the reason I awake in terror
Hold me when I do
Dont reject me
Because I cant trust you
I do love you though

As time flies by
Like the shadows of the birds
You wonder where you will stand
Where you will lay
If tomorrow will come
Or has it already
Is tomorrow yesterday
Yesterday tomorrow
Today tomorrow or yesterday?
But this pain I hold in
Leaves me bound to the past
Left to wounds
That will never heal
Scars that still bleed
Tears that wont fall
Time just flies by
Way too fast
And I keep getting left behind
Even by those who say they love me
A forgotten friend
A fading lover
An inchoate son and brother
Time flies by
Way too fast
Because I can remember
Like it was yesterday
When I had the family, the friends, you at my side
Yet here it is
All ruined and gone
And I'm the only one that remembers
How things used to be
Because I'm forced to relive it
Every time I close my eyes
Time flies by
Way to fast
And fades the memeories
Just as quickly

Fresh cut
There it stands
Waiting for your name
After so many years
Of running from your fate
You finally collapsed
Under the tidal waves of depression
Loaded up your 45
Tied a noose just in case
And sharpened your blade as a last resort
Ran to the place we both found peace and solitude
The one place I now refuse to wander
To me its not a name carved in stone
It’s your name I am carving into this stone
This marble headstone
Where in a few hours your body will be placed
Six feet below the shadow of this headstone
As the sun finally sets
I stayed after the ceremony
I asked you if you remembered those days
When we were just little kids
We would walk to the beach early in the morning
Stay all day
Listen to the other kids play
Their parents yelling at them
To not play with the jellyfish
That washed up on the shore
Hours before we arrived
We would walk hand in hand up and down the beach
Letting the water lick at our feet
Sat together in a silent embrace
We would wait patiently for the sun to set the sky on fire
With colors of the rainbow
We would watch the gulls shadow cross our faces
Reach for each other’s hands
It wasn’t selfish to sit here alone
It was just we loved being close
Sharing a common passion
The sea would extinguish the sun
The sea would glow with a neon foamy green
And we would swear it was the most beautiful place
The most perfect memories
The greatest moments within our history
Now here I am
Tears rolling down both cheeks
As I carve this name into the headstone
But its not just any name
It’s your name I am carving here
Trying not to mess up
Because deep down
I never told you how I feel
I regret not asking you out to the movies
The Valentines Day ball
The Homecoming Dance
The Middle School Prom
All the opportunities and instead
You sat at home alone
Crying your eyes out
Wearing the dress your parents bought
For you every time there was a dance to go to
I regret all the small things
That led me to pass up
Spending time with you the way we used to
And that pain hits me harder
With every time I carve a letter of your name
Into this ice cold marble headstone
I should have been there for you
The way that I promised you
I told you I would always be there for you
But I regrettably failed to keep that promise
And look at where it landed the both of us
Your dead and six feet below where I now stand
I am here standing looking at your name
The fresh name carved in stone
I am sorry
I still have all those secret Santa presents
And anonymous Valentines cards
The very ones we both knew where from you
Because you would blush
Every time I talked about them
You would try to hide your smile from me
And I thought it was the cutest thing ever
Because deep down I really do love you
And this pain I have from all the regret
Unfortunately gets passed to all the girls
I will use to cope with the pain
Your suicide has brought me
And I know it wasn’t selfish
You wanted to prove a point
And I hope these tears that refuse to stop flowing
Are evidence enough that your point is very clear
I Miss You!
I am sorry for all of this
But sadly the one thing that haunts me the most right now
Is seeing your name carved in stone
A name that I carved
Into ice cold unforgiving marble

I live my life in misery
I'd sacrifice this world to hold you
No breath left inside of me
Even as you walk away
I sulk in pools
Of my distress

I live my life in misery
I'd sacrifice this world to kiss you
No breath left inside me
So tell me what I have to do
Just for you
To be mine once more

I don't want to live
If I cant awake in your arms
Or tell you I love you
I just can't see myself
Without you in the picture
Because you were the best thing I ever had

