Masculine
Towering frame of intimidation
Outside demeanor
Conquering and indestructible
If only you knew
The inner frailty
Weak beams years if deterioration
Corrosion on blood line plumbing
I'm a man in outward appearance
An infant craving cradling
Buried beneath the rubble
I'm an optical illusion
So I keep my doors locked
Windows boarded
I may look like a paradise
Only to prove to be
Alcatraz to the heart of a monster
Intent on self destruction

Your eyes speak in volumes
Oceanic in color
Vast in arousal
Heightening my interest
Teasing my senses
Brutal bombardment of questions
Stimulating a desire
Animalistic too wild to cage
I need the taste of you
As your body lightly presses
Against my lips
Taste buds open nasal cavities
As every pheromone you produce
Assails my senses
Finally solving these mathematical questions
I formulated when your eyes
Glistened at the idea
Me and you could just be passionate
Even if it were for a night

All that you can
Risk risk risk reward
Study diligently
Laugh
Shake the pain
Every lesson is embroidered with
Take heed the old wives tale
Analyze, scour every word
What does it mean
What is implied
What can be implemented
How will you achieve
That vision of you
Your reflection knows
Without first learning
What it takes to be the best you

Embodiment of emotion
Pictured perfectly
From letters to cartoons
Displaying my thought process
Abstract sleeves
Illuminati meanings
Da Vinci and Van Gogh
Psychological in art
How do you see yourself
When others can't see
Past the ink on pigmented flesh
This is my therapy
My freedom in expression
So don't judge me
When I know I'm guilty
Of self interpretation

If it weren't for that smile
I chase on everyone's face
A symbol of approval
My life's not meaningless
I have a purpose
Or just an attempt
To give myself reason
Not to blow my head off
Or swing from that bridge
I've always given so many smiles
Earned one or two
Tried and tried
But I'll never be the reason
Anyone smiles forever
I'll be the reason
Someone cries before sleep
When it's my blood
Mopping up puddles of tears
*** for tat
I'll pray I'm forgotten quick
No one needs to know
The hell I go through
Smile please
It'll make this hurt a lot less
I'm smiling so why aren't you
Do you fear loosing me
Or that smile no one
Tries to hold onto

More than expected
Love notes and serenades
Batted away
Transmuted into grenades
Left at the threshold of my heart
It'll always be like this
I'm not meant to be loved
Just a source of love
To those who need a daily dose
I'm that barrel of ale
Left on tap
Abused as I'm consumed
Go to meetings to avoid me
I'm the problem
Never a solution
So why am I still here
Hoping still trying
Outcomes the same
I'm ok with that
They don't see any value
I'll have in their lives
How can I blame them
When I myself can't find any
Bleak and bland
Possibly the worst excuse
A shell of a man
With goals and ambitions
He himself can't achieve
Life's not meant for me
Love is evading me
Only thing I have
Are voodoo doll personalities
I converse with
Just to make the day go by quicker

Seems like it's inevitable
Somehow this folly of depression
Sickening as it may be
Is my only saving grace
My super power
To harness words
Delicately placing them
In ballet slippers
Watching them elegantly
Summarize emotions I'm plagued with
Constant fears and thoughts
Screenplays Broadway ready
Tragedy to fantasy
Rarely comical
Yet a jokers laugh is heard
Deep in the cellars of my heart
Knowing all too well
I am what my opinion of me is
No religious text
Deranged teachings of dark minds
Or philosophical psychology
Can eradicate it
I'm lost beyond hope
Trying to make a dream
A not so far off reality
Hindered quickly before
I even take my next breath
What will it take
How does it happen to me
When will it end
Where will I be
Who cares anymore
I'm surrounded by myself
Engulfed in my delusions
Try to become my own martyr
Why can't I be my own god
Carve the destiny I desire
With only a snap of fingers
Or the wiggle of my nose
I know I'm not hopeless
Yet mind and body
Reject truces or seek compromise
Again
I'm lost in these senses
Hating myself
For feelings I can't control
Loving myself
With little avail
I'm detestable
Deplorable
Defeated
Yet waving white flags
Seem only to incur wrath
From whoever raises it first
Again
Another war
Futile in all aspects
The answers the same
Outcome forseen
Again
And again
And...

              ...again

It's only one purpose
So tell me already
Show me what I'm meant to do
Who I'm to become
I'll strive to make it true
If only there's a sanctuary
From the me I am again