The title says it all
I miss you
Nothing else to really say
But I love you still

This eruption is devastating
Worst than I thought possible
The volcanic ash
Blocking the sun from view
The temperture just dropped 8 degrees
It feels like Krakatoa all over again
Different in the sense
That its not lava spewing from the walls
Its poetry
Its not Krakatoa
Its me that's erupting
I hate this burning sensation
Quite a shame really
Because I can't write everything down
As fast as it pours from me
It all becomes cold in the end anyway
Because I will be forgotten
Its Krakatoa all over again
Because I doubt you even know
What the hell I'm talking about
Or even understand the metaphor
That I am using
Its Krakatoa all over again
Soon you will find
Parts of me in countries
Such as Australia
And off the coast of Islands
Such as Easter Islands or The Canary Islands
Krakatoa all over but this volcano
Is erupting with something
Less devastating than lava
And words that can't reach far enough

Its remarkable to see
What you have become
To finally see you smiling
I never thought I would see this happening
I guess I really was bad for you
You found love
Even after I almost killed you
Congratulations my dear
I wish you luck
In all of your future endeavors

Life seemed good
Sitting on the beach
Watching the Sun
Commit suicide
By plummeting deep
Into the waves
Tempting Night
To replace its beauty

I remain on the beach
Look at my watch
It's now 10:30
My mom probably read my note
I haven't heard the sirens
So she must not care
I mean hell
When does my broken family ever care

When they are too busy at work
When they yell at me
For not washing a **** spoon
Or take the credit for my accomplishments
When do I get to be happy
When do I get to stop cutting
Or contemplating what I plan on doing tonight
At this peaceful, calm beach

I'm broken
My reflection in the mirror
Can see all my cracks
And missing pieces
So why can't the rest of the world
Is it the mask I'm tired of wearing
Or the role I play as some happy kid

**** I wish there was somebody
Somebody with me
On this peaceful, calm beach
To glue the pieces missing for so long
Back into place
Hold my hand and tell me
That they ******* care
But it wont happen because I came alone

Brought with me a 45
Two bullets just in case
4 bottles of whiskey
And a knife to help speed things up
Because here on this beach
So dark, peaceful, calm, and lonely
I plan to end it
With happiness obtained with my last breath

See when you come from
A ******* broken home
You don't care for life
You don't care fro anything
And everything is a permanent problem
Even you living under there house
And eating so little or too much
Because their the reason for all the depression

You try your best
To please everyone around you
Hoping your happiness
Will make it easier for you
But instead you give them a reason
Just to push you around even more
So you take that little blade
And slide it across your wrist

You bleed your pain out
Your tired of the cruel words
The even crueler people
Who don't give two ***** about you
So do what I'm doing tonight
Go to the most beautiful place
You have ever been
And take your life away

I know I corrupt everything with my darkness
I corrupt the beauty within life
I'm broken
I break everything I touch
So tonight here on this beach
I take my last breath
And slowly begin
To make this place my grave

Broken, Broken, Broken
Everything around me so badly broken
The still water
Can't even capture my reflection
Because parts of me
Drop endlessly into it
From the places I tried
To patch and keep in place

So **** this life
**** the next one
I just wanted to be happy
So as I finish off the third bottle
I'll tear into my wrist
With the freshly sharpened blade
Load the 45 preparing for the end
Because it's only 11:12

By the end of the night
My wrist will stop bleeding
My blood will mix
With the salty sand and water
Making me one with this beach
Because I don't care for life
Here on this land
The Sea has always been my home

See a broken feeling
Not only comes from a broken home
It comes from
The many woman
You offer your heart too
Hoping it's an elegant enough gift
So you can at least
Be given a chance

But as the numbers rack up
The cracks get deeper
And start connecting
Pieces start falling
And that heart
You once had
Becomes almost nothing
Then nothing at all

See I'm even more broken
Because of her
She said she loved me
She got my hopes up
I thought she was perfect
And maybe that's where it went wrong
I put her on a pedal-stool
But I tried to just make her happy

I didn't need big words
Like a dictionary
Or deep lines
Like an old woman's wrinkles
To tell her or show her
That I ******* loved her
That I was loyal to her
But she broke a broken man even further

Maybe I wasn't enough
Maybe I'll never be enough
So **** it
I'm 5 o'clock drunk at 11:51
It's almost time for me to go
So I'll write another suicide note
Further up the shore
So the tide doesn't wash it away

So how should I write this
Like a regular note
Or make it like a business letter
I guess it doesn't matter
I'm leaving this place
Because I'm tired of being used
And tired of being broken
I already know you're not going to miss me

So maybe one last swig
One more cut
Just to bleed a little faster
It's 11:59 at night
Almost 12 like I wanted
The moon is high
And so is the tide
So I guess it's time to say goodbye

I took too much time
Wasted enough of it
All for what
A bullet to the brain
Yeah I guess I have
******* world
Hope you read and remember my poetry
Learn the kind of guy I wa.....

The past was brutal
Failed relationships countless times
Failed attempts at ending my life
Mother who abandoned me
I mean who the hell does that ****
She wasn't meant to be a mother

The present is just as worst
Distant relationships with the closest of family
Resentment for everybody who ever told me ******* cliches
Maturing too fast that it's unpleasant and unbearable
No one can understand me anymore
The sad part is that a future is almost unlikely

The future still unclear
I don't think I can salvage one
But I made the plans to go far
And I will take each step with a delicate caution
Till that one step that sends me to oblivion
Everything is just a blur

The past, the present, the future
What each and any holds for me
Is still quite unknown
And there is nobody to guide me anymore
Its all my fault because I pushed them all away
So whatever may happens I deserve it
Even if that may be more misery or death

It's on a level
Not easily comprehended
Perhaps it's the conflict between my heart and mind
Each wanting something
My body cannot handle
The reason to my affliction
There really is no definitive answer
Its just something I struggle with
Something I am forced to deal with
And unfortunately it might **** me
If I cannot resolve it soon