I don't want to breathe
If I can't breathe the same air as you
Or take your breath away
I just won't be the same
Without seeing the look in your eyes
Everytime I walked into the room

Please don't leave me yet
Don't move on
Atleast not until I have said goodbye
And thats the hardest thing I can do
I don't want to let you
I'm still in love with you

I have failed in the past
I have pushed you away
I hurt you
When I said I never would
Sorry just doesnt cut it anymore
And I can't live with this pain I have caused

I live my life in misery
I'd sacrifice this world to hold you
No breath left inside of me
Ever since the day I failed you
Told you I was the man you wanted
But I was too broken

Can you forgive me for the pain
Will you take me back
Im sorry
Here is my heart
All the ****** and rusty pieces
Just please dont let me go

I lost you already
I know that
But can't you just speak to me
I never see you smile anymore
I never hear your voice anymore
Is this punishment

I live my life in misery
I'd sacrifice this world to hold you
No breath left inside of me
But I know I dont deserve it anyways
I just want to give us
Atleast one more chance

As I sit on the beach
To watch the sun set
I think to myself
How is it that I loved
Yet was never loved

Fear has struck me cold
Like a chilling wind
It will blow over
Lost to the shadows
Never to be loved again

By as much beauty
As yourself
Has used it for evil
Poisoning heart
As you walk that war filled path

I have no good memories
I only have this Titleless poem
To remind myself to
Never love unless loved by first

I stand here in the cold
Over your grave
With a dozen roses
Today is your birthday
The saddest day of them all
Because two years ago
You called me
You were crying
Saying you couldnt handle it
Your boyfriend left you
Told you how worthless you were
Saying you were just a game
You said you loved him
You couldnt believe he said that
You said you were going to end it
I started to cry
You were the only person
That knew my life
Knew my soul
You just didnt see the truth
That I really love you
You were always blind when it came to love
It was your 15 birthday
You grabbed the gun
And I heard you blow your brains
All over the walls
I called your name
You didnt answer
I rushed to your house
Had to break the window
I skipped every other step
Broke your door down
And there you were
Laying on your bed
Blood covered blankets
Gun still in your hand
Hole in your head
I broke down and cried
Cops arrived
They asked me what happened
I told them everything
I saw the note on your night stand
I picked it up
It was folded nice and neatly
I opened it and it smelled like you
I read it
It said you love me
That you were sorry
You signed it with a kiss
Now here over your grave
I hold that note in my free hand
It still smells like you
Your lipstick has faded
But I read it every night
I remember that day
I have the same gun
That you killed yourself with
And now I realize life really aint worth living
If I cant talk to you and tell you of the day
So here on your birthday
Over your grave
I end my life
Hoping to see you one last time
Over on the other side

With a soft dancing flame
You slowly melt away
You provide me light
When the lights are out
Within the dark hallways
You guide me
Candles
Such a beautiful aroma you let off
With a simple slight gust
Your flickering heart goes out
Awaiting your next and new spark
Together again you will be

I hear your voice
I see you everywhere
I taste your lips
I feel your touch
I smell your perfume
Yet you are nowhere near
You left your mark on me
Im branded
Yours for all eternity
Yet you are not mine
What have you done to me
How can I taste, hear, smell, feel, see you
When your so many miles away
I love you
And whatever it is you did to me
Because it made me a better man

I vacation in the deepest pits of hell
I swim in lakes of flames
And **** the innocence
From the weak
Yo soy el diablo

Fear me you pathetic *****
Bow before my Almightiness
Choke on the tip of my trident
**** on the fruits of my manhood
Yo soy el diablo

You thought you could break me
But that was a test
To see if your soul would be worth feasting on
I broke you and made you nothing
Yo soy el diablo

Lick the tip of poverty
Swallow the come of humility
Learn your place
Beneath the power of this almighty Demon
Yo soy el diablo

YO SOY EL DIABLO
I am the Devil
Fear me
Learn you cant control me
Learn your soul is forever mine
I own you and you do as I say

I stay up late at night
Wishing I could cry for you
Wishing I could cry because of you
But all I cry is hollow tears

