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Maybe this is just me being paranoid
or crotchety, ****** or rude
Maybe I shouldn’t even write these things down
Maybe you’re just not in the mood
Maybe I’ve come up with scenerios that are completely out of this world
Maybe I’ve done my research and I know there’s another girl
Maybe she’s skinnier, prettier and a lot less far
maybe she’s calmer, easy going and has her own car
Maybe she’s willing to do what I’m not willing to
Maybe she fits better into your box you’re trying to fit yourself into
Maybe she doesn’t nag or yell or complain
Maybe she’s not stressed out and has more time to enjoy life and play
Maybe she is perfect for you but you still choose me
Maybe she doesn’t even exist and we are still a great possibility
Maybe I’m scared and maybe I’m wrong
Maybe we actually do belong
Maybe I just want you to tell me whether I’m making this harder or easier
Maybe I just want to hear you say that no matter what, we’ll always be together
Maybe I need you more than ever and I hug myself at night
Maybe I want to feel your love before, during and after a fight
The tears of love in my heart can neither human nor spirit understand,
for my heart is bruised in grief.

The pains of love in my soul can neither words nor speech utter,
for my soul is soiled in sorrow.

The wounds of love in my spirit can neither care nor treatment heal,
for my spirit is sealed in distress.

My heart desires you though you have refused to change your mind.
My soul seeks your love though you have refused to come back.
My spirit cherishes your love though we can't be together forever as lovers.

But,
lf we are not meant to be together as lovers,
why then does this feeling hurt so much?
If we are not designed for each other as one,
why then does my heart cleave to yours?
If we are not destined for one another as soul mates,
why then does my spirit cherish your love?

It hurts to know that we can't always be with the ones we love.

Seeing that we can't be together forever as lovers,
for my inability to change the destined destiny;
and my inability to change your mind.

My prayer is that you find the love of your heart.
My desire is that you find the desires of your heart.
My passion is that you find the love of your life,
someone who will love and cherish you.

The tears of love in my heart, you alone can clean.
The pains of love in my soul, you alone can stop.
The wounds of love in my spirit,
you alone can heal.

With tears in my heart will your love be seeked,
though am bruised in grief.

With pains in my soul will your love be cherished,
though am soiled in sorrow.

With wounds in my spirit will your love be desired;
though am sealed in distress.

My life was lived in loving you, now you leave to love another.
My heart beats for yours, knowing you alone can clean my tears.
My spirit seeks your heart, knowing we shared so much.

Oh! The days of sorrow and loneliness has caught up with me.

A broken and wounded heart you leave me with.
A new path you are treading without me.
A new life you are moving to, without me.

Nevertheless,
my heart frees you without any guilt.

But remember it hurts to love and not be loved in return.

We promised each other to live together forever as lovers,
you assured me of dying by my side.
All these promises are now forgotten.

Goodbye my friend.

As you leave me to groan in tears of loneliness for love,
remember my tears are ceaselessly running;

wailing and waiting for who will clean my tears of love.
 Aug 2013 River Raras
Nick Lovato
How r u doing, it's been a while now.
I miss the sound of your voice in my ear.
I miss the way we talked, how you kept me close.
Telling me, every time that
There's nothing to fear

Now your so far away
And I think of you every single day.

Please come back home
*** I need you more than I did before.
Please come back home
Can't you see that I really need you now.
Back down the million mile road
down south again, buildings
familiar love, fashionable stones for throwing
across the Thames, office fields, floating stocks,
driving to the train rythm of city gulls and movement,
eager, bored, and feral, but
you’ve gotta choose your home…

London-queen of
mimetic ceremony
silhouettes cornered in pristine rooms,
finer than the attire of imagined skin, remembered and felt,
classic
projected
films
moving
into one line
of crowded parade,
stepping to
and fro, dressed differently
every time

the city and i- we
head to a shop
that puts a crate of beer
on my shoulder,
and a better drunk than us both
asks me for one

i say:
“sure man, take one”
and i offer him my smoke too,
“take it, just made it”
we add,
“ah! you’re Captain Scarlet!” he tells me
as the man sings the theme song and rewards
me
with a dance.

And sometimes the sickness and poverty of it all
helps
and its ok
tell me that after two breakfasts land down,
for a while, and two tumours laugh
in an empty car park
at the same thing.

The name for god always changing,
some days a digital
word,
sometimes
a bird stood upon a lamp post
at 10:16,
the way
someone smiles,
the science behind welcoming,
cancer guns
and the engravings
on the handle,
that you care for more
than all the dry sweat
night dripping,
the kind that paralyses
insomnia
and rises from your bed
outside your mind,
again:

that familiar smile.

We won’t be a salary in the morning,
we’ll be a Magritte, or a Picasso
at the weekend,
we’ll stand in front
of artists dead
and see no difference
between lamb, now roasting-
and the experiment in seasoning,
that you, or I
added

there’ll be a non-charging cash point,
counting sounds
that are lost in chaotic uncares,
and if my lights go out at 4am,
whilst we’re linked,
the vat
will at least
be made of us

the androgyny
of burnt climaxing sky line
will be clear through the polluted hive line
of buildings,
we’ll be wearing hooded macks
in the rain – sliding between still light
and shadow,
crossing the intersecting lines
of humming traffic
and unheard noise
we’ll pass without tickets,
as they fall from the bridge,
and the edge lifts away
from our feet

and the rest goes underground,
behind ageing tunnel wall of aging
graffiti skull -
tracks nulled by snow in winter,
body late, perspiring -
pouring peddle down, response
automatic,
eyelid better for counting
time, than opening eye -
synthetic wait for for any fire
that is kind,
raising corners that blink
in false dream

our seven seeming tied, and untied, bonded,
and unbonded,
gropes untied with hunger,
the sky kicks in the brick walls slaying the hours
with calls from strangers and friends
indifferent-

one.
-
two.
-
three.

seconds
and faces.

(and the city hates slowing down
doesn’t (s)he?)

until its ready that is,
the only joke being to wait and drool over corpses and post mortem like
thought the place being in your heart and the ever-glow being the same
as any love that you feel and the way you need it to take you forward
and just let you ride the and forget that its there because I’ll die
before I stop acting on my instinct for you the ever-gloom and the skull can unwind elsewhere! Oh the poison
that forgets itself if only needing the same formaldehyde
to keep it still-

That’ll do.



Perfection is a woman without eyes.

Perfection is a man without limbs.

Perfection is the home that walks you back when the day is yours,
and someone elses.

Perfection blinds the crippled mask.

Beginning.

One that fits your birth.

Your death.

All of the ****
islands.

All
of the ******

****

islands.
 Aug 2013 River Raras
Devon
I thank the universe each night for the stars
because I know you will always be under them
at the exact moment i find myself
laying awake beneath them
wishing you were here to share my blanket
but no
I would hate for you to see me crying
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