You died even before the words
Reached the tip of my tongue
And now you're gone
I can't hold you at night
I can't whisper poetic words
In your ears as we lay together
I can't kiss you
Your lips cold and discolored
I can't touch you
Your body boney and fragile
I never got the chance to say goodbye
Because you ruined us as a couple
Left before I could comprehend
What was happening before me
What was unfolding
There would no longer be an us
You acted on impulse
You thought he loved you
You crawled back to me
I just turned my back
Because you hurt me
In a way no one has before
I never got the chance to say goodbye
So I'm taking this opportunity to say it now
Goodbye

This roof I live under
I'm suppose to call it home
But when the walls are talking to you
Calling you names
Try to crush you
As they cave in around you
Claustrophobia starts setting in
Home is never home
Because I don't want to be here
I want to be as far away as possible
I want a place I feel safe
Not from the walls
But the voices in my head
I want a place of sanctuary
Arms welcoming me
Comforting me as I break down
I want a home not a house
I don't want to be forced in making a place
Something it is not
Home is always too far away
For me to grasp
And I want to be wherever
I can call a place a home
Not a vacant house
Filled with disfigured shadows
And talking walls
Crumbling with the slightest touch
I want a bed
I am able to rest my head
And not worry about nightmares
I just want a home
Is that too much to ask for
Home is never "home"
Simply because wherever I go
My ******* problems will follow
Haunting and condemning my "home" once again
Making it impossible to find it
I'll just be homeless emotionally and mentally
Till I can build the perfect home for myself

This poem could well be my last
I don’t care what score you give me
Whether it be a 10.5 or 11
It doesn’t matter to me
The reason for this poem
Is simply to get everything off my chest
To let the world
To let everyone within this room
Know exactly who I am as a person
To know me as the poet who almost never was
This is basically my life story
So please bear with me
It started February 10, 1996
I was born unfortunately
At 9 months old
I was taken from my mother and father
Placed in a foster home for 6 months
The foster parents couldn’t handle me
At 13 months old when I was returned
My mother soon abandoned me
The reason being drugs and alcohol
She never even looked back
She was offered help on several occasions
Sadly she refused
I lived a quiet life
Lived in California for the first 8 years
My father and the woman I believed to be my mother
Broke the news to me and told me this story
Since then I became the resentful
***** the world
Hate life and love all together
Person you see today
I spiraled down into the darkest parts of hell
Nothing amused me
I started using *** as a coping mechanism
At the age of 12
I than was introduced to drugs
Smoked *** and it numbed me
Started sneaking alcohol from my parents
And every relationship I had
I either failed or pushed them away
I keep searching for something
That no female can give me
And it’s a love not offered by anyone
Not even that god you so hopelessly worship
I don’t condemn it
I just don’t see the relevancy in it
Every year I become darker
My poetry a reflection of it
I have abandonment issues
As well as trust issues
My heart sealed away
Locked in sheets of metal
Covered in chains and barbed wire
I have really only loved two people
Both of who have abandoned me
Both of which I seem to torture myself
With the memories of them I have
I cant seem to do anything right
My parents cursing me and calling me names
Most likely the reason to my self-esteem issues
I have attempted suicide three times
One being when I tried to shoot myself
But I didn’t know it didn’t work properly
Two being when I tried hanging myself
But the tree branch broke
Three being when I tried overdosing
But my best friend rushed me to the hospital
Luckily the doctor was a friend
He didn’t tell my parents
Because I begged him not to
Since those failed attempts
I have killed myself in over a million fashions
The top ways being shot or strangulation
I will not continue this any further
For fear of being reported to a psychologist
But I will say this
Through all this Bs
I will stand strong
Continue to **** myself within my work
And if none of you like it
Get lost by all means
It’s to express me as a person
And also that no matter what
I will go down as a god

Call it what you want
I call it relief
I call it easing my pain
I call it ending my sorrow
You call it ******
When its actually called suicide
But its a last resort
To someone who has been through hell
Who can't cope with any of it
So call it ******
I'll call it a path to peace

Please you're killing me
With velvet lips
Of pure ecstasy
Just release me
From your silken smooth skin
That has become my prison
I can't take it anymore
Tell me goodbye
Let me go
I loved you enough to stay
But I'd hate to hurt you
So please I'm begging you
Tell me goodbye
Don't kiss me goodnight
Just let me go
I loved you once
Now love me
And say goodbye
I am a virus
I complex disease
With no cure
I am a cancer to your heart
So tell me goodbye
End this for me
Please I'm begging you

You WantedRage

Here you go
I am ******* ******
I hate you
I hope you rot in the spoils of man
I know your not going anywhere
You are ******* pathetic
You’re never going
To amount to anything
You’re weak and always crying
Nobody is going to give you attention
Nobody even likes you
You pathetic ****
Go curl up in a ditch
And ******* die already
You call yourself depressed
You say you want to **** yourself
Well ******* do it already
You wanted rage
I will gladly give it to you
I hope you choke on your blood
You wanted rage
So I hope my hand around your throat
Is giving you want you want
I never ******* loved you
I used you
I played you from the start
How could I ever love you
You were ******* ugly
I’m sorry
You are ******* ugly
You cry like a *****
When someone tells you
That you’re annoying
Well wake the **** up
Realize your not just annoying
Nobody likes you
So die
Jump off the cliff
Plummet to your demise
I will be sure
To **** and **** on your grave
I ***** in your coffin
Beat my meat into your eye socket
And I hope you never see that heaven
You falsely believe in
Your God doesn’t even like you
Your God doesn’t even exist
You wanted rage
Well happy merry ******* Christmas
This is your last one
No more birthdays
No more ******* anything
Just a dark oblivion
That is perfect for you
Because ***** you are repulsive
So I hope you’re happy now
Because you’re ******* dying
Pushed by what you wanted the most
Seeing my rage
Snapping my sanity
Well I hope this is demonic enough for you