You ruined me twice in one month
Should of never gave you that second chance
Should of said I didnt want you back
Yet my heart bled for you

My heart cried the ****** tears
You apparently wanted
While my eyes cried nothing but hollow tears
I hope your ******* happy now

Cry yourself to sleep
Because you hurt me
You ruined a great relationship...twice
And yet I still feel like ****

I cant forgive you
I cant forget you
Even when my eyes start burning
From the endless hollow tears
That just refuse to bleed from my heart

I held you close every night
Tried pulling you closer
But I could never
Get close enough to you

I kissed you
And kissed you some more
I whispered in your ear
Everything I wanted to tell you

I dont deserve you
I know I dont
I never did anything
To deserve something as extraordinary as you

I love you
I dont know why
I just do
And it feels right

Because when Im with you
I finally achieve happiness
I feel safe and at home
I know this is love

Still I dont deserve this
But I want to be loved
And have these feelings
So Im going to hold on

You have the gun
To my temple
So pull the trigger
Im tired of living

You need help
Committing ******
Then why the hell
Did you contemplate it

You cant do it
Im part of you
Im the reason
You breathe and cry

Im your darkness
Im your happiness
Im everything to you
And you cant pull the trigger

Well Im tired of it
Im your disease
Ill help you pull it
So you can truly be happy

Pull the trigger
Please do it
For yourself
For me

I married the darkness
And now Im drowning you
With it everyday
Your suffocating under me

Like I said before
I love you
And your happiness means more
Then living in darkness

You cant pull me out
Im in too deep
So pull the trigger
And free us both

If you truly love me as well
Pull the trigger
Turn away and shut your eyes
I love...

Thought I could find
What all those preachers talked about
Within your smile, laugh, and heart
Yet I found pain
I found a even more damaged heart
That now resides within me

How did my search for love
Turn into the discovery of more pain
Did I not love you enough
Too little
Why did I even begin this journey
When I am dying every step

No heaven in this hell
When heaven and hell
Are of one mind and body
You
And I fell for your tricks
Like a ******* I am

No heaven for weak men
No heaven for damaged men
No heaven for me
Just a lonely hell
Where the devil himself
Never travels

When words in a poem
Dont make sense
We rephrase it
We change the course of history
In just one simple line
That proves to be the most powerful
From crimson tears
We find a way
To turn our fears
Into ruby red roses
Life is such an evil thing
We live on the edge of insanity
We reach out for help
Grasp a poem
Written by someone you dont even know
Never even heard of him
But you read it
You read it again
And find the hope and help
You have been crying ages for
When we find this new hope
We say **** faith
We say **** destiny
We simply evolve

Its my fault aint it?
I did something
And it changed us
I just dont know what

Something happened between us
Because we used to talk
All day and well into the late hours
We used to kiss and hug

But now it just seems
Like everything has changed
And its my fault
Please tell me what I did

How did we go
From a great couple
And amazing friends
To barely anything now

Something happened between us
Please tell me what it is
Because not talking to you
Is ******* killing me!!

I painted the walls
The sky
The tiles on the floor
A sick, twisted blood red
As you walked out the door

Am I to blame
For what you have done to me
So I guess Ill now go to bed
But did you have to say I was nothing to you?
Thats why I painted everything red

I painted a masterpiece
Want to know how its so pretty?
Because I painted it with you
You ****** me off so I drained you dry
Now I have nothing else to do

I fell for you
You broke my heart
And left me on a new year
I thought you loved me
But barely gave us a chance

Hell I got hurt in the end
And now its a little hard to trust you
I mean what if
One day you wake and do the same thing
I gave you another chance
But again I get hurt
I dont want that

I want to be with you
But now Im scared to do that
Its all based on what ifs right now
I do love you
I do want to be with you
But can I trust you not to hurt me again

You say you messed up
You threw away something good
Yet I hear this from your friends
Not you
How am I suppose to believe it
When you cant tell it to me
And give me that kind of respect

