Eyes closed, tears fall
Last night hurt me too much
Today, on my own,
How can I live out of love?
I still feel you, I still love you
I just can't reach out to touch
And it hurts me, in my heart
Knowing that you're arms can't be my crutch
Eyes low, don't look
I'm too scared to be judged
Hold me, for forever
I want, I need it so much
Kiss me harder, love me closer
Kiss my forehead, give me your touch
And maybe,
I'll live
In love lost
Still there but
With a cost
Hearts tied
Frayed at the ends
Kindling for the fire
Sparked by new beginnings

The smell of pine trees in the air is fresh
Fresher than a babies face as
it takes its first breath
The sky above me houses mounds of clouds but
None have cried yet; how strange.

There has been a cloud over my head for days it seems
The storm inside me washed my soul clean
But I'm still at war with this piece of myself
I walk, in part, to find peace of mind.

My feet take me deep into the forest
Where I'm faced with two paths: right or left
I can't help but think of how cliché this is and
Instead I trek through the thicket in between.

My indecision is what leads me
I never take option one, two, or even three
I make my own, yet
Here I am at a crossroads.

"Just Go Your Own Way" is easy to say
Yet here I stay
In the middle of the forest
Pining away.

the house next door makes me
sad.
both man and wife rise early and
go to work.
they arrive home in early evening.
they have a young boy and a girl.
by 9 p.m. all the lights in the house
are out.
the next morning both man and
wife rise early again and go to
work.
they return in early evening.
By 9 p.m. all the lights are
out.

the house next door makes me
sad.
the people are nice people, I
like them.

but I feel them drowning.
and I can't save them.

they are surviving.
they are not
homeless.

but the price is
terrible.

sometimes during the day
I will look at the house
and the house will look at
me
and the house will
weep, yes, it does, I
feel it.

I'm scared to tell him I love him because I know that's what scares him the most
His mind is different and
His heart is so timid that
I know he will back away
Once I say
"I love you".
The minute I utter those three words and eight letters
He will shut down and wonder what's next
He will question what is expected and if he agrees
And he'll break down and hide away so no one sees
Into his soul
Or into his mind
The bumpy indecisive waves crashing inside
Pandemonium in his cranium all due to "i love you" and the obligations that society has created
Around those syllables that I spoke
With confidence and fear
Knowing that what he will hear will be more than just what I feel
But a job
A new obligation to me
A choice he had no choice in but would've come to, hopefully
Suddenly
After days of rational thought
Because he is rational and logical and thinks far too much.
"I love you"
It takes courage to say
It takes spontaneous trust in your heart just to explain
To someone
Someone you love
Someone you think about more than enough
Someone who has been in your mind long enough
For you to decide that they have your love
So with all of my thinking and all that being said
I know how I feel and how it will be read
I'll eventually tell him because time won't wait
I just hope that he's not too afraid
To reciprocate
"I love you too".

Last time it was different
I thought I was in love
With him
I thought that he was the reason the world stayed spinning and my heart kept beating
But it wasn't him
It was what we did together that I loved
I was in love with the music
Enamored by the sunshine
But not by his eyes
Not by the way he held me
I only loved the idea of him

This time it's different
I know I am in love
Every time I see him my heart stops for a second
I can't believe how lucky I am to know him
He holds me so closely, so tightly
I feel loved
The way he smiles
As wide as he can, with his beautiful white teeth
It makes me wish the whole world could see his smile
It makes me want to make him happy every day of his life.
This time the silences aren't awkward
He knows what hurts me and what makes me laugh
He wants me to be happy
His eyes are open and honest,
Yellow-green like a cat's
He is playful and strange and fun like a kitten
But strong like a bear
He snores so loud but is so innocent when he sleeps
He holds me to his body
He keeps me warm
He runs his soft hands on my stomach even while he sleeps
It makes me wish I could have him next to me every night
He kisses me with determination
He bites my lip as if he can't get enough of me
And I can't get enough of him.
He doesn't realize his beauty
His messy hair
The curls twisting around his head, around his ears
His perfect eyebrows sitting kindly and friendly on his face
I love holding him and I love when he holds me
This time, I know I am in love with him