Fighting my insanity, my pain,
My anger and hatred is really starting
To become a losing battle
Sadly I am becoming its prey
Hunted throughout the corridors of my brain
Stalked in my dreams
So how do you suppose I survive
When my whole existence
Is against me as a person
I can't find peace
Not even happiness
Because I fight myself on a daily basis
So maybe I should surrender
Give up and say goodbye
Hell nobody will care
I will just disappear
Be forgotten like usual
And slip into the background
Of the fleeting memory
That is my life
Hide in the shadows
Of a broken heart
Never to be mended
Because it became the footstool
For so many other hearts
Well no more
Because I'm saying *******
And use someone else
I have a war to fight

Reaching for a soul
That does not exist
Cold bony fingertips
Grasping my throat
Squeezing with so much might
Not expected from a bony mass
Covered in tattered robes
Of dark silken fibers
A scythe held tight in her right hand
Her left hand still at my neck
Quick to strangle me
Like the nuse in my garage
The hands of death
I clasp with my hand
Hold it tightly
Her blank cold stare
Showing a sense of wonder
As I tell her I love her
She releases me
My throat sore
But the pain is masked
I reach for the hands of death
Look into the eyes
Of a thousand souls
I see my own
As I pull her close to me
I want to forever walk beside her
I have never been wanted
The way she wants me
The way she desires my heart and nonexistent soul
Hands of death
I called out to
Wrapped myself in
And peacefully walked beside her
Hand in hand
Till the death of death
Shall we ever consider parting

This long journey
Is well worth the trip
Because in the end
You finally find peace
You solve so many problems
That apparently you have become
The reason to them
You try to find
Things that will help you cope
With the struggles of today
With the pain of yesterday
With the fear of tomorrow
Not knowing what will happen
The path of suicide is long
Very painful indeed
But the reward of the knife
Pressed against your wrist
Cutting deep into the flesh
Bleeding the pain out
The feeling so welcoming
You do it again
This time deeper
Or the nuse around your neck
Slowly stripping your brain
Of the well needed element Oxygen
Darkness enclosing around you
Your life fading
The path of suicide is painful
But the alcohol and drugs
Make it so much less painful
The poetry helps
But still your problems grow
Till you finally decide
To walk the path
To watch the world destroy itself
By not allowing you
To be welcomed into its glory
So you walk
And walk some more
Endure more struggles
Till you secretly reach the end of it
The pain so great
The burdens even greater
The relief so quick
With the simple squeezing
Of an old dusty 45
Not used since the last kid walked this path
The choices to how you want to end it
All laid before you
Pick one and feel relief
End your sorrow
And deliver the awakening slap
Deliver the deafening and final scream
To release the built up emotions
Silenced with your choice of suicide
At the end of this path
The Path of Suicide

Can I not be free
From the shackles
That are my pain
Each link in the chain
A symbol to each sin

Can I not die
From the suicide
That is my poetry
Each line on the paper
A symbol to each scar

I want to be free
I want to die
I can't take it anymore
I have grown so weak
I have no strength to fight on
And don't you dare tell me
To have faith in God
Because all that ******* gave me
Along with all his false disciples
Was a finer from the heavens
With a royal *******
Whispered on the winds
I want to touch my darkness
Feel my oblivion enclosing
I want to ******* blood
Let the flavor linger on my tongue
I want to smell my decay
Sniffing the decadent aroma
I want to no longer hear my voice
Reply to those in my head
I want to see the world collapse
Watch as it falls into peace
But sadly some things are impossible to obtain
At least on your own
But one thing I can obtain
Is being free and dead
:) finally reaching peace (:

Mother why
Father why
Why do you turn your backs to me
Why can't you look me in the eyes
So much distance in this family
Mother, Father
Why have you abandoned me
Was I not a good enough son
Have I not tried hard enough
To show you I want to make you proud
This pressure is too much
Causing so much distance
All in an instance
You refuse to acknowledge my pain
You refuse to grasp the concept
That I am killing myself
That I am drowning in depression
And Mother, Father
I can't take it anymore
I am sorry
But this **** has to end
So much distance
All in an instance
So quick to deny me
The luxury of my youth
Have I not exceeded the others
I can't be the only one
To prove to you
You have not failed us
I can't take the yelling
I can't take the fighting
I can't take the constant cutting
I have scars from the years
Of trying to survive
But I am 17 now
And I am making this decision
To solve the problem
With a permanent solution
I have become so depressed
I have become so horse
From years of trying to make you hear me
I just want to be acknowledged as your son
Not your ******* slave
Mother, Father just shut the **** up
And listen to me for the first time
Go ahead and say your favorite line
"When are you going to listen to us?"
Maybe when you listen to me for a change
I am still ******* human
No matter how much I wish I wasn't
I feel dead inside because of you
So much distance
And it happened all in an instance
I can't take the separation anymore
Father, your always gone
You barely saw me grow up
Everything I learned as a man
Was by my own doing
Or by another man that took me under his wing
Mother, you always ***** at me
Even for the simplest things
I have watched as you changed
And you can't cope with the fact
That I hate you for it
That I have become a man
That I have decided to leave
So much distance
No one hears my calls for help
Even with a megaphone to my lips
Even with it posted all over the internet
I can't seem to find comfort
I have nothing left
All because you never gave me anything
Worth actually caring for
I didnt need the material things
I needed your love and compassion
Something neither could obviously give
And it caused so much distance
I have no relationship with either of you
So I bid you both farewell
I can't take this
I need a home
Not a place to sleep
I need a sanctuary
A place of peace and solace
Something you obviously cannot give
You both are unhappy
Causing me to be even more miserable
You cannot help me with my depression
You can't offer me anything but materials
And I don't want them
I want a Mother and Father
That can try to understand me
But I won't receive that in this life
So I am leaving
Due to so much distance
In this family
I hope you get to read this
Even if it is after
I scatter my brains all over the wall
Or get emancipated and move far away from you