I thought I could be safe with you
Happy and everything would be fine
But I let my guard down
And I paid the price for it
So what the hell should I do
I LOVE YOU
But Im too scared to do it again

Oh what the hell
Will you go out with me again
And Ill trust you one more time
Dont make me regret it
Because I dont think I could handle it again

When I go to sleep
Holding you in my arms
Kissing you
Dreaming of you

Waking up to your smile
Kissing you
Telling you good morning
I just want to lay here with you

Days I dont want to get out of bed
Because your in my arms
Laying with me
And we are safe and at peace

I love you baby
I dont ever want to get out of bed
Being with you
Is today and tomorrows excitement

I dont wanna wake up
If your not in my arms
I dont want to sleep
If I cant dream of you

Your the world to me
And I dont wanna let you go
So please dont leave
Dont ever leave this bed

Stay with me
Till we are old and crippled
Times like this with you
I dont want to get out of bed

You may have read
All my past work
You may have liked it
You may have hated it

Yet you  find yourself
Wanting to read it again
Because you felt the pain
I try to express

You yearn to know
If your alone or not
Well read this next line carefully
Your never alone as long as I breathe

You search my name
There in the corner
You click on all my work
And read it all day

Well I thank you for it
I know loneliness is a *****
You may think your the "you"
In all my poems

Well maybe you are
I dont need to know you
But you are my muse
And again thank you

This poem doesnt need a title
You are the poem yourself
You're the beauty in this world
You are the world to me

Im the *******
Dogs of war
Im the hellhounds
Howling at the moon
Hear my call tonight

I stare up
Into the darkened sky
Gazing at the stars
But here I stand
Hell bent on your destruction

Burning my victims
Till I reach you
I want you dead
I use the stars to find you
Your dying by my hands

Someday Ill have your heart
Bleeding at my feet
The same way
You left mine
THIS IS WHAT YOU CREATED

Im a hell bent warrior
Gazing upon the stars
To give me guidance
To find you
And leave you broken

How will you react
When you see this ghostly face
How fast will get to your knees
And beg me for forgiveness
Like I have mercy to show

You stripped me down
To absolutely nothing
Taking everything
When I barely had anything
So Ill have you begging and bleeding

Im a hell bent warrior
Gazing upon the stars
Looking for a shortcut
To your heart
I cant wait anymore

I want your death
I want you to feel
The very pain I have felt
I want you to bleed
I ******* hate you

I want you at my feet
I want you limp and lifeless
I want your soul
I want you to die
By my hands

Not a single thing
I dont know
Who I am
What I have become
What this thirst is for
Why I have a hunger for death
Maybe its an interest of mine
Something I shall study
But I dont know
I dont know a **** thing
Im lost at sea
Compass broken
No direction to go
Just floating here
Not knowing anything
I dont remember my name
I dont recognize the face in the mirror
Everything has changed so quick
Even my broken heart
Has become something of interest
To people who have never felt its pain
Even my eyes have changed
Into a sight that woman have melted from
I dont know
I just dont know anymore

So will anybody try to explain this **** to me?

You crucify me
For not believing
In a "God"
Yet when I ask
A number of  questions
You simply reply
Have faith in the Lord

Well preacher
There is no religion for me
I am an Athiest
I dont believe
In your petty
Incoherent false hopes
Of a being who can forgive

No religion for me
Ill scream it all around
******* and your beliefs
I have mine
And Im content
So ******* and stop trying
To make me believe in a "God"

The doctors tried their best
They said I did everything I could
But I still
Feel like I failed
And I wish you were still here

You would of comforted me
You would of answered
My jumbled up questions
But the one stll unanswered
Am I the villian

I get looks from everybody
Your parents wont talk to me
I feel like a man being crucified
For not being able to save you
Im getting shuned by society

Am I the villian
Because it feels like I am
What was so wrong
In trying to save you
Was it the fact that I failed

I cant apologize
No one will listen
I love you
Please come back to me
Even if that means haunting my dreams

I want to see your smile
Hear your angelic voice
Feel your hands on my face
And taste your lips again
I know its too late for all of that

