You tell me,
I need to breath,
As you watch,
My rib cage heave.

There's comfort,
In your clouded eyes,
But I ignore,
Your feeble cries,
It's pity lined,
With bitter lies.

You tell me,
I need to breath,
I hold my breath,
And watch you leave.

*you tell me,
I need to breath,
And suffocate,
My self belief.

Sometimes
I think of our love
As a cloud.

Our cloud can be painted across the sky
In gentle wisps.
Warm bright sunlight shining through.

Our cloud can be bold and bright
Like the pale blue sky that
Surrounds them.

Our cloud can be a blanket
Which allows no sunshine in
Yet I still feel warm and safe.

Our cloud can be cold
Dark
Angry
Filling with rain; rage.
Filling and filling
Until it can't hold anymore.
Then...

A furious storm bursts from our cloud
And rain pours from the livid sky
Then sudden bolts of lightning
Are followed by roaring thunder

...The last raindrop falls...

The skies slowly clear
And our cloud
Starts its journey
                                   *again

i always thought
you were thru traffic
that you were just jet lag
background noise
the kiss in the rain
i've never had
but what if you aren't?
what if this
was the thousandth time
i have loved you?
what if this is just a fresh coat of paint?
what if god
keeps a handkerchief
soaked in the day we met
next to his bed?
maybe theres a reason
i reach for no one in bed
the way i would
if someone used to be there
you know, they say
the road behind us
is littered with things
we couldn't hold onto
i wonder how many times
you've slipped through my hands
like hour glass sand
do you know
how much erosion you've caused?
i heard cupid
stopped keeping count
of how many times
we came together
just to come apart again
maybe it was just a rumor
it makes me think
about how many times
i've almost had you
like if all this talk
about history repeating itself
endlessly replaying is true
i wonder how many times
things have happened already
like the time
i tried talking you
into loving me back
back fired
or the time i could have sworn
jesus & lazarus were playing chess
with my heartbeat
but it was only you smiling
how many times
have i tried to tell you
how many times
have you read this poem
how many times
have i tried not to meet you
in my dreams anymore
it's like sleep tries to warn
me of what's happening
before it does but
i keep having this dream
where i tell you bedtime stories
and each one
is a different way you die
and in every one
i can never save you
it's like you're this song
i have on repeat
and every time it starts over
i forget the words
it's like you picked up the book entitled "us"
and the back cover
said you'd leave
so you never bothered reading it
tell me you aren't
going back in that bookstore
just to do it again
or will you tell me tomorrow?
or is this the time
you don't say anything at all?
if this has all happened before
if we call it quits
before we begin
again
from the beginning
i just want to ask you
to be my fire
because i am tired
of these old lives
and i'd like to see them
burn

It's stupid
How I barely even knew you
Yet I trusted you with my heart.
I so carelessly left it
Lying in your open palms.
So vulnerable.
So helpless.
Susceptible to the heartbreak
I knew you would cause.
So weak and powerless
Against you.
But...
     Somehow...
          I never wanted to take it back.

I'm reaching
Trying hopelessly
To make this work.

If only you
Could take the time
To try to help me.

I'm tumbling
Crumbling
But you'll never notice.

I'm aching
Breaking
And it only lifts you higher.

How on earth
Could I have thought
You loved me back?

I'm a fool
For loving you
But the truth is...

I
    Still
         Do