I'm just like you
Take a look in the mirror
I have the same features as you
I have the same pain
If not more
Hell awaits my coming
But till then I shall feed Lady Death
With the souls of those I ****
But they don't have a soul
Because they are all me
I'm a serial killer poet
But its not anybody you know I ****
I **** the multiple personalities
To the sick and twisted side of my mind
Let me be the next victim please
I can't stand to live this way
I am awaiting the chair
Maybe lethal injection
Anything will be better than this
Constantly killing
I'm just the typical serial killer poet
I hunger for blood
Thirst for the scent of rotting flesh
I get off with my constant suicide
I envy the way I die
But sadly I cannot attain this gift
I'm a serial killer poet
But I **** myself within my poetry
Not people I don't know in life
So call me crazy
Throw me in an asylum
Lock me up and throw away the key
I will continue to be nothing more
Than a serial killer poet

I kneel before this paper
Make it my altar
Grasp the pen
That will be the blade
To pour the blood
Sealing my fate
As a poet

Helpless
Compelled to write
An addict to the pain
Addicted to the lines of ******* ink
Drunk off the emotions
Poured into the words
Like shot glasses

Helpless
Its a better feeling
When every line you write
Captures a person
While they don't realize
I really do want to end my life

Helpless
As I watch the story line unfold
The constant stabbing
The slitting of my wrist
The drug abuse
The drinking to numb the pain

Its me I am killing
Every poem
Yeah its me
I enjoy it
It brings satisfaction
Because I get to watch myself die

Helpless
Not anymore
Because I am tired of it
And really thinking of doing it
Just end all of this
I was just another poet
That didnt amount to anything
Just like the world thought I would

Its always "**** you"
Or "**** me"
My poetry *****
Really it does
I have no rational reason
To continue to write
What is the point of this anymore
I dont touch any lives
I barely can look at my work
I never reread it
Its all useless to me now
My poetry *****
Seriously
Who even takes the time to read
This pathetic *** **** anymore
I was just a trend
A disease to this site
***** it
My poetry *****
Maybe I should quit
I will never amount to anything
My words will take me nowhere
So yeah my poetry *****
I had my run
I had my time
To shine and bask in my misery
Oh well
Later my fellow poets

I look into the dark oblivion
That is my room
I stare blankly at the ceiling
The cold still darkness
Slowly becoming darker
I wait to dream
But I fear what it is
That I may dream of tonight
I begin to think
Of where my life has gone
Where it is that I stand
And I realize
I am standing in darkness
My evil pool of misery
My worst fears compiled and drowning me
Is it sad to be scared of my dreams
The dreams I dream are not dreams
They are nightmares
Simply put on steroids
And injected daily
Into the wasted remnants of my brain
Mutating into a monstrous demon
Vividly I watch as my limbs are torn from my body
My sanity has cursed me
With this image
In a flash
Quicker than lightning
The scenery changes
The world is dissolved
Eroding faster than nature intended
The sky opens up
Demons walk to the edge
I look down to where Hell once laid
And see the decaying and half-dead bodies
Of archangels and angels
Wings torn from their backs
And a sense of hope
Banished from my mind
I fear my soul is lost
I awaken in horror
Just as demonic eyes
Pear into my soul
Intentions for me clear as day
Is it sad to be afraid of my dreams
My dreams are inhuman
They are wretched wild things
No human shall endure
But maybe I am not human
Maybe I am a monster
A demon hidden under human flesh
Clawing at the surface
Begging to be free
Oh that would be a terrifying dream
To watch as my flesh
Ripped from inside
As scaly skin appears
With a burning amber color
Tampered with blood ruby eyes
Focused on engulfing the rest of the world
Infecting the planet
With more of its kind
Is it sad to be afraid of my dreams
If my dreams are real
With a slightly different wording
To exaggerate the fact
That killing me could end a lot of problems
Bringing a new sense of peace
With a demon gone
I am afraid of my dreams
Because I don’t have to be asleep
To have these dreams
Just looking at the window
Watching the world **** itself
This is a dream not so friendly
One you cannot awaken from
This sadly is our reality

It was your tears
That broke the chains
Rusted the bolts
That kept me bound to this misery
I envy the way you are free
I wish I could grasp
The reason why you hold on so tight
To my heart as you sleep

I drown myself
At the bottom of several bottles
Each with a different antidote
To keep the poisonous pain
That runs through my veins
Away from my eroded heart
Pausing the process of annihilation
To the remnants of its broken pieces

It was your kiss
That stopped my heart
Mended the cracks
That kept me from loving
I envy the way you are alive
I wish I could grasp
The reason why you hold tight
To my words as you read

I am not worthy of this
Do I make you happy?
Did I ever make you happy?
Then why, why did you leave?
Did you even love me?
Was I a game to you?
Why can’t I let you go?
Why can’t you let me go?

You say goodbye
We say farewell
Yet you can’t stay away
What do you see in me?
To weep tears of freedom for me
To kiss me with lips full of life
You were my everything
So what are we now

It was your glance
That stole my breath
Rendering me useless
I envy the way your eyes
Scream out for help
And radiate a vile sense of beauty
It’s everything about you
That makes me love you
Even when I shouldn't

You tore her away from me
You bound her to me bed
You ***** her
You took your knife
And stabbed her over 30 times
Before you slit her wrist
And watched her bleed out

You sick *******
One day I will have my revenge
I will show you what its like
I'm even more sick and twisted
I'll make you pay for this
She was everything to me
You ******* stole my life away

I spent the last 5 years
Looking no hunting you down
Now that I found you
I see you have three little kids
A wife so gorgeous
You love them all don't you
Now you get to watch them die