Am I the villain
In this fairytale
I feel like I am
Somebody tell me Im not
And let me be with her once more

I ran to your aid
When you called me late that night
I broke several laws on the way
Because I heard your screams
Before you even screamed

Am I the villian now
Because I wasnt fast enough
Am I as I opened the door
To your bedroom
And didnt flinch at the sight

There you were
Wrist cut open
Eyes rolling back
With your breath escaping
I tried to help

Am I the villian
Did I try hard enough
I loved you
You just walked out on it
And bled out for your mistake

Am I the villian
For telling you I loved you
For trying to make things work
I did my best right
So where did it go wrong

A whole is ripped in the sky
The earth begins to tremble
Silence is heard all around
Nothing moves
My own heartbeat echoes
For miles and miles
People dressed in white linen
Garments that of the greeks
Walk forward into view
On the edge of the whole
I feel something scratch at my feet
I look down and see
Corpses ****** and partially dismantled
A screech comes from them
But thier mouths never open
I look around
To see if thier is anyone else
But only a dark figure
No shape
Just there
Thin but noticeable
Then within a heartbeat
The world goes black
I feel like Im falling
I awake to a bed
Covers thrown every which way
Drenched in sweat
Breathing so heavy
Heart racing
Hoping the last words
I heard before I awoke
Were never going to come true
But I know
Part of it has come true
Because I have murdered
The hearts of those
Willing to love me
When loving me
Is **** near impoosible

Ctrl+
The first button
The start of total annihalation
The beginning
Of the deleting process
Shutting down my body
Sealing up my heart
This game of love ends

Alt+
The second button
Is anyone going to stop me
Im so confused
So conflicted
Yet I could end it all
With the simply pressing
Of this next button

Delete
Its done
The end of my poetry
The end of my life
Nothing left to use
As a coping mechanism
What have I done again
I failed didnt I?

Ctrl+Alt+Delete
The three stage process
That prevented the world
From knowing me
Oh well
I wasnt good at anything was I
**** it, call it selfish
Im pressing the "OK" button

The scars from decades
Of battling depression
Wars with myself
For the littlest things
But this New Year
I still haven't found
Anything to believe in
There is no hope for me
For there are no more
Words left to say
This book of life
I have been writing
Finally ends
2013
Almost 17 years
And it finally ends
Did I make myself
Suffer this long
Or was it
The constant knowledge
Of a mother
Who abandoned me so young
The constant reminder
From a father
Only home for the weekends
The constant memory
Of a love
That would of never worked
The constant flashbacks
Of times that never happened
Im sick of the constant "what if's"
Im ready to let go
But not the way
So many people want
2013
And its finally over
This story has an ending
Sure it might not be happy
But its an ending
Good enough for me

My life I would trade for yours
A million times over
Till the day the world ended
Even then I would try
To keep you alive
Because your a gift to me
One I never quite deserved
Rachel
I LOVE YOU
I would take a billion
If not trillions of nuclear warheads for you
I dont think anyone
Can quite comprehend
How much it is that I love you
But you are my reason
The only reason
That I shall die
If ever the moment comes

I dont know
Never really did
The pain, the stress
The hunger for the truth
Blinded me from knowing
Whats wrong with me

I say I hate
I say Im angry
But thats my escape route
To keep me from realizing
That deep down inside
Im really hurt

Could this be
Whats wrong with me
Could it be
That im not looking hard enough
Not truly searching for
What all could be my problems

Like a pillars foundation
I have flaws
Some easily fixed
Others more complicated
But I still dont know
Whats wrong with me

Could it be
That I was never loved
By the one person
Who gave me my breath
Or cared enough
To say goodbye when she left

Whats wrong with me
I cant love
Without questioning it
But when Im with you
I still doubt it
But not so much

When I say those words
It pains me
Because I never felt this way
And Im scared
That I wont be able
To protect you from even more pain

Whats wrong with me
All I do is push and push
Never letting people close
Ending up alone
Without anyone to turn to
Yet I still manage to live

Every second is unknown
Every breath is questionable
Yet I still dont know
Whats wrong with me
That even your smile
Still makes me feel even more alone

