Will you be ready
Would you be present
Did I matter to you
What was my value
Was I just another hole in your pants
Or a stitch to your seams
When the day comes
What would you do
If I was no longer here

You're right
I was wrong
Yet you don't realize I was right
I've said it so many times
Stuck on repeat
I'm an old vinyl
It can't be helped
That you were scared
Reality is just a perception
It's not a script we follow
It's dialogues and ideas
Mistakes and lessons
I knew you loved me
I still love you
Yet those few words
You uttered into my ear
Desecrated my faith in my heart
I chose the path I took
Simply out of recklessness
Settling for less
When I deserved more at one point
Now I'm excepting
The sum of my worth
Just a divorced dad
Single for all eternity
I couldn't have given you
Anything of worth
We've played scenarios
Created dialogues within our monologue
Changed dreams so many times
They lost their shape
Our version of tag
It's funny now
How even after time passes
We still play it
Maybe one day
We'll stop lying to ourselves
And smile in each other's arms
Or face the version of reality
You're dead set on perceiving
I've announced it so many times
In different ways
Perhaps being blunt
Would be easier to say
I'm madly in love with you
You don't have my heart
You have my soul instead
Through endless heartbreaks
Life threatening seconds
I'm your crazy
Just waiting to be claimed
I guess that's the issue
We always are scared to face
How do we claim each other
When we're world's apart
How do we work
When our lives are already in motion
8 hours ahead and behind


Tag...



I love you

Collection of non collectables
Cellar of my soul
In the penthouse of my existence
Rooms filled
Floor to ceiling
Wall to wall
I'm an emotional distillery
Not one bottle sold
Refusing as they've grown stale
Aging like milk
Bottles to bottles
I'm an avid collector
I'll store these emotions
Till someone comes with a flame
Burning this monstrous mansion
Shattering glass and melting stills
I'm the master of bottled emotions
Entrepreneur of killing myself slow
Connoisseur of fragile humanity
So one after one
I'll bottle till I implode
Becoming an emotional alcoholic
Silently and unseen
Rotting my mind

Walls creaking
Whispering chatter
Rain outside a low rhythm
Razor glistening
Lighters flicker
Everything caving
It's 41° and I'm sweating
Everything moves in warp speed
As I'm stuck in slow motion
Unbearable
Dark thoughts play yoyo
With threads of sanity
I barely saved
I'm lost
Confused
Existing in loneliness
Few more hours
I tell myself to hold on
One slip would all it take
Out the back door
No one would notice
I'd fade quick
STOP
I don't want to listen anymore
It's all I hear
When I'm alone
I'm not safe
Monsters under my bed
Hiding in my closet
They all find me
When I'm left alone
Skeletons reach for me
Rooms shrink
Coffins call me
Fires hold no warmth
Freezers only burn
This tidal wave of anxiety
Licks at my feet
As mudslide avalanches of depression
Give warning to my head
Someone help me
Save me from myself
Before I do it
I don't want to be alone
Not with these voices
Not in these walls
Breath of fresh air
Trees start laughing
Birds giggle
Shadows crawl
World's weighing
Drift me off to sleep
Before it becomes eternal
I don't want this disease
Corroding me
Sulphuric acid to paper
I'm going mad
Everything grows louder
I feel the itch
**** it I'll scratch
Just this once
NO
I don't want to go down that road
Not again
Cast aside all I've worked for
I've clawed and fought
Yet this feeling is overwhelming
Sheetrock pounded to dust
Still ceram wrap to my soul
I'm caged in these emotions
As long as I'm alone
Please comfort me
I'm a child
Lost in the dark
Someone find me
Before I drown in it

Smiles cross your face
Easy as dew drops on morning glories
Worries don't beckon you
In late night hours
Innocence radiates through you
Like sunrise in frosted trees
Little one with the biggest heart
Never grow old
Into a remnant of what I am now
Your path opens up
As my hands bleed
From carving your beginning
Keeping your feet warm
As you'll walk this journey
With wisdom I wasn't given

It's excruciating
Knowing no matter how many times
I plan it out
It's the execution I lack
Courage and stupidity
A blend of bravery
Hints of selfish
So many ways
Yet none scare me
Unlike the aftermath
The act that follows
Will it be sweeter
Or booed
As shouts for my encore raise
Before I step off the stage indefinitely
I'm in no hurry
Yet I don't fight the idea
I find comfort in it's presence
Trying to reach around
A corner that grows longer
I didn't choose to make it this far
I'd rather my next step be my last
Feel air leave my lungs
Watch light fade from my eyes
Yet something is missing
A mission I must fulfill
To gain entry to another life
So I'll play this game of cat and mouse
Till the mouse eats the cat
Finishing off the last of my nine lives

What's so happy about it
Birthday
Valentine's
New year
Holidays
I seen another year
Don't want to
Only have to
There is no need for me
My existence useless
I'm only here for her
To bare my cross
And carry her burdens
Mask the pain of life
Happiness doesnt exist
At least not for me
I've seen glimpses of it
My daughter knows more about it
Then I ever will
If I can keep her smile strong
Depression will die with me
All malicious emotions
She'll never feel
That will be the only glimpse
Happiness will be seen
When I take all this negativity
To the endless abyss of my grave
Or maybe I'll be the reason
She doesn't remember me
And she finds happiness
In the comfort of that