I'll start with the youngest child
He's what 1 year old
I'll cut his toes and fingers off
Then his knees and elbows
Shoulders and hips
Then slit his throat and cover you in his blood
And watch as he bleeds out

How about your daughter
She's three right
Well I'll cut out her eyes
Sow her mouth shut
Cut her open
And pull her insides out
You can see her pain

Where were you
Their father, their savior, and protector
Daddy couldn't save them
Well how do you think I felt
When you stole my life
She was everything
And I wasn't there to protect her

Now for your oldest
He's seven ain't he
I'll cut him up
Pull out his insides
Cover you in in his blood
As it pours out
All over the floor

Now for your wife
Your sweet tender wife
I have something special for her
Something that will make you remember
What it was exactly you did
5 years ago today
When you stole her away from me

I'll bound her to your bed
I'll **** her
Take my knife
And tab her over 30 times
Slit her wrist

How does it feel
To be dressed in the blood
Of all those closest to you
Now you know what I felt
Now you can beg for death
But I wont give it to you
I'll make you an amputee
So you can't **** yourself

I want you to live with this pain
5 years from today
Maybe then I'll come back
And rip your pathetic life away
But I guess I already did
So leave and suffer
Feel my pain

I'll be watching
Your death will be by my hands
And it wont be pleasant
Because by the time you leave
The bomb I placed in your chest
Will explode, leaving you nothing
But residue on the grass

I was wandering on the beach
Looked up to the sky
A shadow ran across the vivid oil painting
Of the great sunset
I bowed before this sight
Marveled at its glory
I saw god today
The worst part is
It was just a day dream
In the bathroom where I cut myself
And all I saw was the reflection in the mirror

Yeah I am a god
I can take life or give it
I can be a temple for your burdens
I don't ask for money in return
I just ask for you to be there
When you witness  a god break

Cold, still, and stale air
Nothing in sight
Eyes are wide open
Suffocating in this darkness
An oblivion worst than death
Its a darkness
Hidden within your soul
Its a black hole
In your chest
When the person you love
Walks out the door
And it plays out like a movie
Slow motioned anime
Everything doesnt feel real
The cold tears frozen in place
From the eternal darkness
That is our missing pulse

Please I’m begging you
Don’t leave me here
All alone in the dark
By myself
Left to stare into eyes
That reflects my life
That shows my scars
Please I’m begging you
Don’t trust me with myself
I can’t stand to be alone
Not when this monster stares back
Into vacant eyes
Left hollow and soulless
For the last 17 years
Every smile and laugh
Just a mask to disguise
The pain and sorrow
Every hug and compliment
Just a lie
So I could know what it was like
To be wanted by someone
Who didn’t even know me
Please I’m begging you
Don’t leave me alone
As I try to sleep
And dream dreams you want to be sweet
But can’t you see
I’m so scared
Because I know what lies behind these eyelids
Don’t leave me alone
Because it will surely bring about
My certain and inevitable demise
So I don’t have to look into the reflection
And see eyes that tell my life story
Scars that show my weakness
Tears that never fall
Fears that control everything I do
Pain that never goes away
Anger towards life and love
Hatred because I don’t deserve life or love
So don’t leave me alone
Not in this darkness
Leave the light on
Stay until I fall asleep
I don’t want this evil anymore
It ruined everything
So please don’t leave me
I wish I could dream those dreams
The sweetest dreams
That even you taste their sweetness
But they are so bitter
From the disgusting taste of my darkness
I’m afraid of it now
I wish you could help
But you won’t even look into my eyes
Can you see the pain
Can you see the sorrow
The fear that I know is evident
When I awake screaming every night
Please don’t leave me tonight
Promise me you won’t say goodbye
That you will hold my hand through the night
Please I’m begging you
Don’t leave me alone with myself
I’m afraid I won’t survive the night
I’m afraid the monster in the mirror
Will escape and choke me out
Or put a bullet in my head
Shoving pills down my throat
Slitting my wrist
And letting my blood spill and flood the room
I wish you could see how scary it is
To ******* be me
So please don’t leave me alone
In this engulfing darkness
To be murdered by the reflection on the wall
The monster in the mirror
Please ******* help me
Save me from this darkness
I can’t take being me anymore
Don’t leave me in this cold still darkness
To rot as a dying corpse

I want to turn back the hands of time
****** the founding fathers of pain
Let her dream dreams the induce diabetes
Remove the scars that never fade
Mend the brokeness in every heart
I just dont want to see her feel pain
Or see the tears in her eyes
She is too young for this
How do you expect her to survive
In a world intent on killing her
I want to turn back the hands of time
****** the founding fathers of heartbreak
To keep her alive
To keep her head up high
And look at the world
In an optimistic way
I am tired of her tears
The constant fear
That she will amount to nothing
She wonders if she is enough
She hopes for a friend
With outstretched arms of comfort
With shoulders soft but strong
So she can find sanctuary and solace
I want to turn back the hands of time
****** the founding fathers of hope
Because every night she hopes
That in the morning her sorrow will be gone
She hopes for that knight in shining armor
To take her far beyond the castle walls
To break the shackles of poverty
Guide her into the land of the prosperity
Heal the wounds that still bleed
Her hopes are what **** her everyday
Does no one care
Can anyone but me see
That her pain, her broken heart, her hopes
Have been slowly killing her
For quite some time now
Somebody help her
Somebody save her
I cant do it
I am not strong enough
No prince charming
Im just trying to find a way
To turn back the hands of time
And ****** the founding fathers
Of everything that has been the reason
She contemplates suicide every night
Because I love her
Not romantically
But in a way not many could understand

With a kiss unlike any other
You stole my heart
With a glance that lingered
You stole my breath
How is this possible
Everything was under lock and key
Chained and bolted deep within walls
Left in ruins from your touch
I am afraid of this yes
Because I cannot comprehend this
This is impossible
I loved you once
I never wanted to get this close again
Not with you
I was afraid you would do it all over again
Because I have nothing to offer you