I know that maybe knowing
Whats wrong with me
Is far from my reach
But I will know in the end
Since I have more time
I will spend it knowing I will succeed

Look me in the eye
Tell me you love me
Tell me you will help me
To discover exactly
Whats wrong with me
Tell me I'll never be alone

My mother abandoned me
She was the first
Just not the last
So dont abandon me
When I need you even more
At this time of despair

I've been hurt by those
Who were suppose to love me
And those I thought I loved
But the emotions are real with you
So please don hurt me now
Hurt me when I've learned more

I know I may say
"I'll never hurt you"
But I know that at times
We hurt those we dont want to
So until I've learned
Whats wrong with me, support me

Hold me close to your eart
Build me up when I fold
Dry my tears when they come
I only have this one life
And half of it will be spent
Figuring out whats wrong with me

So maybe if the truth
To all her lies
Comes and meets my ears
Maybe then I can know
Whats wrong with me
And hopefully you'll be at my side

**** it I love you
Maybe I really dont care
Whats wrong with me
As long as I have you
It doesnt matter
The past is the past I have to let it go

But the pain will remain
The anger and the hatred toward her
It's who I am
I just cant let it ruin me
Or determine my future
The future I wish for you to be apart of

Maybe I've known
Whats wrong with me
I just never accepted it
So the truth
To whats wrong with me
Is that I bottle my emotions

No that cant be right
Maybe there is more than one thing
That is wrong with me
So I wont rest till I know
Every inch of my heart
And why is it that Im confused

Syptoms to my disorder
Confusion, extreme anger, pure hatred,
Boredom, tiredness, and love for you
So I got a broken heart
And you fixed some of it
But it dont tell me nything

Another day, another month
Maybe even another year
And I still wont know
Whats wrong with me
So in the end
I might as well give up on knowing

The truth to who I am
What I am
Why I am the way I am
Why I think morbid things
Will never truly ne mine
So Im just another John Doe

Whats wrong with me
I've never been optimistic
I can barely love you
Without thinking
Your going to wake up
And realize you deserve better

I wait and wait
Phone tight in my hand
Never far just in case
I texted you yesterday
Still I'm waiting
Yet no reply

I called you twice
To see if your alright
To see if I did something
Yet it rang and rang
Voicemail not set up
Still...no reply

Is it me
What did I do
What didn't I do
Is it over between us
Did something happen to you
Are you in trouble

What the hell is going on
No reply
Nothing and Im getting worried
But even more depressed
Because I'm in love
And I'm missing your voice and your reply

Gasping for breath
After the love we expressed
You say you love me
On every breath
I pull you closer
Wrapping you in my arms
You lay your head on my chest
We lay here in the dark
And before the night is over
Before you fell asleep
I kissed you
Whispering "Its just a dream my love"
You drift away
Then realize it was
Or is this the dream
Instead of waking to my arms
You wake to an empty bed
Is this the dream
Have you fallen to deep
To the point
You can't tell reality from a fantasy
Just know my love
If I can't be there in reality
I'll be there even closer in your dreams

Have you ever
Thought your life
Was like a Shakespeare tragedy
Or one epic fantasy

Like the love you have
And trust you gave
Was all for nothing
When it couldn't be given back

Like the voices you hear
Or all the fear
Push you closer to the edge
Making you wanna jump off the ledge

This life I live
Is another Shakespeare tragedy
One ****** fantasy
When I failed millions of times over

I fell so deep
Waited patiently for rock bottom
Overdosed on love
And tumbled down
Limp and lifeless

I wish it never happened
I wish I never met you
But thier wishes
I made on a shooting star
Wishes that will never come true

I tried to be a friend
I tried to push down
The raging torrent of passionate love
So it could work
But my attempts were futile

I wish it never happened
I truly do
But still I cant help but say
I love you
Even as this love I want dead

You can cry waterfalls
But I will wish
And wish
Upon every falling star
That it never happened

You broke me
When others could not
I wanted nothing from you
But a love I knew was true
And someone who understood me