Your weak
You should of been stronger
Your **** is controlling you heart
Wake up
She doesnt love you
You are a nobody
Nobody can love you
Hell nobody knows who you are
She left you in ashes
You finally rebuilt our empire
You took control of the world
Mastered the way of life
You could end a life
If it wasnt a crime

You are so beautiful
Matured in a way
Perfect like fine wine
How is this possible
That with a simple kiss
A simple glance in my direction
A simple touch on my arm
Has me falling once more
My mind tangled
My walls ruined and rubbled
Not even a pebble stands
Is it you my heart, soul, body, and mind
Wishes to endulge in
Over and over till the world stops moving
Even after that
Our bodies laying together
Feeling the passion of a reborn love

You are a fool
Can you not see
This is all due to your hormones
You heart has nothing to do with it
You are so willing to lay it out there
To be executed by any woman
Then curl up in a ball
And depress yourself even further
With the constant thought of her
You want what you cant have
Hate what you have
And abandon the things that want you
This is you
This is the way you are
Are you even listening to me
Dont try
Dont **** yourself
Using her as the blade
The bottle and pills
The bullet to the 45
Listen you **** fool
She is going to hurt you
Or you are going to hurt her

I love you

Dont say that

I want you

That is your hormones

I need you

Wake up

You have my heart
My soul
And whatever else it takes
For us to stay together this time

Too late
Go **** yourself
Dont look in the mirror
I dont wish to see the rebreaking
To the cracks
I dont want to see the missing pieces
That somehow disappeared
You are such a *******
I hope you know that
You are on your own this time

There is no love for a poet
None, not even hint
Is the constant showering
Of romantic and beautiful pieces
Not amusing to you
Is the feeling of being needed
The center piece to my inspiration
The pinnacle of my muse
Not amusing to you
There is no love for a poet
You use us like tools
Playing like the fools we are
Simply because we are more open
Wanting no longing for attention
Yet at the slightest
We bury ourselves
Deep under your flesh
Wrapping around your pinky
And hence beginning the self destruction process
There is no love for a poet
Apparently we are useless
But what would you do without us
You turn to us when you have a problem
Beg us to capture you i our poems
When all you have done
Is reject the idea of loving us
Well *******
We are poets
Real poets
We have the open hearts
And welcoming smiles
Of people who truly know
What it is like not to be loved
We are poets
And there is no love for us

From your words
From your blood
You have created a rare breed
Of expressive people
To the poets
From ages ago
From the poems we still read
To find inspiration
We say thank you
This day dedicated to you
To all of us
To the rarest of people
We are poets
And today is our day
We own a day
Guess we are important somehow
To the poets
To the blood that runs through our veins
To the tears
That have scarred our cheeks
As we plaster those emotions
Deep into every crack and line
Within the sheets of paper
From the confounds of our soul
We pour ourselves out
To become a poet
And gladly be honored
To the poets before the poets
I say thank you

It's cold outside
Fog is just rolling in
I think it's a quarter after 8
Seems like the moon
Is playing peak-a-boo in the sky
Its quite fascinating
I guess I will miss all of this
I just wrote a poem
Three pages front and back
Simply saying I was going to die
That I didn't want to end it
But I had a feel that I had too
A feeling that I was the reason
To the reoccuring temporary problem
So I have the permanent solution
And maybe this solution
Could inspire the lives of others
Maybe my death could bring peace
To a family so torn and broken
Maybe their tears will be the glue
That will forever hold them together
Or maybe they wont show
Maybe they are sick of me
I know they don't
Because they are afraid to look me in the eyes
Afraid that I'm too dark
That my whole life is meant to revolve around them
So this is just a way
For me to say goodbye
I already had 40 pills
From the 8 bottles with a prescription
For about 4 different disorders
The 2 doctors think I have
It hase only 1 name
Its ******* depression
I'm not insane
Bipolar, paranoid, or OCD
I am me and your greed is destroying me
So I'll take another 30
All at once so I can be sure I'm gone
Hope this poem
Makes you realize
That you should of listened
When I asked to hear my poems
To listen when I was ******
So I hope that guilt kills you
Litterally decays your body
From the inside out
But wait like you said
Last night when we fought
"It would be another poet dead and gone"
Well *******
I was never a poet
Just a kid trying to relieve his pain
The very pain you gave me
So adios
I'm gone
I can feel the chemicals mixing in my stomach
It hurts like hell
But I guess being free has its dues

Its no field of roses
Its not a walk in the park
Its no fairy tale story
Its quite the opposite

Being me is like
A field of dead roses
A walk in the park being stalked
A tragic ending in a fairy tale

Being me has no perks
It has dead ends
Scarred wrist that still bleed
And a darkness that's overbearing

You want to think it's easy
Well walk three yards in my shoes
Bet you will run to a 45
Won't even hesitate to pull the trigger

Being me is pathetic
I don't even like being me
And my reflection hates it even more
Because it shatters at the sight of me

Being me is no hyperbole
Its a pure *****
Filled with suicidal thoughts
And pointless attempts

Being me is harder that you can imagine
I wish I was you
Living a life easier to live
Not being afraid of what night can bring

Being me is insane
Not metaphorically but literally
Its straight jackets, pills, and needles
Scared eyes pointed in your direction

Being me is a game
And everybody is the pawn
My entertainment
And sadly the reason I hate being me

Being me is pointless
No wonder I want to die
Its ******* boring
And really just a pathetic excuse at life

You read my poetry
You love how I write
You now know the story
Behind those words
You understand the emotions
And the reasons why I have them
Sakota
You may not know me as a person
Yet you know me as a poet
You now see I am here
Whenever you need me
And I hope you pick up the phone
Cry your eyes out
Find a friend in me
And know your not alone
With the pain that you have
This is not the beginning of a friendship
But the beginning of a great team
We are greatness
We are poets
And we survive through the treacherous roads
That now you have me
All 5' 8 1/2", 220 lbs of me
Walking with you
Ready to listen
Ready to talk
Ready to help you
Whenever you decide
To dial (225) 244-0791

Your body tenses
You want me to kiss you more
From your lips to your neck
My hands exploring your body
Learning every curve It has
Kissing your body
Where my hands just reached
Your breathing is heavy
Our pulses racing
In sync with each others
We were born for this moment
Making love to each other
Your body so close to mine
Naked and sweaty
Smooth skin calling me on
My ******* not ceasing
Your moans growing louder
The next door neighbors
Yelling out their window
To keep it down
But how can I do that
When your slightest touch
Gets me up and hard
And all my mind and body wants
Is to have you close to me
Plunging myself deep between your legs
Going through the motions
To make you say my name
To hear you moan even louder
To feel your body twist and turn
As your ******* peaks
While my heart fuses with yours
I whisper I love you one more time
Just as I come to your voice saying the same
You beg me to stay in bed with you
Your eyes say you want me more
So I wrap you in my arms
We lay there for hours
Our hunger burning again
And I flip you on your back
Clasp both your hands
Pin you to the bed
And look into your eyes
That seem to scream that you want me
So I kiss your neck
Your body tenses again
We start making love again

You feel that hunger
You feel that thirst
It is me that you feel
Calling from the inside
I am your hell
I am the thing you fear the most
Simply because you still love me
You know I can break you
That I can ruin you
I am your hell
And that is what you fear the most

They are screams from years of pain
They are cries from the helpless
They are whispers on the wind
That only a poet can hear
Because we write what we hear
We write what we feel
And we feel your dying whispers on the wind
So reach out to me
Reach out to the pen and paper
We hold out to you
Become a poet
Let the whisper on the winds
Echo in words
That you write
Be proud of your pain
Your hunger for suicide
Your thirst for freedom
Let those whispers be silence
Let them be heard
Silence the screams
All the cries for help
End it before it goes to far
Hear the whisper on the wind
And save someones life
Save them from their own pain

You say your not girlfriend material
Yet you say you love me
That you want to be with me
But reluctant to say yes
When I asked you to be my girl
I don’t care if you are afraid
I am not scared to take a risk
If I get hurt in the end
It proves to myself that I am alive
That I have *****
Big enough to put my heart on the line
To tell you I love you
Every chance I can
I am not afraid to be with you
Throw your best punches
Push as hard as you can
I am not going anywhere
I want to be your castle walls
The altar you come for forgiveness
The shoulders you need to lean on
When life beats the hell out of you
The chest you cry on
The arms you sleep in
I don’t want to be your everything
Just your boyfriend
Just the man you deserve
Which I don’t even think
I am that
But I love you
I will always love you
No matter how bruised
No matter how broken
No matter how beat up we get
When life uses us as the target
I want to be there for you
I want to be wherever you are
Because wherever you are
I will call it home
Simply because you loved me first
And your heart is my home


I love you more than you can possibly understand!

There is a young man
No older than your son
Your brother
Your uncle
Your nephew
Or even you
He sitting on his knees
Whispering a prayer
To a god
And when he is done
He will lay in bed for the next three hours
And hope God will answer his prayer
He prayed for death to come
He prayed for his girlfriend
Of almost two years
To forget him and move on
For someone to be his voice
For someone that could have been there for him
To listen to is worries
But unfortunately before that prayer
Is even thought to be answered
He will have taken 36 of 20 different pills
Choked on the chemicals mixing
Suffer from his stomach eroding
Dying in agony
All because he felt like he was worthless
Like nobody bothered to get to know him
What a shame
See he was a poet
Had amazing artistic abilities
Listened to everybody else’s problems
Gave the best advice he could give
For years he tried to make everybody around him happy
And his last thought before he died
Was that somebody took the time to read this
Because it could save the life of somebody
That he didn't need to know
That he didn't have to love
But wanted to help anyway
Because he was your voice
When you couldn't find the words
He was your echo when somebody didn't listen
So I’m glad you took the time to read this
Because somewhere it just saved a life

As you took your last breath
Dying in my arms
The blood from your wrist
Scattered everywhere
I was paranoid
On the brink of collapsing
But you needed someone strong
So I hid the tears
That still flowed
You needed somebody quick thinking
But my mind focused on not losing you
You slipped in and out of conscienceness
Your body so cold
I knew I came too late
I tried to be something
That obviously I was not at the time
I was completely scared
I dialed 911
But I knew they wouldnt come in time
I knew I was going to lose you
But I told you to hold on anyways
I told you I loved you
That I wouldn't be the same without you
That everything would be wrong
That words in my poetry
Would suddenly not make sense
And I would regret not coming
To your aid fast enough
I remember the last thing you said
I hear it clear as day today
It made me stop and stare at you
Thinking how could this be true
We were always friends
There side by side since we were kids
Held hands on the beach
Went to Disney World together
Rode the same rides
And the last thing I heard you say
Was that you love me
That you were sorry
And your eyes told me exactly how much
I told you to hold on to that love
To survive this and we would live a perfect life
We would be each others forever and always
But sadly you never even made it to the hospital
You died at exactly 9:36 p.m.
March 29, 2008
And every year I call your mom
To say I am sorry because I was too late
That I couldn't save her daughter
That I wasn't strong enough for you
That I know it was my fault you died
I am truly sorry
And will never forget
The last thing I heard you say

Your me
You have the same scars
In all the same places
Yet there is one big difference

Your a girl
Maybe no younger then 15 or 16
I'm a dude
Of 17 years of age

Mirror mirror
Quite the opposite
Because your a girl
But looks nothing like me

The scars are emotional
The torment is mental
The physical attraction irrelevant
Simply because we are so much alike
And I don't, can't, and won't love myself

I asked you several questions so answer me now "Mother"!!

You lied to me
You stand there
Looking deep into my eyes
Saying their beautiful
Saying I have the best smile
You have ever seen
But I know that your lying to me
Because your heart
Is not intended to love me
But your so set
On feeling like your wanted
Truly desired by someone
You lied to me
How can I trust you now
When I don't know
If those three words
You whisper in my ear
Are even real
Or if your playing me like a second to nothing
Run down fiddle
I hope your happy
Because I'm done
I'm tired of loving
Someone who doesn't and can't
Show me the same feelings
Because you would rather use the drugs
Instead of being my mother

It's what we are
Yet your hypocritical ways
Blind you from realizing
That you preach to me
And judge me for being athiest
Yet does it not say
That you shouldn't judge others
Because they shall be judged by thine heavenly father
***** WAKE UP!!!!
Does your god have a face
Does he have a voice
Does he have a hand that I can hold
If he does then how come I can't see him
Or touch him?
Riddle me that you fuckshit hypocrite
You say my unhappiness is because I don't believe
So tell me
Why it is your so unhappy
Why scars dress your wrist
I know
Pick me
I have the answer


BECAUSE YOUR WORTHLESS GOD DOES NOT EXIST *******

Title says it all
You lost


Game Over


Thanks for playing
Hope you have a whole in your chest
Put one in your head too
Just so it will match
I played you like a fool
I never loved you
Simply because you weren't worth it
You got too close
You slipped and let your guard down
So its game over for you
In this unpredictable game of Life and Love

I love you
I love how weird you are
I love how you smile at my stupidity
How you find a sense of peace
Within my voice
I love you
I don't even know why anymore
I just know I do
I love how you find comfort
Within my anger and despair
You find relief in my problems
Because it makes your problems seem less
Than the way you view them
I love how you love me
The way you say good morning
The way you say goodnight
I simply love you for no reason
Can this be true
If it is not
I'm dying knowing I gave everything
Loving you the way you deserve
And I hope the way I want to love you
Is the way you want to be loved
Because I don't want to waste your time
I want a love that is true
And seeing as how you loved me
For the past seven years
I know this is true
And for that I love you even more
I will scream it at the top of my lungs
If I have too

I miss the times we had
I miss the way you held
Your velvet soft lips centimeters from mine
I miss the way you wrapped yourself
Into my engulfing arms
I miss the way you stared into my eyes
Looking for something that just wasn't there
You were looking for something
That I simply could not offer
So I hope you finally found it
I hope you can be happy
In the arms of another
In the eyes of someone
Less broken than I

Does it scare you
To realize that your own son
Perhaps your daughter too
Has more wisdom than you
Does it scare you
That even the young have wisdom
Tell me my dear friend
Have you realized
That we have the best insight
Into what our environment holds
Even the young have wisdom
So remember that the next time
You decide to look down at us
When you want to say
We are just stupid little brats
Remember that even the young have wisdom
The next time we give you our opinion

Your there when I want to be alone
Your just laying there
Drunk and bleeding
Do you even feel pain
You are somewhat of a marvel
Your pulse still evident
Your smile so grand
But I can see your cracks
The missing pieces
How I feel pity for you
But empathy as well as sympathy
How can you live life
So broken and bruised
And not feel pain
Maybe you can hide it
But I have this strange feeling I know you
So I ask you as you lay at my feet
Drunk and bleeding
Do I know you?
Wait now I see
As a sudden pain in my chest erupts
And caves in leaving a whole
Wide like the vacant sea
You are my heart

Rest in arms wide with care
Come rest your head
On a pillowed chest
I'll never let any harm come your way
Maybe I am lying
But I will try
Just don't leave me alone
Don't leave me to my demons
The voices in my head
Keep me safe
And let your voice
Drown out these eerie ones
Rest your shoulders
Burden me with your worries
I have more strength than you
I can be your rock
Let me grasp your anchor
Let me be the wind in your sail
Just never let me go

But I think it would be better for you if you did and just forgot me.

Remember when you were just a kid
How you would sit on the beach for hours
Waiting for the Sun to finally set
Sleep on the beach
Because you were tired from the day
Remember how you would get chased
By the girls at your Elementary school
Hahah you had good times
Till you found out and could really understand
That the woman who lived in your house
Who always sent you off to school
Who kissed you good night
Who told you she loved you
Remember how you felt
How you grew so angry
Because the truth was that this woman
Wasn't your real biological mother
Your real one abandoned you
She left you at 13 months old
Left in the middle of the day
In *****, soiled diapers
She would pass out from the alcohol
Crash from the high
That the drugs gave her
Leaving you hungry for hours
Waking up when your father came home
Or her drug dealer wanted something in return
Just because she didn't have the money
Remember all of those things
Remember when you met her for the first time
She asked your stepmom
"Who is that? Is that Jr?"
Yeah it was you
Grown up and matured
Remember the thought that passed through your mind
How can she not know who the ******* are
Remember how angry you were
See I know all of this because
Well simply put I am you
I am 17 years of age
I want you to remember the way you were
Because with age comes wisdom
And I have been privelaged enough
To have a good sense of observation
I have become very wise
Well we have become very wise
See I miss those times
When we would ride our skateboard
Or try to blow things up with a firecracker
Hahaha remember those times
Look I don't know if you remember all of this
But if you ever get a chance to read this
Know that I hate us
I hate all of the darkness
I hate every poem I write
I hate everything I think about
Simply because the darkness is towards her
The poems are written for nobody but somebody
And the things I think about
Keep me up well into the late hours of the day
Robert
I hope you get a chance to read this
Because this poem may be the last
You may never get a chance to read this
Because I hate the fact that I have so much pain
So much of useless emotions
And I am tired of dying within words
Written on a piece of paper
I want to embrace death
So hopefully one day you will read this
Even if you come back in a different life
As somebody or somehing else
Just read at least one line of this
So the past doesn't repeat itself
I hope you can forgive me
                                               Sincerly,
                                                     Robert Guerrero